Nine Till Three and Summers Free

by Mike Kent

  ‘Now then children,’ Miss Bottle began, ‘I just want to have a little chat with Mr Kent, and then I shall talk to you. I wonder if you could just get on quietly for a few minutes?’

  The children slowly took out their books and made a pretence of reading them, sitting silently so that anything my visitor said could be clearly overheard. Badger sat eyeing Miss Bottle thoughtfully, as if she wasn’t quite what he’d been led to expect. Miss Bottle turned to me.

  ‘Now then, dear, how old are these children?’

  ‘They’re eight to nine. Second year Juniors.’

  ‘I see. And how are you finding them?’

  ‘They’re fine now. They weren’t very attentive at first. They tended to be quite difficult.’

  ‘Children can be, dear,’ she said. ‘You have to show them you’re up to the job. Even students can be quite difficult at times, believe it or not. And what sort of things do they do?’

  ‘Well, lots of things really. They..’

  ‘Yes, I know dear. What I meant was, what have you personally been doing with them? This lovely wall display of the River Thames, is that yours?’

  ‘No, we all done that, Miss,’ called Adams, not wanting his efforts to go unrecognised.

  ‘We’ve been doin’ about the River Thames, Miss,’ interrupted Susan Davis brightly. ‘Sir’s been tellin’ us all sorts of things about it. We’ve done about the ships what bring in all the food, an’ the cranes, an’ about the famous places you can see from the river, and all the bridges.’

  ‘And how rivers start. And where they go,’ added Susan Brennan.

  ‘We’ve done the docks and the wharves,’ said Badger. ‘We’ve done all sorts of stuff.’

  Miss Bottle smiled and walked to the other side of the classroom.

  ‘You certainly have, young man,’ she said warmly. ‘You seem to be a very hard working class indeed. And who made this lovely model of Tower Bridge?’

  ‘I did that, Miss,’ said Rouse proudly.

  ‘Well I ‘elped yer,’ added Badger.

  ‘Yeah, but I done nearly all of it.’

  ‘Yeah, but I ‘elped yer.’

  ‘You ‘elped a bit. I’m not denyin’ that. But it was me what done most of it.’

  ‘Well, I think you’re both extremely clever,’ Miss Bottle said. ‘And all these other models are beautiful, too.’

  ‘Would you like to see the things I dug up on the river bank, Miss Bottle?’ asked Dudmish. ‘It’s all on the table over here. My dad took me at the weekend.’

  He took her hand and led her over to a table displaying an array of artefacts he had salvaged with the help of his father. In the centre of the table there was a collection of bottles, which he had washed and arranged with great care.

  ‘Now these are lovely,’ she said, picking up a bottle from the centre of the collection, and immediately commanding the attention of the class. ‘This is a very interesting one, children. This bottle used to contain poison. You can tell by the shape, and the special ridges on it, look. Even somebody who was blind could tell it contained poison, just by feeling these ridges. And this one is an old ink bottle, and look at the lovely shape of this one over here. You’ve got a very interesting collection, young man.’

  ‘Thank you, Miss.’ Dudmish replied. ‘My dad was surprised we found so many bottles. We found all these in about an hour.’

  ‘I expect you did, dear. That’s because years ago most liquids were kept in glass or stone bottles. There were hundreds of different kinds. Nowadays, of course, things are kept in paper or plastic containers. Lots of things were buried on the river bank, too. That’s why it’s such an interesting place to explore. Oh, I see you’ve learned about cleaning up the Thames, as well.’

  ‘Yes, Miss,’ said Susan Davis. ‘Sir done some Science experiments with us. He showed us how to get clean water out of muddy water by flatterin’ it…’

  ‘Filtering it,’ Dudmish corrected her.

  ‘Oh, that’s it, filterin’ it. An’ he showed us ‘ow they get germs out of it an’ so on.’

  ‘And how the goldfish are coming back to the river,’ said Julie, anxious to make a contribution.

  ‘Not goldfish. Salmon and stuff like that,’ Adams corrected her.

  ‘Well, we done somethin’ about a goldfish, anyway,’ Julie said conclusively.

  Miss Bottle looked down at the children and beamed. ‘So you’ve even managed to get some science into your topic,’ she said admiringly. ‘How delightful. I shall tell Dr Frost. You really are very clever children.’

  I was delighted with Miss Bottle’s enthusiasm for what we’d done, and her genuine interest in the children. Somebody, I thought, must be smiling down on me at last.

  ‘Can I read you me water poems, please Miss? asked Susan Davis.

  ‘Can I show you me poster about the dangers of swimmin’ in the Thames, Miss?’ Badger called. ‘It shows someone drownin’, and I…’

  ‘I’d love to see it all, dear,’ said Miss Bottle approvingly, ‘but I just don’t think I’ll have enough time. What’s all this lovely work over here?’ She pointed to a wall on the other side of the classroom and moved nearer to see the pictures clearly.

  ‘That’s all about the Battle of ‘asting’s,’ said Rouse. ‘That’s work we done with Miss last term.’

  Hema pointed to the section showing the Norman soldiers arriving in their boats, and gathering on the beach. ‘We painted a background first,’ she said. ‘We painted the sea and the seashore. Then we made lots of soldiers. We used felt and silver paper and things’.

  ‘My mum sent Miss a big bag full of bits of material,’ added Julie. ‘She works down the clothing factory.’

  ‘That was very kind of her,’ said Miss Bottle. ‘I’m sure Mrs Bridgewood found them most useful.’

  Rouse thought for a moment. Since the class appeared to have won Miss Bottle’s full approval, he’d obviously decided the time might be right for a little probing of his own.

  ‘Please Miss,’ he said cautiously, ‘Can I ask you a question?’

  ‘Of course, dear. What is it?’

  ‘Oo are yer?’

  Slightly taken aback, Miss Bottle raised her eyebrows and leaned forward to him. ‘What do you mean, dear, who am I?’

  ‘I think they’ve been wondering why you are here,’ I explained hastily. ‘This morning I told them they’d be having an important visitor today, but I didn’t say who. Or why.’

  Miss Bottle chuckled happily. ‘Oh, I see. Well, I don’t think I could really be called important…’

  ‘Please Miss Bottle,’ called Dudmish, having puzzled over the visit for a few minutes and arrived at his own conclusion, ‘have you come to check up on Mr Kent?’

  ‘Oh yeah, of course, ‘e’s a stoodent,’ agreed Adams, turning and nodding at Dudmish. ‘‘E ain’t a real teacher yet.’

  ‘Course e’s a real teacher,’ retorted Susan Davis quickly. ‘‘E’s taught us, ain’t ‘e?’

  ‘‘E ain’t a real teacher till ‘e’s passed ‘is exams,’ Adams persisted. ‘This lady ‘as come to check up on ‘im to ‘elp ‘im pass ‘is exams.’

  ‘Oh, I don’t think I’ll be able to help him do that,’ Miss Bottle smiled. ‘But I shall certainly be going back to college and saying what a delightful classroom this is.’

  ‘Well, ‘e seems jus’ like a real teacher to me,’ said Susan Davis.

  ‘Yeah, I reckon ‘e’s the best stoodent we’ve ever ‘ad,’ Rouse agreed, rather over generously. ‘Shame ‘e can’t stay ‘ere with Miss Bridgewood if you ask me.’

  My eyebrows raised in surprise at the effect I’d apparently had on Rouse, especially as much of my time seemed to have been spent in telling him off.

  ‘When Sir said we was ‘avin’ a visitor, we thought it might be the Queen,’ Fred offered. Miss Bottle walked ov
er to him, looked at him kindly, and patted him on the head.

  ‘Did you dear? Well, I’m sure if the Queen had visited your classroom she would have been just as impressed as I am.’

  ‘Cor, ain’t you nice, Miss,’ said Susan Davis pleasantly.

  ‘Thank you, young lady. Now, I think I was asking you all about your lovely picture of the Battle of Hastings on the wall…’

  ‘Yes Miss,’ agreed Fred. ‘You was.’

  ‘You were,’ she corrected him.

  ‘No I weren’t,’ said Fred, a puzzled frown appearing on his face. ‘You was.’ Miss Bottle opened her mouth to say something, but decided it was probably not a point worth pursuing.

  ‘Very well then,’ she continued. ‘Who can tell me when the Battle of Hastings was?’

  ‘Don’t yer know that Miss?’ shouted Rouse incredulously. ‘Cor!’ He stared round at his friends in disbelief and Miss Bottle wagged a stern finger at him.

  ‘Of course I know when it was, young man,’ she said sharply. ‘I want to see if you know. And please don’t call out like that. If you want to say something, say it quietly and sensibly, preferably after putting your hand up first. It isn’t at all nice to shout out like that, is it, Mr Kent?’

  ‘It certainly isn’t,’ I agreed.

  ‘It was 1066,’ said Badger cautiously, impressed by Miss Bottle’s ability to silence Rouse so effectively.

  ‘Everyone knows that one,’ agreed Julie. ‘It’s easy.’

  ‘We done all about the Middle Ages, Miss, before Mr Kent came ‘ere,’ said Badger. ‘We done about the places monks lived in, and ‘ow they wrote their books an’ that. Then we done about the things they used to do when people didn’t be’ave…’

  ‘Like if a woman scolded ‘er ‘usband, they put a special iron thing on ‘er ‘ead,’ added Adams.

  ‘Good thing too, in my opinion,’ Badger continued. ‘The punishments was tough in them days, Miss. They used to make you ‘old these bits o’ red ‘ot iron, an’ if you ‘ad blisters three days later you was guilty. My Uncle Bill knows a man what’s in prison, Miss, an’ ‘e was sayin’…’

  ‘Thank you dear,’ said Miss Bottle, interrupting him with finely judged precision. ‘That’s very interesting indeed. Now I just want to talk to Mr Kent again for a moment, and then I think I shall have to go. What were you all doing when I came in?’

  ‘We were going to have a debate,’ I said, thinking it best to own up about the events at lunchtime. ‘It was a bit of a makeshift lesson. I wasn’t actually expecting to take the class this afternoon. I thought I’d bring tomorrow’s lesson forward and use some worksheets I’d prepared, so I went back to college at lunchtime…’

  ‘What, all the way back to the college? That was extremely industrious of you, dear.’

  ‘It was a waste of time. I couldn’t find the worksheets. I think I must have thrown them all away by accident. The master sheets I made are here in my bag, but the copier is being mended.’

  ‘But Mr Reed has a copier in his room. I saw it. It’s an older one, but perfectly serviceable, I should imagine.’

  ‘I didn’t know that. But he’s always very busy and he doesn’t like being disturbed unless it’s really essential.’

  Miss Bottle looked puzzled and drew herself up to her full height.

  ‘But this is essential, dear. What on earth is a headmaster for, if he can’t help his staff when they need it? Frankly, I’d say he ought to be extremely grateful for all the lovely work you’ve done with the children. Give me your master sheets, and wait here.’

  Fascinated, I handed them to her and watched as she strode to the door and down the corridor in search of Mr Reed.

  ‘’As she gone now, Sir?’ asked Fred.

  ‘Is she a teacher too?’ asked Badger. ‘She looked a bit old for it to me.’

  ‘She used to be,’ I replied. ‘Now she’s a different kind of teacher called a lecturer. Part of her job is to help people who want to become teachers.’

  ‘Well she ain’t the Queen, that’s for sure,’ Rouse commented briefly.

  ‘I thought she was nice,’ said Julie.

  ‘So did I,’ agreed Susan Davis. ‘I liked ‘er. Didn’t we, Sue?’

  ‘I wonder what school was like in them days,’ mused Badger. ‘I bet they got caned all the time. My dad says when ‘e was at school they locked ‘im in the…’

  ‘Shame somebody don’t lock you in one, mate,’ Susan Davis commented drily.

  ‘You dunno what I was goin’ ter say.’

  ‘I can imagine, mate.’

  ‘Let’s get on with the debate,’ said Dudmish, obviously feeling that valuable time was being wasted. ‘Good idea, Jamie,’ I agreed. ‘We were going to have a debate about school punishments, so we need a few people to argue in favour of them. Hands up those who want to do that.’

  With the exception of Dudmish and Susan Brennan, all the children raised their hands.

  ‘I’ll need more people than Susan and Jamie to argue against,’ I said, ‘or we won’t have a very good debate.’

  ‘My dad says they ought to bring back ‘angin’ and floggin’,’ said Badger. ‘Specially with some of the people what are wanderin’ about these days. I went to the pictures last week and this bloke…’

  ‘Thank you Alan,’ I said gratefully. ‘Perhaps you could tell us about that some other time?

  ‘Okay Sir,’ he agreed amicably.

  ‘Now, the children who are going to be main speakers need to write a very short speech. The rest of you can finish off this morning’s work. It looks as if we’ll have to do the actual debate after playtime. John, you can be chairman.’

  ‘What’s ‘e do?’ asked Rouse.

  ‘He sits out here in the middle and introduces the speakers. It’s an easy job. When the speakers have finished you can call someone from the house to put their point of view.’

  ‘What ‘ouse is that?’

  ‘Someone from the remainder of the class. Someone who isn’t a main speaker. You call the classroom, or wherever you are having the debate, the house.’

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘Do you think you can do it?’

  ‘Do what?’

  ‘Be the chairman?’

  ‘I ‘spect so. Seems funny though. It ain’t as if you’re actually livin’ in the ‘ouse, is it?

  ‘No. It comes from the Houses of Parliament. Anyway, it doesn’t matter, does it?’

  ‘It jus’ seems funny, that’s all. I think…’

  ‘If you and I sit here debating the issue amongst ourselves,’ I said wearily, ‘we shall get nothing done at all. I don’t think…’

  ‘Sir’, Hema interrupted, ‘Mrs Bridgewood is at the door.’

  Dorothy hurried across the classroom, a look of disbelief on her face. ‘It’s astonishing!’ she said. ‘We spend half our time trying to wheedle as much as a piece of paper out of Mr Reed and your Miss Bottle manages it first time. She’s got him in his office with his sleeves rolled up, turning out all your worksheets. Brian says he wishes he had a camera handy. Here, I’ve brought you a mug of tea. It’s the very least you deserve. Oh, and she thought the classroom was wonderful, You must have made quite an impression.’

  ‘That’s great,’ I said. ‘The children were good, too.’

  ‘Did she say she liked us then, Miss?’ asked Susan Davis, overhearing the conversation as usual.

  ‘All except you,’ Dorothy said seriously. ‘She thought you were the worst of the lot.’

  ‘Aw Miss,’ Susan grinned happily.

  After a riotous debate in which the children thoroughly enjoyed expressing their views about school punishment, and law and order in general, coupled unavoidably with Badger’s gruesome anecdotes, I arrived back at college to find Milly dragging a bucket and mop from Gerry’s room.

  ‘‘Allo, me old c
ock,’ she said, putting her bucket down with a clatter. ‘‘Ad an ‘ard day, ‘ave yer?’

  ‘Not too bad, considering,’ I replied.

  ‘Not an easy job, is it, love? I wouldn’t like to do it. ‘Ere, Your friend is a messy bugger. Can you tell ‘im to keep ‘is room a bit tidier? Don’t ‘e ever make ‘is bed? Pipe tobaccer, bread crumbs, bacon rind, and Gawd knows what else. I didn’t dare look…’

  She sniffed and took her cigarette rolling machine from her grimy overalls. ‘Mind you, you’re gettin’ as bad yourself. I cleared everythin’ off the desk this mornin’ so I could give it a good goin’ over. I moved a lot of paper and books and stuff…’

  My mouth dropped open. ‘What, sheets with history pictures on?’

  ‘I dunno what they was, love. I didn’t look at ‘em. But the wind was blowin’ ‘em all over the place so I put ‘em all in the bottom of your cupboard. I didn’t like to open yer desk. I ‘ope that was alright?’

  (ii)

  It was the day of the children’s visit to the Tower of London, and they were very excited.

  ‘Ow we gettin’ there, Miss?’ asked Rouse. ‘Are we goin’ on the train?’

  ‘We are indeed, John,’ Dorothy replied. ‘Now sit down while I do the register.’

  ‘My uncle works on the tube,’ said Adams, dragging a comb through his hair and then inspecting it closely. ‘‘E’s up at the Elephant and Castle. Are we goin’ there, Miss?’

  ‘No, just to the nearest station. It should only take us about forty minutes. If we don’t lose Rousey on the way, of course.’

  ‘Cor, that ain’t a bad idea,’ said Badger. Rouse turned to take a swipe at him with the large carrier bag containing his packed lunch. The bag split open and showered everyone near him with unshelled peanuts.

  ‘Oh for heaven’s sake, John,’ Dorothy sighed. ‘Pick them all up. What on earth have you brought all those peanuts for?’

  ‘‘Cos I like peanuts, Miss,’ he said simply.