She was tight, so small, precious, but when she bucked her hips against him and her fingernails dug into the small of his back, he lost it. He rocked and he rolled, bumping and slamming, harder, faster, with crazed passion, a frenzied rhythm of wild lust and abiding love, driving urgently toward the edge.
She reached and went over, coughing, almost choking with ragged moans. She clenched him tight, pulsing and sent him crashing to an all consuming, shattering release.
He drowned in her, losing himself, clinging wetly to her and holding her, murmuring and caressing, his fingers tangled in her hair, his arms tight around her.
# # #
“Good morning, Mrs. López.” Carlos nuzzled the back of Choco’s neck.
“Huh? What?” Choco threw off the sheets and rubbed her eyes. “Was I dreaming or you called me Mrs. López?”
The sight of her naked body had his desire revving up. Would he ever get used to waking up next to her?
“Guilty as charged.”
“Uh, no, your mother’s Mrs. López, and I’m nothing like her.” She yanked a sheet to cover her body, her face flushed pink.
“I agree,” Carlos said. “But I still want to know why you’re so afraid of her.”
“I’m not. It’s just too soon to tell her. I know she disapproves of me.”
“She criticizes you because she loves you. She’s your godmother. I know she’s disappointed I’m not marrying Julia, but she’ll be happy once I tell her we’re together.”
“I don’t think so.” Choco’s face froze, and she edged away from him.
“Wait a minute.” Carlos’s pulse pounded in his temples. “Is it more that you don’t like her? Because she’s always trying to get you to go to church?”
“She’s my godmother, of course I like her.” Choco gathered her clothes. “Can we not talk about this?”
“Why? I don’t get it. I’d think our mothers would be happy if we got together. After all, they’re best friends.”
“We aren’t getting together.” Choco shrugged into her clothes. “We had sex, Carlos. It was great.”
“It wasn’t just sex.”
“Okay, sex between friends.” She wouldn’t meet his gaze, her eyes darting across the room, blinking.
“Say ‘I don’t care for you, Carlos.’ Say it.”
She shook her head, her lips quivering. “Please, understand. We can’t go further.”
“Why? Is there someone else?”
“No one. I have to go.” She finger combed her hair and grabbed her purse. “I have to help my mother with the books and go over the insurance paperwork for the restaurant.”
Carlos blocked her from the door. “Whatever it is, you have to tell me, whether it’s someone else or a family thing. I need to know, or I’ll never stop hoping.”
She wiped her eyes. “I wish things were different.”
“Then come back tonight and we’ll talk.” He feathered his lips over hers.
“Okay, I will, but you might not like what I have to tell you.”
# # #
That evening, Carlos parked the Barrio XO van in an alley behind a youth hostel. He looked over at Choco sitting in the passenger seat. Her eyes darted across the street and back, as if she worried they’d been followed.
“Come on, hand it over.” He gestured to her phone. He’d already put his in the glove box.
“What if I get an important phone call?”
“Sorry, after we talk, we’ll come back.” He wiggled his fingers, and she slapped the phone onto his palm.
“Grrr …” Her upper lip curled. “I don’t know why we have to come out here to talk.”
“So you can’t slime out of it.” He opened the door and stepped out.
So far, Choco had successfully deflected his questions, using every means of seduction and avoidance. But enough was enough. He had some major decisions to make, and he needed to know where he stood with her.
Carlos locked the delivery van. He put his arm around her, and they strolled down the street toward the beach.
Unlike glitzier places like La Jolla, Ocean Beach was one of the older beach communities and still down to earth. The apartments and cottages were on the rundown side, and some of the alleyways looked sketchy, festooned by dumpsters, older vehicles and an occasional psychedelic VW van. The tourists mostly stayed up in Mission Bay or headed for Sunset Cliffs Park.
However, Ocean Beach had the longest concrete pier on the West Coast, extending a good half a mile out into the sea, and Carlos was pretty sure they would not be interrupted.
He tugged her closer as they stepped onto the pier. It was wide enough for fishermen to hang over both sides and still have a car drive through.
“Can we go back?” Choco asked, shivering slightly against the stiff breeze. She shielded her eyes from the setting sun,
So, she was just as scared as he. Never before had he found it awkward to speak to her. Now that his heart was in his throat, it was easier to kiss, hug, act like lovers, and of course, make love. But so much had happened, and he had to know where he stood with her, especially the reason she would not commit to a relationship with him.
They strode silently for several minutes and stopped at the weathered wooden railing. Surfers hung onto the waves on one side, and on the other side, fishermen dangled lines into the kelp beds below.
“It’s so peaceful out here,” Choco said, her hair fluttering in the breeze.
Carlos wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on the top of her head. She felt so good and right in his arms. He didn’t want to ruin the moment, but when he turned to face her, a tear trailed down her cheek.
“What’s wrong?” He tilted her chin up. “I didn’t want to make you sad.”
“It’s so perfect right now. Out here facing the ocean with no one around.”
“It doesn’t have to be any different back there.” He nodded toward land and the city beyond.
“When did things change? We were always good friends.”
“Yes, and we still are.”
She bit her bottom lip and turned toward the sea. “I liked it better when we were just friends. We used to laugh, joke, tease each other. Now, everything’s so awkward.”
He stroked the side of her cheek. “It doesn’t have to be this way if you tell me what’s bothering you.”
She grabbed on his shirt and knocked her forehead against his collarbone. “I wish we didn’t have this wall between us. I used to tell you everything. You were closer to me than Evie. You knew more about me. But now, I feel like I’m going to lose you.”
He stopped her with a finger to her lip. “I’ll always care about you. You know that.”
“I don’t. That’s the problem. I don’t know.”
Nothing made sense. Absolutely nothing. Since when was his Choco so maddeningly confusing? What happened to the sex kitten, the one who spread chocolate and licked it off him. Or the sensible best friend, the one who always had something reassuring to say? Why was she acting so strange?
Carlos swept his hair back and shut his eyes. “I get that you’re scared. But I’ve never known you to chicken out before. What happened to the little pit bull in you?”
Her jaw tensed and she swallowed hard, as if gathering her resolve. “I’m not afraid. I’ve decided we have to forget everything that happened and go back to being friends again.”
“That’s not what I want.” Carlos felt that edge of desperation, knowing Choco was slipping from his grasp, throwing things that made no sense in his face. “I love you. You. Concepción Madalena Apostol Sánchez.”
He dropped to his knees and wrapped his arms around her waist. “I want you to be my wife.”
“It won’t work. It’ll never work.” She pushed his shoulders.
“You’re not making any sense.” He tightened his grip. “Doesn’t my heart mean anything to you? I’m still Carlos, your friend. Would you be so cruel to me?”
“I told you it can’t happen.” Her lower lip trem
bled and she hastily swiped her eyes. “It’ll hurt less to let you go. We had each other last night, pretending to be lovers.”
“It wasn’t pretend.” He shook her. “It was real. It is real. I feel it. You don’t kiss me like that if you don’t mean it. When we made love, it was from deep within. I saw it in your eyes, heard it in every breath, every whimper, moan, and whisper. You called my name in love. Your body spoke to my heart.”
She caressed his head and stroked his neck, tears rolling down her face. “I can’t tell you. I thought I could, but it’s more than just me. It’ll hurt less to let me go.”
Pain, a deep ache gripped his heart. She’d never appeared as beautiful as she did now, breaking his heart. Her features in perfect harmony with the raging surf below, her hair, silky wisps in the breeze, her curves, her flesh a reminder of the passion they shared.
“Whatever it is, I swear, we’ll get through it. If it’s my mother, I’ll make her understand. If your family believes I’m not good enough for you, I’ll go away and build a business, make a reputation for myself, and I’ll come back to claim your love.”
“You’re more than good enough for me, Carlos. I’m the tainted one. I’m the one who’ll ruin your life.”
Fear gripped his heart. He got off his knees and tucked her into his arms. “You’re sick? What is it? Cancer?”
“No, it’s a secret. Something shameful, yet not. I don’t regret it for a moment, but I can’t tell you. But if I lose it, I’d rather die.”
In other words, a riddle. “You’re not sick?”
“No.”
His heart leapt with renewed hope. “Then we will work it out. Tell me and I’ll fix it for you.”
She gazed into his eyes, blinking, a hint of life coming back into her expression. It was like she was entertaining the possibility, probing his sincerity, toying with a ray of hope.
“On one condition.”
“Anything.” Carlos grasped her hands and held them close to his heart. “I promise.”
She swallowed and took a deep breath. “You promised. Remember that.”
“Yes, yes.”
“I’ll tell you if we go back to being friends, and friends only.”
His face stung like she’d slapped him, and his stomach hollowed out. This was what she wanted all along when she agreed to talk on the pier. She’d double-crossed him, tricked him into going back to friends.
He gritted his teeth, anger roiling in his chest. She’d made him promise, but there was nothing to stop him from trying again. As long as they were friends, he’d have a chance to change it.
He nodded and glued on a smile, hopefully a congenial, friendly one. “Sure, we’re best friends. Come on, let’s walk to the end of the pier, and you can tell me your secret.”
Part VII – Choco / Chapter 36
Carlos and I walk silently to the end of the pier where it forks into a T. I’m confused and frightened. My heart beats erratically, and doom presses down on my head. He thinks he loves me. He was on his knees. It was so romantic and so heartbreaking. But he accepted my condition. Friends. If I tell him about Livy, he would still be my friend, only a friend. It wouldn’t affect his family. He would still get his virginal bride and his perfect family. He’ll be thankful I let him go, and if not, at least he’ll agree with me how risky it is for me to chance losing Livy.
A fisherman greets us. “Going to be a beaut of a sunset. There’s not a cloud in the sky.”
He shows us his catch. “Got me a bunch of mackerel and a black sea bass. Lost a few lines in the kelp though.”
“Which way should we go?” I glance north and then south. There’s nobody at the far end.
“Towards Mexico,” he says, his wizened face crinkles in the fading sun. “It’s said if you kiss right at the moment the sun dips into the ocean, and a green glow flashes over the last rays of the sun, your love will be rich and last forever.”
“I need that,” Carlos says. “Thanks.”
“If that happens, come back and tell me about it.” The man points to his guitar case. “I’ll serenade you two.”
“Sounds like a plan.” Carlos gives the man a thumbs up. His grin flashes, like he set up the old fisherman’s tale. Taking my hand, he leads me to the south end of the pier.
Once we can go no further, I turn to face him. His expression toward me is loving, accepting. His dark eyes, like shiny onyx, glows warmth. My heart can’t help loving him.
It’s so quiet, remote, the waves splashing, spraying us with a fine mist. Above us, seagulls call and soar in circles. The sun is large, orange, and the entire sky glows purple, crimson. How is it possible to see a flash of green?
I reach for him, and then I’m kissing him. Sweet, soft, lush kisses. He cups my face with his hands as I reach around his neck.
“Keep your eyes open,” he mumbles, still kissing me.
When I gaze at him, he angles us toward the sun, shifting his eyes sideways. The orange is barely visible, the sun dipping into purple, blue, water.
Our faces are vertical, our lips still pressed together. I kiss him harder, and he tilts me so I can see. It’s hard to look out the side of my eye, but I see it.
Poof, a tip of green winks at us right after the sun disappears.
We keep kissing, deeper, and more passionate. When we finally break, Carlos wraps me close and hugs me. He kisses my head and leans back, his fingers caressing my cheek.
“I think that kiss seals the deal,” he says. “You can’t go against the green glow.”
“It could be platonic love.” I swallow and a shiver runs through me. “That’s just as good.”
He frowns, his mouth turning down, and he rubs my shoulders, but doesn’t let me go. “So, are you going to tell me now?”
I bite my lips and swallow deeply. It’s time to spit it out. No more holding back.
“I have a child.”
“You’re pregnant?” His eyes dart to my abdomen, his expression puzzled. “By who?”
I knew it. He’s getting jealous and possessive.
“You’re not supposed to care. Friends? Remember?”
His body stiffens, and his hands shake. He strokes my face with the back of his fingers. “I still want to know.”
“I don’t want to tell you. You asked me my secret and I told you.” I’m not being difficult. It’s too hard for me to think about, to accept. It’s why I don’t go to confession. It’s also why Livy can never know the truth.
“Okay, got it. It’s fine. So, when is it due? How far along are you?” His Adam’s apple lurches, and his voice is tight.
“She’s already born. I had her when I was fourteen.”
He steps back. His mouth opens, and he palms his forehead, shaking his head. “I had no idea. Where is she?”
I can’t answer him. He now knows why I can’t be more to him than a good friend. If I can’t be his wife, I also refuse to be the other woman, the one kept at the side, even though last night I was more than willing to be his slut.
Carlos walks around the end of the pier and leans over the rail away from me. I don’t know if he’s throwing up, or thinking of pushing me into the dark kelp beds. I’m not going to wait for the thunderous judgment, or the glare of disapproval.
Hugging my bare arms, I step away from him toward the lights. Mama was right. Better to know now than later. Better to let him go. It’s what Steve said on his Facebook post: Love is letting go. No present. No future. No more goodbyes.
“Choco,” Carlos calls, and his footsteps thump behind me.
I quicken my pace to a run, dashing toward the intersection.
“Whoa there, little lady,” the old fisherman says. He strums a chord on his guitar. “Did you see the green glow?”
I hurry past him. I’m not rude, but I’m not in the mood.
“We saw it, the green flash. Our love’s supposed to last.” Carlos grabs my shoulder. “We’re not finished. Not by a long shot.”
I don’t want to argue in front of t
he man, who now has two buddies sitting at his side smoking, so I cross my arms and walk toward the north end of the T-shaped pier.
“You promised we’d only be friends. Don’t push it.”
He clamps my arms and lifts me onto the flat wooden rail, pushing his hips between my legs. “It’s Livy, am I right?”
“Whoop dee doo. You guessed. How smart of you.”
“Not smart at all, since you don’t trust me.” He dips me over the dark churning water crashing onto the pilings below. “Don’t worry. I’m not letting you go.”
My breath catches, my heart threading through my throat, and I grab onto his shoulders, closing my eyes. And that’s when he claims my soul, his lips hard and demanding, his tongue aggressive.
My legs wrap around his waist and greed stirs like a tornado in my chest, all the want and need and passion thundering like the deep blue sea. The kiss leaves me breathless, gasping.
Rough hands grab and pinch my cheeks.
“It’s lovers or nothing. You hear? I don’t want your stinking friendship, your effed up limits, your stop-and-go commands. I’m not playing games.”
“You promised. Friends only, or I wouldn’t have told you.”
“Lovers or nothing.” He lunges into another raging kiss, furious, slashing, biting, his fingers digging into my flesh, hard cock grinding between my legs.
I pinch his shoulders and jerk my face to the side. He growls and comes at me, and I stop him with a sharp slap. I lose my balance and fall back, but he’s already caught me, holding me tight.
A large wave crashes against the pier, shaking the rail I’m sitting on. One shoe slips off my foot and tumbles into the turbulent surf. The tide is up and spray drenches my back.
“Let me go, Carlos. Let me go.” I scream, slapping his shoulders.
“I can’t. I care about you, love you too much. Why don’t you believe me?” His grip is tight, hurting my ribcage. “I want your love. Need it deep in my bones. You’re a part of me, and before this night is through you’re going to know it as sure as you know your own self. I want your heart, your hands and your feet, your babies and your soul. I want you, all of you. I don’t want to be friends. It’s lovers or nothing. That’s the bottom line. You. Me. Lovers. Forever.”
Claiming Carlos Page 26