MB08 - I’ll Be Your Sweetheart

by Joan Jonker

  Her mate didn’t turn a hair. Putting on her innocent expression, she said, ‘I didn’t have no servant before you came along, girl. Didn’t even have any friends. So yer can imagine how happy I was when I met you. I went from having nothing to having a friend, a servant, and a throne, all in one go. Then I knew my ship had come in.’

  Molly looked at Corker and shrugged her shoulders. ‘I don’t know why I bother, ’cos it’s just a waste of breath. Unlike your horses, I can’t win.’

  Nellie’s mouth formed several contortions before she could get her words out. ‘Ooh, did our horse win, Corker?’

  ‘It wasn’t our horse, Nellie,’ Molly said. ‘I’ve told yer a dozen times but it doesn’t seem to sink in. If Corker has managed to find a solution regarding Flora, there’ll be no money involved, and everything will be hunky dory. You and me will be off the hook, and Flora will have no money worries.’ She looked at Corker. ‘Put us out of our misery, sunshine, but keep yer own business to yerself, or it’ll be round the street in no time.’

  ‘I’m so chuffed with meself, Molly, I’ll probably be blowing me trumpet in the pub tonight. So the whole neighbourhood will know without Nellie telling them. There’ll be a few pints for Jack and George, and a couple of bottles of milk stout for you good ladies.’

  Nellie was all ears. ‘Have yer had a win, then, Corker?’

  ‘I’ve won a few bob, Nellie, yes, but I’m not telling yer how much. If Ellen and the kids get to know, it’ll be gone before I know it.’

  ‘Don’t let them cadge it off yer before me and Molly get our milk stouts, Corker.’ Nellie had it in her mind to say if he’d give her the money she’d run up and get them, because the pub would be open now. But common sense prevailed when she considered what her mate would have to say.

  ‘Trust you to think about yerself, sunshine,’ Molly said, her head shaking slowly. ‘To hell with everyone else as long as you’re happy.’

  ‘It was meant as a joke, girl. Have yer got no bleeding sense of humour? Yer’ve got a gob on yer that would stop a ruddy clock.’

  Molly took it in good part. ‘Ooh, what clock is that, Nellie? There’s some beautiful-looking clocks. Like that one in Cookson’s window. I passed the shop the other day and thought how lovely it was, and how I’d buy it if I had the money.’

  Nellie’s tummy was shaking with silent laughter. ‘Okay, girl, I think we’re about even now, so shall we be quiet and listen to what Corker has to say?’

  It didn’t take the big man very long to show how he had filled in the blank betting slip. ‘I’ve made a bet in Mrs Parker’s name, see, for two shillings. The horse I’ve put down is the one that came in at six to one, and she’d placed her bet on it to win. So, in theory, she won twelve shillings.’

  ‘Oh, that’s marvellous, Corker, ye’re very kind. That lets me and Nellie off. I know I’ve got to tell a lie to Flora when I show her the betting slip, but it’s a damn sight better than trying to find excuses every week for nearly a year. That betting slip is a godsend, and I owe you one big favour.’

  ‘You owe me nothing, Molly me darlin’. I was thinking of giving you some of me winnings for the old lady, but although I’d be only too pleased to help, I know it would be too awkward for you to explain.’

  Nellie piped up. ‘She wouldn’t take any money off yer, lad. She’s too proud.’

  Molly was looking down at the betting slip she was holding. ‘The money has made her independent, Corker, and allowed her to pay her way. At least we know she’ll have gas, coal and food. But if starving herself would get her husband’s watch back, then she’d starve to death with it in her hand.’

  ‘I’ve been giving that some thought,’ Corker said. ‘I’ll go out a bit earlier tonight, and visit a few of the local pubs. I’ll ask the landlords to spread the word, and yer never know, something might turn up. Whoever the rotter was who stole it, he must be fairly local. He must have known the old lady lived on her own. He’d probably been keeping tabs on her house for a few days to see who comes and goes. That’s why he picked on Flora. And the only places he’s going to be able to sell the watch is in the pubs. It’s worth a try, anyway. As yer know, yer have to be tough to be a pub landlord, and some of them would turn a blind eye to crooked dealing in their pubs. But not when the stolen goods have been taken from the house of a woman in her eighties. They certainly wouldn’t defend or protect such a rotter. Anyway, as I said, it’s worth a try.’

  ‘The police said something along the same lines, Corker,’ Molly told him, ‘And they mentioned pawnshops.’

  Corker pushed himself off the couch. ‘Most pawnbrokers are straight. They wouldn’t entertain stolen goods in case the police raided their shops. But I know two who buy anything that’s going. They sell from under the counter, and in my eyes they are lower than the robbers.’ He ran two fingers down the crease in his trouser legs, then stretched to his full height. ‘Anyway, I’ll love yer and leave yer, or Ellen will have strong words with me if the dinner gets cold. Don’t forget to give me that slip back after yer’ve shown it to Flora.’

  ‘We’ll go round and see her now, shall we, girl?’ Nellie was all for a little diversion in her life. ‘She’d be made up to see us.’

  Molly had other ideas, though. ‘Not tonight, sunshine, I think we’ve seen enough of each other for one day. Don’t forget this is your third time here. No, we’ll go tomorrow. Sunday is a nice peaceful day, just the day for bearing good news to a lovely old lady.’

  ‘Come on, Nellie, I’ll see yer home,’ Corker said, taking her arm. Her head back as far as it would go, Nellie looked up at him.

  ‘But yer only live next door.’

  ‘I know that, Nellie me darlin’, but I’ll see yer to yer door to make sure yer come to no harm.’

  ‘I don’t want yer to save me from harm, yer big daft ha’p’orth.’ Nellie’s eyes rolled. ‘If some handsome man comes along, and fancies my voluptuous body, I don’t want yer frightening him off.’

  Molly chuckled. ‘Nellie, the chances of a handsome man coming along between here and your house, which is about ten yards away, are more remote than the chances would be of a horse we put money on winning a blinking race.’

  Corker put his arm across the little woman’s shoulder. ‘Come on, me darlin’. And I promise I’ll make meself scarce if I see a man of any shape or size on the horizon.’ As he led Nellie towards the door, Corker called over his shoulder, ‘I’ll see yer about eight o’clock, Jack. Then we’ll pick up George.’

  Walking behind them to see them out, Molly heard her mate say, ‘If yer don’t get an answer, lad, yer’ll know me and George are in bed. I don’t see why yer should have all the fun. I’ll tell him to follow yer on, though, but don’t be surprised if he hasn’t got the energy to lift his pint up.’

  Chapter Seven

  Jack let out a sigh of satisfaction as he pushed his empty dinner plate out of the way so he could rest his elbows on the table. ‘That dinner was really tasty, love. It’s not often we have a whole chicken for our dinner.’

  His daughter nodded in agreement. ‘It was last Christmas we had a chicken.’ Ruthie rubbed her tummy. ‘I liked the stuffing best, though. It wasn’t half tasty, Mam. I don’t suppose there’s any left?’

  ‘Yer suppose right, sunshine, the bowl is empty. Besides, yer eyes must be bigger than yer belly, ’cos after the dinner yer’ve just had, I’ll bet yer couldn’t eat another bite.’

  Ruthie grinned. ‘I could try, Mam.’

  ‘Seeing as there’s none left, yer’d have a job. And the reason we don’t have chicken often is because I can’t afford it. And for your information, the only reason we had one today is because Tony had ordered too many.’

  Jack raised his brows. ‘How on earth did he come to do that? He’s had that shop for so many years yer’d think he’d know exactly what to order.’ He began to chuckle. ‘Mind you, I’m not sorry he slipped up. If we can benefit from it, he should slip up more often.’

  ‘I felt s
orry for him, ’cos he’s a good scout is Tony,’ Molly said. ‘He’s been good to me and Nellie over the years, and that means he’s been good to our families. When he does us a favour, he’s doing you one as well. So I did feel sorry for him yesterday when he was telling me and Nellie what a lousy day he was having. His customers were spending coppers on stew and cheap mutton chops, instead of joints of meat, or chickens.’

  ‘He won’t lose out, love,’ Jack told her. ‘I bet he had a rush of customers after you left.

  ‘I don’t think so, sunshine, because there were no other customers in the shop, and there weren’t many people about in the streets. It wasn’t only Tony’s shop that was quiet; all the other shops were slack.’

  ‘He won’t lose out, love, don’t you worry. What he didn’t sell yesterday can be sold next week. He’s got a good-sized storeroom, and the meat will come to no harm.’

  There was a smile hovering around Molly’s lips when she answered. ‘Yeah, he’s got a big storeroom. Me and Nellie have been in it a few times when Ellen’s made a pot of tea and the shop’s been quiet. Tony’s good like that, he doesn’t mind Ellen giving us a cuppa.’

  Jack was nodding knowingly. ‘Yer see, I told yer the meat will come to no harm. If it’s put in the storeroom it’ll be fine, and Tony can flog it tomorrow.’

  Molly was trying to keep the laughter back, and her face straight, when she informed her husband, ‘Oh, it wasn’t the meat Tony was worrying about, it was the number of chickens. There weren’t enough hooks in the storeroom for him to hang them all in there.’

  ‘Good heavens, love, what’s wrong with the man?’ Jack raised his eyes to the ceiling. ‘I always thought Tony ran that shop like clockwork, but he can’t be very organized if he buys more than he can sell, or store.’

  Ruthie had been sitting as quiet as a mouse. She really wasn’t interested in what was being said, and couldn’t understand why her mam and dad were wasting so much time talking about the butcher. What difference did it make to them whether he sold his meat or not? Then the girl caught a glint in her mother’s eye, and she sat up straight. There was something in the wind, and she bet that whatever it was involved her mam, Auntie Nellie, and Tony. Which meant there was bound to be laughter on the way.

  ‘Oh, Tony’s not behind the door for brains, Jack. He knows the butcher’s business inside out. He knows his customers by name, what meat they buy, and what he should have in stock. Anyway, with the help of my mate Nellie, everything was sorted out to suit all concerned.’

  Jack rested his chin on a clenched fist. ‘I do believe you’ve been having me on, Mrs Woman, haven’t yer?’

  ‘Ye’re very easy to fool, sunshine, ’cos ye’re too trusting, that’s your trouble. But just wait until I tell Tony that yer think he’s incompetent, disorganized and doesn’t know how to run a shop properly. It’s a dead cert there’ll not be another chicken on this table for the foreseeable future. Yer’ve blotted yer copybook good and proper.’

  Jack’s deep brown eyes stared into eyes as blue as the sky on a summer’s day. ‘Am I to understand that my own wife is going to snitch on me?’

  ‘The thought was crossing my mind, sunshine, until I remembered that I’d be cutting me nose off to spite me face. You don’t get any chicken, then me and Ruthie would have to go without as well. So we’ll leave well alone and give praise and thanks to Nellie for the very nice meal we’ve just enjoyed.’

  ‘I’m afraid yer’ve lost me again, love,’ Jack said, looking slightly bewildered. ‘Where does Nellie fit into all this? Unless she bought the chicken for us, but I can’t believe yer’d let her do that.’ After a moment’s thought, he chuckled. ‘Come to think of it, I can’t believe Nellie would do that anyway.’

  ‘Listen, Jack, if Nellie ever bought us a chicken, she’d expect to be invited to dinner. And the amount she can eat, we wouldn’t stand a dog’s chance. She’d scoff the lot before we had time to pick up a knife and fork.’ Molly rubbed the side of her nose. ‘I’ve been talking a load of rubbish for the last twenty minutes, and seeing as Nellie will be calling for me soon to go to Flora’s, I’d better leave the true story until I come back.’ She caught and held her daughter’s eye. ‘Unless Ruthie will be an angel and clear the table for me and wash up?’

  The girl looked horrified. ‘Ah, ay, Mam! I want to know what happened as well as me dad. I know you and Auntie Nellie have been up to something, I can tell, and I can’t hear yer if I’m in the kitchen with the tap running. So I’ll do a deal with yer. You let me hear what yer’ve got to say, then I’ll help yer with the dishes and tidy up. That’s fair, isn’t it?’

  Molly knew her daughter to be a good little worker, and between them they’d have the jobs done in no time. What they didn’t do, Jack would finish off. ‘It’s a deal, sunshine, so here goes.’ She took a deep breath before beginning to relate what happened in the butcher’s shop the day before. ‘Tony did have a lot of chickens hanging up, that part was true. And he did say he couldn’t understand why they weren’t selling as well as they usually did on a Saturday. He wasn’t moaning, like, ’cos he’s not like that. He was just telling us in the course of conversation. But yer know what Nellie’s like, she doesn’t miss a trick and is not backward in coming forward.’

  Pushing her chair back, Molly got to her feet. ‘I may as well do the job properly, so imagine I’m Nellie, and this is how it went.’ Although Molly wasn’t endowed with a bosom of the same magnitude as her mate’s, she had her facial expression and her stance off to perfection. ‘Here goes. “Ah, I am sorry for yer, lad, and I hope trade picks up for yer, ’cos chickens are funny buggers. They’re not like meat, what will keep for a few days. No, chickens go a funny colour and start to smell in no time. And they don’t half pong. Yer have to open all the doors to let the smell out and the fresh air in.”’ Molly hitched up an imaginary bosom and her face took on an expression of sweet innocence. ‘“I don’t like to see yer stuck, lad, so me and Molly will help yer out by taking two of the chickens off yer hands. That’s if we can have them cheap, of course, ’cos we’d be doing yer a favour. Otherwise, when yer open up on Monday, the place will stink to high heaven and yer customers will run like hell to the butcher’s in Stanley Road.”’ Molly’s head gave a sharp nod which was a habit of Nellie’s when she was in full flow. ‘“And they wouldn’t come back to yer, ’cos the butcher in Stanley Road is the spitting image of Clark Gable.”’ Molly dropped her pose, moved to one side and became Tony the butcher.

  ‘“Nellie, the butcher in Stanley Road looks more like Charles Laughton than Clark Gable. But as yer seem to be losing yer eyesight, I’ll take pity on yer. I’m a sucker for sad cases, so I’ll knock sixpence off a chicken for you and Molly.”’

  Jack’s guffaw was loud. ‘He didn’t, did he?’

  ‘Oh, that’s not all,’ Molly told him. ‘Nellie wasn’t satisfied and leaned over the counter. “I’ve always said yer were a smasher, Tony, I’m forever singing yer praises. Me and Molly are going to get our spuds and things from the greengrocer’s now, so while we’re away, will yer cut the heads off the chickens for us?” Tony was looking at her as though she’d gone mad. I think he was about to tell her to take a running jump when she added, “Oh, before I forget, lad, would yer stick yer hand up their backsides and take out the giblets? I hate that job.” And before the poor man had time to answer back, she pulled me out of the shop and I was dragged to the greengrocer’s. I don’t think me feet even touched the ground. And when Nellie saw me open me mouth to tell her what I thought of her, she beat me to it. “I thought it best to make a hasty retreat, girl, before he had time to change his mind.’”

  Ruthie was holding her tummy while she shook with laughter. ‘Ooh, I wish I’d been there. Me Auntie Nellie’s not half funny.’

  ‘I can laugh at it meself, now,’ Molly admitted, ‘but I was embarrassed at the time. I wouldn’t have dared to ask Tony to sell us the chickens with sixpence knocked off the price. Not after him being so good to us over
the years. I look on him as a friend. And if there’d been other customers in the shop there would have been a stampede, with them all demanding a cheap chicken.’

  Jack was afraid Nellie might knock and he wouldn’t get to hear the ending until much later. So he decided to hurry things along. ‘And what happened when yer got back to Tony’s? Did he have the birds cleaned and ready for yer?’

  Molly began to laugh so hard she couldn’t speak for a while. Then, after she’d composed herself enough to get some words out without spluttering, she said, ‘That was the funniest stunt Tony has ever pulled on us, and yer should have seen Nellie’s face! Talk about a picture no artist could paint, well, me mate’s face went through every emotion humanly possible. For when we got to the counter, and I asked him if we could have the chickens now, he bent down and brought out two chickens with their heads and feathers intact, and their feet tied together with string. I looked from Tony’s face to Nellie’s, and I felt sure she was going to burst a blood vessel. The veins in her neck and her temples were blue.

  ‘“What the bleeding hell do yer think ye’re playing at, yer stupid bugger? If yer think I’m paying good money for them, well, yer’ve got another think coming. Just look at them! The poor buggers should have been left on the farm to live out their lives in peace. It wouldn’t have been long, for the poor sods look as though they were dead before they got killed. And now I come to look at them, at their faces, like, and their skinny legs, they remind me of someone. Are you related to them by any chance, lad?’”

  Jack and Ruthie were doubled over, their eyes running with tears of laughter. ‘Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.’ Jack gulped. ‘So Nellie had to put her hand inside the chicken’s backside after all? Or did you do them both?’

  ‘Did I heckers like.’ Molly wrinkled her nose. ‘Couldn’t cut the head off a chicken if yer paid me. Or pluck it and take out the giblets. Me tummy is turning over now, just at the thought of it.’