by Lauren Wood
Molly was asking more than she was letting on and I knew that she was talking about the deal I made with the cruise line. I didn’t want to talk about that though. It wasn’t a good topic and I hoped that once the money came in for her, she would change her mind. It was easy to be happy when you had a lot of money and now she did.
“Yes, I just left the hotel. He is getting older. I guess we all are.”
Molly didn’t answer and I had to finally break the silence. She knew what was coming. We both did.
“Can we go somewhere to talk Molly?”
She shook her head that we couldn’t and I sighed out loud. I didn’t want to do this here, in front of everyone, but she was being stubborn and I would if I had to. It wouldn’t be the first time that half of the town heard us argue.
“I think it would be best if we went somewhere Molly or this is going to get awkward around all of these people.”
“You don’t bother me. You are far more worries about your image than I am worried about mine. You’ve always cared too much.”
“You think you are calling my bluff?”
“Yes.”
Molly was so sure of herself that she turned around and started to make coffee like I wasn’t even there. I don’t know why, but it pissed me off and I was going to show her that nothing had changed. I hadn’t changed and I would show my ass if I had to. Nothing would stop that. She was tempting me and I was going to be gone soon.
“Molly, I need to talk to you. You can’t just have your way with me and then not call me the next day.”
I saw the look on her face as my voice rose and I was trying hard not to laugh. We had done this many times before and now it was different. Instead of going along with it, she pulled me to the back towards the kitchen.
“God Chris, what is wrong with you?”
“Nothing. I was wondering how long it was going to take you. You used to let it go a while, play along some.”
“Well, this isn’t old times Chris. What do you want?”
Chapter 22
Molly
I didn’t want to have this conversation, not now. There wasn’t a reason to have it because I knew what it was already. I’d known after a day or two that Chris was going to leave again. This is why I didn’t want to talk about it now. Why did I want it rubbed in? He was leaving and I’d said my goodbyes this morning as I was leaving for the day. I’d known that I wasn’t going to see him when I got home.
Now he was here and wanted to talk. It was the very last thing that I wanted to do.
I asked him what he wanted after he started to get loud in the restaurant. He was underhanded, much like the very reason he was here and I knew that if I didn’t put a lid on it, he was going to be even more over the top.
“I wanted to say goodbye and ask you something.”
“I know what you are going to ask me Chris and you’re wasting your time.”
He had a look on his face like he was angry with me and he most likely was because this had already happened between us before. I wasn’t one of the women that gave him what he wanted. I wasn’t going to give in, no matter how badly I wanted to. I couldn’t. I had to hold my ground, no matter how much it hurt. I couldn’t lose myself, not even for him.
“So you won’t even consider it?”
He looked hurt and for a minute it was easy to forget that he was the one that wanted this. He was the one that left eight years ago and now he was doing it again. Not just that, he was selling out and going to singlehandedly change the whole town for him to get rich and live off in the big city. It wasn’t right and I wasn’t going to talk about it. I had stuck to my side of the bargain, because I was that type of person, but now what he was doing was just rubbing it in.
“I have and I don’t belong there. I belong here, in Nome.”
“You belong with me.”
“I have felt that way before, but you left, so apparently I don’t.”
“But I’m here now.”
“And you’re leaving again. Look Chris, we can go round and round with this, but at the end of the day, you and I are going to be a world apart. I don’t want to be a part of your world and this one isn’t good enough for you anymore. I don’t think there is anything left to say. Please don’t come out here and embarrass me again. I have to stay here and see these people every day. I know that you don’t care because you will never see them again.”
It looked like he was finally getting the hint. I wasn’t going to let him take over my mind anymore. It was fun while it lasted, really fun, but it’s over now and I had to somehow find a way to pick up the pieces, no matter how hard it was going to be.
I watched him leave without another word. Whatever I’d said had gotten to him, but I wasn’t sure which part of it had done it. I would always wonder if things could have been different, but how could I ever be happy in a place that I despised? He had been happy here once, but we’d grown apart and I was just going to have to chalk it up to a nostalgia thing.
Now that it was out of my system, I had to remember that I had a business to run here. It may not be much, but it was mine.
***
The rest of the day went by like a blur. I tried to keep myself busy, but my mind wandered far too much for my liking and it wasn’t long before I knew that getting over him was going to be harder than I liked to think it would be. I couldn’t pretend like he was a man that I didn’t care about. I loved Chris. Always had and always will, but that didn’t matter. Nothing mattered because neither one of us would give in. he wanted to be there and I wanted to be here. It was that simple.
I kept telling myself that it was never going to work out because of that. We were far too different and where we lived was a big deal. It wasn’t like I was going to be able to change and Chris didn’t want to change. It was all so futile. That’s why I didn’t want to talk to Chris about it because I knew there was no answer. That was the worst part of all. I really think that it would have worked if it we didn’t have such hurdles to go over.
Several people asked me if I was okay and I told them that I was fine. It wasn’t the first time that I had had to wear a smile while I was dying inside. Most people don’t care enough to notice.
I went home with a heavy heart and it got even heavier when I saw no lights on as I pulled up the long driveway. Chris wasn’t here. He’d helped with everything that we could possibly think of and I guess that was his way of making up to me the fact that he was going to be gone again. It didn’t help, but it did give me plenty more memories to keep me up at night.
The door was locked and there was no fire in the fireplace. I had to do it all myself when not but a day ago; I would come home to a warm home and lights on in every room. I missed it already and when I went in, it still smelled like Chris and it made me cry a little.
Chapter 23
Chris
“It’s good that you got that taken care of. It sounds like a shit hole, so it is good that you were able to find someone that actually wanted it. Why would they give you land there for anyways?”
“Because it’s where I grew up.”
Brandon didn’t say anything for several minutes and I didn’t either. I was in a foul mood, had been since I came back and that was almost two months ago. I don’t know why I was letting everything get to me, but I didn’t have the same patience that I used to. The job wasn’t giving me the satisfaction that I needed either. All the way around, I was unhappy with the way things were going. New York didn’t have the same appeal as it had before for me. I knew why that was and that just irked me even more.
“I didn’t mean anything by it. I certainly wasn’t trying to offend you.”
Brandon was new and at the moment he was sizing me up and he realized that I had to have him by at least a hundred pounds. No, I bet he wasn’t trying to offend me. It made me think about what Molly had said. Sometimes I felt like I didn’t belong in the business world. It was full of soft hands and hearts. I would have never seen myself here ten ye
ars ago.
Feeling the palm of my hand, I realized that the callouses that I had gotten in Alaska were gone and now I was back to the soft hands that I’d despised so much in my twenties. Now I was one of them and it hit me a little harder than it should have. Why did it bother me so much?
“You’re fine. It is a shit hole and that’s why I moved away and came here. Well, it’s not a shit hole, it just isn’t for me. It’s a different kind of life then I have here and I only miss some of it. I sold out because I know that I’m not going back.”
“I’m sure you’ll be happy when all of the paperwork is signed and dotted so that you can get that boat I have seen you looking at.”
He was very observant and I knew that he was going to go far in the company. Kissing my ass didn’t hurt his cause either. He was new and I was getting used to the man’s rather direct and sometimes intrusive questioning. He was curious and unlike most that would keep it in, he didn’t have a problem trying to figure it out and didn’t mind asking the questions that no one else wanted to. I wasn’t sure if he had balls or if he was just unaware of how other people took him.
“I’ll be glad when it is over.”
“You don’t sound too happy about it. That’s a lot of money.”
I shrugged. I didn’t really care much for money. I already had more than I would ever need and if I did somehow manage to lose it all, I had an inheritance that would see me through the rest of my life. That was a guarantee that was never going to go away. It was an ease to my mind and the thrill of the deal is what had kept me here before. I liked to be on top of any field that I was in and here I was now. I don’t know if I was going to be able to get the same enjoyment out of it as I had before.
“Yes it is. I’m sure that it’s all worth it in the end.”
“Isn’t that what we are here for?”
He was catching on to the way the office was, but I wasn’t there anymore. Maybe it was because of my trip to Nome, but it was likely because of Molly. Not only was I thinking about all of the physical things we did and the satisfaction that I’d gotten from it, she made me think as well. I would think about all of the comments she made and a lot of them were right. I had lost my way somehow and I had changed.
“It used to be what I was here for, but I have done what I set out to do. Once you reach the top, how long do you stay there?”
It was a question that Brandon didn’t have an answer to. Most in the office and building would say you stay on top forever because why would you want to be anywhere else, but I didn’t agree. I might have said the same thing a couple of months before, but things change. Damn Molly. She always did have a way of getting under my skin and making me think.
“I don’t know.”
“Me either. I wonder that more and more these days.”
Brandon just shook his head because he didn’t understand. I didn’t get it either. I was at the top of my game and I could have anything that I wanted, except Molly where I wanted her. I wanted her here with me, next to me where I could wake up to her every morning. I would have done anything, bought her a restaurant, whatever she wanted to be happy, but she was stubborn and she wasn’t going to budge. One of the things I admired about her was also a very exasperating trait.
He left me in the office staring off towards the wall where I had pictures of me smiling with a fake smile and shaking hands with rich and famous people. It all just blurred in front of me and again I was wondering what the hell I was doing here. Was this really what it was going to come to? Was this the peak for me?
And if it was, why did I not feel like I was very high?
Chapter 24
Molly
“Something is different with you.”
“What?”
“I don’t know Molly, but I can tell that something is off. Have you been getting enough sleep?”
“No, but I never do.”
Denise looked at me through squinted eyes like she was going to see what ailed me from changing the angle of how she saw me. She was being nice because I knew it was because I looked haggard. I’d been getting sick for a couple of weeks now. I had an appointment set up with the doc, but it was a busy time of year and I’d already had to cancel once. I was going to get into see him in the next couple of days, but it was wearing on me and I could tell when I looked in the mirror.
I also was having trouble getting enough energy to do my daily tasks. I didn’t feel like myself and I didn’t know what it was that was making me feel this way. I looked like crap. It was that simple.
“Well you need to. Are you sure that it doesn’t have to do with that man that came in here asking about you a while back? He left and you’ve been moping around here ever since.”
I wanted to deny the claim, but more than that I wanted to forget about it. I didn’t want to talk about Chris. I don’t think I ever would be able to without feeling a myriad of emotions rush through me all at the same time.
“It’s not because of him. It’s just been a weird summer and I think I’m coming down with something.”
She didn’t believe me, but she took mercy on me and didn’t bring him up again. We finished out the daily chores for the day and I was counting the money when she waved bye to me. I had some more paperwork to do while I was here, but my mind wasn’t into it and I had to recount the twenties three times before I gave up and set the stack of bills down. None of this was going to matter in a couple of days. That was when the sale was going to go through and I was going to get a whole lot more money than I ever would have made in the rest of my life here.
There were small moments of thought when I envisioned getting out of Nome and never working a day in my life again. I liked what I did, most of the time, but there were also times that I just wanted to run back to my cabin and never come out again. If I ever did run away from it all, I certainly wouldn’t be going to New York City or anywhere like that. Maybe a beach somewhere.
The paperwork was still in front of me and instead of putting it off anymore, I just piled all of the bills together and locked it all up in the safe. I didn’t want to mess with it anymore and I was ready to go home. It was going to be lonely and full of memories, but at least I wouldn’t have to hear his name and answer questions about Chris.
***
I had a message on my answering machine from the lawyer that I’d talked to about the property and the will. He was calling to remind me that he would be in the next week to give me the check and the copy of everything that I needed. It was a slap in the face and it was also the second time that he had come up today. I hoped that he was having as much trouble as I was forgetting. I didn’t like the idea that all of my misery was one sided. I didn’t like to think that he had forgotten about me so quickly when I couldn’t get him off of my mind.
I replayed the message one more time so that I could write down the time and date that he was going to be in town. It was a big check and I should have been more excited about it, but I wasn’t. I wasn’t happy about it at all. When was I going to feel better? When was I going to be able to forget about Chris and move on with my life? It was all that I wanted to do and I hoped for the best.
The phone rang a little after ten and I said hello several times before whoever was on the other side hung up. They didn’t say anything, they never did and this wasn’t the first time that I’d gotten a call like this. I don’t know what it was about, but it didn’t matter. I wasn’t going to worry about it tonight. It was most likely a few teens that had nothing better to do. This was Nome after all.
The phone rang again a few minutes later and I didn’t want to worry about who it was. They were going to hang it up again and I was just going to get aggravated by it all. I was already there in many sense of the word.
Walking to the bathroom, I tried to push out the last morning that Chris was here. It had been magical and I would never forget that shower. Every time I was in here I thought of him and how he had pinned me to the wall to have his way with me.
&nbs
p; I was going to have to get rid of this tile. It was the only way that I was going to be able to take a shower in peace. Sometimes it turned me on and sometimes it made me sad. Either way, I was ready to let those emotions go. I was full of way too many emotions and I was getting sick of them coming out whenever and wherever they wanted to.
Chapter 25
Chris
I was staring at the final documents and I didn’t feel relief, happiness, nothing. It was a huge deal, a lot of money, but nothing I said or did was going to change the fact that it was never going to be a good thing. It was always going to be a mistake and it was always going to be the reason that Molly wouldn’t talk to me anymore.
The lawyer dropped the papers off and I could have signed them then and there, but I wasn’t ready to. I don’t know why, but it felt like if I signed the papers, then it meant that I would somehow never have a chance with Molly again. It was ridiculous. I had already lost her, but instead of signing them like I should have, I instead found myself staring at the stack that was on my desk and debating what I was waiting for. My mind was telling me to go on, but my body refused to do what was needed. it was like it refused to let me do it.
I sat like that for I don’t know how long before I got a call from my assistant that had a lot of messages for me. I’d forgotten all about a meeting that I was supposed to go to and by the time I got off of the phone with her, I was back to the immediate job at hand. I was going to have to worry about the rest of it later.
Leaving my office, I made it downtown and met up with an old friend and client that I had forgotten about. I had been doing a lot of that lately, forgetting what I was supposed to be doing.
“What’s up Chris?”
“Not much Rosco. It’s been a while.”
“It has. I have been here for almost two hours.”
He wasn’t mad, but he wanted to know what had been holding me up. I would have wanted the same; though I don’t think I would have waited as long as he did. I would have been rude and he always had more tact than I did.