Shady Oaks

by Jerry Boyd

  “There aren’t any steps between where we are now and full membership?”

  “Not really. We could probably do a good trade in hiring Earth chefs out to Galactic resorts and cruise ships, but other than that, there’s not much you have to trade.”

  “I see. I’ll have to think on that. Find out anything about the lady you found in the desert?”

  “The match in the records is Phonelia Rottum. Dad says she doesn’t have a badge, so we won’t know for sure till she wakes up.”

  “Did you say Rottum?”

  “Yes, why?”

  I commed Lyla. “Hi, Lyla, how are you?”

  “I’m fine. Learning how Earth restaurants work. What’s up now?”

  “Max says chances are the lady from the desert is Phonelia Rottum. Ring any bells?”

  “Good grief! Are you going to make this story any more convoluted, Bob?”

  “What do you mean? I’m just telling you what I know. Max isn’t even sure yet.”

  “Phonelia is the reason the Rottums and the Mendums hate the Slongums. They think she was killed by the negligence of a Slongum crew chief, all those years ago.”

  “She ain’t dead yet, and won’t be if John has anything to say about it. I haven’t had any bots mess with the saucer yet, I don’t want to chance disturbing her recovery, so I couldn’t tell you much about negligence.”

  “Still, Bob, this could be the key to getting Major Rottum off your back.”

  “Your story won’t be enough to do that? I thought you had enough dirt to take the whole mess down.”

  “It’s enough to put him in a serious bind, but I don’t know if he’ll lose his commission over it.”

  “You mean you’ve just made him madder and left him in place?”

  “You could look at it that way. He’ll be under scrutiny, I don’t think he’ll try anything.”

  “Hope you’re right. You say Phonelia could be the key to all this? What if she says it was sabotage?”

  “Then you’ve got a front row seat for a feud. Both families have a lot of influence.”

  “I thought I knew the whole Slongum family. They’re nice folks and all, but they don’t seem like they have all that much influence.”

  “The Slongums you know aren’t even the main branch of the family. Most of the Slongums left the Guide to go into business, several generations ago. Dingus was a black sheep.”

  “Any other world shaking implications of all this I should know about?”

  “Not that I can think of right now.”

  “Are you coming to supper at the house? I think we all need to hear the long version of this.”

  “I can.”

  “Thanks, Lyla.”

  I turned to Max. He looked a little green. “You didn’t know anything about it, did you?”

  “I was still young when Dad was lost. Mom didn’t bother telling me much about the Slongums after that. I should have tried to find out more, I suppose.”

  “Water under the bridge, Max. How bad can this get, do you think?”

  “If Phonelia claims my ancestor marooned her on purpose? It could be the worst conflict in Galactic civilization in a generation.”

  “We’d be the first to go down, wouldn’t we?”

  “Definitely possible. It all depends on what she says when she wakes up, and how much the Rottum clan believes her.”

  “So all we can do is be vigilant?”

  “Seems to be, at this point.”

  “Keep an eye on your scanners. If they come in numbers, rat them out to the Air Force. It’s all we’ve got right now.”

  “Won’t that ruin your business?”

  “It will. But we’ll still be sucking wind to complain about it.”

  “I’ll keep my eye on it, Bob.”

  “Thanks, Max.”

  I found John. Rhonda and her Mom had left. “What’s up now, Bob? You look like somebody shot Snitz.”

  “Lyla’s story is going to open a can of worms, but it may not be enough to keep bad things from splashing back on us. Depending on what the lady in the saucer has to say when she wakes up, we might get to see a Galactic war from the front lines. Other than that, my day is going fine. And you?”

  “Rhonda’s Mom is very grateful. I’ve got to make a decision, to avoid a collision.”

  “You need Topper’s help with that? Or you just gonna recycle something?”

  “You sure we can’t just hop in Cadzilla, and put it all in the rearview?”

  “I don’t see that happening. Neither one of us is a sharp dressed man.”

  “So we need to work out some strategy?”

  “I was thinking we could do that over supper. Dee’s making rabbit stew. Lyla said she would be there to explain what she put in her story, and what we could expect the fallout to be.”

  “Sounds good. Who is Sleeping Beauty, anyway?”

  “Phonelia Rottum. Her getting lost started the whole Slongum-Rottum feud. They think a Slongum crew chief was responsible.”

  “There a reason you don’t have your crew going over that saucer looking for evidence, one way or the other?”

  “A whole boxful, now. I was just holding off till you got your patient in better shape. I knew it was pretty touchy at first, and I didn’t want to make it tougher. Now I don’t want to be tampering with evidence in something this important.”

  “Is the Guide a neutral party in this? Can we just drop it in their lap?”

  “I don’t know. Let’s comm Nikki, maybe she has an idea what to do.”

  I commed her. “Hey, Caveman. Miss me?”

  “More than you’ll ever know, Space Cadet. We’ve fallen into a mess. John and I need your advice about how to proceed.”

  “If you think it’s a mess, Bob, I’m afraid to hear it.”

  “We found out why Major Rottum doesn’t care for us. One of your ancestors was crew chief on one of his ancestors’ saucers. She was lost, and they blame your ancestor. She’s the lady we found in the desert. Depending on what she has to say when she wakes up, your clan and her clan could be at war.”

  “I read this story at the Academy. My ancestor claimed to his dying day he had told her the saucer wasn’t fit to fly, but she took it out anyway. Her family never believed him. That’s what all this is about?”

  “Apparently. Any advice?”

  “Nothing we can do till she wakes up. Is the ‘doc giving you an estimate yet, John?”

  “Let me check. It says tomorrow, mid-morning. Will you be back by then?”

  “Not quite, Could you wait to wake her till I arrive?”

  “Sure. I don’t want to pull the pin on this any sooner than I have to.”

  “I’ll be in as soon as I can. Love you, Caveman.”

  “Love you too, Space Cadet.”

  I turned to John. “That was helpful. Not!”

  “Tell me about it. What do we do if this blows up? Try to find that primitive planet Micky was talking about?”

  “Not my favorite idea, but it might keep us sucking wind, and keep Earth out of the middle of it.”

  “I’m sure the boys made a record of his logs, when they finish Dee’s house, I’ll have them look for it.”

  “Do we have enough saucers to get all our people off planet?”

  “Just people? Probably. But we’ll need gear to colonize a planet. Who’s gonna stay behind for Shady Oaks?”

  “This is too much. I hope she says it was her fault.”

  “Even if she does, can we get them to believe it?”

  “We’ll try to make it as solid as possible.”

  “Worrying about this is getting us nowhere.”

  “You’re right. What do you suggest?”

  “I need to go pick up Snitz. You wanna ride along?”

  “Might as well. Next patient doesn’t wake up till this evening.”

  When we got to Shady Oaks, Snitz had worn everybody out. He was laying behind Rena’s desk. He ran around to meet me. I reached down and gave him some pets
. I asked Rena, “This rascal give you any trouble?”

  “Nowhere near as much as you used to, back in the day.”

  “You’re not saying much, there.”

  “He’s my buddy. You don’t expect me to rat him out, do you?”

  “I suppose not. Okay if I take him home?”

  “I think all the old folks are tired and down for a nap. It’ll be suppertime before they wake up. He put in a good day’s work.”

  John spoke up. “All the residents doing okay? Anything I need to check on while I’m here?”

  “Everything’s running smooth today. Those folks Nurse Williams brought in are good at their jobs.”

  “Good deal. I could use.”

  I interrupted, “Don’t you dare say it, John! Don’t you dare!”

  “You’re right, Bob. I almost brought Murphy down on us. I’ve got to be more careful.”

  Rena laughed. “You two idiots go have fun. We know how to find you if we need you.”

  We left, and John said, “You mind if we go by Julie’s? I haven’t eaten yet.”

  “No problem.”

  Snitz wasn’t crazy about staying in the truck, but John promised him a doggy bag, and he decided it was okay. I said, “Between him and the boys, I feel outsmarted most of the time.”

  “Might be a reason for that, Bob.”

  “I know there’s a reason I hang out with you. Could you remind me?”

  “Where else are you going to get this quality of abuse?”

  Joanna met us at the door. “If it isn’t the instigator-in-chief and the vice instigator. What sort of trouble are you bringing me today?”

  I replied, “Trouble? Us? Surely you’re mistaken.”

  John answered, “No, Bob, she just knows us.”

  “Do you suppose you could feed poor John here? He seems to have forgotten to feed himself today.”

  Julie asked, “What about you, Bob? Are you managing to remember to eat with no Nikki to take care of you?”

  “It’s a near thing, but I’m managing.”

  “Come in and have a seat. I need to talk to you anyway, Bob.”

  When we got seated, I looked at John. “That didn’t sound ominous at all, did it?”

  “Not any more than ‘Do you feel lucky, punk?’”

  Julie brought our drinks out, and sat down. I said, “I don’t know what I did, but I’ll try and help you fix it if you tell me what it is.”

  “I happened to walk through the locker room when Janice was changing. She had some bruises and no good story to go with them.”

  “You think Sam hurt her after I saw them earlier?”

  “I think he hurts her on a regular basis. Not all the bruises were new.”

  “She wouldn’t be willing to swear out a complaint, would she?”

  “Not a chance.”

  “What do you want to do about it?”

  “I don’t know. I hate to get in their business, but this isn’t right.”

  “There are kids involved too, right?”

  “They were Janice’s from her first husband, but they call Sam dad.”

  “What happened with the first husband?”

  “He died in an accident.”

  John pulled out his burner phone. Julie asked, “Who’s he calling?”

  “I don’t know. I like it that way. So should you.”

  “I see. This person we’re both ignoring is going to help Sam see the light?’

  “I would imagine he’ll be seeing lots of lights.”

  John finished up on the phone. He said, “A plan is in motion. The situation should be taken care of by close of business tomorrow. Can I have some lunch, now?”

  “Just the special, or are you feeling picky?”

  “The special’s fine.”

  “Should be right out. I put in the order before I came over.”

  “You’re good! How’d you know I’d order the special?”

  “You’re always in a hurry, these days.”

  Janice came out with John’s lunch. I could see one of the bruises Julie was talking about peeking out of the sleeve of her uniform. I said, “I’m sorry if I caused you any trouble, Janice.”

  “What trouble would that be, Mr. Wilson? Sam and I talked it over, we don’t think we’ll be able to come out for supper.”

  “That’s fine. You know how to get ahold of me if you change your mind.”

  She went back to wrapping silverware for supper rush. I felt something beside me on the seat. Snitz sat grinning at me. I looked out at the truck, and the driver’s window was rolled all the way down. “John, I think you need to finish up.”

  “Why’s that, Bob?”, he said, and kept on eating.

  “Johnny, look at the truck.”

  He looked, looked again, and finally the light came on. He looked at me. I pointed to where Snitz was laying.

  He said, “I told you he would beat you at checkers. Figured out the window crank, all by himself.”

  He called Janice over to ask for a box. She saw Snitz and said, “I’m sorry, Mr. Wilson, dogs aren’t allowed.”

  “I know. That’s why we’re leaving. He decided he didn’t want to stay in the truck.”

  “He decided? What do you mean?”

  “Near as we can tell, he figured out how to roll the window down all by himself. How he got in the door I don’t know.”

  She brought John a box. I could tell she didn’t believe Snitz rolled the window down by himself. It seemed fishy to me, too, but I didn’t see another explanation. I took him on outside while John settled up. I grabbed the door handle to let us in, and Snitz growled. He grabbed my pants leg and pulled me back. I heard a thump from inside the truck. Not wanting to look in the open window, I climbed into the bed and looked through the back glass. Someone had left a large rattlesnake in my truck. That explained how Snitz got out. John came out and saw me in the bed. “So I’m driving back, while you two catch the breeze?”

  “You’ll have to argue with the fella that’s in the driver’s seat, Johnathan.”

  “I take it he’s unfriendly, Robert?”

  “He struck at the door just because I touched the handle.”

  “You say you don’t want him to take up smoking?”

  “Nossir, I do not want to give him a Lucky Strike.”

  I pulled out my phone. “Who ya callin’, Bob?”

  “Jack. Surely he knows what to do in a situation like this.”

  “Officer Conway, How can I help you today?”

  “Jack, it’s Bob. We’re at Julie’s. Somebody put a rattler in my truck while we were inside. What should I do next?”

  “Are you bit?”

  “No. Snitz warned me.”

  “Good dog. Snake still in the truck?”

  “Yep. I’m standing in the bed, watching him through the back glass.”

  “I’m rolling, Bob. I’ll call out animal control. See you in a few.”

  I put my phone away. John asked “Who have you whizzed off this badly?”

  “Not sure. Could be that fella with the Chevelle, I guess, but I would have thought he would have done something before now. Only other answer I’m coming up with is Janice’s husband.”

  “That was my first thought. What did you do to him?”

  “My best to calm him down. He was uptight that Janice pointed me out to him. I gave him the whole ‘Aw shucks, twern’t nothing’ routine. Thought he bought it. I must’ve been wrong, if he laid into Janice over it.”

  I heard a siren, then it cut out. No use to upset the snake, even if they are mostly deaf. Jack rolled in. He eased up into the bed, trying not to move the truck too much. “Okay, Bob. You get me the nicest presents. He’s big, and he’s mad. He can wait for animal control. Good thing I helped Julie put in video cameras for the parking lot the other day.”

  Julie walked out. “I ran the video back. It was Sam, Janice’s husband.”

  I said, “Dang it, I did everything I could to be nice to that man. This is just rude.”
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  Jack said, “No, Bob. This is attempted murder, with premeditation, and we have him on video.”

  John was on his burner phone again. His eyes got big, and then he started trying to convince the other end to talk to Jack. He walked up to the truck, avoiding the windows, and handing his phone to Jack. He said, “Don’t try to get his name, Jack. He’s uptight enough as it is.”

  Jack listened for a little bit. He pulled out a pad and pen, balancing the phone on his shoulder. “Can you give me those names again, slowly please, and spell them so I don’t mess this up?”

  Jack wrote down several names, dates, and places, reading it all back to make sure he had gotten it right. He said “Thanks.” and hung up.

  He turned to me and said, “Seems your new friend has quite the record. He has at least two active warrants. We may not even have to file this case.”

  “I’d prefer that, if it’s possible.”

  “Let me get this straight, Bob. Somebody tried to murder you, and you want to let it slide?”

  “The publicity would be a problem, Jack. Even though we’re doing a crappy job, we are trying to keep a low profile.”

  The Animal Control truck rolled up. “Hi, Jack.”

  “That never gets old, does it, Henry?”

  “Nope. Got to get my jollies where I can. What are you boys looking at?”

  I spoke up. “Big old timber rattler with a bad attitude. Sorry to bother you on Sunday, but I didn’t want to take a chance on it getting loose in town, and I didn’t want to shoot it in my truck.”

  “No problem. My in-laws were visiting, anyway.”

  Henry eased up into the bed. Jack and I moved back to give him room. “Oh! That’s why she’s so ornery. That ain’t no he, fellas, and she’s right before dropping her babies.”

  Jack asked, “Can you get her out?”

  Henry replied, “I can, but one of you fellas is going to have to put the lid on the container.”

  I spoke up. “I’ll do it. It’s my problem, I ought to help fix it.”

  We all eased out of the pickup. Henry got his gear, and showed me what I needed to do. Jack stepped out of the way and started making phone calls. Henry said, “Here’s where it gets a little dicey. I’m sorry, I didn’t catch your name?”