Clawing Free

by Josh Roberts

  “You must think of the others,” Mia went on. “People will continue to die if you do not give yourself to the Imugi as I did eleven years ago. Many more. Are their lives not more important than your own?” Another horrid smile.

  “But if it convinced you to give yourself to it, then why is it still killing? Weren’t you enough?”

  “It’s not about obtaining a single spirit. It’s about obtaining the correct spirits—those who exist to empower it, to bring it strength. And the Imugi believes you are one of those spirits—that if you give yourself, it will become fully empowered.”

  “So I’m dead and gone, and this dragon becomes empowered to do . . . what?”

  Mia’s eyes flashed that same hate-filled rage as before, and she spat, “That is more than I needed to know.”

  “Well it’s not more than I do. Tell me, why should I help it?”

  “Because if you don’t, the Imugi will continue to kill, and in greater numbers. It needs your help and won’t stop until it has that which it needs.” Lissy recognized the obvious threat behind the words. Give me what I want, or more blood will be shed. “And,” Mia paused, dramatizing the statement, “if you give the Imugi what it needs, you will be with me again.”

  The words hung in the air between them. While Lissy knew that she was, in no way, talking to her actual sister, she wondered if the Imugi was telling the truth. What if handing herself over to it would allow her spirit to end up wherever Mia was? Her head ached at the possibility of being with her sister again. She couldn’t take it any longer; her skin was crawling from conversing with this fake for too long. She decided she would rather speak to the dragon than allow it to parade itself around as Mia for even one more minute, truth or no truth.

  “I want you to leave now. You’re not Mia. And I’m not listening to any more of this. Go.”

  The evil fire remained in the mimic’s eyes as she spoke her parting words. “You won’t like the waking world any more than this one, little sister.” The final words were spoken in the rattling rasp of the dragon’s voice instead of Mia’s, shattering Lissy’s resolve. She launched into a tirade of screams, swinging her fists wildly at the lookalike.

  She woke with a start, Neil already in the bedroom, holding her, pleading with her to come back to him.

  “It’s okay, Lis. Everything’s okay.”

  She spoke through heaving breaths, “It’s not okay. None of this is okay.”

  Neil pulled her to his chest, but she knew nothing would comfort her now. For this to end, she would have to confront the dragon.

  22

  August 13, 2008

  Mia stuffed the last of her clothes into the duffle bag and then went down the itemized list in her mind one more time, making sure she had everything she’d need for their weekend at the lake. Lissy sat, watching her from the other end of the bed, encircling a pillow in her arms with a tight hug. She’d been bombarding Mia with questions about what she’d be doing at the lake for over an hour.

  “What if he tries to kiss you? What will you do then?” Lissy asked, grinning so wide it was obvious she knew her questions were verging on ridiculous.

  “What makes you think he hasn’t kissed me?” Mia threw a balled-up pair of socks at her younger sister, who batted them down.

  “Has he?” she asked with a giggle. Lissy was obsessed with the idea of being in love. It was all Mia could do to get her to stop asking David when he was going to propose already.

  “Nunnya,” Mia said, tossing the duffle onto the floor beside the bed. “Now get outta here, munchkin. I can’t be falling asleep all day tomorrow. Especially not with all this kissing I’ll be doing.”

  Lissy stuck her tongue out as Mia slid under the sheets beside where her sister sat on top of them. Lissy made no motion to move, and her expression grew much more serious.

  “I’m just kidding, Lis, lighten up,” Mia said, unsure why her kid sister looked so distracted all of a sudden.

  Lissy snapped out of it and glanced over, looking as though she hadn’t even realized Mia was in the bed. “Sorry. It’s not that.”

  “Then what?” Mia was beginning to get concerned.

  “What’s it like?”

  “What, kissing? Go to bed.” Mia shoved her sister playfully.

  “No!” Lissy laughed. “I mean . . . being in love. What’s it like to be so close to someone?”

  Mia hummed softly for a second, pondering what to tell her younger sister. In the end, she decided she’d just tell the truth. While she thought it was important for Lissy to know they could remain strong, even through hardship, she also thought it may be time for her to understand that even her big sister wasn’t impenetrable.

  “You know, some days it’s amazing—what I feel like it should be. Like what Mom and Dad had,” Mia said as she absentmindedly began tracing the hem of her pillowcase with her finger. “Other days, it’s the scariest thing I’ve ever felt.”

  She looked up at Lissy, who was frozen stiff, no doubt lost in thought about what love would be like. Mia reached out and put her hand on her knee.

  “It’s a good thing though. I really believe that. I can’t think of much in life that’s worth having that’s not the scariest thing ever when you’re in the midst of it.”

  “But what if . . . ?” Lissy couldn’t finish the question.

  “What if he dies? Like Dad. What if he gets cancer or gets hit by a bus?” Mia sat up, watching her sister’s eyes as she spoke. “I’ve thought about it. Been thinking about it a lot. To be honest, I don’t have a great answer to that question.” Mia shook her head. “Lately, I don’t know. It’s been harder for me to shake than most things.”

  Mia couldn’t quite make out what Lissy was thinking as she was silent for a long time. Eventually a slight smile tugged at her lips, and she locked eyes with Mia. “I think it’s worth it, love.”

  Mia laughed and said, “You would.”

  “No, seriously. What’s the point otherwise, right? What are we even doing here if not for love and relationships?”

  “Always the romantic,” Mia said, laying back down. “But I think you’re right. I think it is worth it.” She meant it. But knowing in her mind that love was a good thing didn’t seem to rid her of the anxiety that had begun to accompany it.

  “In or out? I’m going to sleep,” Mia said.

  They both laughed as Lissy threw the pillow down and slid under the covers beside Mia. “You know I’m in.”

  Mia flipped off the light. “Night, kid.”

  “Night, Mia.”

  23

  August 28, 2019

  As she sat alone on the couch, the morning light streamed in and warmed Lissy’s face. She’d been sitting there half the night. After waking from her dream encounter with Mia, Neil did his best to stay awake, but he was so exhausted that he eventually dozed off. Not wanting to disturb him, she moved to the living room, where she’d been ever since. She could hear him rustling in the bedroom now, probably wondering where she’d gone.

  He entered the living room rubbing his eyes. “Man, I can’t stay awake. I’m so sorry, Lis.” He took a seat beside her on the couch.

  “It’s okay. I’m all right.” It was partially true. While sitting in the dark, she’d made several decisions, which, in turn, granted her some sense of resolution.

  The first decision was that she hated Mia for presumably giving herself to one of those things. While Lissy completely understood that the girl she’d spoken with in her dream wasn’t her sister, she couldn’t see any other reason the real Mia would have for hiking up the cliff while everyone else was running for their lives. She’d known what she was going to do. So, while she grasped her sister’s reasoning, Lissy would never forgive her for choosing to leave.

  Secondly, Lissy decided that she would do exactly the same thing as Mia. She would give herself to the one who’d sought her out. Yunjin said the way to stop the stalking Imugi was to give it what it wanted or summon the Mireu. The thing was, Lissy could only
see the evil dragon. The Mireu, the benevolent one, stayed out of sight and out of reach. She’d spent a large portion of the night trying to spur a vision of the good dragon instead of the bad. But after a while, she’d given up, exhausted, embarrassed, and struggling to believe that the benevolent creature even existed. So while she knew those she loved would never understand, as she hadn’t with Mia, at least Neil, Rose, and Lee would be safe for as long as she could ensure. And that was enough.

  Finally, she decided that she would confront the Imugi alone, knowing Neil wouldn’t let her go and that he was the only one she would consider taking. So, she would face it on her own.

  “Did you have another vision?” Neil asked, giving her a start. She’d forgotten he was even in the room.

  “Just a bad dream. About Melissa.” She hoped he didn’t hear the hesitation in her voice.

  She wasn’t sure if he bought it, but he went along with it. “Makes sense. You’ve been through a hard time.” He laid his hand on her knee. “And then the letter last night.” He zoned out, assumedly thinking about David. She watched him, knowing the pain he must be feeling and simultaneously trying to plan how she would get to the lake without him knowing. She’d considered leaving during the night but couldn’t do it without saying some sort of goodbye, even if he wasn’t aware that’s what it was.

  “You okay?” He was watching her now.

  “Yeah. Just thinking.”

  “About?”

  “Mortality, spirituality, murderous dragons . . . you.”

  He smirked. “I’ve never been lumped into a list like that before.

  She smiled, reveling in the moment and knowing it may be their last conversation. “Oh, I don’t know . . . I bet you’ve been deemed a murderous dragon by one or two girls in your time.”

  He feigned consideration of the idea. “Can’t argue with that. You know how I am.”

  She laughed out loud, something she hadn’t expected to do that morning.

  He watched her laugh, smiling. “I love you, Lissy Oullette.” She was unsure what to say, not wanting to make this any harder for him than it already would be.

  Attempting to defuse the situation, she said, “I barely slept last night . . . maybe check back with me tomorrow.”

  Then his countenance changed. He was visibly nervous. “If it’s okay with you, I’ll check in every day for the rest of our lives.” She would’ve thought he was just being sardonic, but his entire demeanor said otherwise.

  “What are you saying?”

  “I’m asking if I can spend the rest of my life with you.”

  Her pulse pounded and her brain screamed at her. Was he doing this on purpose in an attempt to keep her close? What happened to his quest for revenge? Or was this just Neil, the man who’d been in love with her his entire adult life, finally reaching his boiling point? She was speechless. She couldn’t say yes. It would kill him if she agreed to marry him and was found dead the next day.

  She shifted uncomfortably on the couch, hating herself for what she felt she needed to do. But she had no choice. “What about the dragon?” she asked, barely above a whisper.

  “What about it?”

  “Neil, what you did two days ago was tantamount to attempted suicide. How do I know—”

  “No more. Not for me, not for you,” he said with conviction.

  “What changed?”

  “David’s letter. I’ve been thinking about it nonstop and he’s right; you’re what matters now. And in eleven years, I don’t wanna look back and remember this as the week I lost my brother and the woman I love. So that’s it. We’re done.” Then he dropped the bomb. “I think we should leave Mitchum.”

  She was paralyzed. If his words were bullets, then he’d just fired the kill shot.

  Finally, she spoke the only truth she was able to force out. “I can’t.” The second the words escaped her lips she regretted them. His face dropped, and she attempted to recover the situation. “Neil, I just—”

  “You’d rather just keep doing this. Living in this pain for the rest of your life? We can leave, Lis. Start something new.”

  “It’s not like that,” she said with intense sincerity. “But I just can’t leave. Not with this . . . thing out there.” She grabbed his hand. “I’m drowning here, and I don’t want to say yes under the thumb of this. I want it to be real.”

  His face was reddening as he stood. “Why does it matter when you say it?” Lissy was crying now, Neil standing over her, more upset than she’d ever seen. He grew more passionate with each word. “Say it because you want it, not because it’s perfect timing, or the perfect scenario. Say it because you want the outcome—us, together through everything—for the rest of our lives.”

  Her insides were in tatters, completely torn apart by the acute desire to have everything that he described, but knowing, no matter her answer, she wouldn’t. She was already betrothed. With the fear of the beast coming for him next firming her resolve, she shouted, “I just can’t!”

  “We’ve been living in hell our entire lives,” he said through gritted teeth. “What makes you think it’ll suddenly stop after this is over? We have to make the life we wanna live.”

  Wiping her tears with her sleeve, she repeated it again, “I can’t.”

  “Then I guess we just continue the cycle like we always have,” he responded, hurt permeating every word. He walked past her, headed for the front door.

  “Where are you going?”

  “I need to take a walk.” He put on his shoes and opened the door, pausing on the threshold. “I love you. That will never change. And when you’re ready, I’ll still be here.”

  She wiped her eyes again and replied, “I know.”

  He walked out, leaving her alone. Tears flowed down her cheeks and horror at what had just taken place wrenched her gut.

  After minutes of staring at the closed door, she walked to the bathroom and began washing her face. She pulled up from the sink and dried her face with a hand towel. Gazing into the mirror, she realized the person looking back didn’t even resemble her anymore. The girl she saw was beaten down, ravaged by fear—with matted hair, a pale face, and eyes belonging to someone void of a soul. She supposed she’d always been that girl, the one torn apart by the terror that plagued her. She simply looked the part now.

  Recognizing it was pointless to waste time cleaning up, she ran her hands through her hair and turned. She needed to get out of there and get to the lake before Neil returned. Their argument had provided her with the window she needed and, no matter how much she hated for that to be his final memory of her, she had to take it.

  She exited the apartment and made her way down into the alley. Todd waved from inside the store as she walked by. Climbing into her car, she put the key in the ignition and froze. Her mind was on her mom. She hadn’t seen her in person in years. She’d barely even talked to her, aside from the occasional obligatory birthday or holiday conversation. But sitting there, she couldn’t help but feel she should call her—say some kind of final goodbye.

  After a minute’s consideration, she decided it would do more harm than good. They hadn’t had a real relationship in years, so why start now?

  “Goodbye, Mom,” she said, wiping the tears from her eyes, shifting the car into gear, and driving out of the alleyway.

  As she drove, Lissy considered what she would do upon reaching the lake. She supposed she would go to where she’d always seen the beast in her visions. If what Mia had said in her dream was the truth, then the Imugi would show up. She wondered why it didn’t just take her; she’d been to the lake twice that year. Mia had mentioned a sacrifice. But why? What was the difference to a dragon? And surely Melissa hadn’t been swayed so quickly; she’d only been in town a day.

  Turning onto the freeway, she punched the pedal to the floor, the wheel shaking in her hands as the little car breached eighty miles per hour. It was the fastest she’d ever taken a vehicle, which made her nervous. But she had to move quickly; it was only a
matter of time before Neil returned and found her car missing. Or worse, if she’d sped past him on her way out of the city without realizing it, he might have already called Jack. And there was something else too. It was as if a tractor beam was pulling her toward the lake. The draw she’d felt earlier in the week was nothing compared to the ardent force that called her now. She felt she needed to be at the lake more than she needed to breathe.

  Her thoughts shifted to the Mireu. If the thing did exist, why didn’t it just fly in and wipe the Imugi out? Maybe it wasn’t the benevolent being that Yunjin had thought. Maybe the lore was wrong and there were only evil dragons. Maybe what she was encountering had nothing to do with the Mireu or the Imugi. Perhaps she had just unwittingly stepped into the middle of some other messed-up mythological scenario or just invented the whole thing in her head. Although, that wouldn’t explain how her visions looked exactly like the picture in Yunjin’s book. Deep inside, none of her reasons for the Mireu’s absence clicked. It felt more like there were rules at play that she didn’t understand—rules that governed things bigger than she had ever known existed. Whatever the case, the Mireu was nowhere to be found, and the Imugi was in the forefront of everything she could see.

  Flashing lights in the rearview mirror caught her eye. The sheriff’s truck. She could hear his siren as he gained on her. “No!” She punched the wheel, knowing Neil had to have seen her headed toward the lake. It was possible he’d even assumed that was her plan all along. He wasn’t stupid.

  She jammed the pedal down even more.

  90 . . .

  92 . . .

  95 . . .

  The wheel shook violently as she tightened her trembling grip and continued accelerating.

  97 . . .

  98 . . .

  The beefy engine in Jack’s truck kept pace easily, coming up behind her now. Tears blurred her vision, but she couldn’t stop. She needed to get to the lake. Not just to end the murders, but because the Imugi’s visitation the night before had convinced her of more than its ferocity. She needed to get to the lake because if she gave herself to the hellish thing, there was a chance—no matter how slight—that she could be with Mia.