The Woman He Married

by Ford, Julie

  “Frankly, I don’t know what’s happened to you,” Carol said into her cup while shaking her head.

  Annoyed, Josie said through tight lips, “Why does everyone keep saying that?”

  Carol set her mug on the counter. “I really can’t say. I’d just like to know what happened to my daughter who was never going to get married—never let some man tell her what to do! So—what happened?”

  “She married the first man who asked, and then had three children,” Josie scoffed. “Honestly, Momma, what do you want me to say?”

  “I’m serious, Jocelyn!” Carol’s voice grew frantic. “Women used to come from all around to hear you speak about women’s rights.” She pulled the jacket of her pink velour tracksuit tightly around her body and crossed her arms over the top.

  “Twice, Momma—and they didn’t come to hear me. I was just the warm-up speaker.” Josie leaned against the counter and took another long sip. Cradling the mug in both hands, she held it close to her face, letting the steam warm her cheeks. “And I don’t know that person anymore,” she admitted, gazing absently at the floor.

  “Yes you do. She’s not gone far—you just need to find her again, that’s all.” Carol’s voice was sad, but encouraging, as she uncrossed her arms and stepped forward.

  “Momma, please.” Josie’s head was still reeling and her stomach felt raw. She didn’t want to have this conversation right now.

  “I just don’t want to see you end up depressed and lonely, wondering what happened to your life, married to a man who doesn’t appreciate you. And drinking,” Carol’s eyes started to water as she added, “just to make it through the day.”

  Josie felt the muscles in her back tighten. “I am not you, Momma,” she said, tersely.

  Carol’s voice was unyielding as she retorted, “Oh, no? Have you looked in the mirror lately?”

  Josie was silent, letting her mother’s words sink in. But I’m not like her, am I? Her head throbbed even harder.

  “John’s not the Judge, you know,” Carol said after a few tense moments. “Changing who you are to gain his acceptance isn’t going to fix things with your daddy.” She moved over to Josie’s side and spoke softly. “That ship sailed when he passed away… It’s time to move on—do what’s best for you now.” Smiling empathetically, Carol reached over and took Josie’s hand.

  “What are you saying, Momma?” Josie had never heard her mother talk like this before.

  “Baby… I think you know.” A tight smile formed on Carol’s lips. “You have your law license now; you can take care of yourself.” She shook her head. “That’s something I could never do.”

  Josie stared at her mother, searching her face for anything to indicate that she didn’t mean what Josie thought she was saying.

  “Does this stay? Or go?” John’s voice startled Josie. Looking over, she saw him pointing to a department store bag hanging over one of the kitchen chairs; there was a shoebox sitting next to it.

  “Gina dropped that off while you were in the shower,” Carol said. “She said to tell you sorry again, that she forgot…something about last night. Said you might like to have it for the trip.”

  Josie squinted at the bag, trying to focus, and saw that it must be her dress—the one she’d bought for the dinner party but hadn’t had time to pick up.

  “Right. Could you put it in the hang-up bag please, and the shoes too?” Josie tried to smile but couldn’t coax her lips to turn up.

  She wondered again how she could possibly make this trip.

  “Fine. Where are your golf clubs?” John asked, draping the dress over his arm and taking up the shoebox.

  “The back of the van.” I have to golf, too? Lord, give me strength.

  John shot Josie a stern look. “Time to go. We’re going to be late as it is. Thanks again, Carol, see you in a few days,” he said before heading to the door.

  Turning to face Josie, Carol put one hand on each of her daughter’s arms. “You think about what I said. Take some time while you’re out there, away from the kids and this house, to figure out what you really want from life.” Tears welled in her eyes when she spoke again. “Jocelyn, your daddy loved you. More than you’ll ever know. Child, it would break his heart to see you like this.”

  Josie jumped at the sound of John’s car horn. The noise sent painful shivers down her tired, aching body.

  “I got to go, Momma.” She looked into her mother’s pleading gaze. “But I promise, I’ll think about it.”

  * * * *

  The cold front that had swept through Birmingham the day before brought behind it beautiful, blue skies and bright sunlight. Josie recoiled a bit when the blinding light entered her bloodshot eyes, shooting painful shockwaves through to the back of her head.

  Shivering against the chilly, dry air, she wished she’d thought to put on a jacket.

  She grabbed her sunglasses from the van, slipped through the passenger side door of John’s car, and eased into the black leather seat next to him.

  John was silent as he steered his Infinity toward the airport. As he drove with his right arm resting on top of the steering wheel, his body positioned to the door, it appeared that he was trying to forget Josie was even there.

  Her mother’s words, “Your daddy loved you, he’s just wasn’t good at showing it” kept echoing through her weary mind. Did the Judge really love her, or was her mother just saying what she thought Josie needed to hear? Would her father really be heart-broken if he could see her now? Or, would he think she’d gotten what she deserved.

  She glanced over at her husband. Dressed in khaki polo shorts and a mustard-colored rugby shirt, the sleeves pushed up slightly, and Tom Ford aviator sunglasses—he was so handsome. Yet…so serious all the time. Did I marry John for the wrong reasons?

  All this thinking was making her brain throb again, and she cursed herself for drinking so much last night. How was she expected to figure all this out when her head won’t stop pounding?

  Rifling through her purse, she found her bottle of Advil and shook four tablets out into her hand. Grabbing John’s water bottle from between the seats, she washed the pills down. John looked over and scowled. He didn’t like to share drinks with anyone. She considered spitting back into his water on purpose, but decided not to when she realized that warped inclinations, such as backwashing intentionally, might just be the reason why John thought she could have defaced the costumes on purpose.

  “How many of those have you taken today?” John’s voice was more accusing than concerned.

  “I dunno. Lost track after about thirty,” Josie said in a flat voice, replacing his water back in its holder.

  John’s gaze left the road and swept toward her, his eyebrows raised in disbelief.

  “I’m kidding of course. It’s more like six…maybe eight.” Josie’s voice trailed off as she gazed out the window.

  As they passed a park, she noticed a woman with a stroller, the baby inside wailing at the top of his lungs. On each leg she had one more, a toddler and a preschooler, and both appeared to be fussing as the woman exasperatedly rummaged through her diaper bag.

  That poor woman, what was she thinking having three babies right in a row?

  Josie’s heart ached for her as she imagined the woman’s husband at some “working” lunch, eating prime rib and…and chocolate cake—engaging in intelligent conversation with grown-ups while his wife picked through the left-overs from a “happy meal,” bouncing an infant that wouldn’t quiet down, and watching the other two play in a germ-infested pit of plastic balls. Then, one evening, she might find herself gazing in utter bemusement at a piece of jewelry dangling from the wrist of another woman at a dinner party she had killed herself preparing and he…

  “You’re not trying to kill yourself or something—are you?” John’s voice interrupted her thoughts.

  “Not today,” she said absently.

  She ignored his exasperated look and turned her thoughts to her own children. She didn’t even get
to say goodbye. How many times had she been tired, frustrated beyond belief, and yearning for a vacation away from the kids? Now that she was on her way, all she could think of was getting back to them. She missed them desperately, and the plane hadn’t even left the tarmac.

  * * * *

  John moved quickly up the steps, taking them two at a time, while Josie ascended carefully, giving her wobbly legs time to adjust.

  The Gulfstream jet Lanny had hired to fly them off to the Caribbean was spacious. Decorated in blue, gray, and red, it had rows of luxurious double seats on one side with seats facing each other on the opposite. John took a seat cattycorner from Denton, by the window in one of the rows that faced each other.

  Trisha, Lydia, and Amy stood, blocking the center isle.

  Their heads were together, and they stopped whispering and turned when Josie stepped in.

  Looking Josie up and down, Trisha said, “That’s a cute top. Lydia, don’t you have the very same one?”

  “I believe I do. No, wait—I got rid of it; I don’t keep clothes after they’ve gone out of style,” she said, smiling disingenuously.

  Amy frowned at Trisha and Lydia, who were looking quite smug. Josie rolled her sore eyes—she wasn’t in the mood for their pettiness right now. Turning, she decided to take the bulkhead seat up front instead. But not before looking back to give them one more cold stare. As she did she accidentally ran directly into Patrick.

  “Oh, excuse me,” Josie said.

  “No problem.” Smiling kindly, Patrick said, “Um, Jocelyn? I just wanted to compliment you on the great supper you put out for us the other night. I mean… with it being last minute and all, it couldn’t have been easy for you.” He smiled sincerely and moved to the seat across from John.

  “Um, thanks. Glad you enjoyed it.” That was oddly sweet, Josie thought. Watching him take his seat, she noticed John looking in Patrick’s direction, his face appearing a bit perplexed.

  Aiming, once again, for the front bulkhead seats, she turned and collided, this time, with Andy. Okay, maybe the plane isn’t spacious after all.

  “Wow, sis! You look like you went a few too many rounds with a bottle of gin last night,” he said deviously as he inched by her and took the seat across from Denton. Denton was on the phone, as usual, talking about some surgery he was going to miss.

  A male voice crackled over the intercom. “Everyone needs to take their seats and turn off all electronic devices. The captain’s preparing for take-off.”

  Fed up with everything, and before she could stop herself, Josie blurted out, “Go to hell, Andy,” then turned and headed to the front of the plane.

  Behind her, she could hear Denton saying, “Man, did she just tell you to go to hell?”

  Andy’s reply, “Yes, I believe that she did!” sounded amused.

  Josie shook her head, disgusted with her brother-in-law. As always, he thought ticking her off was hilarious. And, as always, she’d risen to the occasion.

  After settling into the front row where she didn’t have to face anyone, Josie closed the window shade. Too much light. A male flight attendant appeared at her row and asked, “Is there something I can get you before we take off?” He was smiling patiently, but clearly in a hurry.

  “Bloody Mary, please.” Josie attempted a smile in return.

  “Oh…well. I’m sorry, but that man over there…” he nodded back toward John, “I believe he’s your husband, said that under no condition was I to serve you any alcohol.”

  Josie glared up at him. “Bring me the damn drink!” she said through tight lips.

  “Well, all right then…seltzer water it is,” he said with a plastered-on smile, moving away.

  Josie closed her eyes and leaned her head back. “Damn John, he really is an ass—”

  “How are you doing, dear?” Barbara was sliding into the seat beside her.

  What could she possibly want? Opening her eyes, Josie saw Barbara’s sweet smile beaming back at her. “Never better,” she replied.

  “Listen, we’re about to take off, but I wanted to let you know that I have booked spots at the spa tomorrow for the both of us.”

  Just then the flight attendant returned with Josie’s seltzer. She glowered at him again as he set the glass next to her seat.

  Barbara continued, “Anyway, the appointment’s at one in the afternoon. Oh, and don’t tell the other girls. I thought it would be fun if just the two of us went.” She smiled warmly, waiting for Josie to reply.

  “Sure…um…okay.” Josie didn’t know what to think. Right now all she could fathom was spending the next five days sleeping.

  “It’s set then. See you on the ground.” Barbara looked pleased as she hoisted herself out of the seat and disappeared behind Josie.

  Josie had the sudden urge to run screaming from the plane. Maybe I can leap out right before they close the door. They might not even notice that I’m gone until the plane lands again. But then, her eyes were feeling heavy and her body seemed to be melting into the plush leather. Unfolding a soft blanket, she draped it over her and reclined the overstuffed seat. With heavy eyes, Josie disregarded her escape plan and surrendered to her exhaustion in hope of some much-deserved rest.

  * * * *

  A blinding light accosted her eyelids, rudely interrupting her sleep as she tried to hold on to a few more moments of respite.

  “We’re here. Time to get up, sleeping beauty,” the male flight attendant practically sang into Josie’s ear.

  She stretched her legs and turned her neck slowly, trying to work a kink out. Blinking, she shielded her nasty breath with her hand and asked, “What time is it?”

  “Four o’clock p.m.,” he answered as he replaced her watered-down seltzer with a fresh bottle of spring water and a breath mint wrapped in green and white striped paper.

  “Four…p.m.?” Josie was confused as she continued rotating her neck from one side to the other.

  “Well, let’s see.” He hesitated. Then counting off on one finger at a time he said, “We took off about half-past ten…then four hours flying and…one hour difference—that makes four o’clock, Caribbean time.” He finished with a flick of his wrist before sashaying off.

  Josie thought for a minute, rubbing her tired eyes. That would make it three thirty, you moron! Alcohol Nazi! But then, he’d brought her a much-needed bottle of spring water and a breath mint.

  Josie took back the Nazi part.

  Out the window, she surveyed the landscape while the plane taxied across the tarmac. The ground was unnaturally flat. White sand with short bushy palms and tall swaying palm trees banked the sides of the black runway. The sky was the same brilliant color of blue she remembered seeing in the Dominican Republic.

  Realizing she must look a mess, she decided to freshen-up a bit and retrieved her compact from her purse. After swiping at the flecks of mascara that dotted the bags under her eyes, she hesitated when she didn’t recognize the face looking back at her from the small round mirror.

  The woman she saw was tired, defeated, and sad. “What’s happened to you?” Josie asked her reflection.

  Gazing a minute longer, she saw herself through the eyes of an outsider. Her mother and Gina were right—this woman wasn’t Josie. Staring at her reflection a minute longer, she realized something for the first time—if John couldn’t love her for who she really was, he definitely would never love her for who she had become.

  Patrick appeared at her side. “Are you coming, Jocelyn?” he asked.

  Josie looked up blankly at his warm expression, then gave him an answer.

  “Yes, I suppose it’s time…time to move on.”

  Chapter 6

  A salty breeze swirled around the second story balcony as Josie released her hair from its band, allowing the cool wind to lift her curls and toss them about. The last two days had been a blur, a nightmare in which Josie forced herself to keep moving, avoiding some unseen enemy threatening to consume her. Now, standing in the brilliant sunlight, surveying
the beautiful landscape of vivid green tropical plants speckled with pink, orange, and yellow flowers against a sapphire sky, she wished that all of her nightmares could end in a place like this. But it wasn’t over. Not completely. There was still the issue of John and the sanctity of their troubled marriage.

  A knock at the door told her their bags had arrived and she moseyed back into the room.

  Inside, three walls were painted an ocean blue, with one a warm orange. Behind her, white billowing sheers fluttered on the breeze over floor-to-ceiling plantation shutters. Her sandals clicked across the tile until she reached the fluffy area rug where she removed them, letting her feet sink delightedly into the softness.

  After the bellhop dropped their bags inside the door, John tipped him, and then quietly they unpacked, moving around the wicker furniture and king-sized bed like dorm-mates on the first day of orientation, having only just met, now worried that it was going to be a long semester.

  Leaving his tuxedo hanging out, John said, “I have a few things to take care of. I’ll be back around six to dress before supper.”

  Josie took that as her cue to be ready by six. When the door clicked shut behind him, she flopped onto the plush down comforter. She puffed out her cheeks, then released the breath. Five days with a brooding husband was going to be way too long, but she was determined to make the most of it.

  “I’ll get some sun, do some thinking,” she told herself, “just like Momma said.”

  Lying alone, nestled on top of the feathery bed, Josie felt like something was amiss. But what? With only the muffled sound of breaking waves, Josie started to feel on edge in the quietness of the empty room. It was way too peaceful. The kids! Retrieving the phone from beside the bed, Josie headed back out onto the balcony and dialed the number for home.

  Jack answered on the first ring with a very dignified, “Bearden residence, Jack speaking.” He was so much like his father.

  “Hey, son, it’s Momma!” Josie was overjoyed to hear the sound of Jack’s voice.