Clawing Free

by Josh Roberts

  “What? Did it make ya squeamish?” he asked as the rest of the group shook their heads and thanked Lissy for their lunch. Memories of Melissa’s mangled body flared in Lissy’s mind. She just wanted to forget the whole thing ever happened.

  She turned to walk away as Lawrence sounded off again, overcompensating for the embarrassment inflicted by her having ignored his prods.

  His final jest crossed the line. “Must’ve been too close to home.” He chuckled, no one joining him.

  Lissy clenched her jaw, debating for a second whether or not to just keep walking. Then she thought of Mia climbing into David’s Jeep and leaving for the lake. She snapped.

  Whipping around, she dropped the tray and looked hard at Lawrence. “Why can’t you show some respect, Lawrence? A woman is—as you so astutely pointed out—dead. So do your guests a favor and eat your fish.”

  He was dumbfounded, as if he was actually naive enough to not have realized how offensive his comments were. “I-I didn’t . . .” He fumbled for words.

  Lissy picked up the tray and, recovering her sense of surroundings, glanced around the room. Everyone was staring at her; even Lee had looked up from his iPad.

  She burst into tears. “I’m sorry.”

  Running into the kitchen, she bumped into Albert carrying a sack of onions.

  “Now, what’s goin’ on?” he asked, confused.

  She ran through the room, exiting the back of the restaurant. The cool mountain air hit her as she descended the short staircase leading to the dumpsters. She sat on the bottom step and tried to hold back her sobs.

  Only a moment later, Lee came through the back door and took a seat on the step beside her. For a long time, neither of them spoke.

  “What is wrong with people?” Lissy asked, wiping her cheeks.

  He took a deep breath and shook his head. “I guess it depends on the person,” he said without humor.

  “Well, they suck.”

  He nodded. “Some do.”

  Lissy had always appreciated Lee’s ability to refrain from trying to fix things. She supposed it was what appealed to her about his articles. He often had the chance to improve a story with embellishment or flare, but he didn’t; he let the truth speak, and the truth was enough.

  “I’ve never done a single thing to piss Lawrence off. Why attack me?”

  Lee thought about it. “Way I see it, there’s a type of person who will always find a way to be pissed off. Lawrence is that type.”

  He paused and then, realizing it wasn’t enough, continued. “Tends to stem from the same thing that makes everyone act out . . . fear. The great motivator.”

  Lissy scoffed. “Lawrence is not afraid of me.”

  “Lawrence is afraid of everyone, Lis.”

  He toed a splintered chunk of wood protruding from the bottom step.

  “Right . . . and I’m the embodiment of self-confidence?”

  He shook his head and gave the splinter another nudge. “Lawrence is afraid of being made a fool of. Most seemingly arrogant people are.” He adjusted his glasses. “Don’t get me wrong, there’s some people out there with a pathologic inability to realize they have fault, but more often than not, people are just afraid of being inadequate.”

  Lissy knew it was true of herself but had never considered that fear was what created lowlifes such as Lawrence. She didn’t really care why he was a jerk; it only mattered that he was.

  “You know,” he went on, “it’s okay to be shaken up by what you saw. In fact, it’s expected.”

  She stared blankly at the dumpsters as she listened.

  “I’d rather just not have seen it at all.

  “Understandable.” He paused, then asked, “You wanna talk about it?”

  “Not really.”

  “Also understandable.” He leaned over and ripped the splinter off the step and tossed it aside. “Well, if you need to talk—”

  “Thanks. I’ll keep you posted,” she interrupted, her cell phone simultaneously vibrating in her pocket. She pulled it out as Lee stood.

  “Make sure you do,” he said. “And you should answer your mom’s calls. She does care.” The phone was still buzzing in her hands.

  “You tell her about Melissa?” She swiped down on the phone, ignoring the call.

  “I did.”

  “You gonna tell her about”—she nodded toward the restaurant—“that too?”

  “I am.”

  She’d already known he would and also that it wouldn’t actually bother her when he did, although she wouldn’t imply that to Lee.

  “Snitch,” she replied.

  He ignored her jab, as she knew he would. “Take some time off, Lissy.”

  She thought for a moment about having to go back in and serve Lawrence. “Yeah, maybe I should.”

  Lissy started the trek home, habitually taking the same roads she had three nights before on her way home from the diner, the night she’d had a vision of a man at the lake and heard that strange, undecipherable voice. The thought of the whispers caused her bones to stiffen and her throat to tighten. It was so . . . alluring. She sensed a subtle tug, urging her to go back to the lake. She’d felt this pull earlier in the week but had assumed it was something to do with Mia’s anniversary. Why would she be feeling it now?

  Lissy approached the fish market from the back alley, and the myriad of the feelings she’d felt during the vision flooded her. Freezing, she was paralyzed by the thought of another encounter with the ghostly voice. The stairs to her apartment loomed ahead like a portal to a realm she never wanted to enter again.

  The lights to the market were off. Neil had already left. Of course he had. Why should she assume that he would wait for her like some sad puppy? He was a grown man with a life of his own, and she had made it very clear that she wanted to do this on her own. The only thing was . . . she didn’t. She was just incapable of letting someone breach her self-imposed barriers.

  Suddenly, she was overcome with horror at the mere thought of ascending the stairs. It was irrational, and she’d been up there several times since the vision. But now, already an emotional disaster from the train wreck at work, she found herself unable to fathom spending the night alone. She had to get away from her apartment.

  She whipped around to run and slammed into something—someone. She screamed.

  “Whoa! Lis, calm down.” Neil’s voice instantaneously alleviated her concern.

  She stepped back and gasped. “You scared me,” she said, shoving his shoulder. “Why are you here?”

  He smiled. “I’ve been here all day. Just went out to get something to eat.” He held up a carryout bag as if to say, See? Food. “Then I walked up and saw you standing in the middle of the road looking stoned out of your mind. Thought you might be blacking out again. I didn’t want to startle you, so I waited.”

  “Didn’t wanna startle me, huh?” She sighed and felt her lips pull up into the slightest smile.

  She turned toward the stairs, then back to Neil. “You coming?”

  “That depends.”

  His response surprised her.

  “On what?”

  “You gonna make me cook you breakfast again?”

  “I’ll tell you what. I promise to cook tomorrow, if you promise to make sure I make it up those stairs without blacking out.”

  It was obvious to both of them that, while the comment was phrased as a joke, it wasn’t.

  “I’ll do what I can.”

  They ascended the stairs without issue, and Lissy began to wonder if she had simply been worked up about the anniversary and nothing more. She dropped her shoulders and attempted to relax. The vision, or dream, or whatever it was had nothing to do with the body at the lake. She actually felt a little dumb for even letting herself forge the connection.

  Inside, Neil put the doggy bag in the fridge before joining her on the sofa.

  “Logan asked about you today,” he said conversationally as he dropped onto the opposite side of the couch and grabbed the
TV remote.

  “Why were you talking to Logan about me?” she shot back, surprised at her own defensiveness. The idea that Logan assumed Neil would know how Lissy was doing irked her. At least for the split second before she realized he was exactly right, and it was her own doing that made it true.

  “Calm down, slugger. He picked up an order at the shop . . . which I’m sure he placed just so he could ask.” The cheesy grin stretched over his face told Lissy that Neil was highly amused by the situation.

  She ignored his comment. “What did you tell him?”

  “The truth. That I’ve stayed here almost every night since it happened.”

  She punched him in the shoulder with as much might as she could muster.

  “Ow!” He laughed. “I told him you were okay. That it would be hard for anybody to cope with something like that, but you were making it through.”

  Lissy appreciated Neil’s having not made light of her situation, nor having implied to Logan that she was a basket case, albeit it was the truth.

  They sat in silence, Neil still holding the remote while staring at the blank screen. She was sure that if her day hadn’t already run her emotions ragged and worn her to a chiseled point, she would have never asked, but without prompting, she said, “Did it bother you?”

  “Did what bother me?”

  “Logan asking about me . . . his always asking about me. Or giving me his number the other day. Does it bother you?”

  He grinned. “Not at all.”

  His answer agitated her, as did her being bothered by it. She wanted him to be mad, or even territorial, but that was ridiculous. It was Lissy who had always bucked at being anything more than friends, so she had no right to be bothered when Neil had apparently succumbed to her will and let it go.

  “I see,” she said flatly.

  Seeing the look in her eye, he slid closer.

  “Hey.” He laid down the remote. “It didn’t bother me because I know you. And I know Logan. If you guys were gonna be something, you would’ve been already.”

  “So, what does that say about you and me?”

  “Different,” he said, picking up the remote and powering on the TV.

  “How?”

  “You’re madly in love with me,” he responded as he flipped through channels. She almost hit him again.

  “You’re an idiot,” she said, while simultaneously feeling a slight thrill at his response.

  He glanced over at her. “You want the truth?”

  Her pulse quickened at the realization that she’d delved too deep. The thought of going any further made the hair on her arms stand. But again, the words flowed from her without consulting with her mind first. “Kind of. Yeah. I mean . . . I guess it doesn’t matter.”

  He ignored the addendum and looked her in the eye. “I didn’t mind him asking about you because I knew at the end of the night, I’d be sitting here . . . with you. And I knew that you would have the look on your face you do right now. That mash-up of confusion, annoyance, and flattery. I also know that you’re all shaky and nervous right now.” He smiled. “I don’t care how much he likes you, because I know you.”

  This was their relationship. It was obvious, and even stated, that he cared for her deeply, which was fine as long as they didn’t talk about her side of things.

  “How’d it go at the restaurant?” He was letting her off the hook, as he always did. He’d give her an out anytime he recognized that the discussion was going too far for her to handle.

  “I’m taking some time off.”

  “That good, huh?”

  “I yelled at Lawrence Redlin.”

  Neil chuckled. “Everybody yells at Lawrence. He’s a man-child.”

  “Not me. I just—I can’t stop seeing Melissa. It’s like a disease.”

  “I get it. Death is a weird thing. And a thing that we’ve had to experience far too much of.”

  “It’s not just that,” she said. “It’s how the whole thing’s being treated . . . like she killed herself. I just—”

  “What?”

  “You’d have to have met her, Neil. She wasn’t suicidal. And those marks on her face . . .”

  “The paper didn’t mention any marks?” His interest seemed piqued.

  “Jack didn’t think they were important. Said it was an animal after the fact. But her face was . . . gone. What kind of animal rips off a face and then just leaves the body behind? Why not eat her? Or—I don’t know—drag her somewhere?”

  Neil’s eyes went wide and locked on Lissy’s.

  “What?”

  His words rolled out slowly. “What, exactly, do you mean by ripped her face off?”

  She realized she hadn’t really described the body to him yet. She wasn’t sure she was even supposed to. But she’d already said it, so she continued.

  “Melissa’s face was . . . torn. Like something had pulled right through it.” She shuddered. “I can’t stop seeing it. I close my eyes, and she’s there, bloody and mutilated. Three gashes running down her face, top to bottom. Who could do something like that to another person?”

  Neil breathed slowly, obviously dissecting her words in his mind. She recognized the look. It was the way Neil responded to bad news. Only, she hadn’t given him any bad news, at least not new news. So why did he act like he’d also just seen Melissa’s dead body lying beside the lake?

  “Neil, what’s going on? You’re freaking me out.”

  He shook his head, pulling himself out of whatever mindspace he’d been in.

  “Sorry. I just . . .” He locked eyes with her again. “I think we need to talk to David.”

  7

  August 19, 2019

  The drive to David’s had been uneventful. Lissy watched as Neil steered them down winding roads away from the town. She hadn’t had reason to travel those roads for years. And now, she found herself traversing them on her way to see a man whom she’d avoided for the large majority of her adult life.

  It had been three years since the last time she saw David. She was at the grocery late one evening and there, looking at cereal boxes, was Neil’s older brother, the last person to see Mia alive. She wanted to walk up to him and scream in his scarred face, make him understand how she felt, how she hated him. As if yelling at him would give her some sense of resolution. But then he did something unexpected.

  David spotted her standing there, staring, and he paused, looking her dead in the eye. She’d never quite seen a look like the one he gave her that day. There was an incredible amount of pain in his eyes. But it wasn’t only pain. There was a pleading in his eyes. Not for forgiveness, she’d seen that—saw it when her mom drove out of Mitchum for the last time. No, this was a plea for help. In that moment, she wondered if David could be feeling the same way she did, utterly alone and wholly lost without Mia. She gave up on tearing into him and they both simply walked away. After that, she still hated him but thought, maybe, she could at least understand him, if not just a little.

  Before the grocery encounter, it had been several years since she’d seen David. He’d become a hermit almost as soon as he was released by the police. Neil continued to stay with his aunt and uncle as he and David had since their parents died. David moved out of town, not far but not close. Lissy often wondered if the same sense of servitude to Mia kept David near the lake as it did her.

  Neil steered the truck up the long, secluded driveway leading to David’s trailer amongst the trees. The Sheridans had owned the trailer when they died and left it to the boys in their will. Neil had been content to give it completely to David after everything.

  The duo climbed out of the truck and walked toward the door. He glanced at her, making sure she was okay. They’d argued about seeing David. Lissy said there was no way, but Neil promised her that he wouldn’t ask if he didn’t think it was important. She knew her seeing David would be hard for Neil too. The merging of two worlds that had been so separated by time and distance. She nodded and he rapped on the old door. As they waited
, anger, hatred, and fear-laced adrenaline flooded Lissy’s system.

  The door opened a couple of inches and David peered out. Lissy wondered if he was intentionally using it to hide his scaring. Spotting Neil first, he opened it farther and began to greet him excitedly. He went mute when he realized Neil wasn’t alone and Lissy Oullette was standing beside him.

  David’s hair was already starting to grey around the temples, though he was only pushing thirty. He was still in good shape physically too. She hadn’t expected it. For some unwarranted reason, she’d assumed he would have let himself go. That seemed like the hermetic thing to do. But aside from the hair, the only thing that differentiated him from the teen Mia had fallen in love with was a scar burned into his right cheek. It was as if someone had taken a blowtorch and ran it from his eye to his chin, rippling the skin under the open flame. It pained her that, even with the scar, he still looked so young and attractive. She knew it was petty, but some part of her wished he’d let himself go. She felt he deserved to look more like he was suffering.

  After an awkward pause, David said, “Hi, Elisabeth. What’s going on?”

  They both knew she wouldn’t be there on a social call.

  Neil answered, “We need to talk about the lake.”

  Neil hadn’t told her exactly what they were going to talk to David about, only that Melissa and the deaths eleven years prior might be related. He said he wanted to make sure he had the details right, so they needed to talk to David. She’d only complied because the urgency in his tone made her acutely aware that there was something she needed to hear.

  “Uh. Come in, I guess.” He stepped aside to allow them entry. “Sorry, I don’t get much company.”

  The place wasn’t filthy, but it was small—a tiny living room, a kitchenette, and a bedroom in the back. In a lot of ways, Lissy was surprised by the space. There was no trash on the floor or scattered around the room like you would find in many bachelor pads. There was also no smell, not a bad one anyway. Although he lived cut off from the world, David had taken care of himself.