In one swift movement he lifts me swings me around and around. I cling to him, and I hate myself. Because at this moment, I’m ready to trade Livy for him. I’m ready to throw it all away and take my last chance for love.
I crush my lips against his, my fingers threading his hair and my legs tight around his waist.
Damn you, Carlos. Damn you for making me choose you.
Chapter 37
“Johnny called.” Papa shuts the door to his office and briefly looks each of us in the eye. “He owns Barrio XO.”
Mama stands next to me. Across from me, Carlos leans against the wall and looks through the shutters. A vein throbs in his temple.
“Why did you sell?” I ask Papa. “We could have made it work, updated the menu, right, Carlos?”
Carlos grunts and resumes looking out the window.
Mama presses her lips together and caresses my arm. “We’re tired. Thirty years of nonstop work, from the pushcart to the food truck to this. Never taking a vacation. We want to visit Evie in Boston, take Genie to Berkeley, and go back to the Philippines for a long, extended vacation.”
“The good news is we walk away with two million dollars,” Papa continues. “And you don’t lose your jobs. Johnny wants you to be the general manager and Carlos to stay as head chef.”
“I’m not working for that prick.” Carlos clenches his teeth, his biceps bulging.
Mama approaches him, holding out her hand, but not touching him. “It’s a good opportunity. He’s bringing Chef Mendoza in to revamp the menu. You’ll still be in charge of the kitchen staff and food inventory.”
“That’s right,” Papa says. “Johnny will be an absentee owner. Once Manila Cloud is launched, he’ll go onto his next venture. His father’s building his portfolio of businesses and says he’s looking into an adventure travel company or outdoor equipment retailer.”
“Wish he’d gotten lost in the wilderness first.” Carlos tears his black bandana off his head. “Tito Rey, Tita Anna, I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. You treated me like family.”
“Wait.” I touch his upper arm. “You’re not leaving are you?”
He doesn’t meet my eye. In front of my parents, we’re still just friends. He wipes his forehead and takes a deep, long breath. “I’m going back to the Philippines.”
“You can’t go,” I plead with him. “I’m going to be the general manager. We’ll have a say on the daily operations. Won’t you give Manila Cloud a chance?”
What I’m really saying is won’t he give us a chance? I’m also holding my nose to work for Johnny, but if it means Carlos and I can be together, I’d work for the devil himself.
Carlos flexes his fist and turns away from me. “I going to start my own business. I don’t care if it’s a pushcart in the streets of Manila.”
I throw my arms around him, not caring my parents are witnessing. “It doesn’t have to be that far. We can find a job here and save money. In three to five years, we can buy a food truck.”
He runs his knuckles over my cheeks. “Then come home with me, to the Philippines.”
“Livy. I can’t leave Livy.” I tip my forehead on his chest. “It won’t be so bad to work for Johnny, or at least until we find something else.”
My father clears his throat and leads my mother to the door. “We’ll call the rest of the staff. I’m keeping everyone on the payroll for a month. It should give you time to look for a job before your visa expires.”
“Thank you, I appreciate it.” Carlos moves to shake my father’s hand. “You’ve been so good to me. Tita, likewise. I’ll never forget your kindness.”
My parents kiss him and leave us alone.
“I thought you didn’t want your parents to know about us.” Carlos clasps me in his arms and kisses my forehead.
“They won’t tell your mom. They don’t want me to lose Livy.”
Carlos stiffens and he peers into my eyes. “Lose Livy? What does that have to do with my mother finding out about us?”
Shit. I better remember he doesn’t know the threat. Diffuse it.
“Nothing. You know how your mom’s a big gossip. Word might get to Livy. We can’t ever let her know.”
“Why? You mean she doesn’t know she’s adopted?”
“She can’t know.” I back away and pace around my father’s desk. “Kevin, her adoptive father, wants to hold onto her mother’s memory. He thinks Olivia might come back someday. They never found her body, you know.”
“He wants to deprive Livy of you because Olivia might be alive?”
“Yes, and I agreed to it.”
“What about her biological father? Did he also agree?”
“He’s not involved.” Heat broils under my collar, dreading what comes next.
“Who is he? Anyone I know?”
“It’s not your business.”
“The hell it isn’t. He got you pregnant when you were thirteen. That’s statutory rape.”
“Not if he was a kid too.” I slump onto the couch, covering my eyes. “It was long ago. Let it go.”
“I can’t.” Carlos’s grip on my arm is rough. “Ever since you told me, my imagination’s been running wild. I keep looking at all the men around, going through them in my mind, your father’s friends, the customers, even old Mr. Dee. It’s sick, but I can’t stop thinking which one of them abused you.”
“It’s nobody we know right now.”
His grip loosens, and he rubs my back, then leans in and holds me. “Do you want to tell me about it?”
I don’t, but if I want him to stay, he has to trust me and know everything, no matter how ugly.
I take a deep breath and sigh. “I don’t want to, but I will. You’re my best friend.”
“I am, and more.” He hugs me close.
I take several trembling breaths before my lungs are steady enough to speak. My throat is tight and nausea sweeps over me, sloshing against my heavy heart.
“It was the most horrible thing that happened to me.” I lean into his embrace. “I was going with this guy. I was thirteen, sneaking out of the house and going to parties. He was older, sixteen and I thought I was in love. So I let him do it.”
Carlos’s biceps tighten, and he murmurs, “It’s all right. You were young.”
“But that wasn’t the worst of it.” My breath catches. “He wasn’t Livy’s father. My parents made him sign the adoption papers, but the paternity test came back negative.”
Carlos waits. His breathing is steady and reassuring, but I’m not sure how he’ll feel when I tell him I slept with half a dozen guys. It’s too late now. If he rejects me, I’ll know he wasn’t meant for me.
“I was at a party when a bunch of guys walked in on us.” I cover my face as tears seep from my eyes. “I was already drinking, and my boyfriend wanted to share.”
“Shit.” Carlos stops rubbing my back. His entire body tenses. “They raped you?”
“No, I let them because my boyfriend wanted to join some club and these guys were all in the club.”
“I don’t believe this.” Carlos jerks away from me. “He sold you for a club membership?”
“It was some exclusive thing at his country club.”
“I don’t care what it is,” Carlos says. “Those guys should be prosecuted. Do your parents know?”
I shake my head. “No, I told them I slept with some other guy who transferred to another school. I was vague about it, so they gave up asking.”
“And my mother knows about this?”
“That’s why she told me to stay away from you.” Tears rim my eyes. “That’s why we can’t let her know we’re involved. She might tell Livy.”
“You’re not making sense.” Carlos scratches his head. “If you don’t want Livy to know she’s adopted, I’m sure my mother wouldn’t say anything either.”
Of course, I can’t tell Carlos his mother’s been threatening me. But then again, maybe it’s an idle threat. After all, even Tita Gloria knows what’s best for
Livy, and she certainly wouldn’t want to risk losing my mother’s friendship.
“You’re right.” I pretend to breath a sigh of relief. “So bottom line, we can’t let Livy know I’m her mother or she’ll ask who her father is and I’ll have to tell her it’s some random guy I don’t even know.”
“I don’t agree with you,” Carlos says. “If I were Livy, I’d want to know. In fact, she should know. She and Brian were holding hands at a movie I took them to.”
“What? Brian went? I thought it was only you and Genie.”
“You think he’s not going to invite himself? Wake up, Choco. Livy’s staying in the same house as him, and you guys aren’t always home. Genie’s only eighteen and has her own boyfriend. I didn’t think anything until after you told me.”
“It’ll be okay. Livy’s father’s coming home soon. I’ll tell my mom to watch them like a hawk.”
“That’s not going to change a thing,” Carlos says. “They’ll just end up more in love because they can’t be together, and then they’ll figure out ways to sneak out. You and your parents can’t be there all the time.”
“Maybe we should clue in Genie and Brian, but definitely not Livy. I don’t want her hating me when she finds out I gave her away.”
He holds up his hands. “It’s not always about you, Choke. It’s what’s best for her.”
“I know, that’s what makes it so hard.”
“I know, I know.” He cradles me in his arms and kisses me. “Thanks for trusting me with your secret. You know I’ll always support you. If you want me to work for Johnny, I will. I can’t ask you to leave Livy for me, and I want what’s best for you.”
“Really? You’ll try?” Excitement leaps in my heart. Carlos is sacrificing his pride. He’s doing it for me, which means he truly loves me.
“For you, sweetheart.” He rubs my nose with his.
“It might turn out for the better. Johnny’s not so bad. He’ll pay us well, and we can stay here and be together.”
“I’ll do it for you. Only you.”
“Oh, Carlos, that’s why I love you so much.” I press my lips onto his wet, warm mouth. He opens for me immediately, welcoming. Desire rushes through my body like a trail of fire. I love how we melt into each other, his strength holding me tight, right where I’m supposed to be.
He’s so big-hearted, loving and caring. Everything I always wanted, but denied myself. Even though it peeves him to work for Johnny, to stay in San Diego and start over, he’s doing it for me. The way he’s always been there for me, solid, dependable, and loyal to a fault.
He traces behind my ear, and he breaks the kiss, breathless. “I love you too, you know that. We’ll make it work. Livy included.”
“We will. Someday we’ll have our own restaurant and we’ll call the shots. I’ll save all my money for it.”
He moves his head lower, clearing his throat. “I … uh, well, since we love each other, I thought, I mean, it’s not too soon.”
My heart almost stops, stunned. Is he going to ask me to marry him? We’re so right for each other, but what would our parents say? Would a judge let me have custody of Livy?
His throat bobbles as he brings his gaze level to mine. “I don’t want you to think I’m doing this for a green card. I always dreamed of waiting until I had my citizenship and my own restaurant. But when Johnny came along, I realized I couldn’t wait any longer. And I wouldn’t feel right asking you to live with me so we can save money. So, do you think we could—you know.”
I want to jump up and down and say ‘yes’ to whatever, dance around with him and celebrate, tell the whole world. I wish I could, but there are too many uncertainties.
He rubs his jaw and shakes his head. “You’re too quiet. Guess I shouldn’t have gotten carried away.”
“Well, you haven’t asked me anything.”
He chuckles under his breath. “It’s so hard to be a guy. If you remember, I asked you on the pier to be my wife.”
“No, you said you wanted me to be your wife. That’s not asking. That’s telling.”
“You kissed me because you want me.” He wags his finger. “Yes, you did.”
Okay, so we’re being silly and yucky, like lovesick teens.
“Yeah, but it isn’t the same.” Now I’m teasing him.
“What? You want me to do the get on my knees thing?”
“Yes, with champagne on a hot air balloon floating above the clouds.”
“Forget about it.” He waves his hand dismissively. “Why don’t you just move in with me?”
I raise my hand to pretend to slap him. What nice, self-respecting Filipina is going to move in with a guy?
He grabs my wrist and pats his cheek with my hand. “You know you want it. Come on, hit me again.”
I make a fist and shake it under his nose. “Nope, I want a huge diamond, a gigantic rock, and a hot air balloon.”
“Okay, okay.” His greedy fingers grab around my waist and dig in, tickling me. “So, you’ll move in until I get around to the rock and hot air.”
“My parents will freak!”
“We’ll tell them it’s a roommate thing.”
“You have only one bedroom.”
“True, you get the couch.”
“Your mom.”
“Doesn’t have to know.” He flexes his fingers and tackles me.
I land on the couch, unable and unwilling to fend him off.
# # #
Since I have nothing to do, I call Julia to see if she wants to go to the beach. I get her voicemail. She hasn’t returned my text messages. I try her again, then call Carlos, who stayed at the restaurant to supervise the shutdown. Food has to be disposed and the equipment put into storage.
“Have you heard from Julia lately?” I ask, my voice tinged with worry.
“Not since I spoke to her Monday.”
“She hasn’t returned my text messages.”
“I’m sure she’s okay,” Carlos assures me. “Have you checked Facebook?”
“Oh, right. Hold on.” I put the call on hold and swipe to the Facebook app. Nothing from Julia. A few friends posted asking her if she was okay. I check Steve’s page. Nothing new. A cold, creepy feeling jiggles the back of my neck. I switch back to Carlos.
“She hasn’t posted anything. Do you think she’s sick?”
“I don’t know. Someone’s at the loading dock, can I call you back?” Carlos speaks to another person in the background.
“Okay, I’ll go over and check on her.” I hang up and get in my car. Livy’s father came back and she went home, so I don’t have to worry about Brian anymore. Besides, Mama put him to work weed whacking and clearing the dried branches on the property.
Julia’s apartment looks deserted. Flyers are scattered on her doormat, and a pink plastic bag used for donations is tied around her door handle.
I pound on the door. “Julia, are you okay?”
What if she’s hurt herself or is sick? I rattle the door and pound on it for a good five minutes. No answer. I hate having to call Livy’s father at work, but he’s her closest relative.
He doesn’t pick up the phone so I text: Have you seen Julia?
A few minutes later he replies: She should be home. Livy visited her yesterday.
Me: She’s okay?
Kevin: As far as I know. Gotta get back to work.
Me: Thanks.
I ring Julia and it goes to voicemail. “Are you mad at me? I wanted to check on you. Call me back.”
The door opens. Julia stares dully at me. “Guess you should come on in.”
Her hair is limp, plastered over her face and she’s wearing a holey T-shirt. She’s not wearing makeup, and her eyes are red and puffy.
I reach to hug her, but she pushes away.
“Why are you here? To gloat?” Her words cut me to the quick. “Carlos says he’s with you now, is that true?”
I should have known. Nothing about Julia is easy. Carlos thought she was fine with it because she appeared
so on the surface.
“Yes, but I thought you wouldn’t mind. Weren’t you and Carlos faking the engagement?”
“No. I only told you that so you wouldn’t be jealous. I didn’t realize you’d go ahead and steal him from me.”
Not good. Somewhere in Julia’s alternative reality, I became the boyfriend-stealing bitch.
“I’m sorry you feel that way.”
She swipes her hands over her eyes. “You don’t care. All you ever want to do is steal everyone I care about. Olivia, Livy, and now Carlos.”
“Olivia? How’d I steal her from you?”
“By giving her the baby she always wanted. After that, it was Choco this, Choco that. She loved you more than me, her own sister.”
This is deeply concerning. I wonder if Julia is in a mental state, a breakdown.
“Then, it’s Livy. You’re so cool because you can drive fast and play sports. I’m just boring old Tita Julia. What’ll happen when she finds out you’re her real mother? She’ll forget about me.”
“Julia, there’s enough love for everyone. Livy loves you. Just because she loves me doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you.”
“Leave me alone. I’ve lost everything and everybody. Carlos made me happy. I was supposed to marry Carlos. I have a dress, a beautiful white wedding dress. You stole him. Maybe I’ll take Livy from you. Maybe I should marry Kevin and be Livy’s mother. Kevin likes me. I resemble Olivia. That’s what I’ll do.”
It’s no use talking sense to her. She needs help. I leave her ranting with her delusions and shut the door behind me. I’ll let my mother know to call her parents. Maybe Julia needs to go home and be with her parents for a while.
# # #
Back at my apartment, I finish packing my things and label each box. I can’t believe I’m going through with this. Instead of moving home, I’ll be moving in with Carlos. Things are happening so fast, but when love burns so brightly, one has to grab it before getting burned.
Claiming Carlos Page 27