Judith watched Mimi down the rest of her champagne and hand the empty glass over to Lillian. Mimi and Mort took two uneventful turns around the ballroom before Edward cut in. When her father exited the dance floor, Mimi’s face flooded with unapologetic relief. “I’ll see you in a little bit,” Judith said to Harry, and she followed her father to the bar.
“I didn’t know you could dance,” she told Mort, as she took the seat next to his. He ordered two glasses of champagne, handed one to Judith and raised his glass. “To your sister,” he said.
“To Mimi,” Judith agreed, and the two of them touched glasses.
Judith was curious. “So what do you think of Edward?”
“He’s the kind of man your sister always wanted to marry.”
“You mean rich? I guess.” She sighed. “I feel like this is the wedding of a stranger, not my sister.”
“Well, your mother and I agreed that it was best to stay out of her way while she planned this. Mimi made it clear that she didn’t want our input.”
“Were you upset?”
“It wasn’t unexpected.”
“Still, we’re her family.”
Mort took a sip from his glass. “I think you already know this, Judith, but I’ve been trying to…,” he searched for the right words, “to look at things … differently.”
“I know, but—”
He held up his hand to silence her protest. He looked tired. “Some things we just have to accept,” he told her. Judith followed her father’s gaze across the room to where her mother was sitting alone, looking as grim as possible. He turned back to Judith and finished his thought out loud. “So we can save our strength for other problems.”
Chapter 51
ROSE
Tradition mandated that Mimi be escorted down the aisle with her father on one side of her and her mother on the other, but Rose had no intention of participating. An hour before the ceremony, while the photographer was taking pictures on the hotel terrace, Rose complained of dizziness. It wasn’t a lie—she had been dizzy for a moment. But when the moment passed, she stayed quietly seated and kept her eyes closed. She tried to imagine she was somewhere else.
She must have been doing a pretty good job of it, because when the photographer was done, the women and girls all left for the powder room without her. Dinah ran back to retrieve her before the ceremony. “Still not feeling well?” she asked. Rose kept her eyes shut and nodded. She didn’t have to say why she wasn’t feeling well. She didn’t have to say anything at all.
Dinah had been given strict instructions. Whether they were from Mimi or Mimi’s new mother-in-law, Mrs. Feinstein, it didn’t matter. If Rose wasn’t feeling up to walking down the aisle, she was to be given a cup of water and brought to the room where the ceremony was to take place. She was to be shown to a seat in the first row on the right, next to the groom’s grandmother. Dinah settled her there, gave her an obligatory kiss on the cheek and left to find the other bridesmaids. The wedding was about to begin.
The music started, something classical and elegant, wafting toward Rose from the string quartet in the corner of the room. Half a dozen good-looking young men, bow ties carefully knotted, strolled down the aisle one by one. Rose supposed they were Edward’s friends or cousins—she didn’t care. She didn’t recognize any of them. Next came Edward himself, flanked on one side by his father and on the other by the cunningly coifed Mrs. Feinstein. Mrs. Feinstein’s slim gown was the same pale blue as the dresses the bridesmaids wore. The same blue, Rose noticed, as the flowers cascading down the sides of the wedding canopy. No one had told Rose what color dress to wear. Her dress was gray.
After a few moments the music changed, and the bridesmaids entered carrying impeccable blue bouquets. The maid of honor took her place at the front of the room, and the crowd stood in unison, all hoping for a glimpse of the bride. Rose felt Edward’s grandmother take her hand and squeeze. She tried to pull away—she didn’t even know the woman—but the grandmother’s grip was too strong. “Oh my,” she murmured to Rose when she first saw Mimi coming through the door. The old woman’s eyes were watery and bright. “Now I can die happy,” she whispered. Rose managed to free her hand.
A minute later and there was Mimi, floating past in the ivory gown that Rose had seen for the first time just that morning. Mort marched beside her, solid and slow, as unremarkable as Mimi was stunning. The guests let out a collective sigh. Only Rose was unmoved.
The sensation was a familiar one and took Rose back to a day she had spent with her father at the very first Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. It was called the Macy’s Christmas Parade back then, and she couldn’t have been more than ten years old. She had been excited for the outing, thrilled to see the animals, the floats, the costumed employees. There was a large family standing next to her, the girls in bright red wool coats and the boys in matching sweater vests. At the end of the parade, Santa glided past in his red velvet suit, waving to the crowd from his perch on a giant golden sleigh. The children next to Rose squealed with delight. “It’s Santa! He’s here!”
Rose had looked around at the other faces in the crowd. All of the children were convinced that the man in the sleigh was the real Santa Claus. Suddenly, she was disappointed. What had seemed so magical just moments before was only paint and glitter after all. The parade was not meant for her. She felt the same watching Mimi walk down the aisle.
What if she had done what she was supposed to do? Would she have felt differently if she had walked down the aisle with Mimi and Mort, if she had stood under the canopy with her daughter? She was certain of the answer: it wouldn’t have changed a thing. It would only have made her duplicitous. Since Teddy’s death, each year that passed found Rose more and more resistant to gatherings of any kind. The wedding was no different.
The rabbi persisted in his musings and the seven blessings were recited. By the time Edward shattered the glass, half of the people in the room were crying. Rose’s eyes were dry, but Edward’s grandmother passed her a tissue anyway. “Here you go, dear. Don’t worry—you know the old saying.” She patted Rose’s arm in a show of comfort. “‘A son is a son til he marries a wife, but a daughter is a daughter for the rest of your life.’”
Rose wanted more than anything to escape from the doddering old woman, but she was stuck in her seat until the bridal party made their way back up the aisle. Natalie was the last of the bridesmaids to exit, and though Rose had barely glanced at the girl before the ceremony, something in her expression caught Rose’s attention in the moment she passed by. At thirteen, she was already a beauty; there was no denying it. But there was something more—the hairline, the eyes—something reminiscent of Rose’s own mother as a girl in one of Aunt Faye’s old photos. The once-unnecessary tissue, forgotten in her handbag, was retrieved. Edward’s grandmother handed her another. “No more tears now,” she warned gently, and Rose nodded in agreement. She didn’t bother to explain that she hadn’t been crying for any of the reasons the old woman imagined.
Chapter 52
HELEN
No one could say Mimi wasn’t a beautiful bride. On the outside at least. On the inside, Helen wasn’t so sure. As she watched the bride and groom interact, Helen decided Edward was the kind of man who cared more about the outside.
What does Rose think of him? Helen wondered. She’s sitting alone, not talking to anyone, not even trying to enjoy her daughter’s wedding.
The passage of time had taught Helen some important lessons. A few years ago she would have sat down next to Rose and tried to talk to her. She would have praised Mimi’s wedding gown and complimented the lavish celebration, all in an effort to earn back some small bit of affection. It wouldn’t have worked, but she would have tried. This time she wasn’t going to make the same mistake. She wasn’t going to ruin her evening feeling guilty. She was going to keep her distance and keep her mouth shut.
“Hello, gorgeous.” It was Abe, wrapping one arm around her waist and waving a waiter over with the o
ther. He kissed her on the cheek and grabbed a handful of mini–lamb chops from the silver tray.
“Abe, how many of those have you had?”
“A few.”
She raised an eyebrow and patted his stomach, which protruded visibly from his unbuttoned tuxedo jacket. “Remember what the doctor said? You’ve put on too much weight, sweetheart. You can’t eat like that anymore.”
He squeezed her shoulder. “Tonight, I’m celebrating. Tomorrow, I’ll have celery.” He gobbled the lamb chops in a few bites, left the remains on another waiter’s tray and led Helen to the center of the room. “Time to dance with my beautiful bride.”
“I’m not exactly a bride anymore.”
“You’ll always be my bride.” The band switched to a waltz, and Helen let Abe lead her. But no matter where they were on the dance floor, Helen could not escape the view of Rose alone at that table.
“What is she doing, just sitting there like that?” She didn’t have to say Rose’s name. Abe knew.
“Who knows?” He tried to switch topics. “Don’t you think that bridesmaid dress is a little grown-up for Natalie? Couldn’t they have picked a different dress for her? She’s a little girl, for Chrissake.”
“Abe, have you seen her? She’s not a little girl anymore. And stop trying to change the subject.”
“I’m not.”
“Fine, then what do you think about Rose? Honestly?”
“Honestly, I think she’s starting to lose it.”
Helen stopped dancing. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, I’m not joking. Every other week she calls at work and yells at one of the office girls.”
“Which one?”
“Whoever answers. She tells them the milk in her refrigerator is sour. Or she can’t find the can opener. Then she demands to talk to Mort.”
“That’s awful.” Helen’s resolve evaporated and she was overwhelmed with emotion. “What can I do?”
Abe shook his head. “Nothing. Please don’t do anything, Helen. You know how she gets when you try to get involved. Mort has to deal with her now. It’s not for you to do.”
“Maybe I can help her.”
“No. You can’t.” He lowered his voice. “You’re a good person for wanting to, but you can’t. Leave it alone.” He kissed her on the top of her head.
What would she say to Rose anyway? Other than saying hello, it had been years since they had really spoken; their last meaningful conversation had been after Teddy’s funeral, on the final night of the shiva. Helen was standing by the sink, washing the platters and trying to organize what was left of the food. All the visitors had gone home, and Rose had come into the kitchen.
“You can go home now,” Rose said.
“As soon as I’m finished in here.” Helen started to pack up the oversized coffee urn she had brought. “I’ll call you tomorrow and see if you need anything.”
“Why?” Rose’s face was blank. It caught Helen off guard.
“I want to make sure you’re all right.”
Rose didn’t answer.
“It takes time.” Helen reached for her sister-in-law, but Rose turned away.
“Time can’t fix this.”
More than anything, Helen wanted to comfort her. “Maybe not, but I think we should try to help each other through this. I’m going to come over tomorrow and check on you.”
“Don’t.”
“But why?” Helen’s chest was aching and her face was hot.
“There’s nothing left for us to talk about.” Rose had made up her mind. “And now that Teddy is dead, there’s nothing left for us to argue about either.”
Chapter 53
ROSE
Helen should have insisted on a higher neckline for Natalie. The girl may have been only thirteen, but she certainly didn’t look it in that dress. Rose noticed more than one of the groom’s friends staring at her during the reception. Helen must have seen it too.
It was chilly in the hotel ballroom, and Rose was shivering. She decided to fetch her sweater from the coatroom. It didn’t match the dress she was wearing, but she didn’t care. The family photos had already been taken, and no one was looking at her anymore.
The coatroom was on the other side of the hotel lobby from the ballroom, miles past the reception desk and down a long corridor. Rose couldn’t remember having walked that far when she dropped off her sweater, but when she turned the corner and passed the small restroom on the left, she recognized where she was. The attendant was nowhere to be found, so Rose swung open the waist-high door and began looking through the hangers herself. It was almost June, so there were only a few jackets, and the sweater was easy to find. She pulled it on and decided to sit for a few minutes on the stool she found in the corner. The dim overhead lighting washed over her, and the noise from the reception was muffled. Rose hoped the coat check girl would be gone for a while. She was happy to be alone.
Her thoughts drifted back to the party Helen’s brother Sol had thrown the summer before Teddy turned three. She had wandered away from that party too, to a spot by the pond Sol had told her about. She could still see the flowers that grew on the edge of the water—were they bluebells? It had been so peaceful.
Rose couldn’t have said how much time had passed when she heard voices approaching the coatroom. She recognized one of them as Natalie’s.
“What do you think is back this way?” Natalie was asking.
“I don’t know, but at least it’ll be quiet and no one will bother us.” It was a young man’s voice.
What was Natalie doing, going to the coatroom with a man? Rose got up from the stool and stuck her head out the doorway.
“You shouldn’t be here.”
Natalie yelped in surprise and dropped the plate she was holding. Pastries and wedding cake were strewn across the floor. Cream, berries and frosting were everywhere. The young man frowned and bent down to survey the damage.
“You scared me,” Natalie told Rose. Then she looked at the carpet. “This is a mess. Johnny, can you tell one of the waiters to bring a broom?”
“Sure thing.” The young man ran back in the direction of the ballroom. Rose thought he looked familiar, but she couldn’t place him.
“Aunt Rose, are you feeling all right? Uncle Mort was looking for you when Mimi and Edward cut the cake. Why are you in the coatroom?” Natalie was trying to brush off some of the frosting that had landed on her shoe.
“What am I doing here? What are you doing, sneaking off to the coatroom with that man?”
Natalie laughed. “Man? Johnny’s my cousin—you’ve met him a million times. I told my mom we were leaving the ballroom for a while. The music’s too loud and Edward’s sister keeps making me dance with people I don’t know. Johnny and I wanted to eat our dessert where no one would bother us.”
“Hmph. You expect me to believe that the two of you were going to the coatroom to eat dessert?”
“What else would we be doing?”
Rose held up her hands in frustration. “Hasn’t your mother taught you anything?”
“Why are you being so mean?” Natalie could see that her aunt was irritated, but she couldn’t understand what was making her so upset.
Rose took two steps toward her. “Why do you think all those men wanted to dance with you? I saw the looks they were giving you in that dress.”
Natalie took two steps back. “I don’t even like this dress. They made me wear it.”
“Well, your mother never should have let you out of the house in it.”
“That’s a terrible thing to say!”
“Don’t you dare raise your voice to me!”
“Hey—quit yelling at her!” Johnny had returned from the ballroom. He had brought along one of the waiters, and Helen was just a few steps behind. When Natalie saw her mother, she started to cry. Johnny glared at Rose, and the waiter retreated from the scene, saying he would return later to clean up the floor.
“Shhh, shhh.” Helen held Natalie and whispered, “I
t’s all right, sweetheart. It’s all right.” Then Helen turned to Johnny. “Take her back to the party, honey. You two go have dessert. I’m going to stay and talk to Rose.”
Once the kids were out of earshot, Helen’s composure evaporated. She was livid.
“What did you say to her?” she demanded.
“Nothing.” Rose retreated to the back of the coatroom, but Helen followed her.
“Nothing? She’s a young girl, Rose. You were attacking her!”
“If she’s such a young girl, why are you letting her parade around in that skimpy dress?”
“For heaven’s sake, Rose, it’s the dress Mimi picked! Dinah and Judith are wearing it too!”
“Dinah and Judith aren’t thirteen.”
“Why do you care what she’s wearing all of a sudden? Since when do you care about anything Natalie does?”
Rose almost smiled. “It isn’t easy having someone else tell you how to raise your own child, is it?”
“Stop it. I never told you how to raise Teddy.”
“Didn’t you? What would you call it, then?”
“At least I didn’t pretend he wasn’t there. You act like Natalie doesn’t even exist!”
“She’s your daughter, not mine. That was the deal we made thirteen years ago.”
Helen’s face crumpled, and she put one hand on the wall to steady herself. Her voice dropped to a whisper. “We never made any deal. You know that. We never even spoke about it. That night … it was like we were both in a dream. Between the blizzard and Mort and Abe being away … it was like it was supposed to happen. I wanted a girl so badly. You needed a boy so much. I thought we’d raise them together in the house on Christopher Avenue. You must have thought that too. I thought we’d be a family—all of us, always, mothers to both of them, and it wouldn’t matter. You were like my sister—I thought you would love them both the way I did. I never thought it would turn out so wrong. I never thought you’d end up hating me. I never thought one of our babies would die.”
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