He glanced down at the dog. “Tell that to Scranton. Besides, I thought you might want to sleep somewhere warmer.”
“I’m just between places to live. I apologize for not asking your permission, it’s just a bit of an embarrassing situation to be in.” Embarrassment didn’t begin to cover how she felt about her circumstances. Try demeaning. Demoralizing. Humiliating. Hopeless. Desperate. Yet, given the chance, she’d live in her car over going back to the stifling, domestic cell in which she’d been imprisoned for ten years.
“It’s not safe for you out there, Kel.” His kind brown eyes met hers. She so did not deserve his kindness. She’d come here to apologize to him, not be rescued by him—well, okay, maybe that wasn’t entirely true.
“I’m fine.” Like hell. She flashed back to trench-coat guy standing outside the pub tonight. So far, he’d never approached her. What if that changed? What if he wasn’t a PI, but some nutcase stalking her until the moment he decided to attack or worse?
“You can have one of the spare rooms. Take your pick. The blue room has the best bed.” Zach’s voice buzzed in her head as if far away.
“It has the only bed.”
“True.”
Did he expect her to share his bed? “Zach, thank you so much for the offer, but I can’t stay here for free.” She couldn’t take advantage of him any more than she already had. This new, improved Kelsie didn’t use people. Especially not someone like Zach.
“Then pay me to rent a room, whatever you think is reasonable.” His chin jutted out with his usual stubborn resistance to any opposition.
“I’ll be out of my present situation soon.” Liar. Liar. Liar.
“Oh, did the Jacks sentence more players to your tutoring?” He tried to smile but didn’t quite succeed.
She hugged herself tighter as the futility of her situation settled like a dead weight in her stomach. “No, actually the opposite.” There now, honesty might hurt but it also made her feel as if a weight lifted off her chest. Incredibly liberating, even though temporary denial might feel a hell of a lot better in the short term.
The stark truth hidden in her words didn’t go over Zach’s head. “Veronica fired you?”
Kelsie nodded and gnawed on her last good fingernail, willing herself not to cry. God, she hated the helplessness, but she would not let this situation defeat her. She raised her head and looked him squarely in the eyes. He, on the other hand, appeared torn.
“It’s because of me, isn’t it?” Guilt flashed across his face like a neon sign.
She would not let him own the blame. “I didn’t do my job. Actually, I failed miserably.” Kelsie forced a smile and tapped his broad chest. “But don’t think you’re getting out of your classes, buster. I told Veronica I was committed to my task and to the gala.” Her finishing school wasn’t finished yet.
He captured her hand and held it in his big one. She lifted her face and met his troubled gaze. “You can’t stay in your car. It’s not safe, and the weather is nasty.”
“Staying in your house is not an option for me. I have nothing to offer in exchange.”
A flare of desire crossed his face, and he looked away as if ashamed.
“Is that what you want?” Maybe an obvious question, but she needed to hear the answer.
He shrugged, his gaze focused on the fire.
Kelsie chewed on her lower lip and stared into the fire, too. The flames danced wildly, mimicking the flames inside her. It wasn’t like she was an innocent virgin or even an innocent. She’d used her body to win a beauty pageant and a spot on the college cheerleading team. Could she bargain her body for a safe, warm place to stay?
After entertaining the possibility for a brief moment, she kicked that idea out on its ass. She’d risen above her past, never again would she sink that low. Not even for her own personal safety and comfort. Which didn’t mean she didn’t want to sleep with Zach. Oh, Lord, she wanted to be wrapped in his strong arms more than she wanted to take a shower with soap and hot water or sleep in an actual bed. This independence thing could be exhausting. It’d be so easy to let someone else take charge for a while.
No. No. No.
“I want you, too, Zach, but not in exchange for rent. Not like that.” She needed to make him understand that she wanted him for him—no other reason. She scooted closer until their thighs touched.
He flinched and rose to his feet, backing away from her. “I would never ask you to prostitute yourself like that.” He stared down at her. His handsome face a kaleidoscope of conflicted emotions.
“I know you wouldn’t.” He held her in higher regard than she held herself.
He shoved his hands in his pockets, his jaw working as if he was trying to spit out unspoken words.
Oh, Lord, she really did want him, not just physically, but emotionally. She wanted to wipe the sadness and confusion from his face and replace it with desire and pleasure. She wanted to be the one to make him forget the pain of his past, if only for a little while. It was the least she could do for him, especially after what happened to his brother and her cruel role in his agony.
She’d give herself to make him happy, then she’d go back to sleeping in her car with her pride a bit tattered, but still intact. She hadn’t been with a man except Mark in over a decade, and her ex had been a selfish lover, putting his needs and desires above hers. Instincts told her what kind of lover Zach would be—kind, tender, caring, yet passionate. He’d take her to heights she’d never reached, teach her what sex was really about. She wanted that. Wanted his comfort, his kindness, his athlete’s body. She needed to feel desired again, needed to feel the touch of a man who cared about more than himself.
She needed to heal. And she needed to forget about the stark reality of her present situation. Just for one night.
Kelsie made her decision in the time it takes to snap a finger. “That doesn’t mean I don’t want you because I do. I really do. Right here. Right now. No expectations. No strings.”
Zach’s nostrils flared, and he worked his jaw. His heavy-lidded gaze told her all she needed to know. Even if she was making a huge mistake. At least she was doing it for all the right reasons.
* * * * *
When Kelsie stood and started walking toward him, Zach stood stock still, as if the slightest movement might drive him to his knees. Maybe it would. With his elbows locked and his hands fisted inside his pockets, he didn’t pull her into his arms.
His head pounded over the tug of war going on inside it. Use her like she’d used him? Send her away with a few hundred dollars? Be sucked into the vortex that was loving Kelsie? Or run like hell while he still had a measure of sanity?
Fuck, what the hell was he doing? About to jump in bed with the woman who’d caused shitloads of grief in his life. Gary would be disgusted with him for being so weak. Neither brother had ever liked Kelsie. They thought she played Zach, which she did. Only this Kelsie seemed—different. Way different.
“I want you, Zach. Let me ease some of your pain. Just you and me. No past. No future. Just here and now.” She whispered in his ear, her voice all soft and breathless.
If he got any stiffer, he’d shatter. Putting his hands on her shoulders, he pushed her away and held her at arm’s length. “I’m not in pain.” At least not the emotional pain she was hinting at.
She took a small step back. “I think you are, and I’m the cause of a lot of it. Let me help you.” With trembling fingers, she fumbled with the buttons on her flannel nightshirt.
Zach, being a normal healthy guy, stared at her breasts, like a kid anticipating the unwrapping of a Christmas present. After the last button, Kelsie slipped out of the shirt and let it fall to the floor.
He licked his lips and swallowed. Not once, but twice. He sucked in a labored breath, and his loyalty to Gary warred with his attraction to Kelsie. She was so beautiful it actually hurt to look at her.
“Kelsie. Please.” His voice came out hoarse and rough. He was surprised he’d managed to croak out the words. He forced
his eyes away from her luscious body, but within seconds he was looking again as she kicked off her shoes, unzipped her jeans, and pushed them down her long legs, stepping out of them. She stood before him, naked except for a purple lace bra and a pair of black lace panties.
He blinked and nearly laughed. He’d totally expected her bra and underpants to match perfectly. Didn’t matter, she’d look fucking incredible in anything. Or nothing.
Her gorgeous breasts rose and fell with each breath she took, hypnotizing him, pulling him deeper to the point of no fucking return. A lock of her blond hair tickled the edge of her bra cup. He wanted to wrap that golden strand around his fingers and brush his hand against the creamy white skin.
“What’s wrong? Am I still wearing too many clothes for you?”
Too many clothes?
Ah, hell, she was wearing far too little. At least too little for his shaky control. So why the hell was he resisting? This was Kelsie, the woman he’d lusted after since ninth grade. Unattainable Kelsie, with the incomparable beauty and charm. Kelsie, offering her body to him. To him.
He’d never had a problem taking from women in the past, not that he did it often, but on occasion. Why the hell did it bother him this time?
Pride? Fear? Or—
Gary.
Outside the house in the raging storm were Gary’s ashes. Inside stood the woman he’d picked over Gary. Not once. But twice.
Scranton barked, causing them both to turn in his direction. Kelsie’s little foo-foo dog sat on his couch and watched their every move as if recording it for all time in his miniscule little pervert brain. Zach turned his back on the dog.
“Now for you.” Kelsie looked him up and down, her eyes clearly telling him she was ready to give him what he’d dreamed of for almost two decades.
His turn? Like he could even get his fingers to work if he wanted. He must have telegraphed the indecision. She moved forward, all fluid grace with creamy skin that smelled of flowers.
Her fingers touched the skin at his collar, and he bit the inside of his cheek to stop the groan. She slid her hand down and unbuttoned his shirt with excruciating slowness. He held his breath until he thought he’d pass out from lack of oxygen. She pushed the shirt off his shoulders, and he shrugged out of it.
God help me, and Gary, please forgive me. He was a weak, weak man, but he wasn’t the only warrior throughout history who’d sold his very soul for a woman.
Their eyes met, and there was so much more there than lust. Or at least that’s how he wanted to see it, poor lovesick sap that he was. Her vulnerability called to his protective male instincts, and her sweet body called to everything else.
She slid her fingers down his chest, with a soft and delicate touch, and he trembled. His lungs emptied of air and his heart fluttered like a fucking cherub’s. She bent down and those dream-a-thousand-dream lips of hers closed around his nipple.
Damn. Damn him to hell.
She licked the painfully tight nub then sucked. Licked then sucked. He groaned and buried his fingers in her hair. She sucked on his other nipple then sank to the floor on her haunches. Unzipping his jeans, she hooked her fingers in the waistband and lowered them—briefs and all—down his hips and freed his erection—one very happy-to-see-her erection.
One gentle shove and he sank to the couch, as if he were a ninety-pound weakling not a two-hundred-fifty-five-pound NFL linebacker known for his toughness.
She cradled him in her hands, ran her fingers across the velvety tip of his penis, then slid her fingers underneath to cup his balls. The blood in his brain rushed to his dick, robbing him of rational thought. He sucked in a breath and gripped the couch cushions, leaving finger impressions.
Heaven clashed with earth as her luscious mouth touched the tip of his cock. It jerked, as if it had a mind of its own. He’d always been firmly convinced it did.
Kelsie Carrington, his dream girl, had her mouth on his cock. He had to be hallucinating. Hell, whatever it was he didn’t want to wake up. He wanted her any way he could get her. Because right now he couldn’t resist.
He doubted he’d resist tomorrow night or the next either. He just hoped like hell it didn’t ruin his game. Maybe it’d improve it.
Maybe…
Crazy thoughts rattled through his sex-muddled brain, but one fact blasted through the fog like a ferry horn sounding across Puget Sound during a storm.
His fantasy girl was offering herself to him and claimed not to want anything in return. This time he’d be the taker. He’d earned this.
She’d been his fantasy his entire teenage life and some of his adult life. But in his fantasy she’d come to him because she loved him and wanted to be with him forever. Together they became the family he’d never had. It hadn’t been just a quick fuck. It had been special to both of them. Something that bound them together for all eternity.
He couldn’t do it. Not like this. He couldn’t destroy the last remnants of his dream for one night of satisfaction. The Kelsie who dwelled in his fantasies didn’t do one-night stands. She held to a rigid morality and insisted on commitment. Totally fiction, he knew, but his imagination wrote this story, and he wasn’t deviating from the plot it’d written. This old-fashioned novel required old-fashioned morals. There needed to be more, at least for him, even if the more only lived in an outdated fantasy. He couldn’t control her feelings and her actions, but he could his.
Zach was fucking going to hate himself, but he did the noble thing—the dumb-assed noble thing he might live to regret for the rest of his days. He put his hands on her shoulders and pushed her back on her haunches. Ignoring her shocked expression, he shot to his feet, pulled up his boxers and jeans and zipped them before he changed his mind. She stared up at him with lust-clouded, confused, blue eyes.
“I can’t do this. It’s not right.” His body, still numb with lust, couldn’t believe its bad luck, while what little of his brain still functioning applauded his morality. He wanted her but on his terms, and an outrageous plan started to take form in his usually practical brain. He wanted his cake and to eat it, too, even if that cake was a mirage that disappeared the closer he got to it. For a brief moment in time, his dream would be a reality—his reality.
“It’s not right?” Kelsie blinked several times and regarded him through hazy eyes. Her clenched hands were still held out in front of her as if she’d been praying. To his cock. A cock that once again twitched with need. A cock he’d denied the pleasure of a lifetime.
“No, this isn’t how I imagined our first time together.” Zach paced the floor. Once. Twice. Three times. He ran his hand through his thick hair. Then paced some more.
“How did you imagine us, Zach?” Kelsie rose to her feet and pulled on her jeans and shirt and hugged herself.
“I—I just thought it’d be special. Different.” He tried not to look at her, tried to make sense of this entire screwed-up evening when a flash of something metallic caught his eye. Halting his pacing, he stared out the window at the storm just as a dark sedan crept by on the street, with its lights out. It stopped near his driveway for several seconds then continued its slow crawl down the street. He turned to Kelsie who’d moved to stand next to him.
“What is it? Is it him?” Her face, flushed with the promise of sex a second ago, turned whiter than the chalk lines on a football field. She shoved her knuckles in her mouth and bit back a heart-wrenching hiccup of a sob.
Then he knew. For sure. She was in danger and scared shitless. Every protective instinct he possessed went on red alert. He’d get a hold of that prick following her and show him a thing or two. Without thinking, Zach sprinted from the room and out the front door, slamming it behind him. He ran into the street just as the asshole made his second pass. He caught the man’s startled expression. The driver accelerated with a squeal of tires leaving Zach in the dust. The car disappeared around a corner.
Chest heaving, adrenaline still rushing through his veins, he turned back to the house.
Ke
lsie stood in the doorway, hugging herself again.
“It’s him.” She spoke with quiet dread and bone-chilling fear. She continued to study Zach as if trying to read his expression. Her lower lip trembled and there was a small band of sweat on her forehead. Zach reached for her hand. It was cold and clammy. He led her back inside, back to the warmth and coziness of the fireplace. She pulled away from him and stood with her back to him next to the fire.
“Who is that guy, Kelsie? I don’t believe for a moment your parents hired him.”
“I don’t know.”
“He has you scared shitless. Is he dangerous?”
She shrugged. Zach stepped up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her backside against his front. Her body was as stiff as a corpse in a morgue. Even so, as her fine ass pressed against his crotch, he immediately developed another boner.
“How long has he been following you?” Zach fought to keep his voice level, hard to do with only a thin layer of clothes separating them and his mind flashing to her kneeling in front of him.
“A while. It started right—right—after—the gala where I first saw you.” Her voice rose to an almost shriek.
He rubbed his hands up and down her arms, trying to soothe her. “You must have some idea why he’s following you.”
“I think my ex hired him to keep tabs on me.”
Her smug, self-righteous asshole ex-husband. Yeah, Zach knew Mark Richmond well. Scaring the crap out of Kelsie would be just the thing he’d do to get his rocks off. “Are you concerned about Richmond? Do you think he could be dangerous?”
She wrenched out of his arms and turned to face him, chewing on her lower lip. Her eyes, filled with unshed tears, met his. “I think he could be.”
“Did he abuse you, Kelsie?” He clenched his fists, wishing he could slam a fist into Richmond’s smug face.
“He did emotionally, yes, from the very beginning. He’s controlling.”
“Did he ever strike you?”
“Not until the end when I asked for a divorce.”
“What do you mean not until the end? What did he do to you?”
Down by Contact - A Seattle Lumberjacks Romance Page 16