by Amber Garza
“That’s why you two have been fighting so much?”
“I’m sorry about that, honey.”
I shake my head. “No, this doesn’t make any sense. What about all dad’s late nights at work? Why is he never home? Is it because of her? He’d rather be with his new daughter than with me?” Standing up, I feel dizzy. Anger blinds my vision as I stumble out of the room.
“Sloane,” Mom calls after me, but I can’t stop. I have to get out of here.
My air supply feels like it’s cut off, and I choke, gasping. Holding my throat, I drag myself to the front door. I don’t know where to go, but I know I can’t stay here. Not right now. Not until I process this. Snatching my purse from where I’d tossed it on the floor, I hook it over my shoulder. Flinging the front door open, I step outside into the warm air. I inhale the scent of roses and honeysuckle as I stomp down the driveway.
I think of going to Cruz’s, but I need time to myself. As I hop into my car, I know exactly where I’ll go. A place I used to go when I was younger and needed to be alone. It’s the perfect place for tonight. Pulling away from the curb, I spot Mom watching from the window, her face blurry behind the glass.
Averting my gaze, I slam on the gas and peel down the street. It only takes a minute before the tears start to fall. My thoughts drift to Regan, and I wonder if she knows. Glancing down at my purse I contemplate calling her, but then think better of it. I can’t handle that right now. What I need is to be alone with my thoughts.
When I was little I used to worship my dad. I thought there was nothing in the world he couldn’t do. It was Regan who first made me privy to my dad’s shortcomings. She was older and had already figured out our dad wasn’t perfect. Still, I would defend Dad to her. Even when I found out there were things he couldn’t accomplish. Even when I knew that he wasn’t the best at everything he did. He was still my dad, still my hero. And he and I were way closer than he and Regan were. He may never have vocalized that I was his favorite, but I knew I was.
How can it be that he has another daughter out there? I remember the way he looked at her in the coffee shop, the way his hand was placed ever so gently on her back. Does he love her like he loves me? Is she his new favorite? He’s certainly been spending a lot of time with her.
I arrive at my destination and cut the engine. After yanking my purse off the seat, I fling it over my shoulder and hurry out of the car. Slamming the door shut, I walk on the dirt path until I come upon a clearing. The lake is visible in front of me, shimmering and beautiful. My shoulders relax a bit, the tension starting to leave them.
As I find a boulder to sit on, my phone vibrates in my purse. I lower myself down on the rock, then pull my phone out. When I read the text, a smile forms on my face. He’s so thoughtful and sweet. And suddenly I don’t want to be alone. I want to be with him. I know he can help make this better.
So I shoot a text back letting him know where I am and asking him to meet me. Without hesitation he responds that he’s on his way. Tucking the phone back in my purse, I set it down, and I wait.
22
cruz
It’s nighttime. I haven’t heard from Sloane ever since she raced out of my room this afternoon. And now I worry that maybe I came on too strong. Maybe I pushed her right into Adam’s arms. Perhaps coming clean was a huge mistake. Maybe it would have been best to let things happen organically.
Knowing that I’ll drive myself crazy with questions, I pick up my cell phone and shoot off a text. When I see the reply come through almost immediately, relief flows through me. Until I see her words. Then my stomach plummets. She’s in trouble. I can tell.
And why is she at the lake?
I heard a rumor that there was going to be a big bonfire party at the lake tonight. Carlos was talking about it. As I race down the street in my car, I pray that she’s not at the party. Sloane isn’t a partier, but I know Adam is. I just hope he wasn’t able to talk her into attending this one with him. God, if only I could’ve kept her with me this afternoon.
After parking my car, I sprint to the location where Sloane said she was. As I near it, I’m thankful it’s so quiet. I find her sitting on a boulder, her knees tucked up to her chin.
“Sloane?”
When she turns to me, tears glisten on her cheeks.
“You okay?
She shakes her head.
I sink down onto the boulder next to her, terrified of what she’s going to say. My eyes drink her in, searching for something amiss. “What’s going on?” I drape my arm over her trembling shoulders.
Leaning over, she nestles into my neck. “I found out who that woman is that my dad’s always with. She’s not a work colleague.”
“She’s not?” I squeeze her tight, dreading what she’s going to say next.
“No. She’s his daughter.”
“What?” I’m stunned. It’s not at all what I’m expecting.
“Yeah. Apparently he got some lady pregnant before dating Mom. He didn’t know she had a baby until now.”
“So that’s where he’s been all the time? With his other daughter?”
She nods, sniffling.
“I’m so sorry.” Even as I say the words, I know they’re lame. “Does Regan know?”
“I don’t think so.” A sob leaps from her throat. “I just can’t believe this is happening. I don’t know what to do.” Lifting her head, she wipes the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand. I grab her hand, stilling it. Her gaze crashes into mine as I lower her hands from her face, guiding them into her lap. Then I reach up and brush away her tears with my fingers. The moonlight slices across her face, her eyes sparkling.
“I hate that you’re sad, Sloane.” My hands glide up her cheeks, my fingers slipping beneath her hair. “I want to wipe away all your sadness.” Scooting closer, my face nears hers, my lips hovering her skin. “I want to make it all better.” She shudders as my lips move over her cheek. Reaching out, she rubs her hands along my chest. Her fist closes around my thin t-shirt, her fingertips grazing the muscles underneath. My breathing becomes more labored as her touch ignites a fire deep in my gut. My lips sweep over her cheek, softly. I lower my arms to her waist while my lips trail across her cheek, stopping at the edge of her lips.
My lips are suspended over hers, our breath weaving together. Our gazes lock and I wait for her to give me the green light. I don’t want to do anything she doesn’t want me to. As badly as I long to press my lips to hers, I need to know she wants it too.
“Cruz.” When she speaks, her lips skim mine. “You were right.”
I raise one brow “You’ll have to be more specific. I can’t pinpoint which time you’re talking about, since I’m always right.”
She giggles. “When you said you were sure I’d choose you.”
My heart lifts off like a plane on the runway. “You mean it?”
“More than I’ve ever meant anything before.”
“God, you can’t know how relieved I am to hear you say that.” I grip her tighter, my gaze landing on her lips. “Does this mean I can finally kiss you?”
“You better.”
I chuckle, loving when she gets like this. “Pushy. I’ve always liked that about you.”
She shoves me in the shoulder. “Shut up and kiss me.”
“Man, you really know how to turn me on.”
Before she can banter back, my lips crash into hers. There’s nothing gentle about the way I kiss her. My mouth claims hers, my tongue stroking along her lips until she opens them. When my tongue swirls inside her mouth, she drags her fingers up my neck, burying them in the hair at the nape of my neck. Damn, it feels so good that a guttural sound comes out of my mouth, resembling a growl. My hands leave her waist, raking up her spine. My fingers tangle in her hair, my hands curving around her neck as the kiss deepens. This is nothing like any kiss I’ve ever experienced. This kiss leaves me breathless and hazy. It stirs up feelings deep inside that I didn’t even know existed.
But more t
han anything, it leaves me wanting more.
When we separate, Sloane’s head falls to my chest. My fingers play lazily in her hair, painting circles on her back. One of her arms is fastened around my back, while the other palm is splayed over my chest. It’s odd. Sloane and I have hugged countless times over the years. I’ve held her more times than I can remember. But this time feels different. It feels charged, electric.
“How did Mr. Quarterback take it?” I ask, needing to know that what she had with him is over. Needing to know that she’s mine, and only mine.
She stiffens, biting her lip.
“Please tell me you told him.”
“Not yet.” Her voice is muffled against my shirt. “I didn’t exactly make my decision until I saw you tonight.”
I draw back. Tipping her chin with my index finger, I force her face up so I can look into her eyes. “Were you even going to call me tonight?”
“I don’t know,” she whispers.
“So all of this happened because I texted you.”
She nods.
“What if he had texted you?”
“He didn’t. You did.” She reaches for me. “And I’m so glad it was you.”
I shake her away, dumbfounded. “But what if it had been him? I need to know.”
“I wouldn’t have invited him here. Really. You were the only person I wanted to see tonight. I promise.”
I cup her face with my hand. “Sloane, I need to know that you’re gonna break things off with him. This wasn’t just an emotional decision you made because you were upset about your dad, was it?”
“No. Absolutely not.” She shakes her head firmly. “I saw Adam earlier today, and when he kissed me all I could think about was--”
“He kissed you.” I jump back, her words like a punch in the stomach. “Did you kiss him back?”
“Cruz, please.” She grabs my arm.
“You did. You kissed him.” I stand, prying her fingers off. “I can’t believe this.”
“It didn’t mean anything.”
“And what about when you kissed me? Did it mean something?”
“Yes. It meant everything.”
I run a hand over my head. “I can’t do this anymore.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying call me when you’ve finally broken things off with Adam.” Without another word, I storm off. I don’t even look back when I get to my car. Instead, I turn on the engine and gun it.
23
sloane
My heart sinks when he drives off. I may have waffled with my decision before tonight, but the minute Cruz kissed me I knew I wanted to be with him. It was nothing like when I kissed Adam. Kissing Cruz was like coming home. The truth is that I’ve fantasized about kissing Cruz a million times throughout our friendship. But it was so much better than any fantasy. That’s what I had been trying to say when I screwed everything up.
I sigh, kicking a nearby rock with the toe of my shoe. There’s no way I can go home right now. I’m not ready to deal with my parents. I’m sure Mom has told Dad that I know about Kacey, and that’s a conversation I’m dreading having with him. I certainly don’t want to have it tonight. I’m emotionally spent at this point.
Plopping back onto the boulder, I shove my fingers into my purse. My fingers graze my lip gloss, a pack of Kleenex, and finally light on my cell phone. I yank it out and shoot off a text to Becca.
Me: I just screwed everything up with Cruz.
I’m staring at the screen when it rings, a picture of Becca flashing on the screen.
“You can’t send a text like that,” she says into the phone. “What happened?”
“Well, I know now that I have stronger feelings for Cruz than Adam.”
“Tell me something I don’t know.”
I groan. “How do you know everything before me?” The moon bounces off the smooth lake, radiating around me in a soft glow like a million candles are lit.
“Don’t be so hard on yourself. I’m more perceptive than most people.”
I chuckle. “I think it’s safe to say I only befriend egotistical people.”
“It’s that strong personality of yours.”
“I don’t feel strong.” I bring my knees up to my chest and rest my chin on it while still holding my phone to my ear.
“That’s because you’re too hard on yourself,” she says. “Now tell me how you screwed this up. I would think Cruz would be elated that you chose him.”
“He was.” I pause. “Until I accidentally let it slip that I kissed Adam today.”
“You kissed Adam today? The same day you realized you wanted to be with Cruz? Why would you do that?”
“Well, I didn’t know I wanted to be with Cruz until he kissed me tonight.”
“Girl, you are in trouble.”
“Thanks. That’s helpful.” I grunt in frustration. A car drives by behind me. I turn and watch the headlights painting the road. It’s getting later, I should probably head home soon.
“Have you broken things off with Adam yet?”
“No.”
“Well, then I think you know what you have to do.”
“Yeah. I’ll call him tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow? No, you need to do this now.”
A gentle breeze rustles a bush nearby. I flinch until I realize what it is. “Tonight? But it’s late.”
“If you wait it’s only going to be harder. Besides, if Cruz is upset, you need to make this right,” she says. “You want to be with Cruz, right?”
“More than anything,” I answer truthfully, running my fingers through my hair.
“Then that’s your answer.”
“Okay.” I sigh. “I’ll do it now.”
“Hey,” Adam answers on the second ring. “I figured you’d call tonight.”
“You did?”
“Yeah.” His tone is soft, almost sad. “I’m guessing this means you made a decision.”
“Um…yeah. You wanna meet somewhere?” I glance around at the darkening sky, the smattering of stars and the bright crescent moon. “I’m at the lake right now, but I can meet you wherever you want.”
“It’s okay. You can just say what you need to on the phone.”
I’m taken aback by this. “You sure?”
“I think I know where this is going, Sloane. Let’s not make this any harder than it needs to be.”
It’s like a stone has landed inside my gut. With the hand not holding my phone, I play with the edge of my shorts, rolling the fabric between my fingers. I have no idea what to say. Have my feelings been that obvious even to Adam?
“The reason that I told you I wasn’t pressuring you to make a decision was because I knew what decision you would make. I guess I should’ve figured he’d push you to make one though,” he says. “That’s why you’re calling, right? Because he wants you to?”
Having no idea what to say to that, I simply respond with, “I’m sorry, Adam.”
“I get it. I see the way the guy looks at you. And you two have a connection I can’t compete with,” he says. “I hope he makes you happy, Sloane.”
“Thanks for understanding, Adam.”
“Sure. And if the guy breaks your heart, you know how to get a hold of me.”
“Duly noted.” I smile as I hang up. That didn’t go as bad as I had thought it would. I imagine if I had chosen Adam, my conversation with Cruz would’ve gone much differently. Suffice it to say, it would have been heart-wrenching.
I think that means I chose right.
Tucking the phone into the pocket of my shorts, I slide off the boulder. My feet hit the ground and I take a step forward, pivoting toward my car. I inhale sharply at the sight of a dark figure standing in front of me. My whole body sags with relief when I realize it’s Cruz.
His hands are in his pockets and he wears a sheepish grin. “I’m sorry. I acted like an ass. We made a pact, and I let you down.”
“Oh, Cruz,” I breathe. “It’s okay.”
“No,
it’s not. We promised we’d have each other’s backs forever no matter what. I got mad and took off on a night when you needed me.” He steps toward me. “How can I make it up to you?”
“I can think of a few ways.” I grin seductively, trailing a fingernail up his arm.
His eyebrows raise in surprise.
“I’m really sorry about kissing Adam,” I say, still touching his arm. “I wish I’d never kissed him at all. I wish you had been my first kiss.”
He lifts his arm, his thumb grazing my chin. “You were my first kiss.”
“No, I wasn’t.” I purse my lips, confused. “Believe me, I remember your first kiss. It was with Amy Thomas.” My stomach sours at the memory. “I remember that like it was yesterday.”
Cruz furrows his brows. “What? How do you remember it?’
I take a deep breath. Am I really going to share this with him after keeping it inside all these years? I guess if I am, now’s the time. “Do you remember our eighth grade dance? How I made you take me because I told you I was turned down by another boy?”
He nods.
My face heats up, embarrassed that I’m going to admit this out loud. “There was no other boy. I sort of had a crush on you that year, and I was hoping something would happen between us. I had this whole plan to seduce you at the dance. But then you started liking Amy Thomas.” I swallow hard. “I’ll never forget when you kissed her. I was watching through my bedroom window. It broke my heart.” Biting my lip, I drop my gaze.
“I do remember you were kind of mean to me while Amy and I were dating, but I didn’t know why.”
“I vowed to never let myself have any feelings for you other than friendship after that. I knew nothing good could come of it.” I peer up at him. “That’s why when you sang that song to me it freaked me out. You’re the most important person in my life, Cruz.”
“I feel the same way.” He clutches my face in his hand, but not hard. No, it’s gentle and firm at the same time. “God, Sloane, I had no idea how you felt at that dance. If I had, things would’ve turned out differently.”
“It’s okay. I think things turned out exactly like they were supposed to.”