“I don’t want to talk about it.” She swept her hand across her forehead.
“You can’t stay in your car anymore. It’s not safe, and he knows you’re here.” As if she was any safer with Zach, but for very different reasons.
“I have to. I don’t have any money.” She closed her eyes and hiccupped again.
Zach struggled with his rigid morality and his baser instincts. “Move in until things get straightened out.” He’d never lived with a woman before. Hell, he’d never even invited a woman into his house. Yet, he couldn’t let her go back to living in her car, no matter what it cost him. He’d abandoned his baby brother when he’d needed him most. He wouldn’t abandon Kelsie, couldn’t live with the guilt if anything happened to her.
“I can’t.” Even as she uttered the brave words, he caught her nervous glance out the window. Her hand trembled as she reached down to stroke Scranton. “I’ve been a taker all my life, but no more.”
“I’m not asking you to take anything. I have room. It’s not a problem.”
“It is taking. Using you. I won’t do that. Especially not to you. I have to do this on my own. My own way. I can’t move in with you.”
“Why not?”
“Because I know you. You’re not the type of guy who lives with a woman. I won’t have you compromise your beliefs for me. Am I right? Have you ever lived with a woman?”
She had him there. In a rare moment of baring his heart to her in high school, he’d told her than he’d never live with a woman who didn’t have his ring on her finger. Marriage meant something to him even though it had never meant a damn thing to his parents. She’d laughed and called him a hopeless romantic. He didn’t consider himself romantic. He just wanted a life like a fifties sitcom—a woman who loved him and a real family with 2.5 kids and a dog. He glanced at Scranton—a real dog.
Kelsie seemed to read his mind. She touched his cheek and he suppressed a shudder. “See? I can’t move in here. I can’t take your charity either.”
“Okay, then, marry me.” He blurted out the words that’d been forming in his mind for the past hour. They just tumbled from his mouth and shocked him as much as it did her.
Yet the second he said them, he knew he meant what he said. As stupid as it might be, Zach wanted to marry her, and he wouldn’t take the words back.
Not tonight. Not ever.
CHAPTER 15
Throwing out the Playbook
Zach watched Kelsie stagger back a step or two. Her mouth fell open, and her hand flew to her chest. Her lips moved and nothing came out, like the guppy in the fish bowl he kept on the counter. He’d rendered her speechless.
The second Zach uttered those two words, he made his decision, and he’d stick with it to the crazy, bitter end. Marriage to Kelsie might be a dumb-assed idea, but it made perfect sense in a skewed logical sort of way. Now if he could only convince her of that. He wanted her so bad the desire sat hot and heavy on his tongue, sent sharp pains to his heart, and kept his cock in a perpetual state of horniness. But he wanted her as his, even if for a short while and as stupid as it might be for a man who prided himself on practicality. He’d dreamed of this moment for most of his life, now he threw common sense over the goalposts.
She kept shaking her head and making these unintelligible noises, as if she’d forgotten the English language. Meanwhile, Zach’s mind and body were all-in, rushing to concoct reasons his insane proposal made perfect sense.
Finally she managed to squeak out a few words. “You don’t mean that.” Then she laughed, a nervous, I-must-be-dreaming-this laugh. Her gaze bounced around the room, as if she were looking for an escape or something solid to hang onto.
Zach’s jaw moved in a circle as he weighed his words because saying the right thing had never been one of his strong points. He lifted his head, his gaze meeting hers. The second he looked into her blue eyes, he knew the answer as clearly as a Seattle summer day in August.
Gary, forgive me. I hope you’ll understand.
“I do. I mean it.” He pinned her with the same intensity he used on the opposing team’s quarterback. He saw past all her walls and into the scared, insecure little girl cowering underneath all the selfish bitchiness. Maybe it was the hint of vulnerability that attracted him in the first place, those few times she’d let down her guard with him.
He’d wanted her since their teenage years, wanted to be with her bad, so bad he’d deserted his brother, left him alone to deal with an abusive father. Now he was making another stupid-assed decision by letting her into his life in the most intimate way possible, not just as a lover but a wife. But it was his decision and he’d own it.
With jerky motions, Kelsie clutched her shirt to her chest. “This is so not a good idea.”
Like he didn’t know that? Every time he got involved with Kelsie a disaster happened. Now he’d invited disaster into his calm, private life. Yet, he wouldn’t take back the offer because he didn’t want to retract it. He ran his hands through his hair and pushed it off his face. Along with a haircut, he also needed a shot of his usual practicality. Yet practicality also told him she was in grave danger with no one to protect her but him. She was alone, and she needed him. He liked being needed. He liked being her knight in shining armor. He liked the idea of putting his ring on her finger even if it didn’t mean the same thing to her as it did to him. He’d change her mind just like he changed an opposing offense’s game plan when they couldn’t run the ball against him.
First, he struck at her doubts with a dose of common sense and a pinch of well-placed guilt. “I won’t be able to live with myself if something happens to you.”
“You’re proposing marriage to keep me safe?” She didn’t look nearly as convinced as he felt.
“Among other reasons. I’ll admit, it’s extreme, but I’m not asking for permanence. Just through the end of the season.” He shoved his own doubts and guilt into his no-regrets closet and slammed the door. Besides, she’d be a definite help to him when it came to landing that college coaching job after he retired. With her skills, Kelsie could teach him enough to be able to navigate the political waters populated by the university’s athletic fund donors.
“How is this any different than me living here for nothing?”
“Because being my wife doesn’t come without a cost.”
“And what is that cost?” If her trembling smile was any indication, she was actually softening to the idea.
“Living with me for one.”
She snorted, a damned unladylike snort.
“And you’d be my built-in buffer in social situations.” Zach was on a roll now. The justifications rolled off his tongue. “I’ll be the doting husband following your lead, nodding sagely, hanging on your every word. No one will expect me to talk when you’re around. Hell, the men won’t even notice. After I win my ring this year and retire, it legitimizes me as a contender for a coaching job I have my eye on.”
“How does it do that?”
“College coaches have to be good at fundraising and recruiting, which requires a certain level of class. You’re a classy woman. The guy you pick has to be at least somewhat classy.”
“You would think.” She tried not to smile. So did Zach.
“Look at Tomcat and LaShonna. She dresses him every time they go out, and he looks like a million bucks. He just follows her around carrying a glass of wine and smiling. Doesn’t have to do a thing. He’s already received offers to do college play-by-play once he retires.”
“What if you don’t win a ring this year? Are you retiring?”
“I’m winning that ring.” He’d win or die trying.
“So what is this important job?” She was stalling, grasping at something other than the real subject of this conversation, he could tell.
He’d humor her for a while. “One of the defensive assistant coaches for the University of Washington is retiring this year. I want his job. I spoke to my agent, and he gave me the same line HughJack did. Get out there, t
uxedo and all, and start schmoozing folks.”
“You think my presence will help you get that job?”
“Yeah, your ability to say the right thing at the right time, and you always know how to dress or act in any situation.”
“Maybe you need to learn how to behave in social situations instead of relying on someone else? Make small talk. Charm your co-workers, team owners, university donors. That type of thing.”
He shrugged one shoulder. “I guess.” It was a huge concession from a proud man with a stubborn streak larger than the state of Texas.
“Maybe you should start with Tyler.”
Zach rocked back on his heels and shook his head. “No way. Not that ass.”
“You don’t think you’ll need to deal with bigger asses than him in your future career? Maybe it’s time you learned to cope with people you don’t necessarily like.”
“I don’t think there are bigger asses than Harris out there.” He tempered his opinion with a half smile.
“Of course there are. What about the brash young freshman who hasn’t proven a thing but still has that cocky, disrespectful attitude? How are you going to handle him?”
“The way you teach me to handle him.”
“Good answer.” She almost smiled.
“So will you do it? Short-term. Until the season is over and I get the job.” The more he said the words the easier it became to convince himself it was a solution for both of them.
“Teach you some manners? I’ve been trying.”
“No, marry me.”
“Zach, really. This is a crazy idea.”
“It’s a practical idea.” Okay, so maybe it really wasn’t so practical. In fact, it was pretty darned crazy, stupid, and irresponsible. Even more, it was like making a pact with his own personal devil, the woman who’d been his obsession when he should’ve been concentrating on keeping his baby brother safe. Maybe in some weird, twisted way this was his payback. God was forcing him to keep Kelsie safe as penance for not being there for Gary.
But who would keep his heart safe from Kelsie?
* * * * *
Marry him?
Kelsie’s head buzzed, as conflicting thoughts battled for supremacy inside her muddled brain.
Zach’s idea was nuts, crazy, absolutely insane.
She absolutely could not consider it.
Yet, she was.
Desperate women did desperate things. Right now, she wasn’t sure what made her more desperate: homelessness, fear, or being in need of a hot night with a hotter man?
Good or bad, Zach Murphy attracted Kelsie on a physical level, always had, even though she’d masked her interest behind friendship and then ridicule. This would not be an unconsummated marriage of convenience, and it wouldn’t be one either of them would escape unscathed. But could she keep it just physical? What if her heart entered into it? Maybe it already had, or she wouldn’t even be considering this, would she?
Kelsie glanced toward the window. She could go back to living in her car, but only a too-stupid-to-live woman would do that. Yet, how stupid would marrying Zach be? She’d just gotten out of one bad marriage that almost destroyed her. She’d crawled her way back slowly, and she never wanted to be under another man’s control, especially a man who had a score to settle.
What if his marriage proposal was a way to get even? How well did she really know Zach anymore?
She didn’t have a lot of confidence in her judgment. She’d thought she’d known Mark. When it came down to it, she hadn’t known him at all, from his first pointed criticism of her yellow sun dress the day after their wedding to the time she asked for a divorce, and he beat her almost to death, and she awakened in a hospital a day later. Then, to add insult to injury, her own parents had believed every word Mark said, devastating her.
Kelsie had stood on the outside looking in. She’d filed for a divorce and asked for nothing because Mark would maintain control if she’d gotten alimony. Terrified he’d punish her for leaving him, she’d run away. Only he had tracked her down. It was only a matter of time before he struck, and this time she might not be so lucky as to survive.
But…
She stared at Zach’s kind face. She wanted to trust him, but she didn’t—couldn’t—trust any man. Zach’s pure size and strength combined with his career in a violent sport forced her to be cautious.
Sure, there’d been warning signs with Mark, but she’d ignored them. A nearly fatal mistake. Once that ring circled her finger, she’d become his possession, walking, talking, and dressing exactly as he decreed. She might as well have been locked in a cell for ten years.
What about Zach? A marriage would mean more to him than it would to her, despite all his practical justifications. Would that be fair to him?
Her gaze slipped downward, past his wonderful lips drawn in a firm, straight line, his strong, square chin, those broad shoulders and wide chest, to his flat stomach. Lower still. His cock, the very one she’d been worshipping minutes ago, strained against the fabric of his jeans, and begged for mercy. Or was it retribution? She licked her lips, her eyes still down south. Her brain turned fuzzy, as she imagined all that glorious muscle and brawn on top of her, moving inside her, making her come in a rush of passion.
Oh, God, help me.
Zach cleared his throat, shifting from one foot to another. “Well?”
“Zach, I can’t.” She croaked out the words, betraying the raw need behind the refusal.
He ran a large hand over his face then stared her down with determination in his eyes. “I need you to do this for me. It’s the quickest way for me to achieve my goal while the window of opportunity is open.” Then he played the one card that trumped her ability to say no. “You owe me one.”
“I—Zach, I don’t think this is a good idea.” Suddenly, her knees gave out, and she sank down in a chair.
“It makes sense on a lot of levels. The most important of which is it would keep you safe.” He gained confidence, his voice clipped and strong, as if he wouldn’t be denied. His naked chest dotted with dark, wiry hair swam in front of her face.
Kelsie shook her head to clear it. “I can’t think with you standing there half-naked.”
“I could be totally naked if that would help.” He chuckled.
Her gaze slammed back to his crotch, and Kelsie’s face heated up like a spaceship rocketing to the sun. “You’re not helping.”
He grinned, as if he assumed he was in control of the situation. “Take a half hour, I’ll be in the kitchen making a snack.”
Kelsie closed her eyes and bit her lower lip. He was right. Her life couldn’t get any more screwed up unless Zach turned out to be as controlling as her ex.
Deep down her instincts had warned her about Mark. Her instincts didn’t say the same thing about Zach. Not at all.
Lord, she wanted him. Like she’d never wanted another man.
She buried her head in her hands. Scranton crawled into her lap and pushed his wet nose against her cheek. His little tongue licked her chin. Kelsie hugged him to her, finding a small measure of comfort in his warm little body.
The push-and-pull in her head ping-ponged from yes to, Are you freaking nuts?
Zach offered stability she hadn’t had in a while, but he was a strong personality who’d try to dominate her. He attracted her. She wanted to sleep with Zach with or without a marriage, yet something in his eyes warned her that he cared too much. She could break his heart again, and then she’d be back to being the selfish opportunist she’d once been.
She needed her independence, but she could set boundaries with him. On the plus side if he didn’t comply, she’d leave. And she’d be able to get her business on track. Not only could she help legitimize Zach as a contender for the coaching position, but he’d legitimize her business. After all, if a woman could give a man like Zach a little culture and social graces, she could do that for anyone.
Kelsie rubbed her cheek against Scranton’s soft fur while the battle raged in he
r head with more controversy than a presidential debate. She’d done worse to get where she needed to get, but she was a better person now. A far better person.
A deal with a brawny, brown-eyed devil might be the worst or best deal she ever made.
She lifted her head and glanced out the window again. Somewhere out there was a faceless man who followed her relentlessly. He might have stood near her car countless times and stared in the windows, his face pressed against the glass as she slept. He might have taken pictures of her or followed her into the public park bathroom in the dead of night when she needed to pee. Even worse, what might he do in the future? What might he be capable of? She couldn’t stay in her car at Zach’s, not now. She’d be back to a deserted parking lot or a city park. All alone. At the stranger’s mercy.
No one would hear her scream. They’d find her bruised, naked body in a dumpster.
Kelsie shuddered.
She had few options and fewer choices, but one thing she knew for certain, Zach would keep her safe, and she owed him. It was the reason she’d come to Seattle. She could pay her penance and be an asset to him. She could help him land that coaching job by schmoozing those touchdown club donors, the coaches, and their wives.
Wouldn’t that be a win-win in a bizarre sort of way?
Kelsie stood, still holding Scranton. “What do you think, little guy? Does living here beat living in a car?” Scranton wagged his tail and yapped. Staying here apparently had his vote.
Sometimes given to rash, split-second decisions, Kelsie made one. Squaring her shoulders, she walked into the kitchen before she changed her mind.
Zach glanced up when she entered, his brow furrowed with worry, as he clenched and unclenched his hands. Finally he shoved them in his pockets and leaned against the counter in a casual pose that was anything but.
She cleared her throat. “Can I tell you a story?”
“I guess so.” His brows knitted together in the cutest way, as confusion crossed his rugged features. She found his vulnerability endearing. It sealed the deal in her mind.
“I was in Starbucks a few days ago, and a woman came in on the arm of man. She wore Ann Taylor, and he wore Fremont thrift shop.”
Down by Contact - A Seattle Lumberjacks Romance Page 17