by Lauren Wood
“This is delicious.” Ben said. “I’m really sorry about my comments last night. You know they say that people often think of things as dumb, just because they don’t understand them. Really I want to know everything, and I promise to listen.”
“Apology accepted. Now finish eating and go help Sally plow.” Sara motioned for him to finish up and go.
Ben gulped down the rest of his meal and finished it off with a huge cup of coffee. He ran out the door to go to the field. He found Sally there struggling to control the horses as they moved the plowing instrument through the dirt.
I don’t know how to do this, how in the world am I even going to help her. He studied her closely, trying to pick up her movements so that he could duplicate them. “I’m not sure to help you, what would you like me to do?” He asks her.
She shakes her head as to say right now she doesn’t need him. He stands watching her, just in case she calls on him for help. He’s studying her so much that he doesn’t notice the old man who comes up behind him.
“Hello young man. What are you doing here?” The old man’s voice is loud, and Ben jumps.
“Oh I didn’t notice you coming up, I’m sorry. My name’s Ben, I’m here to visit my Cousin’s.” He holds out his hand to shake the man’s hand.
“Hmm, I’m not sure I’ve ever heard of you. Which cousin are you?” He asks Ben.
Ben is wondering who this old man is, when Sally spots him and runs up. “Grandpa, how are you today?” She asks.
Now it makes sense to him, he must improvise though. “I’m her fourth cousin on her Uncle Burt’s side. We live up near the St. Lawrence River area in New York.”
“Oh welcome to our community. I had heard we had a few relatives in that area. So Sara was kind enough to take you in? That’s nice of her, but I don’t know if it will help her out in the community or not.” The old man stated.
“Well she should be considered as a very generous young lady. I think my cousin Sara might have given the wrong impression somehow.” Ben stated he felt as if he was defending her honor. He had wanted to say much more, but didn’t dare. It would have given up the story, and Sara would be kicked out of the community.
“It’s that generous nature that made her the outcast. She should never have stuck up for Elizabeth. Not like she did anyway. If she really did know the truth, though some of us still wonder if she was fooled by the young girl’s story too.” The old man said.
“I don’t think I’ve heard this story.”
“Elizabeth went out for rumspringa and when she came back she was pregnant. Not only that but she tried to accuse one of the young men of the community, saying he had raped her. The truth came out though, and she was shipped off. Sara had fought for the girl, though she had never said anything about the boy. That’s what makes me think she knew the truth all along. Surely if she was sticking up for her friend, she would have wanted him to be in trouble. But instead she always avoiding condemning him. Some fell for the story that she didn’t know the truth, not me though. One more mistake from her, and she will be kicked out for sure.” He stated.
Ben studied the man, he was quite serious, and Ben could see it in his eyes. “That would be a shame. I don’t know about this story though, and what she knew and didn’t know. I can only tell you the little bit I’ve seen and she’s a good girl, who will be a fine woman for some man one day.” Ben stated.
“Oh she will never be a bride. No man in our community would touch her. She’s been marked by her choices of friends. She most likely had sex during rumspringa too. After all her and Elizabeth were like sisters.”
Ben wanted to say, just because one of them was wild, it didn’t mean both of them were. He had never seen a sign from Sara that she even thought about such things, let alone had sex already. No she seemed pure as the day was white. “That’s a shame I think those men will be missing out a great bride.”
The old man studied him a bit longer, and then wished him a good day. Ben studied the old man as he walked away. The weight of how bad it was for Sara in this community hit him like a brick.
Chapter Five
Sara was fuming as she got ready to go out and work for the day. She had just finished the dishes from breakfast, and Ben hadn’t lifted a finger to help out at all. Not with anything, many times she had tried to get him to help with chores. But he would simply look at her and go do something else.
She didn’t mind teaching him things about this culture, but he needed to experience it too. How could he do that if he was so darn lazy though? She had all but come out and asked him to help her with the fields today.
“Oh, I sure wish I could find someone to help me plow the field today.” Sara had muttered loudly as he was eating the breakfast she had cooked.
“What about Henry?” Ben had asked her.
“He’s off to school right now.” Sara had answered.
“Okay, how about your grandpa?”
She hadn’t even answered him. She had gotten up and went to the kitchen. “Ask your grandpa?” She muttered under her breath as she began to wash the dishes.
“I guess the fact that he’s old and can’t handle the horses wouldn’t be apparent to some hot shot movie star. Or the fact that even if I asked, he would be too ashamed to help me, and what others in the community would say about him.” She said angrily to the air.
Sara knew that Ben was aware of her own standing in the community. However, what she wasn’t aware of was that he might have no idea what that meant to everyone else. Hopefully, Henry and Sally could avoid too much harm. After all they were young enough that the community could see that they had to stay where they were. If her grandpa had been younger, he would have quickly taken them in. At that point, they might have even decided to kick Sara out of the community. That would have depended on who believed her about Elizabeth or not. She hadn’t known during rumspringa that Elizabeth had sex. In fact, she hadn’t seen much of Elizabeth during that time. But no one in the community would believe that. No her and Elizabeth had always been together, so why would it be different at any point? That’s what they all thought; she could see it in their eyes. She was sure that the vote would have been to expel her right away. She would be placed in exile and never allowed back into any Amish community in this area, and perhaps others.
Her mind was on all of this as she started to get the horses ready for work. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Ben as he approached. The horse wasn’t cooperating with her, for some reason he seemed frightened.
As she took her eyes off of the horse to look around at what might be scaring him, she didn’t see anything. The next thing she knew was she was in the dirt, spitting it out of her mouth.
“What in the world did you do that for?” She yelled at Ben.
“He was charging right at you, didn’t you see him?” Ben yelled back. “He would have killed you if he ran you over. What in the hell were you doing?” His voice was loud and carried far.
Sara looked around to see if anyone was going by close enough to hear him. “Can you please lower your voice?” She asked. “I was looking around to see why he was scared. I didn’t see him coming at me. Thank you very much for saving me. I apologize for yelling at you.” She said calmly.
As she had been sitting up in the dirt she had seen Ben calm the horse down and tie him up. “How did you calm the horse so quickly?” She asked. She tried to stand up and almost fell down again. Ben grabbed her quickly, “Did you get hurt?”
“Yeah I think it’s just a little twist though. I can put some ice on it after I get to the house. But I may need your help to get there.” She said.
“No problem just lean right on me if you need too.” He lowered his arm so she could grab on to it. She felt a rush of heat go through her body as they touched.
Flushed she took an unsteady step, but quickly recovered as she felt more of his body press against hers. He had steadied her and quickly moved away though.
“So to answer your question I know al
l about horses. See I was raised on a ranch in Texas. My parents ran a small one outside of Amarillo Texas. That’s where I grew up, every year since age 2 I knew about horses. I rode my first horse at that age, by age 4 I was riding them alone like they were a part of me. I love them.” Ben’s eyes has been wistful as he talked about growing up. “Don’t ever tell anyone that I’m just a small town country boy, it will hurt my image!” He laughed.
She chuckled. “I can tell you still love horses. I honestly would have never imagined you to be a hard worker though.”
She saw him flinch at the comment. “Well I mean since you’ve been here you’ve done nothing.”
Ben had the decency to at least look embarrassed by her comment. “Looks like I’m going to have to help now. I’m sorry if I’ve seemed so lazy.”
He helped her into a chair in the house and went to get the ice to put on her ankle.
Chapter Six
Ben came down to see Sara hobbling to work on dinner.
“Hey I can do that, sit down.” He ordered her.
“I’m okay; really it doesn’t hurt much at all anymore.” She said.
“Yeah I can tell by how much weight you’re putting on it. That means I think you’re lying.” Ben pulled out her chair and told to sit down. “I can do this for you, no problem. I’ve had to cook before. Here put this ice on your ankle and I don’t want to see you up again.
Sara sat down and looked towards the kitchen. She had laid, her ankle hurt quite a bit still. But they needed to eat dinner, what else could she do? Sally was out doing other choirs on the farm, and Henry shouldn’t cook. Well he could in emergencies, but she wouldn’t trust him to be able to boil water.
Of course she had no idea what kind of cook Ben was either. She hoped that she wouldn’t smell anything burning.
She had listened to him a while when they got back as he had talked more about the small ranch in Texas. He had seemed so happy when he talked about most of his childhood.
“So what about your parents, what were they like?” Sara asked Ben.
His face had changed instantly and the happiness faded right before her eyes. “Well they didn’t get along at all. They were always fighting about something, anything, and everything. If dad breathed the wrong way, mom would yell.” He had explained.
“Why? Didn’t they love one another?” Sara had asked curiously.
“I often asked myself the same thing, many times. I don’t know, I think they honestly loved one another. It wasn’t all moms; dad would do the same thing to her. I guess that is one of the reasons I’ve never seriously considered marrying.” Ben sighed.
“You should feel lucky to have the chance to marry. That’s been taken away from me now. I’ll never be asked to marry in this community. Not even the older widows will dare come near me.” Sara had looked down.
“I’m sorry.” Ben had said and touched her hand.
Sara had felt that same shock of heat pass through her body. She needed out of here, but she was hurt. “You know what I’m a little tired; I think I’m going to lie down for a few minutes.” She lied.
He had helped her to her bedroom door and she had told him she would take it from there.
“Oh darn it.” Sara heard Ben cry out from the kitchen.
As she went to stand up, he came rushing out of the kitchen. “Don’t you dare get up, everything is just fine. Dinner will be on the table in just a few minutes.” He said to her.
Sara plopped back down on the chair. She would have to wait to see what exactly happened, she just hoped it wasn’t too bad.
“Dinner ready yet?” Henry and Sally came in the door and looked at her.
“Well Ben is cooking tonight since I couldn’t stand on my ankle.” She explained.
“Does he even know how to cook?” Henry asked.
“Let’s hope so.” Sally said.
Sara looked at them seriously, “Now is that anyone to show thanks that he did this so you could eat?”
They both looked down ashamed, “No ma’am.” They answered together.
“Dinner’s served.” Ben came out in a flourish from the kitchen.
What he was carrying might pass for food in his part of the world, but Sara heard a collective sigh around the table. She couldn’t chastise Henry and Sally because she had sighed too.
“Looks interesting, I must say.” Sara finally said.
“Yeah that would say exactly what I was thinking too.” Henry said.
Sally just nodded her head. Sally could tell she was trying hard to hold in a laugh.
Sara was almost scared to take the first bite, but she knew Henry and Sally were waiting for her. She tried to keep her face as neutral as she could, but it tasted horrible. “Hmm, that’s good.”
She watched as Henry and Sally took a bit of their food. They weren’t as adept at holding their faces emotionless.
“Look I’m really sorry, I burnt it a bit.” Ben said.
“It’s not that bad, really. Eat all your food Henry and Sally.” Sara ordered.
They ate begrudgingly, but finished their food. Since they sister was hurt, they actually took their plates into the kitchen.
“I’ll do the dishes.” Ben shouted out as they went out of the room.
Sara heard the telltale sign of the door opening and closing as the two escaped, not even stopping to tell him thank you. She had to laugh, but she wobbled into the kitchen behind Ben.
“Look don’t say a word, let me help you, I’ll stand and wash.” Sara said to him.
He looked like he was going to argue, but finally stepped aside and let her get to the sink. He took the dishes and dried them and made sure to look around and place them in the right spots. He planned on getting up early and making breakfast, and doing a better job of it. He wanted to redeem himself with a better meal.
She picked up a pan and next thing Ben knew she was on the floor. He bent over to help her up. “I just lost my balance, I’m okay.” She said.
Ben helped her stand up, they were so close. The way she was looking up at him made him want to cover her mouth with his. She was close enough; all he would have to do is lean forward a half an inch.
He stepped back. “You sure you’re okay?” He asked.
“Yes, really, I’m fine. But that pan will have to soak with water in it overnight. I’ll never get it clean right now.” She said.
“Great, well I’m going to go to bed now then. Can you make it to your room okay?” He asked.
She looked at him as she was trying to study him. “No I’m fine, I’ll make it there.” She said.
Ben escaped to his room as quickly as he could. When he got to his room, he slowly got his emotions under control.
“What the hell were you thinking Ben?” He asked himself.
He had wanted to kiss her so badly, he had almost done it. Hell he wanted to go and find her right now and kiss her passionately.
“What is it about her?”
She was nothing like the supermodels he always had on his arm. But he had been drawn to her since he had first set his eyes on her. Ben had to admit that more than one night he had fallen asleep and had erotic dreams about her.
But he had to control himself. She would never leave this life, and he didn’t want to live it full-time. No thank you, he thought. I don’t have long left now, and I can leave and never come back. She’s not part of my future, so I have to control these feelings.
Sure I could seduce her and take her, he thought. “That would be far too low; they would banish her for sure if they found out.” For some reason he was sure they would know too.
No he would leave he and she would be left alone, he would now be sure that those emotions didn’t come up anymore.
Chapter Seven
Sara stretched as she woke up. Her skin flushed as she thought about the kitchen last night. Ben had almost kissed her; she had seen a look in his eyes when they had been so close. She had wanted him to do it too, but she felt so ashamed about those feelings.
Her parents had always talked to her about doing the right things. When she had gone on her rumspringa she had been a good girl. She hadn’t done anything like the other kids had, especially Elizabeth.
She wistfully thought about what Elizabeth’s life must be like on the outside. Was it fun? Could she ever do it? There were so many things she was beginning to wish she had experienced during rumspringa. But the truth was that she would never have done anything that she thought her parents might find out about later. She liked them to look at her with pride.
For that reason she hadn’t gone on rumspringa but for a few days. But when she had come back only her parents had known. She had asked them to just allow her to let everyone think that she had been gone.
They hadn’t understood her reasons for it. But she had known. She didn’t want Elizabeth to be right about her. Of course her and Elizabeth had planned to do all sorts of things together on rumspringa. But as the time had gotten closer Sara was more nervous about the adventure. She didn’t say anything to Elizabeth though, and just acted like she was excited. Sara had hoped once they were in town she would become excited about the prospect.
However, after they had gotten to town, Sara found that she was too nervous. Elizabeth had talked her to at least going to a bar for a drink. Sara had felt guilty the whole time; she had taken a small sip of the alcohol. The only reason had been because Elizabeth had been watching her so closely.
Sara had excused herself saying she hadn’t felt well. Elizabeth had stayed in the bar. When Sara had woken up the next morning, Elizabeth still wasn’t back. She had been scared, thinking perhaps Elizabeth had been killed.
A few minutes later when Elizabeth came in, Sara had first hugged her friend, but then became angry.
“Do you have any idea how worried I was about you?” Sara had asked.
“Look if I wanted my parents here with me, I would have stayed at home. I think I’m going to get my own room, or maybe stay with a friend. Your just a chicken and you won’t do a thing, you’ll probably turn and run back to the community once I leave.” Elizabeth had said.