Shady Oaks

by Jerry Boyd

  “I’ll get right on that, Boss.”

  I went back to the house to give Lyla the bad news. Dingus was on the porch with a cup of coffee. He said, “You’re a brave man, if you’re going in that henhouse.”

  “Cain’t be helped Dingus. I got news to deliver.”

  “Bad news, I’m guessin’. A clean scan ain’t no news atall.”

  “That it is. I’ve got the bots looking for any other surprises.”

  “Somebody has quite the organization, to be planting all these trackers.”

  “How long will it take for ‘em to figure out who’s finding them?”

  “Not as long as we would like, I bet.”

  I went in the house and told Lyla that we had found a tracker, and that the bots were checking for sabotage.

  Nikki said, “The tracker was running?”

  I replied, “Ozzie thinks the metal roof on the barn was killing the signal. We need to start checking everyone when they first get in. Dee, have you and Dingus been over your ride?”

  “Dingus goes over it whenever we land, and before we take off again. I have to say I thought he was a little paranoid, but now I think different.”

  “That’s what we thought about you, when we got scans of all the secret compartments in your car.”, I said.

  Joanna spoke up, “But you understand now, right, Bob?”

  “I do.”

  Nikki asked, “So what’s on the agenda for today, Caveman?”

  “I’ve been thinking.”

  In unison, “Oh shit!”

  “We have several bedrooms in this house. The only reason people are having to sleep in saucers is that we don’t have beds to go in them. Do you suppose you ladies could get this place furnished, so we’re not living like refugees?”

  Dee said, “I think we can handle that, Tom.”

  I replied, “Don’t be petty.”

  Joanna cackled. Nikki and Lyla hit their watches for a look at the culture pack. Nikki found it first. “Now it’s music references. I think you turkeys just like to watch us hunt for this stuff.”

  “Could be.”, Dee said.

  I said, “Hey, Joanna, you have a nasty disease, and the boys would like to help you cure it.”

  “What disease is that, Bob?”

  “You’re a pedestrian!”

  “Oh my! The boys want to build me a car too?”

  “Bored bots are a terrible thing, Joanna. Only you can prevent bored bots.”

  Joanna said, “It’s getting a little Smokey in here, I think.”

  “For real, what kind of car do you like?”

  Dee spoke up, “What about that Chevy II you had. That was a nice car, even if you did keep it looking ratty.”

  Joanna replied, “You have any idea how much money I made racing that ratty old station wagon? Nobody could believe they got beat by a little ole lady in a station wagon. They would try again, when they knew they didn’t have a chance.”

  “So you want a Chevy II station wagon? The ratty part is gonna break Topper’s heart, I gotta tell you.”

  “That car was a lot of fun, and I don’t doubt the boys and your checkbook could make it even more fun. I even think Topper could have a good time building up a really convincing faux patina on it. But the little Datsun I had is closer to my heart. A 510, 4 door, with all the go fast and handling goodies. I would’ve got another wagon, but they didn’t have the good suspension.”

  “So what you really want is a 510 wagon that goes and stops and handles? How much can Topper do on the paint?”

  “Nowadays, nobody is going to believe a Datsun that old that’s still on the road hasn’t been breathed on. Turn him loose.”

  I called Topper and gave him the news. “Boss, that is wonderful. Will you do the research and order the parts again?”

  “Do you think you can handle it, Topper?”

  “I believe it is within my capabilities, Boss. Is it allowable to call you if I have questions?”

  “Please call me any time you have doubts. I would like to check over your plan, before you order parts, please.”

  “Of course. May I report on the saucer?”

  “Please.”

  “We found no evidence of sabotage, unless you consider slipshod maintenance. We’ve brought the saucer back to flying condition, and brought its maintenance up to acceptable standards. There are two slightly worn parts we do not have spares for, but they are well within flight tolerance. I made a note of the deficiency in the vehicle’s log.”

  “Good work, Topper. Please thank the boys for me as well.”

  “You’re welcome, Boss.”

  I hung up. Nikki asked, “Well? What’s the word, Caveman? More suspicious cut marks?”

  “None this time, Space Cadet. He did say the craft had been poorly taken care of.”

  My comm and Dingus’ rang at almost the same time. I stepped into the other room to answer. “Bob Wilson, how may I help you this fine morning?”

  “Bob, it’s Tina. We got a notice a Guide deserter is in the area. It appears his craft was shot down by native forces on your planet. Can you help in any way?”

  “We already made it appear as if he were shot down, and put him and his partner in the autodoc. What else do you need us to do?”

  “You’re saying he’s in your custody?”

  “He was as of a few hours ago, and the boys just finished putting his saucer back together. I haven’t talked to John yet this morning, so I don’t know his present status. What about the woman he’s traveling with?”

  “We have no record of a companion, sorry. What do you know about her?”

  “Not much, I’m afraid. She was wearing Guide uniform, but that doesn’t mean anything. Her leg was broken, and we had to dope her up to set it. She should be out of the ‘doc by now.”

  “Be careful. The suspect is known to be dangerous.”

  “Reward?”

  “Yes, Bob, there is a reward. I have to get back.”

  I put my comm away, and got out my phone to call John. “Morning, sunshine, how’s your little corner of the world today?”

  “Just dandy, Robert. Are you coming over later?”

  “I thought I would, see if we could find out why their saucer had a tracker.”

  “They’re anxious to get back. When will their saucer be ready?”

  “Topper and the boys just finished up. We’ll bring it right over.”

  “See you then, Robert.”

  I hung up. John had used his distress code twice, things must be bad at Chez John. I met Dingus as I started back into the kitchen. He said, “The guy in John’s autodoc is a deserter. He’s bad news. If John woke him without knowing, he could be in trouble.”

  “He is. I just talked to him. He called me Robert. Twice.”

  “You have a plan?”

  “He said they wanted to leave, asked if their saucer was ready. I told him it was, and I’d bring it right over. Are all the stunners at John’s?”

  “Nope. I brought a couple more cases back with me. Also some flash bangs, in case you’ve grown a brain.”

  Dee walked up to us. “Nikki and I can do a drive-by while you two have them distracted. Give us better odds.”

  Dingus’ said, “Be careful, D-lightful.”

  “Worry about yourself, Space Ranger.”

  We all went out to Dingus’ saucer to weapon up. He and I went to the shop to get the saucer, and the ladies got in Dee’s car. Lyla was in the back seat, apparently to film the whole thing. We got airborne, and I commed Nikki. “Okay, Space Cadet, I’ll tell you when we touch down. Start up the driveway then.”

  “Gotcha, Caveman. We ever gonna get customers without bounties?”

  “Leelee didn’t have a bounty. Wouldn’t take any bets about her Grandma, though.”

  “We’re in position.”

  “Go!”

  I moved back to the door. My stunner was leaned next to the opening. The female had her arm around John’s neck, and an Earth pistol against his h
ead. Looked like John’s carry piece. The male was on the porch, with a stunner. “What’s going on, Jonathon?”

  “Seems we’ve got more unhappy customers, Robert.”

  “I see that. If we comp them the whole stay, do you think they’ll change their mind?”

  “They seem truly unhappy, I don’t think there is a thing we could do to change their minds.”

  “That’s too bad.”

  The sound of an enraged Chevy LS had been growing louder as we spoke. John closed his eyes against the inevitable gravel. I grabbed the stunner, but the guy on the porch hit me with his first. As I faded out, I saw Dingus stepped up and took him down. I heard a terrific amount of gravel being thrown, and the sound of a stunner being emptied. Nikki doesn’t have patience with people who point weapons at her friends. I woke up where I fell, on the floor of a freshly cleaned saucer. I looked around, and didn’t see anyone. The door was still open, I could see someone had moved the saucer into the garage. I stood up, and made my way to the driveway. Still no people, so I went in the house. Everyone was sitting around the table talking, except for John, who was crashed out on the couch. Nikki exclaimed, “Caveman! You’re awake!”

  “Was I out long?”

  “Couple of hours. That idiot did a mod on the stunner that cranked the power way up. Tina came and hauled them off. Grandpa and I aren’t eligible, John was a hostage, and all you did was fall down. Dee takes the kitty this time.”

  “Good for her. What happens to the saucer we fixed up?”

  “Property of the Guide, and they’re glad to get it back. They want us to keep it here, as a spare in case some of their people have trouble out this way.”

  “Sounds good. Lyla already take off?”

  “She did. Said she was going to try and be back tonight to get some more info for her story.”

  “Why doesn’t she just buy a house and stay, as much time as she spends here?”

  “That’s settling down, Bob. It’s not done, you know.”

  “So are you and Dee shopping for furniture today?”

  “We are. I was waiting for you to wake up.”

  “Nice of you to worry so.”

  “Worry? I just wanted to make sure you were going to be at the house to meet the delivery guys.”

  “That’s my Space Cadet.”

  She gave me a kiss and a hug. Dee pulled her out the door. “Time for tongue wrestling later. We’re going shopping!”

  I looked at Dingus. “You need a ride back?”

  “Might as well. You storing that saucer in the barn, then?”

  “John’s barn is pretty full with the freighter, and we need his garage clear for intake. Is there any way to rig up one of those drive killers for my shop?”

  “We could, but the boys would need to be someplace else when you used it.”

  “No way to tune it so it only takes down saucers?”

  “Not that I know of. I did have a different thought, though. Is there a reason you haven’t had the boys moving saucers with that big grav pallet you’ve got? They don’t seem to mind humping ‘em, but it’s there, why not use it?”

  “Because I’m a moron, and I didn’t know we had it. Where else am I missing things?”

  “Well, we do have a good supply of structural beams, we could build some racks to stack your junkyard, and free up some room in the barn. You also might want to think about pouring a floor in there.”

  “That’ll keep the boys busy till the parts for their new project come in.”

  John spoke up, “The boys have a new project?”

  I replied, “Joanna needs wheels, so Nikki can have her truck back. The boys are building her a Datsun.”

  “240Z?”

  “Nope. She wanted a 510 wagon, tricked out. I shudder to think what Ozzie is going to squeeze in there for power.”

  “You’re letting the boys design this one?”

  “It was their idea to build her a car.”

  Dingus finished his coffee, and we went out to the garage. I got the door, and he fired up the saucer. I climbed in and we took off. Since Dingus was driving, I got out to open the barn as well. Once he was parked, I said, “Why don’t we go down and talk to the boys about your ideas. I’m curious how far they’ve gotten on Joanna’s car.”

  “Sounds good. You know where I could buy a horse? I’m not used to all this walking.”

  “If God had meant man to walk, He would have given him four legs, huh?”

  “Something like that. I got that nasty disease you’re trying to stamp out. I need some way to get around.”

  “A horse isn’t going to be real practical these days. Got any other ideas?”

  “The other day in town I saw a fella riding a two wheeled contraption. That kinda looked fun.”

  “I bet John didn’t think to get a motorcycle endorsement on your driver’s license. Shouldn’t be that hard to fix.”

  “What about the, what did you say, motorcycle?”

  “They come in different kinds. I’m guessing you would want one you could take off road if you felt like it.”

  “I do miss riding trails, now that you mention it.”

  “Well, that’s going to be a little different to what you probably saw in town. We’ll go look at some after the furniture gets here. I better call John, and get him to get with his paperwork man, get your license set up.”

  I dialed John on the comm. No need talking about illegal things on the phone. He answered, “What’s up, Bob? Dingus park the saucer on your foot?”

  “Nope. He needs an upgrade on his paperwork. He’s interested in getting a motorcycle, so his license needs the endorsement.”

  John laughed, “You didn’t even look before you called, did you? I figured he would want that sooner or later, so I had him fix it that way from the get go.”

  “Your Kung Fu is best.”

  “Don’t worry about it, Bob.”

  “Sorry to bother you. Bye.”

  “Later on.”

  I turned to Dingus, “Well, I feel stupid. John figured you would want to ride a motorcycle, so he went ahead and had it put on when he got your ID made.”

  “You can’t keep up with everything, Bob. Cut yourself a little slack. Nikki flew in and knocked your world sideways. You’ve been trying to catch up ever since.”

  “I know, Dingus. But I’ve got people depending on me. I can’t afford to be screwing up.”

  “Bob, we’re all here to help. We don’t expect you to be some superhero, even if Dee does joke about getting you a cape. You do a dang sight better than a lot of people would do, in your situation.”

  “Thanks, Dingus.”

  When we got to the shop, Snitz came running up to meet us. Taz said, “Joanna had to go work, she left him with us.” The boys had a big hologram up, trying to fit pieces together for Joanna’s car. I asked, “Any luck?”

  Topper replied, “Boss, We’re still looking at several options. Once we’ve got it narrowed down a little, we want to ask Joanna for her input.”

  “Sounds reasonable. Dingus has a few other things he would like to ask you about. Do you mind?”

  “Not at all. What would you like, sir?”

  Dingus answered, “Well, first, I wondered why you fellas weren’t using that big grav pallet to move saucers with?”

  “Our Boss never mentioned it as an option. We assumed he had a reason for that.”

  I spoke up, “Does it radiate anything we need to worry about being detected?”

  Dingus said, “No, it’s at least as low powered as these boys.”

  “Well then, Topper, the reason I haven’t asked you to use it is because I haven’t taken the time to study our inventory yet, and I didn’t know we had it. Are there more such situations that you know about?”

  “We did wonder why you didn’t have us build the Chevelle out of hull metal, since we have a printer that could handle it. It would be lighter, stronger, and bulletproof.”

  I looked at Dingus, “You sure you don’t wa
nt to run this outfit?”

  “No, Son. You’ll get it. Besides, she loves it the way it is. If you give her an upgrade later on, she’ll get to fall in love all over again.”

  “I guess. Anyway, Topper, Dingus has a couple of projects for you.”

  “Yes, sir?”

  “I was wondering if you could pour a floor in the barn? Also put up some racks to stack the extra saucers?”

  “No problem at all, sir. The soil has all the components to make more feedstock for the flooring machine, and we have that pile we dug up for the foundation to use. How soon do you need this done?”

  “I don’t want to interrupt what you are doing.”

  “We can run comparisons as a background process while we do your job. Would you like us to start now?”

  “That would be fine, Topper.”

  The boys trooped off to the barn, whistling ‘The Bridge Over The River Kwai’ as they went.

  I closed the shop, and Snitz followed us up to the house.

  Dingus and I cleared a path for the delivery guys to get stuff to the bedrooms, and sat down to wait. It wasn’t long before my phone rang. “Mr. Wilson, I’m Sam Waters. I’ve got a truckload of furniture for you. Are you home to receive it?”

  “Sitting on the porch, having a glass of tea. Do you know how to get here? G. P. Guess is a little weird out this way.”

  “Your wife gave us directions. We’re good.”

  “See you in a bit, then.”

  “Bye.”

  I took Snitz to the barn and asked the boys if they could keep him out of the way till the furniture was unloaded. Taz said he could handle it. By the time I got back, the furniture truck was backing in. I unhooked the closer on the screen door, and folded it against the house. My chair made a good doorstop. I called Nikki and asked, “Nikki, honey, which bedroom gets what? They’re here, and they’re gonna want to know where we want things put.”

  “Doesn’t matter, Caveman, as long as each room gets one of each. We got three sets just alike.”

  “Cool! Love you, sweetheart.”

  “Love you too, Caveman.”

  I showed their crew which rooms needed filling, and got out of the way. Wasn’t long till they were on their way back to town. I looked at Dingus and said, “I guess I need to get with the boys about some soundproofing, if you and Dee are moving indoors.”