Come to Me Quietly (Closer to You)

by Jackson, A. L.

  With her voice, I shoved off the images, turned, and gently smiled at her, ignoring the guy whose gaze burned into the back of my head with outright hate.

  Instead I focused on her words, which sounded so damned cute, like they used to when we’d run ahead of ourselves to find the best spot at the park. We used to get so close that we’d feel the fireworks rumble through our bodies, and we had to dodge the little pieces of paper ashes that flitted down from the sky.

  She led me to a lounger that sat out in the open on the grass. She pushed at my side and grinned. “Take a seat.”

  Quirking an eyebrow, I smirked at her but did as I was told. I sat sideways on it with my feet on the ground. Aly settled to the grass, and instinctively my knees parted to make room for her. Nestling between my legs, she shifted a bit to rest her head on the inside of my thigh. Then she released a breathy sigh as if this was the only place she wanted to be, murmuring, “I’m so glad you’re here, Jared.”

  Desire coursed over every inch of my skin and pooled in my stomach. There was nothing I could do to stop it, the way I hardened at her slightest touch, at the soft sound that fell from her mouth, at the smell of her hair that had become permanently ingrained in my mind.

  Night fell further, collected across the sky, and the darkness deepened the silence of the cocoon Aly and I found ourselves in. The heat had ebbed the slightest bit, the warmth of the day beginning to dissipate into the inky dome overhead.

  Most in the yard had quieted and taken their spots to watch the sky, anticipating the show that was about to begin. Everyone else bled into obscurity, and in that instant it was just the two of us.

  Aly jumped with the first boom. It rumbled along the surface of the ground, vibrating below us, and a long whistle cracked before color exploded in the sky just in the distance.

  Quietly she gasped, the way she’d done what seemed like a million times before. A perfect memory of her as a child suddenly overtook my mind. The tips of her delicate fingers fluttered up to her mouth as she watched in awe.

  I was powerless to do anything but thread my fingers through her hair, to anchor myself to her, even if it was only for this moment. Even though I’d been the one to cut myself from her, right then it felt impossible to let go.

  Reds and blues and whites streamed from the sky, lit up the darkness above, increased in intensity, then fell before the next wave erupted in an electrifying thrill.

  Blood thundered through my veins. It’d been so long since I’d felt this close to someone. Part of me fought it, knew I should push her away. The dominant part of me just wanted to stay, even if it was for a little while. I’d been alone for so long. Was it wrong to take away these memories, something to hold on to when I seeped back into nothingness?

  Shifting her weight, Aly sank deeper into me. Her body burned into mine; her head pressed into my thigh. She tilted her head back and looked up at me with wistful eyes, watched me with kindness, with a yearning for the way things had been in the past, with ideas of what could never be.

  I stared down at her.

  And I knew it was wrong, that I was only making things worse, prolonging the inevitable, but right then I just didn’t care.

  A pensive smile kissed her mouth, before she turned back to the show above. She snuggled closer, her shoulder dipping down under my leg so her neck was nestled against my thigh. Her hand skimmed over my knee and down my leg before she firmly wrapped her arm around my calf. Her hand tightened there, and my fingers found their way to the nape of her neck, twisting in the fine hairs and tickling her skin. A small whimper escaped her mouth as I massaged my fingers over the base of her scalp, ran them up to the back of her ears and down again.

  As if this wasn’t agonizing, having what I wanted most in my hands and knowing she was completely out of reach.

  Untouchable.

  But right then she was mine. So I gave in, took a little more, leaned forward, and buried my nose in the fucking delicious coconut in her hair. Breathed in the life and the goodness and everything that was Aly.

  I wanted to remember.

  Her fingers curled into my leg, begging just as desperately as my body begged for hers, and I felt strung up, strung out. I ached and needed and felt as if I was going to lose my mind.

  Fireworks filled the sky, this constant barrage that illuminated the night. I felt them more than saw them as they knit with the shocking intensity radiating from Aly, a feeling that sped through my veins faster than any high I’d ever experienced. Overhead the finale came to life, pounded through my system, set my skin on fire.

  I tightened my hold on her, my nose behind her ear, wanted to take it all.

  “Aly,” whispered from my mouth.

  Chills rolled down her spine in a palpable wave.

  Fireworks popped and cracked, a rapid succession of booms and streams of fire, and an outburst of cheers rose up from the crowded yard.

  Someone beside us whistled and clapped, and for one second, I held Aly a little tighter.

  The last of the fireworks blinked out above as darkness again fell across the sky. The patio lights were flipped on. People climbed to their feet and began to disperse as conversations rose all around us.

  That was all it took to break the spell Aly had me under. I sat back as she released her fingers. She straightened, stared ahead as if she’d been affected just as much as I’d been, while I struggled to regain some semblance of composure.

  Because inside I was shattered.

  I had to keep myself from jumping when I looked up to find Megan standing in front of us, holding her hand out for Aly. Questions ran across the girl’s face, her eyes darting between Aly and me. She seemed to waver before she spoke. “Do you want to come for a swim with me?”

  Confusion rolled from Aly in billows, a heavy hesitation in her movements before she finally accepted her friend’s hand. “Sure.”

  Megan tugged at Aly as she helped her to stand, though the girl managed to keep one eye firmly rooted on me.

  Aly dusted off her shorts, her expression guarded when she glanced back at me. I could see the question she silently asked me in her eyes.

  What was that?

  I just blinked into the dim light, because I didn’t know, either. All I knew was that I felt as if something was being ripped from me when she walked away.

  Aly followed Megan to the edge of the pool. Her friend tore the sundress she wore over her head, laughing as she jumped in the pool. She bobbed to the top of the water. “Are you getting in, or what?” she called to Aly.

  “Yeah, yeah… ” Unease trickled from Aly’s mouth in a small giggle. “You know I need a little time to work up to it.”

  Megan laughed. “You’re such a baby. Get in here.”

  I felt like an asshole because I couldn’t look away when Aly’s fingers fluttered down to the hem of her tank top and she slowly raised it over her head to expose the creamy skin of her back, watched as she unbuttoned her shorts and let them slip to the ground. She stepped out of them and toed them aside.

  Fuck.

  Aly was… indescribable. Curved and slender and supple, both strong and delicate, like this painting that shouldn’t be possible, one that took your breath away as you stared at it in awe.

  She dipped her toes in the water, her long legs slowly submerging as she waded down the steps and into the pool. The water looked black, shimmers of light reflecting off the ripples. Aly’s long hair appeared just as black as she slipped into the water’s depths. Her voice was soft as she spoke with her friend, and Megan splashed her a little. Aly splashed her back.

  It was really cute, too, the way the two of them seemed to get each other. Aly had talked about her several times, and it was cool to finally meet the girl who Aly seemed to be so fond of.

  That was when Dickhead made his move. He jumped in and dunked Aly under the surface. A second later, she shot up from under the water, flinging the hair from her face.

  “Gabe!” she shouted. She punched him in the shoulde
r and he laughed. “You’re such an asshole.”

  He shoved her, then tugged at the mass of wet hair stuck to her back, and I could sense him laying his claim, moving in. She shoved him back.

  Hostility wound through me, every muscle in my body stretched thin.

  Fucker was about ten seconds from getting his ass torn limb from limb if he didn’t stop touching her.

  The worst part was the playfulness in her actions, this casualness she shared with him. “We’ve kind of been seeing each other for the last couple months. I like him okay, I guess.” This was what she was settling for? Her okay?

  She splashed around with him and Megan, laughed while I sat there fuming. My hands fisted. As badly as I wanted to gouge my eyes out, I couldn’t look away.

  Did she have any clue what she was doing to me?

  I knew I was the one who’d set this into play, had told her whatever was happening between us had to come to an end, even though whatever it was we labeled a friendship. Fools fell into those kinds of traps. We both knew it went so much deeper than friendship, even though that was why its foundation was so solid.

  Under my breath, mocking laughter climbed from my throat. Who was the fool now? Me, sitting here feeling like I might lose my mind because after whatever the hell had just happened between us during the fireworks, watching her with him now felt like I’d been sucker punched in the gut.

  But what did she owe me?

  Fuck. I raked my hands through my hair, wanted to scream, to claim that she did owe me because no one knew me the way she did. She was the only one who knew how to get inside me. She had accomplished it so easily. Right then I hated her for it.

  Gabe ducked under the water and came up right in front of her. He’d shifted, the teasing set aside as he approached her as if he knew her.

  Anger pushed at my insides, and I was twitching, aching to unleash this aggression on Dickhead’s face, because I couldn’t stand to watch him closing in on her. Fighting had always been a release. But this was different. This was a need.

  Jealousy roiled and my feet came up under me before I knew how to stop them. But I paused on the fringes of the yard when I saw Aly mumble something to him and disappear underwater. She emerged at the steps and took them one by one. Water dripped down the length of her body. She grabbed her things from the ground and wrapped herself in a towel. Warily she glanced over at me with sad eyes before she headed inside, like maybe there was some way she knew she’d just spent the last ten minutes torturing me.

  It was fucking cruel, even though there wasn’t a chance she had any clue about how much she affected me.

  I watched her retreat through the sliding door.

  What was I thinking? Doing this? Allowing my feet to move? But they were, my footfalls heavy as I crossed the small thatch of lawn and twisted through the groups of people huddling in circles on the patio.

  From a safe distance, I trailed her inside. Music blared from the living room, the lights dimmed, the rooms packed wall to wall with people, faces and bodies and movement that I wanted to play no part in.

  I just wanted Aly.

  The need was blinding, yet it was all I could see.

  Watching her head bob through the crowd, I saw her turn and dart down a hall. She disappeared into a door on the right. I followed her and stopped in front of the closed door. In the darkness I paced, the agitation I felt unlike anything I’d ever experienced before. I knew it was her, that she’d managed to unlock something inside me that should never have been released. Behind the door, water ran and clothing rustled.

  All I could think about was Aly on the other side, that body wet and those eyes sad. All I could focus on was the raging in my heart and the madness she’d sent careening through my mind.

  The door opened, and Aly straightened with a shock when saw me there. A confused smile lit her mouth, and she whispered, “Jare… ” before my name died on her lips as she made out the expression on my face. She shifted on her feet, blinking as uncertainty danced in the warmth of her green eyes.

  Control eluded me, left me at a complete loss as I stared at the girl.

  And it was stupid, so fucking stupid and greedy and selfish, but I took. I lifted her by the waist and spun her around to pin her to the opposite wall with my hips.

  Aly gasped.

  And like I’d imagined the first time more than a month ago, those perfect legs were wrapped around my waist. With my nose lost in the sweetness under her jaw, I flattened myself against her, groaned aloud because even through our clothes, I’d never felt anything better than Aly’s body pressed to mine.

  She whimpered and wove her fingers through my hair.

  I trailed my palms down the length of her thighs, and my heart was beating so fucking hard I was sure it was going to hammer right through my chest.

  My mouth sought hers, hard and demanding. Her lips were soft and yielding. And I took, deepened the kiss because I knew this would be the only taste of Aly I would ever get. Desire surged, flooded, and every inch of my body hardened. I strained against her, edged back for a breath as I whispered her name.

  “Jared” fell from her mouth, her eyes wild, before she dove back in and sucked at my bottom lip. Her sweet tongue flicked out to tease at my skin. Returning the kiss, I consumed her mouth with mine.

  She tightened her legs around my waist, desperation pouring from her as she struggled to bring me closer, hunger in her eyes and impatience in her touch. “Jared… please.” Her fingers dug into my shoulders.

  My head spun and my pulse sped, and I wanted to devour every inch of her. Overwrought, my senses were on overload – overwhelmed – everything quickened and slowed and amplified.

  Reality came crashing back to me.

  No.

  I tore my mouth from her, panting, my eyes frantic as they roved over her face.

  She burrowed her fingers deeper into my skin, pleading.

  No.

  I edged back, forcing her legs to drop free as I supported her at her waist, her knees weak as she grappled for footing when her feet fell to the floor.

  I steadied her before I pressed my hands to her shoulders and forced myself back.

  Her fingers fluttered up to touch her lips, so much like they had done when the first of the fireworks had blanketed the sky. “Jared?” It came low, a breathy question whispered into the dimness of the suffocating hall.

  “Shit,” I mumbled, stumbling back from the girl who held so much power over me, the one who chased away every rational thought.

  I didn’t deserve her.

  I never could, no matter how fucking badly I needed her.

  Hurt wrapped her tight, just as tight as she wrapped her arms protectively over her chest.

  What had I done?

  I shook my head as I backed away. “I am so sorry, Aly.”

  Turning, I rushed down the hall, pushed through the throng of sweating bodies, and burst out the front door, gasping at the reprieve of the thick night air.

  Pain hit me full force, as clearly as if my eyes were closed and I was living it all again, the day I destroyed everything, took my family’s joy, the day she’d died and taken my soul with her.

  I don’t get to have this.

  At eleven seventeen the next night, I finally put my key in the lock and turned the knob. I hadn’t come back to the apartment at all last night. Facing her after what I’d done felt impossible because I knew what I now had to do. There was no other way around it. I’d fucked it all up, ruined it, the way I always did, and now it was time to pay.

  A deep ache clamored in my chest when I stepped through the door and into the low-lit apartment, the only illumination bleeding from the small light under the microwave in the kitchen. This would be the last time I’d enter it.

  And honestly, it made me fucking sad because the last month had felt like something, like I wasn’t just existing, but there was some kind of purpose to it all.

  Only I’d been deluding myself because I’d always known it’d com
e to this.

  Most of all, this hurt because I was going to miss her.

  Latching the door behind me, I took in the silence of the empty room. At the end of the hall, Christopher’s door sat wide open, the room vacant. The only sound in the apartment seeped from the thin walls of Aly’s bathroom, the dull hum of the shower telling me she stood under a steaming fall of water.

  I rubbed at the soreness on my chest. Yeah. It was unbelievable just how much I was going to miss her.

  I couldn’t help wondering what she was thinking. Was she hurting after what I’d done to her? After I’d left her standing there confused? Used? Because that’s what it had been, hadn’t it?