First Down

by Paula Mabbel

  “Jessica, what are you doing here?” the Duke asked when he answered the door.

  “I need to tell you something,” Jessica said in a rushed voice that sounded coarse from the lack of air in her lungs. She could feel her eyes as they filled with despair and pleaded with him to understand without her having to tell him the truth, but he could only see the despair, and not the dark and tangled reasons that had led her to it.

  “Jessica, you have to tell me what’s wrong. Come in out of the cold, before you catch one, and tell me what the matter is.” He stepped aside to allow her to enter.

  Jessica looked back at the long driveway behind her and then stepped through into the lobby. She could feel her heart racing as the realization of what she was about to do hit her. She was going to betray her mistress. She was risking her job and the security of her unborn child so that she could help a person who was essentially a stranger to her.

  She stood in the lobby and felt lost for a moment, even though nothing had changed since the last time she had paid a visit to the manor. It wasn’t the kind of lost that came from disorientation anyway, it was the kind of lost when you knew what was morally right, but it went against your better judgment. She was lost in herself. She was lost to herself. She blinked back the confusion that was swirling around in her brain and tried to focus on the plan she had made for herself. It was too late to go back on it now. She was already there.

  *******

  Jessica sat down at the table in the kitchen and watched as the Duke prepared them both drinks. The kettle wasn’t already perched on top of the stove this time and it occurred to her that he was making the drinks because of her and for no other reason. “I need to tell you why I came,” she began, and then paused as she tried to work out how to explain the situation. “My mistress has been talking to me about the arrangement between you both. She has brought it to my intention that she intends to marry you for your money and nothing less.”

  The Duke chuckled. “Oh, Jessica, I assumed only as much. A woman like Lady Beamount does not seek the soul that I carry.”

  “Then you must call off the wedding,” Jessica said with wide eyes. She was surprised to learn that the Duke already knew of the betrayal, but even more surprised to hear what he had to say next.

  “There is nothing I can do. The agreement was set up by our fathers and we must honor it.” The Duke looked sad for a moment, as though his mind was allowing him to see what could have been, if only the agreement hadn’t been set into place.

  “It isn’t as simple as that though,” Jessica said in frustration.

  The Duke paused from tending the kettle and turned his attention to Jessica. There had been desperation in her voice that he had been unable to ignore, and he searched her face for the reason behind it. “What aren’t you telling me?”

  “My mistress intends to kill you for your fortune, so that she might help her true heart’s desire out of a bad financial situation.”

  “Are you sure?” the Duke asked with dubious eyes.

  “She told me herself.”

  “I don’t believe you. I can see the secrets in your eyes, I told you that before. There’s something you are holding back from me and I don’t believe your story. What do you have to gain from telling me? What makes my life your interest?” The Duke held Jessica’s eyes as he spoke, so that she couldn’t hide anything else from him.

  “My secrets are my own and they do not affect you.”

  “Well, that’s where you’re wrong,” the Duke started. “You’re expecting me to believe you about a threat on my life, yet you hold your own secrets so close to your chest? That makes them my business on principle alone. What could you be hiding that’s so bad? You tell me your secret and I will believe your word.” The Duke finished and sat down on a chair that was facing Jessica.

  She gulped as she thought about the position he was putting her in. She could feel her hands itching to reach down to the bulging stomach that was hiding behind a loosely tied apron. She wanted to tell him. She wanted to trust him with her secret, but she had kept it for so long. Simply giving it away wasn’t that easy anymore. “I want to tell you,” she said sadly, “but I know that if I do, you will not look at me with the same eyes that you do now.”

  “You must think very little of me to believe such a thing.”

  “I think very highly of you, but very little of myself. My secret is that of shame and I’m afraid I might shatter into a thousand pieces if you were to look at me with anything less than the same kindness you do now.”

  “You believe the way I look at you is in kindness?” the Duke asked as he chuckled slightly to himself. “You are mistaken,” he added, but did not elaborate.

  “Perhaps, I saw more friendliness in you than you desired, but nevertheless I saw it.”

  “You are mistaken again,” the Duke said with a casual shake of his head. “I do not look at you with kindness or friendless. I look at you through the eyes of the man who sees beauty before him and stands in awe. I look at you with eyes filled with admiration and despair that you do not trust me with your secrets, yet expect me to trust you.”

  Jessica didn’t know what to say. She could feel her cheeks glowing with a deep red and a smile tugging at her lips, but she knew it would be short lived. He was unrelenting in his search for the truth behind her secrets and she knew she had to reveal them to him before they revealed themselves. “I’m pregnant,” she said quietly.

  The Duke didn’t say anything for a moment. His face fell into a sort of thoughtful stance that almost looked peaceful. Jessica waited for him to process what she had just told him. She waited for him to look at her with the same disgusted eyes that her parents had shown her, but they didn’t come.

  “How did it happen?” the Duke asked with curious eyes that were focused on Jessica’s stomach.

  “I was working in the tavern in my village and one of the passing army men proposed to me. He had to leave for his service, but he promised he would return in a month and then we would marry and I would be able to travel with him. He asked me to spend the night before he left with him and I did because I truly believed that he was coming back, but of course he didn’t,” Jessica answered the Duke truthfully.

  “That must have been very hard for you,” the Duke said with a gentle voice, as he stood up and walked over to where Jessica was sitting.

  “I manage.”

  “Does Lady Beamount know about your condition?” The Duke asked as he reached out his hand and placed it softly over Jessica’s.

  Jessica shook her head but she didn’t speak. All of her focus seemed to be shooting down to her hand, which was underneath the Duke’s. She could feel his rough skin rub against hers as he stroked across her palm with his fingertips. Her arms were starting to show goose bumps as they marked the places that were feeling his touch, even though he hadn’t moved.

  “You know, you really are beautiful,” the Duke said with a soft smile.

  Jessica returned his smile and watched as his face slowly became closer to her. She could see his eyes starting to close as his breath hit the side of her cheek and then his lips crashed into her own and, for a moment, she was lost in her senses as the world paused around them.

  The Duke pulled his lips away, and Jessica felt suddenly cold. She could feel her chest heaving as she took in deep and jagged breaths. She had never thought in a million years the Duke would be interested in her. She had never thought that anybody who knew the truth about her secret would be interested in her again.

  The Duke’s hands traced their way off of her own and then down to her leg. She could feel the way his touch was making her muscles tremble as her mind wandered on to what he might do next. Her heart was hammering in her chest, as he tucked his hand underneath her skirt and started to glide up to where the tingling in her body had decided to congregate.

  She tried to hold her breath, but she couldn’t as her lungs demanded to be used. She could feel the Duke’s eyes burning into her own, as
his fingers dipped past her panties and into the wetness his touch had created. A small groan escaped her lips. Her head fell back and her back arched as she found herself grinding against his fingers. It hadn’t felt like that the first time; she had never felt so high in her life.

  She pulled the Duke up by his collar and looked him deeply in the eyes. She needed him to take control. She needed him to know that she was ready and when the bright red tip of his tongue slid across his lips, she knew he had received the message. She could already feel his hardness pushing against her leg as their bodies pressed together against the table, but then she felt his hand starting to rearrange the system and suddenly he was thrusting into her, and all she could do was feel.

  *******

  Jessica woke up with a start when she opened her eyes and found that she wasn’t in her bedroom. It took her a moment and the aching reminder between her legs to figure out that she was still at the Duke’s house. She rolled over in the bed and pulled the sheets up high. They were softer than anything she had ever slept in, and she tried to refrain from stroking her face up against the cool cotton that was surrounding her.

  She looked out of the window and noticed that the light of dawn had already broken and that the morning was nearly in full swing. She sat up quickly and rubbed away the last of the sleep from her eyes, before she shot her legs out of bed and cringed as her feet hit the cold floor below them.

  She could feel herself getting more and more anxious with every moment that passed. She had ended the night before with very little in the way of answers. The Duke had slept with her and she had assumed that he would call off the wedding, but she had never asked. She had spent the night at his house without her mistress’ permission and that would be dire without the Duke’s protection, but would he give it to her after everything that had happened between them?

  She put on her clothes and flew across the landing and down the stairs. She could hear the scraping of chairs against the kitchen floor and she followed the noise to find the Duke standing in the kitchen as he prepared to leave. “I’m glad I caught you,” she said breathlessly, to catch his attention.

  “Ah, Jessica,” the Duke said with bright eyes.

  “I need to ask you something.”

  “Ask away,” the Duke said cheerfully.

  “Are you going to cancel the wedding? I mean I know that what happened between us was probably a mistake for you and I understand that, but you are going to cancel the wedding right? You are going to make sure that you’re okay?” Jessica could feel her eyes pleading with his for the right answer to come out of his mouth.

  “I can’t cancel the wedding. It had already been agreed,” the Duke said as he shook his head and avoided her eyes. “But as for what happened between us, I shall never think that was a mistake. Jessica. I shouldn’t tell you this because there is nothing I can do, but if I had a choice, then I would pick you, even with your secret because, do you know what? That little secret of yours is half you and that makes him or her already half perfect, which is more than the rest of us can ever hope for.”

  Jessica looked into his eyes and tried to find the deception, but it wasn’t there. He really meant every word that he was saying, even though it was ridiculous. “I have to go back to my mistress,” Jessica said with a voice void of emotion, and then she turned and headed towards the front doors.

  She had done everything she could for him. She had fallen in love with him and she had tried to save his life. There was nothing more she could do, even if she wanted to. She could feel hot tears starting to prickle the corner of her eyes, as she walked out into the gray and damp air. She couldn’t stop to cry, though; she had to get back to the house and explain to her mistress where she had been all night.

  *******

  A week had passed since Jessica had spent the night with the Duke, and she hadn’t seen him since. That was all about to change, though, as she opened her eyes and found herself waking up on Lady Beamount’s wedding day. The house was full of noise from the moment her eyes started to creak open and, by the time she arrived downstairs, there was already a flurry of maids dancing around the lobby as they dressed it with flowers and pretty fabric trimmings.

  Jessica walked passed them and examined their strained faces as she made her way to the kitchen. She took no enjoyment out of seeing them, though, as she knew that in a few short hours it would be her standing with the same look on her face as she tried to help her mistress into her wedding dress.

  A loud crash from the lobby bounced through the halls and into the kitchen. Jessica put down the thick slice of toast she had just pulled from the grill and walked back out to see what had happened. It was one of the younger maids, who had dropped one of the vases. The vase was smashed beyond repair and the girl had fallen in its pieces and was covered in cuts that were all the way up her arms.

  Jessica shook her head and pulled up the girl who was bleeding all over the floor. “Someone is going to need to clean this up,” Jessica instructed, before leading the girl away from the mess and back into the kitchen. She sat the girl down at the table and reached under it for a small first aid kit that she kept handy for knife-related injuries. “This is probably going to sting,” she warned as she poured alcohol onto a cloth and then wiped down the girl’s arm. The girl winced, but she didn’t cry out, and Jessica nodded with admiration.

  Jessica finished cleaning the girl’s arm and then went back to her toast, which had gone cold. She could hear the front door opening, and she assumed that the Duke had arrived from the fuss that the maids were making about the new visitor. She listened as footsteps approached the kitchen and frowned when a shadow hit the doorway.

  “I was hoping to see you,” the Duke said as he walked into the room and looked around to see whether they were alone, which they were.

  “Well, now all your dreams have come true,” Jessica said sarcastically.

  “Please don’t be like that.” The Duke walked forward and rested his hands on her shoulders, then tried to pull her into his body.

  “You can’t do this here,” Jessica hissed as footsteps rang down the hallway.

  “I need you to promise me that the marriage won’t change anything, Jessica. I need you to tell me that I can still be with you, even after I have walked out of here a married man today.” His eyes were full of desperation and despair.

  Jessica turned away from him. Her heart couldn’t take the tortured look in his eyes.

  “What the hell is going on in here?” Lady Beamount’s voice rang through the kitchen shrilly.

  The Duke dropped his hands quickly from Jessica’s shoulders and turned to face Lady Beamount. “You need to calm down. This isn’t the girl’s fault,” he said quickly as he stepped in front of Jessica.

  His words did not reach Lady Beamount’s ears though, and she flew across the kitchen, knocking the Duke out of the way. “You harlot. You filthy servant trying to seduce my future husband. I’ll see that you’re hanged for this,” she spat with fury burning in her eyes.

  Jessica didn’t say anything. She didn’t even know what to say. She just looked at her mistress and then at the Duke as she tried to work out how the situation would end.

  “You don’t put your filthy eyes on him,” her mistress said with a streak of red-hot anger that sent her hand flying across Jessica’s face.

  Jessica hadn’t been expecting it. She hadn’t even seen it until it had made contact. She felt her feet going from under her as she lost her balance and fell down on the floor. She could feel her hands shooting up to her stomach so that she could protect the only thing she had left, as her head cracked against the floor. For a moment there was nothing but black.

  Jessica ignored the thumping in her head and forced her eyes open. The light burned them as she tried to focus, but she was already ignoring so much pain that she hardly noticed. She could hear the Duke talking, but he sounded far away and distant. It took her a moment before she could work out what was being said in front of her.
>
  “How could you do that to her? She’s carrying a baby. You are a heartless woman and I want nothing to do with you. Do you understand? I care not about the agreement that was arranged for us. I care not about the honor I might be losing in the process of backing out, because it doesn’t compare to the honor I would lose calling you my wife,” the Duke spat hatefully at Lady Beamount.

  “I didn’t want to marry you anyway,” Lady Beamount said spitefully.

  “Oh, I know. I know all about your plan and so do the police officers I told to ensure that you wouldn’t get away with it. I’m sure you will hear from them soon,” the Duke said smugly.

  Jessica tried to turn her head, but she couldn’t. She felt a movement underneath her and it took her a moment to realize that the Duke had lifted her up into his arms.

  “You’re going to be okay,” he said gently as he walked out of the house. “I did the right thing. I made sure that I saved in return, and now, even though I face countless choices I can only see one in front of me. Jessica, I love you and I have from the moment I laid my eyes on you that night in the lobby. I want to spend the rest of my life making you see what I see when I look at you. Will you marry me?”

  Jessica could feel the grogginess of sleep taking a hold of her brain as she tried to focus on the Duke’s words. She nodded her head at his request and then let her head loll. She was safe now, with the man she loved, and that was all that mattered.

  *****

  THE END

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