In a Heartbeat (Lifetime Book 2)

by Ariadne Wayne

  I’d already turned away, pretending I hadn’t heard him.

  Taking a deep breath, I pushed open the exam room door. My patient sat quietly, and I gathered everything in me to smile. “The ultrasound is being organised, so I’ll examine you and we’ll see if we can find out what’s going on.”

  “Am I losing my baby?”

  This was tough. She was clearly further along than I had been, with a little bump and everything. “I can’t answer that yet, but I’ll take a look at you, and we’ll have a listen. How far along are you?”

  “Eighteen weeks.”

  I held my breath. If I could find a Doppler, we could listen to the heartbeat. Failing that, I could use my stethoscope. I’d never been one to pray, but right now I said a silent prayer for this woman. Despite my bravado, I didn’t know how the hell I’d say the words if her baby had died.

  Portable equipment could be anywhere, and I headed back out to reception. “Heather, do you know where there’s a Doppler?”

  She shook her head. “I can look for it.”

  “Please.”

  I went back to the exam room. Shannon’s partner stroked her hair, and his deep voice echoed in the room. Reassuring, caring. Connor.

  “One of the nurses is just finding the Doppler, but in the meantime I can take a listen with my stethoscope. Depending on the size and position, it’s not always 100 per cent accurate, so bear with me.”

  She nodded. I had her complete trust now. Please let me be able to give her good news.

  I lifted her shirt, uncovering her swollen belly.

  She was nervous, as was I. Could she hear my pounding heart? Did she notice the sheen of sweat I felt sure was on my brow? Maybe Will had been right—maybe I should have handed over to him.

  No. I could do this. I had to do it to get past the fear of facing the same horror I’d been through. If I didn’t, I would just be delaying dealing with it. I could hide from my own feelings, but I couldn’t hide from what might come up any day in my job.

  Shannon moved as I placed the stethoscope. I’d warmed it on my hand, but it would still be a little cold.

  “Sorry,” I murmured.

  “That’s okay.” Her voice shook.

  I closed my eyes, shifting the stethoscope a little. Please be there.

  It was. I wasn’t quite on the right spot, but I heard it, that little fluttering heartbeat that told me the baby was still alive. Grinning, I nodded to Shannon and her partner’s delight. “Found you.”

  Almost on cue, there was a tap on the door.

  “Doctor Brown, Radiology is ready for your patient.”

  “Let’s get you up there,” I said to Shannon, the weight lifted from my chest despite the nausea that fluttered in my stomach. This had to be good. I’d admit her for the night and refer her for an obstetrician’s visit tomorrow, but she was on the right track.

  At least she had the second chance I didn’t get.

  WILL STOOD IN THE CORRIDOR, and I flew past him as I ran toward the bathroom. Throwing open the cubicle door, I heaved over the toilet, losing the potato chips I’d eaten earlier.

  As I sunk down onto the ground beside the toilet, tears rolled down my cheeks with the stress being released. Her baby was safe—at least for right now. I didn’t have to deliver crappy news. It might have broken me if I’d had to.

  “Vanessa.” Will was right behind me, a helpless look in his eyes, flapping his arms as if he were about to take off. Two nurses stood by the hand basins, looking between the pair of us.

  “You’re in the ladies’ bathroom.”

  “Yeah. Sorry. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” He squatted beside me. “Was it bad news?”

  “Her baby’s fine. I referred her upstairs.”

  He studied me closely, and I looked away rather than meet his gaze. “So what’s up with this?” He shifted off his haunches and sat on the floor beside me.

  I shrugged.

  “You need to get some help.”

  He was right, and I knew it.

  “Connor’s seeing someone else.”

  I didn’t even know why I told him; the words fell out of my mouth before I could think them. It had hung over me since the day Jacinda told me. Burning away in my belly, the pain of him moving on had eaten away at me little by little, even if I had been the one to break up with him.

  “Sorry to hear that. I guess it was kind of inevitable.”

  “Whose side are you on?” I glared at him, although it wasn’t his fault this had consumed me.

  “Yours, but I feel sorry for him. Somehow he put up with you being so cranky and insufferable, and that was before all the crap you both had to deal with.”

  “Thanks a lot.” I couldn’t stop my lower lip wobbling as tears stung my eyes.

  He sighed, and slid an arm around my shoulders. I leaned my head against him, tired and numb, wanting to go home and sleep.

  “I’m glad we became friends, though. I think my life would be a lot more boring if you weren’t in it.” He kissed the top of my head.

  “I don’t know what I’d do without you and Ali.”

  Will shook as he laughed, and I placed my hand on his chest to anchor myself. “You’re such a pain in the arse. But you know what? That’s what I think endears you to us.” He let go of me and stood, holding out his hand for me to take. “Underneath the snark is a girl with a heart of gold, one who feels far more than she lets on.”

  I slid my hand into his. It was strong, warm, comforting. Pushing myself off the ground, I stood.

  “That’s why you need to get help. See a counsellor. Talk to someone about this, because it’s still doing your head in.”

  I averted my gaze.

  “Vanessa, it’s past the point of being okay now. You’ve broken off a long-term relationship, and you’re trying to deal with all this by yourself. I don’t care how tough you think you are; this isn’t right.”

  The tears turned into a stream, turned into sobs, and Will pulled me into his arms while I cried on his shoulder. He was right. Connor had been right. I’d made this mess of my life because I couldn’t deal with what had happened, couldn’t face up to how much it had devastated me.

  “I’ll get help,” I whispered.

  THERE WOULD BE GOSSIP. I couldn’t help that, but I could get into my car and go home. A night in front of the television with a bowl of potato chips sounded like heaven. I’d pull on my giraffe onesie I’d stashed away last winter, stick on some fluffy socks and be miserable and lonely watching some sad movie to make me cry. I might have cried a lot for me today, but crying over someone else’s pain would do me the world of good.

  Although on second thoughts after becoming the emotional wreck I had been in that bathroom, just going to sleep would do me the world of good.

  I loved my job. Fixing problems and helping people get better were my favourite things in the world. Knowing I was making a difference gave me joy even during the tough times. And today had been tough.

  For the first time since starting at the hospital, I was relieved to leave work for the day. Not because I was tired, but because I needed to get away.

  I strode out the back door and toward the car park, closing in on my car and sleep. Lots of sleep.

  “Doctor Brown.”

  That voice. I knew who it was before I turned to see Dylan West walking toward me. “That would be me.”

  He grinned. “I heard a little story about you tonight.”

  “What did you hear?”

  “You and Will Clay in the ladies’ bathroom?”

  That hadn’t taken long. I rolled my eyes and pressed the button to unlock the car. Shaking my head, I opened the door and climbed in.

  “So it’s not true.”

  “It’s not what you think.”

  “Then what is it?”

  Exasperated, I let out a loud breath. “Not really any of your business.”

  He frowned, this irritatingly cute V forming between his eyebrows. “I heard you were cryi
ng. Just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

  Ugh. Why couldn’t he be this picture I had formed in my head of this overly confident arsehole? Now he was being nice.

  “I’m fine. I just need to go home.”

  “Alone?”

  I pulled the door closed and slid the key into the ignition. Without another word, I backed out of the park and drove off into the night, leaving behind Doctor Confusing And Flirty, and having faced one of the biggest challenges of my short career to date.

  The idea of going home was comforting, but company might be nice. I bit down on my bottom lip, and turned the car around, finding Dylan not far from where I’d left him.

  This might have been the dumbest thing I’d ever done, but considering my recent decisions, it was par for the course. Would one drink hurt? One drink with a man who seemed very interested, even if he had the corniest lines ever? Although I knew myself how easy it was to be awkward in social situations, I didn’t exactly have a reputation for keeping my mouth closed.

  Inappropriate words are us.

  “Vanessa?”

  I pulled up alongside him, pressing the button to bring down the window. “Is that offer for a drink still going?”

  He smiled, and it wasn’t so smarmy this time. It seemed genuine, kind. “Are you sure?”

  “I could do with one. No more because I’ve got work in the morning, but one would be fine.” Tripping over my tongue wasn’t unusual, but had I just asked him out? He’d asked me first, but I’d said no. Did one thing cancel out the other?

  Being single was so confusing.

  “One sounds fine. I’m working tomorrow too. Besides, I need my beauty sleep. Do you want to take one car or two?”

  He made me laugh, that was enough to start our friendship. I offered him the passenger seat in my car, and we drove to a bar a decent distance from the hospital. The rumour mill didn’t need more me today; it had already had enough.

  Every nerve in my body was on fire. I’d jumped way out of my comfort zone doing this, and I had to swallow down the urge to walk away and forget the whole thing.

  “What do you want to drink? I’ll buy.”

  “A Jim Beam and Coke would be nice.”

  He smiled. “Find us a place to sit and I’ll go get it.”

  I nodded, looking around nervously in case I saw a familiar face. This was a beautiful old bar, wooden everything—polished floors, tables and barstools, all a beautiful shiny deep brown. I spotted a booth in the corner with black leather seats and headed that way. The more comfortable I could be after the day I’d had the better.

  As I sat, my phone buzzed, and I fished it out of my bag.

  Want some visitors tonight?

  Ali. I would put any amount of money on Will having gone home and telling her the whole story. She’d be worried.

  I’m going to crawl into bed and get some sleep. Love you guys.

  I closed my eyes as I pressed send. Lying to her didn’t feel right, but neither did this. But it was one drink, and then I’d be home and doing exactly what I’d told her.

  Love you too. Talk to you tomorrow. Have a good sleep.

  What was I doing? I chewed on my lower lip as I watched Dylan pick up the drinks on the bar and look around for me. It took him about three seconds to spot me and smile. My stomach ached, and the thought of drinking seemed gross now.

  I thought about leaving, but my feet wouldn’t co-operate, and he drew closer before taking his seat opposite me and giving me a friendly grin as he placed the drinks on the table.

  “Thanks,” I mumbled.

  “It’s no problem. Sounded like a tough day.”

  I shrugged. “It wasn’t great, but I survived it.”

  “Tell me about it.” Those aqua eyes were full of kindness, understanding. That was the doctor in him coming out, the part of him that had to empathise with patients when he had no idea what they were going through, the part that had to sympathise with the family of the dead.

  I knew all that, and yet I couldn’t help it.

  “About three months ago, I had a miscarriage. Today I had to deal with my first patient having a suspected one.”

  That concerned V was back. “Shit. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. I survived today, and I’ll survive the next patient I treat that has the same problem.” I took a mouthful of the dark brown liquid and gulped it down. That hit the spot.

  “I’m sure you will be, but I’m still sorry to hear it. Must have been awful for you.”

  “It was.” That’s it. End of story.

  “As long as you’re okay.”

  Of course I’m not okay.

  “I’m fine.”

  “So what changed your mind about coming for a drink?” His lips quirked, curiosity crossing his face.

  What to tell him when I didn’t really know the answer … “Seemed harmless enough.”

  “Me or the drink?”

  I laughed and shook my head. “I don’t know. Both?”

  “I’m glad you’re not intimidated by me.”

  That made me laugh some more. “You or your cheesy chat-up lines?”

  “I don’t know. Both?”

  My fear evaporated as we laughed together. Maybe this evening wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

  “So tell me about yourself, Doctor Vanessa Brown.”

  “There’s not a lot to tell.”

  He studied me closely, tilting his head to the right. “I bet that’s not true.”

  “Country girl, came to the big city, qualified, started work.”

  Holding his palms flat, he gestured toward me. “And …”

  “That’s about it.” I took another sip of my drink. I needed something to eat with this. I’d be under the limit, but I wanted to be sure that I’d be okay. Although, at the rate our conversation was unfolding, my blood-alcohol limit would be zero by the time we got to his story.

  “I bet it’s not.”

  “I need food.” I stood and took my purse from my bag. “Want anything?”

  He looked at me with so much intensity I held my breath for a second, then he shook his head and averted his gaze back to his drink.

  “Fine.” My voice shook, and I caught the emergence of a smirk as he looked back toward me, though that quickly disappeared.

  I walked to the bar, checking out the menu on the wall. “May I get a bowl of fries?” I asked the bartender.

  “Sure. What table are you sitting at?” He had floppy hair like Connor, but blond, and for a moment I caught my breath at such a tiny similarity. How silly.

  “Over there.” I pointed to the booth, handing him over a twenty-dollar note.

  “I’ve just got to go and grab some change, unless you want it back in dollar coins.” Poor guy. The bar was busy and clearly things had just gotten away from him.

  “Sure thing.”

  He grinned. “Be back in just a second.”

  As I waited, my bag buzzed again, and I pulled out the phone with a sigh. Who was checking up on me now?

  My head swum as I looked at the message.

  I hope you’re doing okay.

  Connor. What a way to finish this right royally screwed up day. I fought back tears as I stared at those five little words, the first contact between us in two months.

  “Miss?”

  Startled out of staring at my phone, I turned my head to see the barman poised to hand over my change.

  “Thank you.” I smiled and walked back to the table.

  “You okay?” Dylan asked as I sat. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  “You’re the second person to say that to me today, and I’m fine.” I tucked my phone back in my bag and slipped my hands to my knees to cover the tremble I seemed to have suddenly developed.

  Connor was seeing someone else, I knew that, but I didn’t know how to process that short message. Did he miss me? He’d moved on with his life, and now I was doing the same. Maybe that future sat across the table from me.

  I
took a deep breath and picked up my drink for a reassuring sip.

  “I’m glad you changed your mind about coming for a drink. I wasn’t sure if you didn’t like me, or maybe I just smelled.”

  Shaking my head, I laughed. “No, you don’t smell.” You smelled amazing.

  “Guess you like me, then.”

  “Guess you sound like a fourteen-year-old.”

  Dylan laughed, and I rolled my eyes. I didn’t know what I’d expected coming here with him, but having him flirt with me didn’t feel weird; it felt normal. It had been a long time since anything had resembled normal.

  “I like you. Although I think we already established that.”

  A blush crept up my cheeks, my face burning hot at his words. I nodded slowly, licking my lips as our gazes locked, and was lost in those aqua eyes. If I’d been a less cautious type, I would have climbed across the table and mounted him, he was that hot.

  “Am I embarrassing you, Doctor Brown?”

  I shrugged, grateful for a break in the tension as this massive bowl of fries was placed on the table. I stared at the plate. I’d never seen a helping that large, and my stomach caved, grumbling at the sight of it.

  “It might take a while to eat all these. I hope you have time.” He was gorgeous, and he was embarrassing me, not that I’d ever admit it.

  One corner of his mouth curled a little. “I have a lot of time for you.”

  Oh Lordy.

  THE EVENING ENDED on a quiet note. When the bowl was drained of fries and we’d had further non-alcoholic drinks, we made our way back out to the car.

  Exiting the bar and walking out into the car park, I shivered.

  “Cold?”

  “It’s a little chilly.”

  “Want my jacket?”

  I paused, smiling. It was sweet, even if we were literally in front of my vehicle.

  “Thanks. I think I’ll be fine. I’ll just turn the heater on. At home I can drive straight into the garage.”

  Pressing the alarm button, I unlocked the car and climbed into the driver’s side. Dylan opened the passenger door, and the smell of him filled my car—that slight sweat, plus a little bit of aftershave smell.

  “I’m glad to hear that. Where do you live?”

  “Hobsonville.”

  I started the car up, buckling my seatbelt and looking in the rear-view mirror before backing out.