MB08 - I’ll Be Your Sweetheart

by Joan Jonker

  ‘The lady with the large family, who always seems to run instead of walk? Yes, I know Annie. Why?’

  ‘Well, she didn’t know about the break-in until Sunday, and when she heard, she told Lily that she’d seen a man coming out of Flora’s front door on the Monday morning. She didn’t think anything of it at the time, she just thought he’d been visiting the old lady. And yer can’t blame her; how was she to know any different?’

  ‘Mmm, that’s interesting. Whoever the burglar was, he had a nerve showing his face in the street.’ Corker stroked his beard while he digested the latest development. ‘I’m surprised no one informed the police and gave a description.’

  ‘Ah, well, there wasn’t a description as such. Yer just said yerself that Annie is always on the run, and she didn’t give the bloke more than a glance. She was mad with herself when she knew, said she’d have screamed the place down and the bloke would have been caught. Flora’s next door neighbours either side, Lily and May, they quizzed her on what he looked like and what he was wearing, but all Annie could remember was that he looked young and was wearing a cap pulled low over his eyes. After all, it was over a week ago now.’

  ‘The police should have been told this information, Molly. They have ways of jogging people’s memory. They know how to ask the right questions.’

  ‘To tell yer the truth, Corker, me and Nellie did have a go at Annie, and we got a bit more out of her. Not much, like, but enough to help the police identify the bloke. He was young, according to Annie, probably eighteen to twenty. He had a sallow complexion, thin build, and was wearing a dirty-looking knee-length coat and an old cap which Annie now remembers thinking should have been thrown in the midden long ago. And before yer say any more about the police not being informed, well, me and Nellie are definitely going to the police station in the morning. We’ll get through our housework on the double, knock to see how things are in Doreen’s, then if all is well we’ll go to the police station before we do our shopping.’

  Jack came to join them, saying, ‘Bella is home safe and sound with a new hairstyle which had Mary’s eyes popping out of her head.’

  Molly tutted. ‘Don’t tell me our Ruthie has cut Bella’s hair short, or bleached it blonde? I wouldn’t put it past her.’

  Jack chuckled. ‘As a matter of fact, love, our daughter had done an excellent job, and Mary was as pleased as Punch. And yer won’t know yer daughter; she’s got her hair in pigtails. It suits her, too.’

  ‘God knows what they’ll be up to next,’ Molly said, rooting in her pocket for the front door key in case Ruthie had gone to bed. ‘It’s this double birthday party, they can’t sit still for excitement. They talk of nothing else but what dress they’ll wear, or what hairstyle suits them best. They’re only having the party in our house, but listening to them talk, yer’d think it was going to be a big posh do in the Adelphi.’

  ‘I bet you were just the same at their age, Molly me darlin’,’ Corker said. ‘It’s a big step in their lives, being sixteen. And they’ll have as much fun at a party in your house as they would in the Adelphi. More, in fact, because they would be so awestruck at the chandeliers in the grand hotel, they’d be afraid to open their mouths.’

  Molly handed the key to Jack. ‘Put the kettle on, love, I’m gasping for a cuppa. And I’ll say goodnight to yer, Corker. I’ll let yer know how me and Nellie get on at the police station.’

  ‘Goodnight and God bless, Molly.’ Corker walked two steps to his own front door. He wasn’t going to tell his neighbour that the information she’d given him about the rotter who had robbed Flora Parker would be used by himself. Tomorrow night he’d visit all the local pubs he’d called at when he first heard of Flora’s plight. This fuller description of the thief may ring a bell with one of the managers. It was certainly worth a try.

  Molly shivered as they stood outside the police station. ‘It’s queer, sunshine, but I always have a funny feeling when I see a bobby, even though I’ve done nothing wrong. And I feel like shaking in me shoes now I’ve got to walk into the station. If they don’t attend to us right away, I’ll pass out.’

  Nellie hitched her bosom and shook her head to give her chins a breath of fresh air. ‘I know a good way of making sure they attend to us on the double, girl. Don’t you worry, I’ll see to it that we’re in and out in no time.’

  There was suspicion on Molly’s face. ‘For heaven’s sake, sunshine, don’t make a show of me, not in a police station. There’s a time and place for everything, and this is neither the time or place.’

  ‘Oh, stop being so fussy, girl, and let’s get on with it. If we stand here much longer they’ll arrest us for loitering.’

  Molly gave herself a mental shake, took a deep breath, and mounted the steps into the police station. The sooner the ordeal was over the better, and she could relax. But if Molly had known what her mate was planning, she’d have turned on her heel and run for all she was worth.

  The policeman sitting at the desk behind the window stopped writing when the two women walked in. ‘Good morning, ladies. Can I help you?’

  Nellie pushed herself in front of Molly and leaned an elbow on the window shelf. ‘Well, it’s like this, lad. I don’t want no help, but me friend might. And her husband definitely doesn’t want no help ’cos he’s past it. Yer see, she’s just murdered him.’

  Molly gasped as she watched the policeman’s jaw drop so fast his top set of false teeth fell out and on to the desk. He recovered his teeth before his composure, and he couldn’t get his words out without stuttering. ‘Wait there until I fetch the sergeant. Don’t go away.’

  Molly didn’t know whether to faint or run like hell. She thought of another option she had, and that was strangling her mate. But strangling someone in a police station wasn’t a very good idea. ‘What the hell did yer tell him that for? This is a joke too far, sunshine, and that bobby’s boss might not have a sense of humour.’

  ‘I told yer I would get them to attend to us right away, and I did. So what are yer moaning for? Left to you, we’d have been here all day.’

  Molly didn’t know where to start. ‘Nellie, the chances are that I might be here for a very long time, behind bars. Yer’ve pulled some stunts in yer life, but yer’ve gone too far this time and landed us both in trouble.’

  But Nellie wasn’t the least perturbed. ‘Don’t be piling the agony on, girl, there’s nothing to worry about. When the bobby comes back I’ll tell him I was only pulling his leg, and I bet yer any money he’ll see the funny side.’

  However, he wasn’t on his own when he came back. He was accompanied by a very serious-looking plain-clothes detective, who happened to be the one who had visited Flora. He nodded briefly to acknowledge he remembered them, then said, ‘If what the constable has told me is true, it’s a very serious accusation. I’d like yer to come through to the interview room and explain to me in detail what happened.’

  ‘We won’t come through if yer don’t mind, lad,’ Nellie said, rising to her full four foot ten inches. ‘We’re on our way to the butcher’s, yer see. We only called in to give yer some information we’ve been given about the bloke what robbed Mrs Flora Parker.’

  The detective frowned. ‘I am more interested in what you told the constable, which was a very serious accusation. So please come through and make a statement.’

  By this time Molly was in a state of panic. Her mate had surpassed herself this time, and landed them both in hot water. She’d have to put a stop to it before it went too far. ‘I’m sorry, inspector,’ she said, after taking a deep breath. ‘I really have to apologize for my friend, whose sense of humour has for once gone too far. I had no idea she was going to tell the constable what she did, and I can understand if you are angry at us for wasting your time. The real reason we are here is, as Mrs McDonough said, to pass on information we’ve been given about Mrs Parker’s burglary.’

  The detective, Steve Willard, was, against his better judgement, beginning to see the funny side. It certainly
made a change from dealing with women moaning about nosy neighbours, kids breaking windows, drunks, vagabonds and thieves. ‘So, you haven’t murdered your husband? What your friend told the constable wasn’t true?’

  Molly’s eyes sent an apology to Nellie before she said, ‘No, it’s not true. But Mrs McDonough didn’t mean any harm. It was only a joke.’

  Nellie was silent while all this was going on. She thought the whole episode was hilarious and she deserved a pat on the back for thinking up something so funny. And she couldn’t understand why her mate was giving her daggers. After all, she’d done what she said she would, hadn’t she? They’d been attended to right away.

  The detective had a problem keeping his face straight, but he was determined to play a joke himself, something to tell the missus when he got home.

  ‘Making such a serious accusation knowing it to be untrue, and wasting police time, are actions the police don’t take lightly. I’m afraid I’m going to have to charge Mrs McDonough with both offences. And when the constable has written out her statement, filling in her full name, address, next of kin and so on, I’m afraid she will have to be taken to a cell. She’ll be released when my superior has weighed up the situation and is convinced she is not a threat to the general public. And before she is released she will be cautioned.’ He turned to the constable, who had never known anything like this in the twelve years he’d been in the police force. ‘Take the statement, then put Mrs McDonough in a cell. She’ll only be released on the super’s say-so.’

  If Molly hadn’t noticed the laughter lurking in the detective’s eyes, she would have moved quickly to stand four square next to her mate. But she was beginning to liken the episode to a Laurel and Hardy film. And as it appeared nothing drastic was going to happen to Nellie, perhaps the fright would teach her a lesson.

  The detective touched Molly’s elbow. ‘Come this way, Mrs Bennett.’

  They had only taken two steps when they heard Nellie’s voice, and they both turned to see a sight that had them chuckling. The constable was six foot two inches in height, and Nellie four foot ten inches. They made an unlikely pair. Nellie was craning her neck to look up at the bobby, and at the same time she was half running to keep up with his long stride. ‘Ay, lad, will yer put me in a cell what has a nice soft seat? I’m used to a very posh chair, yer see. And when yer’ve locked me in, so I can’t escape, like, be a good lad and fetch us a cuppa. I like two sugars and plenty of milk. Oh, and d’yer think there’s any chance of a couple of biscuits? Custard creams are me favourites.’

  As the detective told his wife as they were having their evening meal that night, he had never known a day like it in all the years he’d been with the force.

  The constable didn’t tell his wife, because he knew she wouldn’t believe him. She never did see the funny side of life.

  Chapter Thirteen

  ‘Oh, come on, love, yer don’t really expect me to fall for that, surely?’ Jack speared a carrot and popped it into his mouth. ‘Even by Nellie’s standards, that is beyond belief.’

  Ruthie agreed with her father in her head, but didn’t voice it. For her mother was so good at telling stories, the girl could see her Auntie Nellie in her mind’s eye, and she was hoping everything her mother had said was the truth. ‘Go on, Mam, cross yer heart and hope to die, if this day you tell a lie.’

  ‘I will not, indeed! If you and yer dad think I’m a liar, then that’s all there is to it. It’s no skin off my nose, and I’ve no intention of making excuses for a piece of information which was word for word the truth.’

  ‘Don’t be like that, love,’ Jack said, his tone soothing. ‘You must admit it’s hard to believe that Nellie went in the police station and told the bobby you’d murdered me. And then she gets put in one of the cells. Even by her standards it sounds too far-fetched to be true.’

  ‘If yer think what I’ve told yer is far-fetched, I’d love yer to be next door, listening to Nellie’s version of events. I bet her story’s a belter.’

  ‘Why don’t yer take her off for us, Mam, like yer usually do when she does something funny?’ Ruthie was certain now that what her mother had told them was the truth. Otherwise she would have owned up before now. ‘Go on, give us a laugh.’

  ‘I’ll tell yer what, sunshine, I thought I’d never laugh again when I heard Nellie telling the bobby I’d murdered me husband. I couldn’t breathe, I felt as though all the breath had left me body. And while I’m dithering in me shoes, me mate is having a ball! Even when the constable went to get a senior officer she didn’t bat an eyelid.’ Molly closed her eyes and relived the scene in her mind. ‘I’ll never forget it as long as I live. And when the detective – his name was Steve Willard, I found out later – said he would have to charge her for making a false accusation and wasting police time, I thought I was going to faint.’

  His wife looked too serious to be making it all up, and Jack was now convinced that, although the story sounded beyond the realm of possibility, Molly was definitely telling the truth. ‘She was lucky to get away with it, love. Police don’t have time to spare to be messed around.’ He suddenly had a thought and burst out laughing. ‘Nellie certainly got away with murder.’

  Molly screwed her face up. ‘I keep telling meself not to laugh, because it’s not a laughing matter. But I keep getting this picture in me mind of Nellie walking next to the very tall constable, looking up at him and asking if she could have a cell with a nice soft seat, ’cos she was used to a very posh chair. “And when yer’ve locked me in, so I can’t escape, like, be a good lad and fetch us a cuppa. I like two sugars and plenty of milk. Oh, and d’yer think there’s any chance of a couple of biscuits? Custard creams are me favourites.” She’s being taken to a cell where they put drunks and thieves who are probably filthy dirty, and she doesn’t give a toss. And the fact that she could really have been in trouble never entered her head.’

  ‘They say where there’s no sense there’s no feeling,’ Jack said. ‘Does Nellie come into that category?’

  ‘Definitely not! My mate has got more on top than any of us. She’s crafty, and knows exactly what she can get away with.’

  ‘With all that going on, did yer manage to do what yer set out to do?’ Jack asked. ‘Did yer tell the detective about the bloke that was seen coming out of Flora’s house?’

  Molly nodded. ‘Yeah. He wrote the description down and said he’d pass it on to all the police stations in the area. He thinks there’s a fair chance it might ring a bell with a local constable. Although he did say there wasn’t much hope of Flora getting her money back. He reckoned that would have been well spent by now.’

  ‘And the watch? Does he hold out any hope of that ever turning up?’

  ‘He was very honest because he didn’t want to build Flora’s hopes up. Burglars don’t hang on to the stuff they pinch, apparently. They get rid of it in case anyone saw them. If the police find it on them, they can charge them and they could end up in prison. But without proof, there’s little the police can do.’

  Ruthie had been listening with interest, and now she frowned. ‘That’s not fair, is it, Mam? They must be wicked to take something that doesn’t belong to them. Especially from someone as old and frail as Mrs Parker. They’re cowards, and deserve to go to prison.’

  ‘There are some bad people in the world, sunshine, and ye’re right, they should be punished. But thank goodness they’re in the minority. There’s far more good people than bad.’

  A knock came on the door and Molly gave a start. ‘Oh, my God, who can this be? Look at the state of the place! You open the door, Jack, and me and Ruthie will clear the table. Keep them at the door as long as yer can.’

  Jack was shaking his head as he opened the door. He could never understand why women worried if the house wasn’t spick and span. ‘Hello, Corker, come on in.’ Jack let the big man pass, then closed the door, saying, ‘Molly will have me life. I was told to keep whoever it was at the door, to give her time to tidy up.’

>   Corker’s hearty laugh ricocheted off the walls. ‘That’s typical of a woman, Jack, they don’t like to be caught on the hop. Ellen’s the same. When there’s a knock on the door she moves like a whirlwind. And most of the time it’s either someone selling the Watchtower, or a neighbour wanting change for the gas meter.’

  Molly came through from the kitchen rubbing her hands down her apron before patting her hair into place. ‘I heard that, Corker, and yer’d soon have something to say if yer came home from work and found the table littered with dirty dishes, and Ellen brushing the dirt under the carpet.’

  ‘Oh, is that what she does?’ Corker boomed. ‘Here’s me thinking I’m getting taller, when all the time it’s the dirt lifting the carpet up.’

  ‘Sit down, yer make the place look untidy.’ Molly waved her arm towards the couch. ‘You’ve got yer dinner over early.’

  ‘I’m surprised any of the dinner got eaten, we were all laughing so much. Ellen was telling us about the encounter you and Nellie had with the law. And I had to come and ask if it was true, or one of Nellie’s pranks.’

  ‘Oh, it was true all right, Corker. In fact it was twice as bad as anything Ellen told yer.’ Molly quickly reeled off a couple of the most embarrassing moments. ‘The only one who thought it was funny at the time was Nellie, the troublemaker herself.’

  ‘Was she actually put in a cell?’ Corker couldn’t stop his huge frame shaking with laughter, causing the couch to groan and the floorboards to shiver.

  ‘Oh, yeah, she was put in a cell, and then served tea with two sugars and plenty of milk.’ Molly dropped her head into her hands. ‘I was sick with worry because I really thought we were in deep trouble. Me head was buzzing, me tummy was churning over and my legs felt like jelly. But when I’d been interviewed by the detective over Flora, he took me along to the cell Nellie was in, and we both peeped through that lid thing they have in the door for the police to keep an eye on any prisoner. And I’ll never forget, until the day that I die, the sight of my mate sitting on a bench kind of seat, swinging her little chubby legs and singing “Show Me The Way To Go Home”. Honestly, there are times I feel like strangling her, then she looks at me with that innocent expression on her chubby face, and I want to hug her. She’s full of bravado, but she’d never knowingly hurt anyone just for the sake of it. All she wants is to put a smile on the face of someone she likes, then she’s happy.’