Dangerous: Delos Series, Book 10

by Lindsay McKenna

  Rubbing her chest, she felt fear married to hope. The discussion they had on the beach was the first honest talk they’d had with one another to crack the door open between them. This was the second time. And Sloan needed this kind of communication with Dan all the time. Not just when he thought it was convenient. He had to extend that to her, as well.

  Life was never fair, and she knew that in spades. Their relationship at Bagram was one way: Dan’s way. How she felt, what she needed from him, was never broached. Never even considered by him. If the sex they’d shared between one another hadn’t been as good as it had been, Sloan would have walked away from him long before he walked away from her. What was worse was that she’d fallen in love with him under those limiting circumstances he’d entrapped her with! Why had she agreed to his demands in the first place? There was something within her that was wounded and needed to be looked at with honesty, too.

  She knew not every day was going to be full of progress like this one had been. Dan was right. He was going to fail sometimes and make terrible mistakes.

  Hanging her head, love for him swamped Sloan. Their kiss was the most perfect thing they could have shared with one another. If only she could share her feelings with Dan, to let him feel what she felt for him. Then, maybe he’d understand the depth of her commitment to him. It might help him, but words were so often useless. Hope threaded through her fear of loss of Dan once more. Sloan knew her fear was justified, but at the same time, she had to give him a chance to change.

  *

  Sloan slipped into Dan’s room at 1700. The silence was calming. There were twirling snowflakes dancing silently outside the windows, and she loved the deep peace that winter always brought her. Her eyes moved tenderly across Dan’s sleeping features. His beard made his lower face darker, emphasizing the breadth of his cheekbones, his power, and masculinity.

  Her heart pounded with a hope so fierce and blindingly honest that Sloan felt driven to move to his bedside to kiss him awake. It was only when he made love to her that she knew he loved her. Otherwise, it was not in his consciousness. She’d had other lovers and knew the difference, grateful that they’d been teachers to her. The way a man moved his hand across his woman’s flesh, the way he caressed her, told Sloan it was either about love or lust. Dan always had, nearly from the beginning, loved her. And that’s why she had opened her heart and fallen artlessly for him.

  He stirred.

  Sloan watched his hands move slowly across the afghan that lay over him. His brow furrowed and then relaxed. When he moved too much, she knew he was still in pain. His breathing deepened telling her he was slowly waking up.

  There were strands of his dark hair laying across part of his brow, and her fingers longed to move them. Dan was so responsive to her every touch. Maybe she needed to be more tactile with him because it was an avenue where he remained vulnerable with her.

  Pushing away from the door jamb, Sloan quietly walked to the right side of Dan’s bed. She leaned over, capturing those black strands of hair and easing them away from his brow. Instantly, he stirred, his lids fluttering. She smiled and luxuriated in tracing her fingers across his hairline, absorbing these small moments as he gradually opened his eyes.

  “Time to wake up,” she whispered.

  “Why’d you stop?” he muttered thickly. “I like how you care for me. It’s a nice way to wake up.”

  She smiled and squeezed his hand. “Feel like sitting up? We need to get you and this IV out of bed and walk you to the kitchen table. I made us a good meal.” She pulled her hand free and slid it behind his shoulders, knowing he couldn’t pull himself up on his own yet.

  “Are you in pain?”

  “Yeah,” he admitted, wiping his eyes, “but not as bad as yesterday.”

  “Every day it will be a little better.”

  She pulled the covers off his lower body. His blue cotton gown had ridden up while he slept, barely covering his private parts. Sloan wasn’t surprised to see he had a partial erection. Gently tugging here and there, she got the gown down to his knees. “I’ll ease your legs over the bed here,” she murmured.

  He felt dizzy for a minute, and she allowed him to sit on the edge of the mattress, his bare feet resting on the thick carpet, allowing it to pass. Sloan knelt and carefully put his slippers on and then rose, bringing over the flannel, dark blue robe, draping it across his shoulders. He still had an IV in his arm which made it impossible to shrug the robe on.

  “I was dreaming about you,” he said gruffly.

  “Was that it?” she teased, smiling at him.

  “Yeah. Nice dream.”

  “And I woke you up in the middle of it?”

  “You could say that,” he rumbled, watching her smile widen, deviltry dancing in her gray eyes. Dan remembered those times, every one of them when they had just made love and the intensity of their intimacy with each other. He felt the same way right now—so alive—the feeling spread through his chest like warm sunlight, a promise of things to come. Things they could once more share with one another.

  “Good dreams are better than bad ones,” she murmured with amusement. She placed her hand beneath his right elbow and helped him slowly rise to his feet.

  Getting his sense of balance, Dan wrapped his hand around the steel pole that held the IV. Sloan moved to his left side, slipping her hand into his. “I like dreams about you,” he said stubbornly.

  “How does it make you feel?” she asked, urging him to take small steps toward the door.

  “Uh oh,” Dan teased as he walked with assuredness toward the entrance. “Am I going to get that question about feeling instead of thinking all the time from you, now?”

  “Probably will,” she said, laughing quietly. She kept a firm hold on his hand, surprised at how well he walked given that he was in bed most of the time. It served to tell her that Dan was strong, healthy, and his body was mending well. All of that made her sigh with relief. Sloan yearned for more than she should have at that moment. Being without a man for so long and then getting Dan in such close proximity wasn’t something she’d thought through. He was teasing her dormant self to life again, whether he knew it or not.

  “Well,” Dan said, moving into the open-concept living room and kitchen area, “I feel lust.”

  Sloan burst out laughing. “Nothing new there,” she said, glancing up at him. Dan was grinning like a wolf, his eyes glimmering with amusement and that same look that she had always thought was love for her. He wanted her, and he wasn’t shy about it—but then, he never had been. Her channel tightened over that knowing, burning look in his eyes. The man was going to drive her crazy with sexual longing once again.

  “No, you’re a woman worth lusting after,” he agreed, his steps longer, his balance solid as she led him to the kitchen. There was a round wooden table and three chairs at the other end of it, near the windows. “It’s still okay to lust after you, isn’t it? That’s a feeling, after all.”

  “Oh,” she said lightly, “I think you’re going to be a very naughty student when it comes to expressing feelings, Malloy.”

  He halted, leaned over, and pressed a kiss to her hair. He saw the surprise on Sloan’s face as he drew away. “Lust has good feelings with it, also. We both know that. And I feel,” he said, purposely emphasizing the word, “that it’s a good place for us to start. You can’t deny how we felt after we had sex with one another. Can you?”

  She tugged gently on his hand. “Come on, let’s eat. I’m hungry.” It was a lie.

  A rumble came out of Dan’s chest as he dutifully walked to the table that had been set. “I’m hungry too,” he growled, halting at the chair she’d pulled out for him. “And it’s not for food, either, Ms. Kennedy.”

  CHAPTER 16

  Dan was never so glad as when his doctor permitted Sloan to finally remove the IV from his right arm. In the last week, he’d made remarkable progress. He didn’t try and kid himself: it was her. Being with Sloan made him come alive in every possible way. He
kept mum about how much he enjoyed getting bathed in bed by her. He knew her well enough to see she enjoyed running her warm, wet hands over his body with a washcloth as much as he did. Even when she covered his hips with a towel, his erection stirred. There was no hiding what he wanted from her.

  By mid-morning, he was looking forward to the last bath she would give him. With his wound site healing nicely and getting rid of the IV, he was ready for his next big step. The shower. That would be tomorrow. Right now, he lay partially propped up, anticipating her hands upon him. Dan didn’t want her to wash his private parts. He made her leave, and he did it himself because he could see how flustered she became as his erection made itself known beneath the white, fluffy towel across his hips.

  Sloan entered his room with a tray on wheels. She had an aluminum bowl filled with steaming water, several towels, and a soap dish. She looked particularly beautiful this morning, her hair like a sable and gold curtain around her face. They had shared breakfast together in the kitchen, and he’d been able to walk back to his room without her help for the first time. He was feeling pretty darn proud of himself.

  “Last time,” she said, smiling a little as she brought the tray to his bedside.

  “Yeah, I’m going to miss this.”

  Her eyes sparkled with humor as she slipped a towel expertly across his hips, pulling the gown away from him.

  “Will you miss it, too?” he wondered, watching her somewhat nervously adjust the towel. Just like before, his semi-erection was poking its head up for all to see. Dan saw yearning and wariness in her eyes, but also arousal as she pulled her gaze away from his covered erection.

  “In some ways,” she admitted, a little breathless because he was using his low, sensual voice. The last week with Dan had been a new hell on earth for her. Sloan wasn’t immune to him in any way, as much as she tried. His groans of pleasure as she washed and dried him, made her go quivery inside. By the time she was done, the insides of her thighs were wet and slick, making her want to groan, but she bit it back. If she thought giving herself an orgasm would do the trick, she’d have done it—but it would never satisfy her.

  Instead, it would just leave her aching for the real thing. Aching for Dan, for his hands on her, exploring her, sucking her nipples, making her scream as he brought her to orgasm. Every day with him was a special hell and special heaven. The gnawing deep within her was driving her crazy with need of him. And he was well enough that they could mess around and Sloan knew it—so did Dan. She saw that glint in his eyes. So far, he hadn’t touched her in any way. He looked at her but did not make contact, respecting her space. Right now, Sloan was ready to throw that space away and say to hell with it; such was her blistering need to have this man within her once more.

  She kept the towel up to his waist as she lathered and washed his upper body. Her breath was shallow, and she swallowed as she gently patted him dry.

  “I guess I’m feeling pretty frisky today,” he said, nonchalantly gesturing toward the towel.

  “You must be feeling more normal,” she agreed, her mouth dry as she placed a large, warm towel across his upper body to keep him warm. She could feel Dan’s eyes on her, burning into her. Steeling herself, she went about her business of washing his right thigh. Both his hands were on the towel as if to keep it in place. He’d never done that before. But then, his erection hadn’t been full, thick, and long like it was right now. Sloan felt like jelly inside, remembering. Dan remembered, too. All she wanted to do was get away from him as soon as possible. He was such a sexual, sensual animal and then, as now, he affected her, made her want him. It was a connection they’d always shared, she tried to tell herself as she patted off his one leg, covering it up and then moving to the other side of his bed to wash the other one.

  Dan was doing nothing to provoke any reaction from her. She was unable to even meet his eyes because she knew what she’d see in them. She was too much on the edge, a sex-starved woman who hadn’t had an orgasm in two years. No matter where she looked, she couldn’t disconnect with Dan’s quiet sensuality and powerful masculinity enveloping her.

  “Thanks,” he murmured.

  “You’re welcome,” she whispered, her heart pounding heavily in her chest. She tried to convince herself that to cave into her hunger for him sexually would somehow ruin any progress they’d been able to establish with one another.

  “Just leave the stuff, I’ll wash myself.”

  Dan sounded unaffected by what was going on between them. She knew, without a doubt, he felt her wanting him. The man was no fool.

  “Yes, that’s fine.” She pushed the tray over to his right side so he could easily reach everything. “Call me when you’re done?”

  “I will.”

  She practically ran out of the room. In the kitchen, Sloan gripped the counter in front of the double sink. She was aching so much below that she didn’t know what to do. Running her fingers down her thigh, she moaned. Her jeans were damp. Dan had always made her feel like she needed sex—lots of it—hours of it. She had a fierce hunger that matched his. That’s why they were so good together. He satisfied her sharp cravings just as she did his. How was she going to last with Dan under her roof? Tomorrow would be a landmark day for Sloan. He was going to be able to go to the large bathroom and take a shower by himself. That was good. She wouldn’t have to keep touching him, washing him, feeling his muscles leap and tense as she ran her fingertips across them. No more towel tent to stare at, knowing how thick and long and hard he was beneath that innocent covering across his hips.

  She moaned with despair as she opened her eyes and stared out of the kitchen windows. She’d made a terrible error in discounting their sexual lust for one another. Hers especially. Dan had been a gentleman. He never teased her or reached out to touch her in any way to let her know he wanted her. Was he being driven crazy too by them being in such close proximity to one another? Sloan felt as if the tables had been turned on her. She hadn’t expected to be so drawn to him, wanting him all over again just as she had four years earlier. No man loved her like Dan had, not before or since he’d walked out of her life. It was a terrible price she was paying. Her body had become a traitor to her even if she had compassionate intentions of helping Dan, of giving him that second chance he’d begged her for at the Red Sea.

  *

  “It’s ready for you,” Sloan called, standing in the doorway to Dan’s bedroom the next morning. She’d slept poorly and had erotic dreams all night about him loving her.

  Dan nodded and said, “Do you know how nice it is to be able to get out of this damned hospital bed and not be imprisoned with that IV?”

  She smiled sympathetically. “It’s tough,” she agreed. “How’s your pain level holding?” Since yesterday, he’d been on a pain pill tablet instead of an IV running in his veins twenty-four hours a day.

  “I’m okay,” he said. “You sure this waterproof bandage will hold?”

  “Positive.”

  Nodding, he said thickly, “I’m going to enjoy standing under a hot shower and washing my hair…my body…”

  “You start learning to appreciate the little things in life again, that’s for sure.” She heard the sudden emotion in his voice, the gratefulness, and she wanted to embrace him. Maybe he really was changing. Hope rose in her, right along with her need of him sexually.

  Dan slowly sat up. Earlier, Sloan had placed his robe on the end of the bed for him. She’d also loosened the three ties to his gown so he could take it off when he wanted. She watched him closely because it was important he didn’t overdo it too soon. She was almost disappointed that he wasn’t semi-erect today. It was then that she realized he was naked as he sat up, his back toward her. Swallowing in a gulp, Sloan thought he’d wear the robe over his gown. Dan started to struggle as he lifted his left arm.

  “Wait,” she pleaded, hurrying into the room, “don’t keep reaching upward. You could harm yourself.” She came around the bed, and as he lowered his arm, she slid the robe sleev
e over his hand and brought it gently up and over his shoulder. “There,” she breathed worriedly as she drew the edge of the robe across his naked upper body. Dan couldn’t bend over yet or lean down with his wound. He was fully erect. Her whole lower body glowed with heat and desire at that moment as she stared down at him. She was so close to him; she could reach out and twine her fingers around his cock, feel his satiny warm length, his hardness. Sloan dragged in a jerky breath. With effort, she got the robe closed and the sash lightly tied around his waist. Stepping back, that gnawing ache was ramping up until she was almost in pain, she watched him slowly slide off the bed. Dan was a large man physically, and the last thing she wanted was for him to get light headed and faint. He stood there for a good minute, hand gripping the side of the mattress, getting his bearings.

  Once she had turned on the faucets to the shower and gotten it to the temperature he wanted, Sloan made sure everything was easily within his reach. Dan would not, at this point in his healing, be able to bend down or twist sideways. “Do you want me to wash your back?” she asked, watching him slowly untie the sash. The folds of the robe slid open, his erection standing proud for both of them to see. It wasn’t like she hadn’t seen Dan naked. Still, she couldn’t meet his eyes.

  “That would be nice,” he rumbled. “Can I call you when I’m ready?”

  Ready? If he’d given the least hint he wanted her in that shower with him, she no longer had the strength to turn down such a request. His jaw was set, and she saw lust in his eyes, standing powerfully before her.

  “I’ll leave the door open,” she said, and turned around and left.

  Sloan leaned against the wall, near the opened door. She wanted Dan to touch her, suck her. She felt unmoored, floating, a big ball of lust begging to be played with and teased. She wanted Dan to ease that awful pressure she felt in her lower body.