The Silent Daughter

by Kirsty Ferguson

  He had gone up to Mia’s room one afternoon, ready to reward her for keeping his huge secret. He pushed open her room, she had her headphones on. He touched her on the shoulder. She turned at his touch and scowled.

  ‘What do you want?’ she’d asked, pulling off her headphones, disgusted by him. It showed in her glare.

  ‘I have a present for you,’ he said awkwardly. ‘I saw this and I thought of you.’ He pulled out the latest smartphone. ‘You’ve earned it.’

  ‘I’ve earned it? Are you kidding me? Why, because I’m keeping your dirty little secret?’

  ‘Well, yeah,’ he said scratching his chin.

  ‘I don’t want your bribes. I’m not interested… Dad.’

  ‘I can’t tell your mum yet.’

  ‘Well you have to tell her soon. She knows something is up.’

  ‘I can’t just come out and say “I don’t love you and I’m leaving you” all in the same breath.’

  ‘You don’t love her any more?’ Mia asked, shocked at his confession.

  ‘I kinda do, but my… girlfriend wants me to choose straight away. Mia, you have to understand, she’s going to take my son away from me. She’s going to move, leave town if I don’t move in with her.’

  ‘So what? What do you think Mum is going to do? She’s going to lose it. Have you even thought about that? About Alexandra and Noah? About me?’ She fought back the tears.

  ‘Yeah, but your mum’s a strong woman, she’ll cope. Besides, I need to spend time getting to know my other son. I’m done here.’

  ‘You’re done here? Fine. Then fucking leave already.’ Mia turned and walked out of her bedroom, disgusted, passing her father with the phone still in his hand. ‘And take your bribe with you.’

  Dinner was a sombre affair. He kept looking at Mia and she alternated between ignoring him and throwing daggers his way. If looks could kill, he’d be diced into pieces and buried in the back yard. Danni was puzzled as she watched her husband and daughter locked in a silent battle of wills. When Mia’s eyes met Danni’s, they were filled with tears.

  Joe knew that he had to talk to Mia again. Plead his case to her one last time. Later that night he rapped on her door. ‘You awake, Mia?’ He opened the door.

  She was in her pyjamas, sitting up in bed reading. ‘What do you want, Dad? It’s late. Actually, let me guess, more presents for me if I don’t tell?’

  ‘No. No more gifts, but I do need to talk to you. I love you Mia, I really do, but I can’t stay. I’ve made my decision and it’s final. I’ve been with your mother since we were teenagers, it’s time to move on. To experience new things. I’ve been given an ultimatum and I’ve chosen.’

  ‘If you’re going to leave, then just fucking leave!’ she almost shouted. ‘Stop dragging it out!’

  Joe sighed. ‘I am. I’m telling your mother next week. All I ask is that you keep my secret until then.’

  Mia said nothing and Joe left her room, closing the door gently behind him. He didn’t see Danni standing at the bottom of the stairs watching her husband sneaking out of their daughter’s room just after midnight.

  29

  Weekends were the worst. Her dad would work a double shift and Beth would have people come to the house. Older guys and girls.

  Beth would corner Danni in her room, hissing at her to stay hidden. ‘Don’t you dare embarrass me. You hear?’ Never mind their mother passed out drunk in her room might be considered an embarrassment.

  Danni spent the time writing in her diary, one that no one knew about. Danni kept a record of the abuse that occurred, when and what. She wasn’t sure who would ever see it, but it made her feel better. Maybe someday someone would take an interest in her, read her diary and she’d get taken away from this lonely place. She didn’t even care if she was placed in a group home. Couldn’t be any worse than how she lived now. Her parents didn’t even bother to keep up the pretence of loving her at home but they seemed to care what everyone else thought. That’s why Beth wasn’t supposed to hit her across the face or anywhere that people might see the bruises.

  Danni was busting to go to the toilet. She snuck down the hallway and was about to open the toilet door when it opened inwards suddenly.

  A tall, good looking older boy stood in front of her.

  ‘And who are you?’ he asked, giving her the once over, obviously liking what he saw.

  ‘That is no one,’ Beth said as she strode down the hallway, like an enraged bull.

  ‘Is this your sister?’ he asked.

  ‘She’s no one. Let’s get back to the party.’ She grabbed onto his arm and propelled him down the hallway. She turned back and hissed at her. ‘Piss then get back to your room, got it? I don’t want to see you again.’

  She came out of the toilet only to find the boy waiting for her, casually leaning up against the wall.

  ‘Donovan! What the fuck are you doing?’ Beth demanded. ‘Do you want to watch her, or touch these titties?’

  With a smirk toward Danni, he turned and left, following Beth down the hallway. ‘How young is she?’ she heard him ask.

  ‘Too young for you. You need a real woman, Donovan. Come have a drink with me.’

  He took off after her sister with the promise of breasts and booze. Danni reached the sanctuary of her room. She pushed the chair up against the door and went back to what she had been doing: holding the small knife in her hand. Beth would never see it coming.

  The next Friday night, Danni returned home late after staying to help the teacher pack up the classroom. Danni snuck into the house, seeing that Beth was setting up for another one of her parties. By eight o’clock, she could feel the bass vibrating through her bedroom walls. The party was in full swing. If only she could climb through her bedroom window and escape. If only she had friends that she could go and hang with. If only…

  Opening the door, the smell of booze and pot hit her nose like a brick wall. The lounge and kitchen were almost invisible because of the smoke weaving around people’s heads, like wraiths. She coughed lightly, hating the smell.

  Once in her room, she very quickly changed out of her school uniform, just in case Beth came barging in while she was in her underwear. She put her sneakers on and retrieved the knife from its hiding spot, tucking it into her sneaker and pulling her trouser leg over it to hide it. She never knew when she’d need to protect herself so she kept it close to her at home.

  The party kicked up a notch, and Danni, trying to read within the thumping walls of her room, wondered how her mum managed to sleep through it all. Oh, she knew, she got rip roaring drunk.

  Danni was sitting on her bed with her back against the wall, where she felt safest. She found she did it at school too, sat with her back against the wall so no one could sneak up on her and attack her. Her door banged open with so much force it rebounded off the wall, leaving a crescent dent in the paintwork that Danni would surely be blamed for. Beth stood in her doorway, the noise and smoke leaking in around her, invading her personal space.

  ‘What do you want, Beth?’ she asked warily. She didn’t want a fight, but Beth had that look in her eyes. She was spoiling for one.

  ‘You’re coming with me,’ she snarled at Danni, that look in her eyes. Beth marched across the room and grabbed Danni’s arm tightly, her painted talons digging into the soft flesh of Danni’s upper arm, leaving marks. Danni wouldn’t be surprised if she had bruises tomorrow. Beth dragged her along the hallway and she thought she was taking her into the lounge, no doubt to humiliate her in front of her friends, as if they didn’t think she was already a loser. Instead, she took her to her room, swinging open the door and shoving Danni into the darkened room. Danni stumbled into the room, hands out in front of her, trying to get her bearings. Beth slammed the door and once Danni turned around and worked out where the door was, she tried to open it.

  Someone was holding the handle from the outside, she was effectively locked into Beth’s room. But why?

  ‘Beth? Let me out!’ She bange
d on the door, the sound lost in the music from down the hall.

  Then the lamp behind her clicked on, illuminating the room. Danni was too scared to turn around. She grabbed at the door again.

  ‘Let me out, Beth! Please!’ she yelled over the music. The hammering that had started in her heart when she was plunged into the darkened room had ratcheted up a notch, her whole body thrummed with terror.

  ‘Come on, Danni, be nice to me, sweetheart,’ she heard the deep, honeyed voice say behind her.

  She recognised that voice. She turned. It was Donovan.

  He was sitting on the edge of the bed close to the pillows. He patted the space beside him, encouraging her to come and sit by him. She turned and pulled on the doorknob, but Beth was still holding onto it.

  ‘Enjoy yourself, little sister!’ she laughed wildly.

  Danni knew what being locked in the room with this boy meant. He wanted sex and if she said no, then he’d probably rape her. Her eyes were wide, her mouth dry, making a clicking sound when she swallowed, and she felt the beginnings of a headache brimming behind her eyes.

  ‘Please…’ she begged.

  ‘I won’t hurt you. I promise I’ll make you feel good. You’ve never been with anyone before, have you?’ he asked softly. ‘That’s what Beth said, anyway.’

  Danni couldn’t answer, her body had seized up on her. Donovan stood and casually walked over to her, reaching out a hand, cupping her cheek. ‘You’re so beautiful, Danni.’

  ‘Don’t touch me,’ she said in a voice that barely carried the distance between them, trying to turn her head away

  He gripped both her shoulders, spun her around and pushed her toward the bed. She fell, bent over then felt a hand on the back of her neck.

  ‘Oh yeah, you’re gonna feel so good. Hold still baby, this might take a while.’

  Danni heard him undoing his belt, felt him pulling his jeans down. His hand pulling roughly at her jeans, her underwear. He was panting hard, like he’d run a race that he hadn’t yet begun. She felt his fingers on her skin. They were cold, icy cold and she couldn’t for the life of her figure out why. The coldness reminded her of when she was locked in the shed at the back overnight during winter, her hands and feet near frozen.

  She felt him press up against her, she could feel his hardness. He flipped her over, ripping down her underwear and admiring the view.

  ‘Virgin pussy,’ he said, like it was some kind of rite of passage. He lunged at her, pulling on her hair and positioning himself above her. She could see the sweat popping on his forehead, the pimples that dotted his cheeks, the beer breath that washed over her face as he panted. He pulled back to push down his underwear and she sat up so fast that he ripped out a chunk of her hair.

  She pushed him off her and quickly bent down, grabbing the knife from her shoe. She held the plastic grip, no hesitation, and stabbed down into the flesh of Donovan’s hands. Danni stabbed him again and again, his cries becoming louder and louder. Then, in a frenzy, she lashed out, stabbing him wherever she could. He lowered his hands to cover his genitals as Danni stabbed him over and over.

  The door flew open and Beth rushed in. ‘What the fuck is going on?’ Then she saw the half-naked Donovan covered in blood.

  ‘Oh shit! Danni, what have you done? Fuck!’ She kicked the door closed. Then she grabbed the weapon that was slick with blood from Danni’s hands and shoved it in her pocket. ‘You bitch! All he wanted to do was fuck you!’ Beth said, backhanding Danni. She fell to the ground, then stumbled to her feet, pulling up her pants, desperately trying to cover herself.

  Donovan was moaning, holding his bleeding crotch. The music thumped, the bass drumming, drowning out his cries.

  ‘Shit, we’ve got to do something.’ She snapped her fingers in front of Danni’s face.

  ‘Fuck, how could you do this to me? I’m gonna go to jail, you stupid bitch. Shit. Help me drag him out the window. Now. Danni! Now, God damn it! I should let you suffer for this.’ Beth’s face was dangerously flushed, her eyes black pinpricks as she slapped Danni’s arm to get her attention.

  Danni, hands covered in blood, obeyed the command in her sister’s voice without question, absently wiping her hands on her pants, leaving streak marks. Donovan was groaning loudly, bending over the end of the bed, turning his hands over, staring at the blood.

  ‘Shut up, Donovan, we’re going to get you help, but I’ve got to do something first.’ She cocked back her arm and hit him square in the face. He dropped to his knees, clutching his nose, crotch momentarily forgotten. Beth stuffed a pair of her underwear in his mouth then wrapped a dressing gown belt around his head tightly, holding the gag in place. Beth grabbed one arm and hissed at Danni to take the other. She moved robotically and took hold of his other arm as Beth dragged him towards the window. Of course, her window wasn’t nailed shut.

  ‘Get out the window, Danni. Grab him.’

  Danni climbed out of the window and grabbed the torso of the bleeding, barely struggling, moaning Donovan and held him tightly while Beth shoved the rest of him through the gap.

  ‘Hurry, up to the shed. Fuck, he’s heavy,’ Beth groaned as they took an arm each and dragged Donovan to the shed slowly, breathing heavily. Beth kept checking towards the lounge room window, but the curtains remained closed. Beth reached the door to the shed and dropped Donovan, his weight resting uncomfortably on Danni’s shoulder while Beth fumbled with the handle before finally opening the door. Danni staggered under his weight and fell, Donovan dropping heavily to the ground. Beth grabbed Donovan’s arm, angrily murmuring at Danni to do the same. They shoved him inside where he rolled onto the floor, knocking over petrol cans and tins of paint. A long-forgotten project of their father’s, painting the house. Six tins of paint and a tin of paint thinner rolled around, banging into the prone boy. His hands were cupped between his legs, Danni was disembodied from her surroundings, not really comprehending what was going on.

  ‘Get in and close the door, stupid. Want people to see us?’ Beth pulled Danni inside then grabbed at her hair. ‘What to do, what to do. Donovan, I’m gonna take that gag out of your mouth but if you scream no one will hear you and I’ll let my sister finish what she started. Understood?’

  The semi-conscious boy nodded.

  Beth undid her belt and took out the gag. Donovan was silent, hardly conscious now. Looking around, Beth’s eyes wild, she picked up a can of thinner and unscrewed the lid.

  ‘Danni? Danni, we have to get rid of the body.’

  ‘Why?’ she said absentmindedly.

  ‘Well, for one, you just stabbed the shit out of him, but I can’t count on you not to tell the police that I organised for you to be raped. Fuck! Why did you have to stab him? You’ve made life harder for us both. You need to swear that if you’re questioned, I had nothing to do with this, neither did you. Understand me? I’m not going down for this and the only way that’s gonna happen is if you talk. So don’t talk, okay?’ Danni was in shock but she could hear the fear in Beth’s voice as she tried to convince Danni not to say anything, but Danni was beyond caring now.

  Beth upended the tin on top of Donovan and around him, the fumes threatening to suffocate Danni. She coughed, covering her mouth with her hand, trying to be quiet but she needn’t have bothered, the sounds from the party covered up any noises they made. In her confused state, even Danni realised that ultimately Beth was looking out for herself. Beth would be blamed for this, and the whole truth would come out. The abuse, the attempted rape. Danni could bury her if she wanted to.

  Beth took a packet of crumpled cigarettes out of her pocket and a lighter out of her back pocket. She lit it, exhaling jerkily. ‘Get out, Danni.’

  Danni moved slowly, as if she was walking underwater, then she felt Beth give her a hard shove and she all but fell out of the shed. She turned and watched as Beth flicked the cigarette into the shed then closed and flipped the lock, trapping Donovan inside.

  He started to scream as Beth pushed Danni back down the gr
ass and inside through the window of the house. She turned back after Beth slammed the window; the shed was alight. Danni couldn’t hear screaming, but she could imagine the skin melting from his body, the excruciating pain he would feel until his nerve endings burnt away. Danni turned, dropped to her knees and vomited.

  Then her world went dark.

  30

  Danni hadn’t seen Beth since the day she’d given her the key to the shitty motel and driven off. Beth had said she didn’t want them in her life, and Danni was fine with that.

  Beth may have been nothing but a manipulative, nasty, abusive bitch to her, but for now, Danni needed her, needed her charity. It made Danni’s blood boil to have to take anything from that woman, but it had to be done, for her sake and Mia’s.

  Danni parked outside the café and took a couple of deep, calming breaths before walking inside. The café was on the corner of the intersection and was an old-fashioned place. The booths were vinyl, red and white striped tablecloths, decorated with kitsch salt and pepper shakers and a random unlit tea candle in the centre. Beth sat in the corner booth, staring out of the glass shop front across the street. If she had seen Danni, she didn’t acknowledge her or turn to greet her. It was as if Danni didn’t exist. Danni stood in front of the table, hitching her bag onto her shoulder clearing her throat, trying to grab Beth’s attention.

  Danni shifted her footing and cleared her throat again. ‘Beth?’

  Beth still ignored her, and Danni felt like a young girl again. She grabbed the salt shaker while she waited for Beth to turn and talk to her but it took a good while before Beth finally turned her head and stared at Danni. She had a look of disdain on her face, her mouth sneering at her, her eyes narrowed in anger. Danni still didn’t know what she had done to incur such wrath and hate this many years after they’d last seen each other.