Skin Dive

by Ava Gray

  Fortunately, he had been on his way already. He came over twice a week, ostensibly to study, though she knew he had ulterior motives. Brandon wanted to hook up with her—well, not her. Grace Evans from Ohio. With him, she had to be nice. Polite. No breaking dishes. No screaming. He wouldn’t understand the anger, and so it would never, ever be anything but pretend. She couldn’t be real with anyone but Taye. From the beginning, she’d known that, but men could be slow.

  It hadn’t been easy since the incident at the mental hospital. She had bad dreams, and she regretted what she’d done, so much. But she’d faced it alone, proving she was strong enough to handle anything. She’d passed a test. Therefore, it was fitting Taye would sense that and show up now. She was ready for him.

  As Brandon went down the stairs, she took Taye’s hand. “Dial it down. If you pull here in the hall, I’ll have to run again, and that’ll piss me off. I’m acing aberrant psych.”

  “You’re not with him?”

  Typical man. Took you ages to claim me, but the minute you catch someone else sniffing around, you’re about to blow a fuse.

  “We’re friends,” she answered. “Not with benefits. Relax and come inside.”

  “You’re not mad at me?” His expression seemed faintly dazed.

  She closed the door behind him, trying to decide how to answer. “I was at first. Went through all the stages, including he’ll be sorry and this is it forever, but it always cycled back around to it’s him or nobody, once the anger faded.”

  A little shudder rolled through him, visible to the naked eye. God, he looked like shit, so thin and hollow-eyed, his cheekbones sharp as knives. “You’re serious. Have you dated at all?”

  “Sure. Casual stuff.”

  “And there’s nobody special.”

  “There’s you,” she said. “It’s always been you. It’ll always be you.”

  “I shouldn’t love hearing that so much, but . . . Gillie, you’re everything.”

  “I am?” God, she’d almost given up hope.

  He reacted as if he had a world of words dammed up inside him. “Sweet, sweet girl, I want to dive under your skin.”

  The sweetest ache blossomed in her chest. It wasn’t quite an I love you but it was closer than she ever thought she’d hear from Taye. Maybe he didn’t know how deep he’d taken root already—that he’d woven himself through her soul in an infinite pattern. She’d resigned herself to a future without him, but she’d never wanted that, ever.

  “You’re there,” she told him. “My heart beats for you.”

  His throat worked. “I want to be part of you so you can’t ever cut me out.”

  “I didn’t even try,” she said quietly. “I can get by without you. I have. I can manage reasonable contentment, but I can’t be me without you. I can only be Grace Evans.”

  “She seems nice. Brandon likes her.”

  Gillie laughed. “My point. I guess I only have one question—what took you so long?”

  “I suffer from a unique genetic condition. It’s called Dumbass Syndrome and, unfortunately, there’s no cure.”

  “I’m a healer, you know. I can help.”

  “You’re the only one who can. I have something to show you.” Taye dug into his pack and produced a sheaf of papers.

  Gillie took them, reading with a dawning sense of wonder. “You got tested?”

  “I knew if I came to you, I had to do it with a clean bill of health. Unlike most guys, I can’t tell you who my partners have been. I can’t say how many women—or men—there may have been. I don’t remember shit about my past, and I don’t think I ever will.”

  “I don’t care,” she said softly. “We’ll make new memories. I may as well have been born the day I met you, too, because it was the first day in longer than I could remember that I actually had hope. You have no idea what you did with that message you left in the bathroom.”

  “And you believed me. I have no idea why. At the time I wasn’t even sure I could control myself enough to make it happen. Sometimes surges still get away from me.”

  “That’s part of the magic, isn’t it? In a place like that, we found each other.”

  “I taunted Rowan about you,” he admitted.

  She grinned. “I know. Silas told me.”

  “What the—”

  “ ‘Word on the ward is: she’s smoking hot. A tight little redhead with a killer ass.’ ” Gillie pitched her voice low, doing her best Taye impression. “‘I figure she’ll be so grateful to see a new face that she’ll be riding my pole in under a month. What do you think, Doc? Will she put out?’” She winked, continuing in her normal tone, “I totally would have, you know.”

  “Dear God.”

  “Relax, I thought it was hilarious. Only you could make him crazy like that . . . You knew just how to push his buttons. Silas showed me the footage after you freed him. I loved when you told Rowan he was the crazy butcher keeping me in his dungeon, so I was never gonna show him my titties and beg him for the cock. True, by the way. And awesome.”

  A red flush lingered high on his cheeks, but he was smiling, too. “It was kind of inspired, I must admit.”

  “And this is why it’s you. There’s nobody else with whom I can acknowledge those days, who would understand what’s been done to me. I’m not normal. I never will be. I can pretend, and I can pass, but I have no hope of a real relationship with anyone else.” It hurt her to admit this, like he was a consolation prize, and that so wasn’t the case. “They took too much away from me, too many years. But you understand that because they stole your memories, too. We’re the same, you and I. We fit.”

  “You don’t need to convince me.” He drew a deep, shaky breath, as if releasing some long-held tension. “I’ve wanted you so long I hurt with it.”

  “What changed your mind about us?” Gillie knew he’d intended to make the break permanent. That last time, he hadn’t even left her hope, but sometimes you ran on faith instead.

  “I felt like I should give you the chance to meet other people . . . and not just roll you under me without letting you do some comparative shopping first.”

  That wasn’t all of it. From the shadows in his eyes, she saw a secret, maybe even the one that had him looking so thin and tired. But she wouldn’t push for his confession. In time, he might trust her enough to confide on his own.

  “Well, now I have. Other men tried to get in my pants, some with more determination than others, but I didn’t feel anything for them. I always wanted you.”

  His voice went rough, and the gravelly tone sent a thrill through her. “At night, in bed, I get off remembering how you taste, the softness of your lips, and the way you sound when you come. Those are the only sexual memories I have. All you. Always, you.”

  A slow burn started deep inside, as Gillie imagined him tugging on his cock as he had that day at the safe house . . . for her pleasure. Every orgasm he’d ever had, she had caused in one way or another. How fucking hot was that? Irresistible. She figured this was how some men felt about virgins . . . because in a way, Taye was one, too. He couldn’t recall anyone else, and that made him all hers. Delicious.

  But before she moved forward, she had to be sure. “Tell me we’re done pretending this isn’t what we both want.”

  “No more waiting. I gave you a chance to find someone else.”

  “If I had, you’d have killed poor Brandon . . . and maybe everyone in the building as collateral damage.”

  “Not on purpose,” he muttered. “But I’m not big on restraint. You’re mine now.”

  Mmmm. The need spiked higher, making her want to grind against him, and he hadn’t even touched her yet. Not once. They were going to blow the roof off, though not literally, she hoped. With Taye, it was always a possibility. The danger added a little spice, not that they needed additional chemistry. Almost from their first moment, she’d known it could be like this, if he would only let it happen. She would have fucked him on her bathroom floor down in Rowan’s dungeon.


  “Then let me show you my room. Did I mention it has a bed?”

  “Fascinating.”

  Taye laced his fingers through hers, but she noticed he didn’t lead. No sweeping her off her feet. Gillie registered the subtext at once—this was a decision they’d made together—no coercion, no seduction, just willingness and desire. That meant everything to her because he remembered what she’d said about needing to be equals. He didn’t see her as a child to be protected anymore.

  “We know you’re clean,” she said softly. “I obviously am. And I have a bonus prize. I got a Depo shot two months ago.”

  It had seemed like a smart, modern thing to do, taking control of her sexuality. Obviously, she would make love at some point. Best to get the contraception started and see if she had any adverse affects like hormonal swings or weight gain. After all his rebuffs, she hadn’t dared hope her first partner would be Taye.

  Brow furrowing, he paused beside her bed, and it was so good to see him there. “That’s birth control, right?”

  “Yep.”

  “That means—”

  “You can go bareback.” Thinking he’d laugh, she put her arms behind her head and executed a slow grind, nothing more than club dancing. It wasn’t erotic; it was funny, her trying to be all sexy.

  But a groan escaped him. “If you don’t stop saying shit like that—and working your hips—I’m going to come in my pants.”

  She thought he was kidding, until she saw his pained expression. He had an enormous bulge in his jeans, and he rubbed it absently as if to ease the ache. Gillie longed to respond in kind, moving in slow circles as she recalled how it felt to have him thrust against her. A deep breath restored some equilibrium.

  She turned down the covers on her bed. “Dirty talk does it for you, huh? And I remember you like watching. Pretty soon, I’m gonna own you.”

  “You already do,” he said huskily.

  If she had planned for this encounter, she would be wearing better underwear. They had a satin bow in front, but they weren’t sexy enough. At least she thought that until she shimmed out of her yoga pants, and caught his avid expression. When she pulled her baby T-shirt over her head, his eyes went incandescent. Ohhh. It was worth the wait for him to look at me like that.

  “Working for you?” She posed in her panties, hand on hip.

  “No bra? I bet Brandon couldn’t keep his eyes off your tits.”

  Honestly, she hadn’t even thought of it. Her breasts weren’t huge, so she often went without, particularly at home. But in retrospect, the kid might have noticed, and she didn’t mind; it was a turn-on to be found desirable, and Taye’s jealousy was . . . delightful.

  “I didn’t pay attention,” she admitted.

  “Do something for me.”

  If he wanted another private show, she’d scream in frustration. She was good at playing with herself; she had been doing it for years. But it was time to add to her carnal repertoire.

  “What?”

  “Take out your contacts. I need to see your eyes.”

  Oh. Something in her melted a little. Gillie hurried to the bathroom so he wouldn’t realize just how completely he owned her heart. It was too soon; he had only just accepted the inevitability of a sexual relationship between them. At least according to TV, guys didn’t always leap to the conclusion that physical rapport equated to happily ever after. She would have to ease him into the master plan. After I fuck his brains out.

  As she came back, blue-eyed once more, Taye scrambled out of his clothes so fast she thought he might break a window with his boots—and she didn’t care. Once he got naked, she saw he had lost weight, but this wasn’t the time to ask if he’d been eating right. Now he had a gaunt and irrefutable beauty, strength refined to its essence. His muscles flexed as he lifted her into his arms, his heat shocking and delicious.

  “Mine,” he whispered. “Finally. Oh, God, Gillie.”

  CHAPTER 20

  Taye trembled with need. Her angel blue eyes contrasted beautifully with her dark hair, though he missed her red curls. Gillie was every bit as lovely as he recalled, slim and shapely with small, pert breasts and gently flaring hips. Her thighs were thicker, but it was pure muscle, probably from the bike he’d seen in the foyer.

  Get hold of yourself. You can’t just ravish her. It’s her first time. You have to make it special. Inwardly, he whimpered at the idea of controlling his lust, but at least the raw feeling tempered the constant agony in his gut.

  “No,” she said softly.

  “What—”

  “I don’t need rose petals and moonlight. It’s three in the afternoon on a Thursday, and I will die if you don’t kiss me.”

  Freedom. Her words took all the pressure away, leaving only the longing. He closed the distance between them in two strides and drew Gillie into his arms, nothing between them but her tiny panties. She stretched up, and he leaned down; she made him feel irresistible, even though he was just an averagelooking guy, and less than the romantic ideal of six feet tall. But since she was only five-two, he figured she didn’t miss that last inch.

  Her mouth brushed his as she wound her arms around his neck, a butterfly kiss. Taye refused to let her tease him, so he deepened it, parting her lips with his own. He nipped her lower lip and touched his tongue to hers. She murmured in pleasure, seeking more. He lost control when she sucked, and the kiss turned into ravishment, long drugging moments where he thrust his tongue between her lips in a delicious precursor to sex, symbolic and irresistible.

  Every man in the world should understand how thoroughly she belonged to him—and she would until he bit it. Maybe that wasn’t fair but he cared fuck-all for that now; he believed her. She was the strong one, damn near unbreakable, for all he’d worried about protecting her from harm. Losing him wouldn’t end her. As it turned out, she was stronger than him because three months without her had wrecked him, stolen his will to do the right thing.

  Got to have you. Can’t die without being part of you. He gazed down into her eyes, and thought, Gillie, Gillie-my-love. Stay with me.

  Taye ran his mouth along her jaw to her throat and took special pleasure in biting down; he sucked to create the bruise that would mark her. The next time she saw Brandon, he’d know. A little growl rose up.

  She whimpered, arched her neck—such a graceful curve—and dug her hands into his back. Her whole body had a dusting of freckles now, the most delicious cinnamon and cream. He imagined her lying in the sun, drowsily soaking it in for the first time in years. In his mind’s eye, he put himself in the picture beside her, lazily rubbing sunscreen on her. Mmm, yeah. Time to pay attention to those pretty breasts.

  He lifted her and tossed her on the bed. She landed with a startled laugh and a bounce, but there was no trepidation in her look, only avid hunger. It shone from her blue eyes, clear as the heaven she offered him. You don’t deserve her, he thought. But that lack didn’t stop him from following her down. Taye swept his hands lightly over her body, barely grazing her nipples with his blunt nails. Her breath caught; he watched her face as he touched her. Surely there was nothing so beautiful in the whole damn world. He skimmed his thumbs back and forth, bringing each nipple to a tight point.

  Silently, she drew his head down, and he teased her with delicate kisses and flicks of his tongue. Gillie gave his hair a tug, so he relented, sucking one sweet peak into his mouth. She arched and moaned, hips lifting. Soothing her with gentle strokes to her belly, Taye worked his fingers downward until they found the fabric of her panties.

  “Touch me,” she whispered. “See how wet I am.”

  Invitation or order, he couldn’t resist. Inside, he found her smooth and divinely slick. His touch faltered, and then he had to see to believe. With her help, he worked her panties off and slid downward, parting her thighs in a motion that was pure masculine demand. But from her happy little wriggle, it seemed to work for her. Taye’s eyes confirmed what his fingers had discovered; she was completely bare. She’d been right, a
ll those months ago. Gillie was no shy, backward virgin, and she knew what she wanted.

  “I had it waxed off.” Her smile offered pure temptation. “I was curious how it would look. Sometimes I like to get off in front of the mirror, and I can see better this way.”

  Too powerful, that mental image—he knew just how she did it. Raw lust careened through him, and it shook him from head to toe. Goddamn, for all his fears about her socialization, he might be the maladjusted one. He didn’t know if he was allowed to study the way her body was made. If he’d ever done so, he couldn’t remember, and it was fitting that her pretty pink sex would be emblazoned on his memory going forward. She was the only woman he’d ever want; his need for her had reached obsession levels, and he didn’t even care.

  “Can I look at you?” The question came out as a growl.

  “Please. But no touching. If you play with me . . . or lick me . . . I’ll come. And that’s not on the agenda unless you’re inside me. I’ve flown solo enough.”

  Aw, Christ. She might as well have a playbook telling her what buttons to push. The idea that he could get close and look but not touch? The heat ratcheted up to dangerous levels; for a moment, he was afraid he’d start drawing metal objects and pulling juice from the light sockets. Taye shook silently for a moment while fighting to separate sex from power. Gillie didn’t make it easier when she parted her lips, showing him. Like the rest of her, she was small and compact down there, shiny with lust, her clit already tight.

  “So you’re saying I can either play with you elsewhere . . . or fuck you.” He licked the inner curve of her thigh, adhering to the rules she’d set forth.

  Her breath caught. “Is there a problem?”

  “No, just clarifying my options.”

  “Have a clear picture n—ohhh—” Her teasing words turned into a moan when he caught tender skin with his teeth.

  “Yeah, I think I’ve worked it out.”

  “I hope this story has a happy ending.”

  Oh, Gillie. The ache spread all over his body, and he couldn’t tease either of them a minute longer, not when those moments were numbered and so precious. Taye slid upward, widening the space between her thighs.