Words Left Unsaid

by Missy Johnson

  I gasp as he pushes himself inside me. My thighs clench as he gently drives himself back and forth. Our lips meet in a passionate kiss. I tear at his shirt, desperate to feel his body against mine.

  “You’re so fucking perfect, Kiara,” he mumbles, trailing kisses down my neck. “I can’t get enough of you.”

  I whimper, my back arching as he grinds his length into me. He’s trying so hard to be gentle with me, but every thrust is deeper and harder than the one before. I cry out, my toes curling as I begin to climax.

  He groans, and releases inside me, his thrusts reducing to a soft, slow pace as I orgasm. Every moment is almost too much but nowhere near enough. I push him away and pull him toward me at the same time, which makes him chuckle.

  Sighing, he rolls underneath me so I’m lying on top of him. I lift my head and offer him a lazy smile, too exhausted for words. His eyes twinkle as her watches me, his fingers tracing circles on my back.

  I drift in and out of sleep, the warmth of the fire and the relief of the orgasm exhausting me. Wow. I can’t believe how amazing that was. And best of all, the only emotion I’m feeling right now is happiness that I’ve found such an amazing man.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Max

  “I could get used to this,” I murmur, rolling over to embrace her in my arms.

  She laughs and wiggles away, a playful smile on her face. Just as quickly she’s back in my arms, her lips pressing against mine.

  “This has been amazing,” she says, her blue eyes locked onto mine. “I don’t know what it is, maybe it’s the country air, but I feel so much more relaxed with you…”

  I had noticed the change in her behavior the last couple of days. All the stress and uncertainty had all but gone, leaving a happy, vibrant woman without a worry in the world.

  “Maybe we should move out here,” I joke.

  She laughs and kisses my nose. “Right, I can just imagine you quitting your high-power career for a life in the country,” she teases.

  I narrow my eyes, because she’s right.

  “Besides, you don’t know about all my bad habits yet. You might hate living with me.”

  “Like what?” I ask, pulling her on top of me.

  She straddles my chest, rocking herself gently back and forth against my erection. I can’t imagine anything about her annoying me.

  “Well, for starters, I’m pretty sure I snore when my hay fever gets really bad.”

  “How do you even know that when you sleep alone?” I chuckle.

  “I may have woken myself up on more than one occasion,” she admits, her eyes twinkling. I run my hands up over her bare skin. She gasps when I reach her breasts, as I rub my palms against them.

  “I find snoring cute,” I shoot back. “You’ll need more than that.”

  “Okay, this one’s pretty gross: I sometimes chew my toenails.”

  “What?” I laugh in disbelief. “How can you even reach them to do that?”

  “I’m very flexible,” she responds defensively. Cupping her ankle in her hand, she lifts her leg above her head while she balances her weight against me.

  “See, now all you’re doing is turning me on,” I growl. Flipping my body over so she’s now underneath me, I crush my mouth against hers, relishing her taste. She sighs, her arms wrapping around my neck as I nudge her legs apart.

  My mouth slowly moves down her neck and over her breasts. I take her nipple in my mouth, rolling my tongue around it. She sighs, her back arching, pushing her body closer against mine.

  My cock throbs as I reach for a condom and secure it on. Rolling my fingers down over her naked body, I stop at her entrance, my finger teasing her. She gasps again, bucking her hips forward. I grin, loving watching her squirm.

  I slip a finger inside her tightness while tracing circles around her clit with my thumb. Her hips lift off the mattress as she cries out. I move faster, each thrust of my finger sending her body crazy. When she’s on the verge of exploding, I quickly position myself between her legs and drive my length inside her.

  “Oh,” she gasps, her fingernails digging into my back as she throws her head back against the pillow. “Oh, god yes.”

  Seeing her so close spurs me on. I thrust deeper and harder, the pressure building inside me with every movement. I force myself to hold back, determined to make her come first. She groans, her legs going limp as her body begins to spasm. I drive myself inside her, groaning as I release. My head falls forward and she kisses me, her thighs milking the last of my release from me.

  I collapse on the bed beside her, rolling her into my arms. My body is buzzing, and even the weight of the sheets against my skin is almost too much to handle.

  “That was….I have no words,” she mumbles, nuzzling into my neck. I smile and kiss her head, knowing exactly what she means.

  We drift in and out of sleep for the next few hours, not moving from the bed. This whole weekend has been fucking perfect. I watch as she dozes next to me, noticing every little thing about her. I wonder what she dreams about?

  Gently, I stroke her hair. She stirs, but settles back against my warmth. I want to stay like this forever. I haven’t said it yet, but I love her. I love her so fucking much it hurts. I want to be with her all the time and when I’m not, she’s all I think about.

  Somehow, this kooky, funny woman has become my world.

  ***

  Fuck, I hate Mondays.

  After such a great weekend, having to get back to reality and work feels like such a letdown. I lay in bed as the clock ticks past six, waiting for my alarm to sound. As soon as it does, I know Lance will start barking, demanding not to be forgotten before I go off to work.

  I roll over and enjoy the last few minutes of my sleep while I think about Kiara. Could she be any more amazing? I’m falling for this woman, and I’m falling hard. I try not to show it, but this whole thing scares me too. The only woman I ever loved left me, and it’s something I’m still getting over.

  After I take Lance for a quick jog and set him and Mr. Scruffy up for the day, I head into work. Pulling into the teachers’ parking lot, I rub my neck. I’ve never looked so forward to summer break. My first term as principal has been a real eye-opener, and with all the stuff that’s happened with Kiara on top of that, I feel like I need some time to sort out my head.

  My morning routine continues with my second coffee for the day, which I prepare in the staffroom. It’s barely seven thirty, so I pretty much have the place to myself. I’m about to leave for my office when a faint sound grabs my attention. I set my cup down and walk to the other end of the staffroom, rounding the corner.

  Kelly sits alone at a table, her face buried in her hands. It doesn’t take a genius to realize she’s crying. I wince as my foot kicks the leg of the table. She looks up, her eyes wide.

  “Sorry,” I mutter, my voice sheepish. “I heard a noise and thought I’d check it out…” My voice trails off. Why I’m here seems kind of pointless now. “Are you okay?”

  Great question. Obviously she’s not.

  “I’m fine,” she answers hurriedly, wiping her eyes. “It’s nothing.” She even manages to force a smile, and although I’m not convinced, we’re hardly close enough for me to pry any further.

  But you have an obligation as her boss.

  Fuck.

  Sighing, I pull out a chair and sit down.

  “I’m a good listener if you want to talk,” I offer. “No judgment. Pretend I’m a friend and not your boss.”

  She shrugs. “It’s nothing, really. I’m just…” She shakes her head. “My parents are visiting and they know exactly how to make me feel like shit.”

  “I can relate to that,” I say. “I was never good enough for my dad. I’m still not. He thinks what I do is a waste of time. He never forgave me for not following in his footsteps.”

  “What does he do?” she asks.

  “Lawyer. Same as his father and my brother.”

  “Right, so you get it then.” She p
auses, her fingers circling the edge of the table. “They see teaching in much the same way as your dad—a waste of time. For me not to be able to get the principal role at the school I’ve been working at for the last five years…” She laughs. “Well, you can imagine how that went down. I can’t have a conversation with them without it turning into a lecture about how I’m wasting my life.”

  “And how do you see what you do?” I ask.

  She looks up, surprised by my question. “I love what I do. I love working with kids and helping shape them into who they want to be. I couldn’t imagine doing anything else.”

  “For me, it’s all about helping the kids, but not from a teaching perspective. I couldn’t handle that. I’m all about the planning and administration side of things. If you had gotten this role, do you think you would’ve enjoyed it?” I ask.

  “Maybe not. I’d miss the kids…” She sighs. “I’m just sick of feeling like I’m not good enough.” Her eyes catch mine, and she hesitates. “I’m sorry if I’ve been a cow, Max. I’ve done nothing but make things harder for you since you’ve started here. The truth is I’m jealous of how well you’ve slotted into the role.”

  “I don’t feel like I’ve slotted in well,” I respond truthfully. “Most of the time I question everything and wonder what the hell I’m doing.”

  “Well, you have me fooled. You seem so confident. I hate that about you.”

  I laugh and sit back in my seat.

  “Because the moment people can sniff out your fear, they have something over you. Focus on what you want, Kelly. Fuck your parents and everyone else. Teach. Enjoy what you do and stop trying to live up to their expectations. You’ll be a lot happier.”

  She smiles, wiping her eyes.

  “Thanks for this, Max. Honestly, you were the last person I would’ve picked to make me feel better.”

  I give her a wink and stand up, taking my coffee with me. I sigh, the relief I feel having sorted things out with Kelly huge.

  Now, if I could only convince myself that I’m doing a good job.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Kiara

  My phone rings. I look at the number. Heather. My heart pounds faster as I press answer. Has she finally come to her senses and given up on this stupid idea of looking after Aiden?

  “Hello,” I say, my voice calm. I vow not to have an argument—unless she starts one first.

  “Kiara, it’s Aiden.”

  A chill races down my spine. Her voice shakes, and I can tell she’s been crying. This isn’t good.

  “What is it? Is he okay?” I ask. I’m already grabbing my keys and my purse. I remember Tilly is sitting in her bedroom, playing with her dolls, and my heart sinks. If something is wrong, do I take her in to see him? “Heather, what is it?” I repeat, needing answers.

  “He’s back in the hospital, and his condition has deteriorated. They’re not sure he’s going to make it through the night. They think he had a stroke, but they’re still doing tests.”

  Oh God.

  “I . . . I’ll come right in,” I mumble. Hanging up, I call Ellie.

  “Aiden isn’t well. Heather just called me, and they don’t think he’s going to make it,” I whisper. Sitting down in a chair, I rub my head. I should’ve made more of an effort to see him during these past few weeks. Whatever differences Heather and I have, they aren’t his fault. What if I’m too late?

  “God, Kee, are you okay? Are you going to see him now?”

  “Will you come with me?” I ask. My voice trembles as I push the words out. Truth is, I’m scared to go alone and the only other person I’d want there with me, I couldn’t ask.

  “Of course,” she says. “Sit tight. I’m on my way over.”

  I place the phone on the table and try to think. As much as I don’t want Tilly to remember her dad hooked up to tubes, I can’t deny her seeing him before he . . .

  I swallow, unable to even think those words.

  Picking up my phone, I start texting Max. Halfway through, I delete the message. What am I supposed to write? That I’m a mess because the first love of my life is slipping away? Or that I feel guilty because of my feelings for Max?

  I push the chair back and stand up. My heart races as I pace the kitchen. So many emotions course through my veins, each contradicting the one before. I feel devastated that I’m losing Aiden. I feel guilt both ways—for betraying Aiden and for my feelings for Max. How can I be falling in love with someone when I put so much of myself into my relationship with Aiden?

  Tilly walks into the kitchen, her wide eyes peering up at me. “What’s wrong, Mommy?” she asks.

  I crouch down in front of her, wrapping my arms around her tiny waist. “Nothing, baby, just some sad news. Can you be a good girl and go put your jacket on? We have to go to the hospital.”

  “To see Daddy?” she asks, her lip trembling.

  My heart breaks as tears begin to roll down her cheeks. I nod. “We have to say goodbye to Daddy, okay? He’s going to a better place, where he can feel well again.”

  “And give hugs?” she asks hopefully.

  I lift my finger to her cheek and wipe away a tear. “Yes, honey. You have to be a brave girl for me. Can you do that?” I ask, smiling through my own tears.

  She nods, her little face determined. “Don’t worry, Mommy. It’ll be okay.”

  I watch her disappear down the hall, my silent tears giving way to sobs. I hear Ellie knock on the door and then let herself in. She races over to me, her eyes full of concern.

  “Shh, it’s okay, Kee,” she soothes, pulling me into her arms.

  “Is it?” I ask between sobs. “Because it doesn’t feel okay.”

  She holds me, not saying anything else as I struggle to figure out how to feel. It’s stupid, but a small part of me feels responsible—like maybe Heather was right. Maybe I didn’t visit enough, or show him how I felt about him.

  Those first few months after the accident were the worst. Those days, I was still convinced he was going to recover. I clung to the hope because if I didn’t believe that one day he’d wake up, what else did I have?

  We pull up outside the hospital. My hands fidget in my lap and I’m struggling to find the will to move. My legs don’t want to work, and Ellie is quick to notice my reluctance to get out of the car.

  “How about you go and see him first?” she asks, her voice soft. “I can take Tilly to the cafeteria for a drink.”

  I nod. It’s a good plan. If I can prepare myself, then maybe I can help Tilly get through this too. I lean over the backseat and give Tilly a smile.

  “Ellie’s going to take you for a hot cocoa and then she’ll bring you back to Mommy, okay?”

  Tilly nods, her eyes wide with fear in such a way that breaks my heart. She doesn’t want to be away from me, but even at the tender age of five she somehow knows it’s something she needs to do.

  I walk inside and over to the elevators, a walk I’ve done many times before. I enter the elevator alone and make my way up to intensive care. The doors open and I step out, a familiar feeling of dread hitting me when I see those two huge gray doors. The last time I went through them was shortly after the accident.

  Wiping my sweaty palms on the sides of my jeans, I take a deep breath and force myself to walk.

  One foot in front of the other. Just breathe. Keep breathing.

  My internal pep talk is doing something because I can feel more air entering my lungs. Focusing on something as simple as breathing is a distraction I need. I press the green buzzer and the gray doors swing open.

  The intensive care ward has a distinct smell of it’s own. I can’t place what it is exactly. Maybe it’s a mixture of things. Disinfectant. Illness…death.

  My legs feel like they’re made of jelly as I walk down the narrow corridor. I’m about to ask about Aiden at the nurses’ station when I see him. My heart jumps. Covered in tubes, he looks worse than I’ve seen him look since the days following the accident.

  Grabbing hold of
my jacket, I tighten it around me, a shiver running up my back. Heather sits next to him, and Jim next to her. Both have been crying, given away by their puffy, tear-stained eyes. Jim looks up and smiles at me. He leans over and whispers something to Heather, who also looks up. She nods, and they rise from their seats.

  Swallowing hard, I walk over, forcing a smile onto my face.

  “We’ll give you some time alone with him,” Heather says. She sounds defeated, as though she has no fight left in her. I reach out and take her hand, giving it a light squeeze. Her eyebrows rise, as if she’s shocked by my gesture.

  “Tilly is in the cafeteria with Ellie,” I say. “I wanted her to have the chance to…” My voice breaks off. I can’t finish the sentence because it carries so much meaning. My heart screams at the thought of losing him forever, but at the same time, the thought brings relief. And I hate that. I hate that so much.

  Heather and Jim wander toward the exit. For a moment I just stand there, unsure of what to do next. I know I need to go over there and be with him, but doing that signals that this is all ending.

  Nurses push past me, startling me back to reality. I reach for the wall for support as I lose my footing and it spurs me into action. I walk into his room, my heart beating furiously. He’s lost more weight. I walk over to his bed and sit down, the seat still warm under me.

  “Hey,” I say, my voice cracking. “It’s me.”

  Layering my hand in his, I’m startled by how cold he is. One of the things I miss most is his warm embrace. Skin to skin, there was never anything more calming than being wrapped in his warmth.

  Gently I rub his hand in mine, trying to bring back some of that warmth. Or maybe I’m trying to capture some of the past before it leaves me forever.

  I sit there for what feels like hours. There’s so much I want to say, but I can’t get it out. Ellie appears at the door, Tilly standing behind her. I smile and open my arms. With a little encouragement from Ellie, Tilly runs over and hugs me. Her body heaves as she sobs. I hate what this place does to her, but I know I have to help her push through this.