You Were My Crush: Till You Said You Love Me!

by Durjoy Datta

  Most things that a normal person can do.

  People around me broke down into tears, hugged each other and talked about gods and godfathers they could go to in order to get her cured. I was a little relieved though. Earlier we had been told that she would never be able to walk again or even do the very basic things. That she would be trapped in a wheelchair. But to hear that she would be able to walk, even if with a crutch, gave me huge strength. Moreover, he said that with the right therapies she might be almost fully cured too. She might even walk like she used to.

  The aunties and her mother kept asking the doctors questions about the therapies and how long it would take her to walk again. The doctor gave vague answers to every question of theirs and I did not blame him for that. The meeting went on for over an hour after which everyone was just sadder. Everyone was waiting for a miracle. I was happy with whatever we got.

  Dad, Diya’s father and I hung back and asked if he knew some hospital that she could be shifted to for the requisite therapy. He advised us to stay put at this hospital for the next week or so. He said that once the initial recovery was complete, she could be shifted to Escorts. Dad asked if she could be flown outside the country … anywhere, that might increase her chances of being cured. The doctor shook his head. Dad reiterated that money was not an issue. The doctor still advised against it.

  Finally, after a lot of probing, he suggested two doctors in California who were partial-paralysis recovery experts. He asked Dad to talk to them and see if he could get them to fly down to Delhi or fly Diya out after she got a little better.

  ‘Bhaisahib,’ Dad said to her father, ‘don’t worry, I will get the two of them to India. We will get Diya to walk again.’

  ‘But—’

  ‘Don’t worry about the money. She is our daughter too. Just pray that our beti walks again.’

  I knew Dad had money. And I knew Diya’s treatment would hardly dent his income. But spending hours in the hospital, spending entire days talking to doctors … it was a different thing altogether. These were the same people who had called him a bad father.

  Later that day, Diya had woken up and all the aunties had gone in to see her. I wondered what happened inside. Also, Eshaan came to the hospital. He had gone to Vaishno Devi for five days and his phone was not working. I told him all that had happened in the last few days. He was distraught and shocked. Finally, after everyone had had his or her share of time with Diya, Eshaan and I got in. Every one of us had been instructed not to cry or say anything negative in front of her.

  ‘I heard your dad is doing a lot,’ Diya said as she looked at me. ‘I heard doctors are coming in from California. Your dad is bringing them?’

  ‘Umm.’

  ‘Nothing will help,’ she said.

  She moved her left hand, and it just moved haphazardly; the tubes and the needles strained as she moved her hand around.

  ‘I can’t live with this.’

  ‘Diya, the doctors are positive about your recovery. You should be too. Your arm will be perfectly fine after therapy. He said that—’

  ‘Will I be able to walk?’

  ‘See, I didn’t go to the gym every day for nothing! Until the time that your left leg is cured, I will be your crutch! That’s not too bad is it?’ I said.

  ‘Hmm. What do you think?’ She looked at Eshaan.

  ‘You will be fine. Just be positive. I just read on the Internet that willpower is everything. That’s what decides the rate of recovery more than anything else,’ he said.

  ‘That’s what decides? Benoy, then you should ask those doctors to cancel their flights. I just need willpower, nothing else!’ she mocked. Her will to live was questionable and I understood that. We left after the nurse came in and gave her medicine.

  ‘Talked to her?’ Shaina asked as I came out. I introduced Eshaan to Shaina and he left. ‘What did she say?’

  ‘She is sad. It’s hard for her.’

  ‘I know. She has lost the will to fight,’ she said.

  ‘Don’t worry, we will make her want to fight. I am with you, Shaina.’

  ‘I am sorry for earlier, Benoy. And I am sorry for my parents,’ she murmured.

  ‘It’s okay. You don’t have to be sorry for anything to me! Ever,’ I said.

  ‘I just want you to understand that Manoj wanted me to stay away from you. And my parents. Maybe this is God’s way of punishing me for what I did to you.’

  ‘God doesn’t punish cute people like you.’

  ‘Manoj hates you,’ she said. ‘Even more now.’

  Before I could say anything, Manoj reappeared, probably from hell, in the corridor and she had to go. Manoj gave me his badass look, to which I was immune.

  The day before, Diya’s mom had come up to me and said, ‘You shouldn’t take the blame on yourself. It’s God’s wish. If someone says something, don’t mind.’

  I was pretty sure Manoj had tried influencing her too. However, I had started to feel that her parents liked me and my father. They had realized that they had committed a mistake in judging us. Probably, they were still angry with their daughter for she had broken their trust, but they were okay with us.

  My dad’s a stud after all.

  Chapter Thirty-six

  It had been more than a month since Diya had been in that terrible accident. All the relatives had disappeared after the initial concern. My days had a very specific schedule. I had to pick Diya up from her place every morning, take her to Escorts for her therapy, go to college and make notes of every single class that I attended. Diya had been very strict about this. She did not want to miss anything that happened in college. So consequently, I had to sit on the first seat and write down everything that was taught in class.

  After classes, I had to go back to the hospital, pick her up and drop her at her place. Often, I used to end up having dinner at her place. Sometimes, Dad, too, dropped in. Over the last month or so, they had become like an extended family to us. Her parents had begun to love me. But then again, I owed it to Diya. My life had been totally empty before she walked in.

  It was strange that they were the same parents we were all so scared about! But then, seeing your daughter almost die is a life-changing experience. And I guess who stays by your side during those times matters a lot.

  When Diya had left hospital, it was hard for her to walk without someone accompanying her. Slowly, her condition had improved but she still used a walking stick. The one with four pegs at the bottom. Her left hand though was now totally functional. However, the bad news was that her progress had slowed down. The doctors were still putting in their best, but they were not positive about full recovery.

  Her LSE dream was crushed though. Her treatment had already cost her parents a lot. Despite my dad’s protests, her parents had paid for a part of her treatment. They paid whatever they could afford. It was not a lot, but it was a lot for them. However, she was not going to LSE any more, which was for sure.

  ‘Beta,’ Mrs Gupta said. I was in the kitchen helping her out.

  ‘Yes, Aunty?’

  ‘I think Manoj is coming over to see Diya.’

  Shaina was still with him. I saw less of him now, though. We took care that I was not around when he was. It was apparent to everyone that we did not like each other.

  ‘Oh, is he? I should leave then.’

  ‘Oh, you don’t have to, beta.’

  ‘Aunty, you know that he doesn’t like me around.’

  ‘I know. I wish … I feel so bad sending you away every time he comes.’

  ‘It’s okay, Aunty. I know you will miss me, but I will come tomorrow again!’ I joked.

  ‘You are too nice, Benoy.’

  ‘Aunty, I like your food. That’s why I come here. It reminds me of Mom. So, I have an ulterior motive.’

  ‘Who says I am not your mother? Don’t I call you beta?’

  ‘That’s sweet, Aunty. Chalo, I will go now. Your other son must be reaching.’

  ‘Yes, and take this. I have
packed food for you.’

  ‘For me? And Dad?’

  ‘Ohh … I didn’t pack for bhaisahib,’ she said, already feeling guilty.

  ‘Kidding, Aunty. See you tomorrow,’ I said and left.

  I knew that Aunty liked me more than she liked Manoj. But that was not enough. I wished it was the same for Shaina, too. Manoj had been doing everything to cut me off from the family. He even hired a taxi service for Diya, but it did not work because the taxi driver took many days off and she could not have afforded to miss a single day. Dad had bought me a Land Cruiser to facilitate the process, but Diya gave me hell every day for it.

  ‘I didn’t ask him to buy the car!’ I said. ‘He called you and told you that, right?’

  ‘Yes, he did! But he will do whatever you would ask him to do. And I can walk now. It’s not that I am totally incapable. Your big car makes me feel like shit, Benoy.’

  ‘Whatever, Diya. Can’t you just enjoy the luxury for a bit?’

  ‘Why don’t you start walking with my crutch and see what a luxury that is!’ she retorted.

  ‘You’re such a pain in the ass! Differently abled my foot,’ I said. ‘Your ability is just to piss me off.’

  ‘But I am sorry, Benoy, for being such a burden on you and your father. Like seriously.’

  ‘Ohh, c’mon! Now don’t start again! Dad and I have too much money or time. If I didn’t have to carry you around, I don’t know what I would do in life. I would probably kill myself in boredom,’ I said.

  ‘But I am sorry. You absolutely have no social life because of me. You must curse me for being a cripple.’

  ‘Diya? Firstly, you are not a cripple. You will be fine! And secondly, you are my social life! You are my best friend and you are more than I will ever ask for.’

  ‘But—’

  ‘No buts. Just shut up.’

  She started weeping.

  ‘Now what? I can’t deal with your PMS, man,’ I complained.

  ‘Shut up, Benoy. You wouldn’t understand what I am making my family go through. They are so worried about who they will get me married to. You know the kind of people around me.’

  ‘Oh, c’mon. Anyone would marry you! Okay, if you don’t find anybody, I will marry you. Deal,’ I said.

  ‘I think that’s what even Manoj’s parents are waiting for,’ she said sadly. ‘My parents are so tense. They have been pushing all the functions back. Benoy, no one wants to get married to a girl who has a crippled sister. They are probably thinking they will have to take care of me after my parents are gone.’

  ‘You are just imagining things, Diya.’

  ‘He himself told Shaina so,’ she said.

  ‘Who? Manoj?’

  ‘Yes. He hasn’t told my dad in exact words but he has dropped hints. He keeps asking about my medical costs and my wedding … I am just twenty, Benoy; I can’t take all this nonsense,’ she said. ‘Why can’t they just leave me alone so that I can limp in silence?’

  ‘You are thinking too much.’

  ‘I’m not thinking too much. They haven’t even come to our house even though they live just a few blocks down the street. What do you think?’

  ‘I think it’s great that your family has got rid of them. Has she asked Manoj about this?’

  ‘No, what would she say? But she knows what they are up to.’

  ‘Bastards.’

  ‘I just want this to end. I hope I start walking without this fucking crutch,’ she cursed.

  ‘It’s just a stick and you will be absolutely fine—I just hope so,’ I said and parked the car in the compound and helped her get down from it. I smiled at the nurses and they took her away.

  I couldn’t wait for Manoj and his family to be dead and gone, away from Shaina, away from us.

  Chapter Thirty-seven

  Things were getting tougher for Diya. The medicines and the therapies were not working as well as they should have been. The doctors had almost given up hope, but Dad kept pushing them to work harder. That day I called Diya’s mom to tell her that I had dropped Diya, but it was Shaina who answered. She was crying at the other end.

  ‘Hi?’

  ‘Hi, Benoy.’

  ‘I just dropped her at the hospital. Why are you crying?’ I asked. Silence. ‘Are you crying, Shaina?’ Silence. ‘I need to see you right now. I’m coming over. Isn’t your mom home?’ Silence. I could only hear her cry. ‘I will be there in twenty minutes.’

  I rushed to her place and rang her bell incessantly till she opened it.

  My God! Did she look beautiful! Sometimes, I thought that just her face was beautiful enough to spend one lifetime just looking at her. I let out a huge sigh and wondered how lucky Manoj must feel to have someone like her. Not for an hour or for a day, but forever. She looked beautiful as she smiled at me. Pretty beyond words, beyond poems, beyond epics.

  ‘Everything okay?’

  ‘Yes … umm … no,’ she answered. Her voice became even sweeter as she got sad.

  ‘What happened?’

  She looked away. She had tears in her eyes.

  ‘You are crying? Why? Look at me,’ I said and instinctively went and sat closer to her, and took her hand into mine. I did not care if she was Manoj’s or whoever’s; I could not see her cry.

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘Look at me and don’t cry. You can tell me, and I am sure everything will be all right. Shaina? Don’t cry, please. It feels so wrong when you cry.’

  ‘It’s just that … Manoj.’

  ‘Manoj? What did he do? TELL me.’

  ‘He just keeps making me feel bad about my sister, telling me that she’s a cripple and that she won’t ever walk again,’ she said.

  ‘Tell him she will be all right!’ I grumbled. I hated it when people did not have confidence in her.

  ‘He says he wouldn’t be able to marry me until my sister is cured,’ she said.

  ‘What?’ That asshole.

  ‘Earlier, he used to give all kinds of excuses and I never said anything to him. But yesterday, I pushed him and he said very clearly that his parents wouldn’t allow him to marry me.’

  ‘Fuck him! How can he say that? And what if Diya, heaven forbid—?’

  ‘His family wasn’t very happy with his decision to marry me in the first place. They are in a huge debt. They wanted a hefty dowry, and Manoj’s wedding was their last hope. Now they say all sorts of stuff to my parents and my parents can’t say anything. I feel so stuck and responsible for all of this,’ she said, holding her head in her palms.

  ‘You are saying he won’t marry you now because your parents cannot pay the dowry any more?’

  ‘I don’t know, Benoy. His parents have started looking for someone else for him.’

  ‘And he doesn’t say anything?’ I asked, shocked. ‘Can’t you see, Shaina? He doesn’t love you, Shaina. How can you not see that?’

  She broke down. I held her hand again and tried to find words to soothe her, but I was too disgusted to say anything. At Manoj’s parents, at Manoj and at Shaina. I just wanted to go to Manoj’s place and knock his brains out.

  ‘Everything will be okay. I will talk to Manoj.’ I don’t know why I said that.

  ‘Please don’t. He hates you and if he gets to know that I talk to you, he will beat … I mean, get very angry with me.’

  ‘Does he abuse you?’ I asked angrily.

  ‘No! Never,’ she said, rather unconvincingly.

  ‘You can tell me that, if he ever—’

  ‘No, he doesn’t!’ she suddenly shouted.

  ‘Okay, fine,’ I said. ‘Calm down. So, what do you want me to do?’

  ‘Nothing. I just wanted to tell somebody. I couldn’t think of anyone but you.’

  ‘I am glad that you thought about me.’

  ‘I do, Benoy. I’m so sorry for whatever happened.’

  ‘You look matchlessly beautiful even when you cry,’ I said.

  ‘I am with him, Benoy. When you talk like this, it just—’

&n
bsp; ‘Just?’

  ‘It messes with my mind.’

  ‘Hmm.’

  ‘You should go now,’ she said.

  ‘I think I should,’ I replied. I wouldn’t see her for the next two weeks.

  Chapter Thirty-eight

  Another fortnight had passed by, and Diya was getting better. That day, Diya did not say anything while in the car. Since I was the only person she used to talk to, she had loads to talk about. Finally, I couldn’t take the silence and asked her. I was a little afraid that it would be about her condition.

  ‘What happened?’

  ‘What? Nothing,’ she said and looked out of the window.

  ‘Why are you so quiet today? Is it the big car? Or is it the fact that you’re disabled? What’s troubling you?’

  ‘I told you, it’s nothing,’ she said.

  ‘It cannot be nothing. Tell me,’ I insisted.

  ‘Benoy, Manoj’s parents are coming over tonight to decide on the engagement date and other details.’

  ‘Tonight? Why didn’t anyone tell me?’ I asked, shocked.

  ‘They just called this morning to confirm, and I just can’t take it. I just HATE the guy.’

  ‘And Shaina?’

  ‘I know she’s my sister, but she’s being stupid. She’s just so scared of this Manoj guy. She just can’t seem to extricate herself from this relationship. It’s so irritating. She’s a different person with me and with you, but you leave her with him, she becomes his slave.’

  ‘I don’t know what to say to that,’ I said.

  ‘He is not right for her. You are.’

  ‘Shaina doesn’t think so, Diya. I met her and I tried to tell her what I felt, but she is not concerned. I think she likes me, but not enough to leave him for me,’ I explained.

  ‘I just want to see her happy. She is happiest when she is with you. You’re so sweet and selfless. That’s what she needs, not a controlling bastard.’

  ‘But—’

  ‘What but? See, Benoy. For Shaina, it’s hard. Every relative of ours knows about Manoj. There is a lot of pressure on her.’