Crazy Madly Deeply

by Lily White

  Delilah never returned to school after the accident that killed her parents. In truth, nobody really knew if she was dead or alive. We’d graduated without hearing a word about what happened to her. The Bishop family hadn’t disappeared the night Holden was run down by an out of control car, but they did after the night Holden’s family was struck in an intersection by a semi that had lost traction on the ice.

  We knew what happened to Holden’s parents only because one person saw Holden standing alone in the graveyard while the coffins were being lowered in the ground. They said a black beanie covered his black hair. They said his hands were tucked inside the black jacket he wore. They said he looked like a punk, like a freak, like an outcast as he watched his parents disappear beneath the frozen earth. They criticized him even then, couldn’t give him just one single moment of solitude so that he could mourn the destruction of everything he’d once been.

  There were two small markers showing where his parents were laid to rest. I left flowers on those graves the last time I’d visited Tranquil Falls. I’d done it in secret because I was still too afraid to step out of line and reveal that I didn’t want to be like my parents and friends. I wanted to have a heart.

  Rumors placed Delilah in a home somewhere for cripples. Rumors had her dead body tucked away inside Holden’s house where he kept her because he’d lost his mind. Rumors had her working the streets in another town because she’d become a junkie addicted to pain pills after her recovery.

  Rumors.

  They were a staple of life in Tranquil Falls.

  My last memory of her was from the day I stopped by Holden’s hospital room to see him, to apologize to him, to tell him that Jack was a bastard who didn’t deserve the easy life. Delilah had practically chased me from the room, her eyes swollen from tears, her spirit ferocious as she took on the task of protecting Holden from anybody she believed wished him harm. Even me. Her only friend from the dance team. The only girl in the entirety of Tranquil Falls that genuinely felt bad for what had been done.

  I hated Jack for that accident. Hated that his family replaced his car with nothing more than a shrug at the expense. Hated that despite being caught with drugs on him and being blamed for an accident he caused by being a relentless bully and jerk, there were no consequences other than a slap on the wrist. He was still the big man on campus, still the smug prick that skated through life on his daddy’s dime. Still the pompous bully that outgunned every decent person who dared speak out against him.

  Even now. Even in college. Jack Thorne was still King. And I was his Queen. The Queen of hearts. The Queen of diamonds. The Queen suffocating beneath the weight of her thorned crown.

  His knock on my door dragged me away from my thoughts of Tranquil Falls.

  “Come in.”

  The door slid open, Jack’s cocky smile wide and excited. He loved returning home during the holidays, loved reuniting the team so they could continue their stupid parties. He loved rushing to see his new friends in the servants’ quarters that supplied him now that Jimmy had died from an overdose.

  I wasn’t sad to hear about Jimmy. I blamed him for what happened to Holden and Delilah as well.

  Scrubbing his hand over the back of his neck, Jack’s smile faded, his eyes narrowing in concern. “I came to see if you’re ready. Is something wrong?”

  “No, I lied, “just feeling a little gross. Guess my stomach didn’t like what I ate for dinner last night.” If I told him I didn’t want to go home, there would be hell to pay for it the entire ride there. He’d call me a freak-lover, a whore to rejects. That’s what he always said when I brought up either of the Bishop kids.

  “I guess Delilah wasn’t all that bad. She, at least, looked like she would be a fun time. But her brother? He deserved what he got.”

  Those were his exact words the first time we went home for Christmas break and I brought it up. The words he spoke before he and his friends got high and got right back to business destroying the hearts of high school girls. Jack didn’t stick close to me anymore during his parties. It was a crapshoot who he’d take to bed once the festivities wound down. Me or some oblivious girl that didn’t know better.

  If I did something like that, Jack and both our families would destroy me. Jack’s family and friends would run a smear campaign on my reputation. My parents would most likely disown me.

  All for money.

  Money.

  Money.

  Money.

  The only thing those assholes had that made them believe they were superior to everybody.

  “That sucks, but do you have your bags packed? We need to go.”

  Glancing up at Jack, I let my gaze trail over his hair that had grown out, the stronger cut to his jaw that appeared when the last of his childhood had faded away. He was more handsome now than he’d been in high school and it wasn’t fair. There were moments when he could be sweet, and I grasped on to those moments, clung to them like small islands in a turbulent sea because I’d hoped they meant Jack was turning over a new leaf, that he would finally understand the evil that he’d done.

  But just like everything I actually enjoyed in my life, those moments were fleeting. They were a tease, a small window showing me exactly what I was missing.

  “I’m packed. My bags are by the door.” Jutting my chin in their direction, I had a flash of stupidity to think Jack would actually pick them up and carry them to the car. Instead he smiled again, jangled his keys and opened my door to step into the hall. “Awesome. Grab them and come on. It’s a four hour drive back to Tranquil Falls.”

  Rolling my eyes, I stood from my bed and sighed as the door slammed shut. He couldn’t even be bothered to hold it for me. When it opened again and he poked his head through, I was taken by surprise. Maybe he realized he was being an intolerable prick. Maybe he was going to help me with the bags after all.

  “Oh, and when we’re in the car, try not to breathe in my direction. Keep your window cracked or something. Just in case your stomach pain is a virus and not bad food. I don’t want to get sick.”

  The door slammed shut again. I picked up a book from the desk and tossed it at the wood. The book thud hard and slid down, but the door didn’t open again.

  Another sigh burst out of me, one filled with regret, anger, torment and bitter strife. I had no one to blame but myself. By going along with him, I was letting this happen. Yet, I still picked up those bags like a good little girl and dragged them down one flight of stairs to where Jack was waiting by his car. Hitting the key fob, he opened the trunk for me. The biting cold was nipping at my cheeks, my jacket not thick enough to keep my body from trembling. While I rounded the car to tuck my bags away, Jack climbed into the driver’s seat to escape the weather.

  At least one of us was toasty and warm.

  Fog rolled over the surface of the parking lot, dissipating beneath the light sprinkle of freezing rain that wasn’t quite snow yet. The dorms were deserted already because most of the students left yesterday when the weather was still slightly nice. I wanted to go, too, but Jack had a party to attend at a frat house he didn’t belong to. Always a party. Always.

  Sliding into the passenger seat, I was about to buckle up when Jack grabbed my wrist to stop me. Déjà vu flashed, another time he’d stopped me from putting on my seatbelt that led to the destruction of an entire family.

  “What?” I asked. “I thought you wanted to go.”

  His expression twisted with annoyance. “Can you take off your wet jacket, at least? You’ll ruin the leather seats.”

  My eyes narrowed, but I shrugged out of the jacket anyway. Thankfully the seats were heated and I would be warm eventually. The engine purred as Jack pulled out of the campus parking lot, his foot a little too heavy on the pedal as we shot like an arrow down the highway towards home.

  I’ve heard that all over the world circumstances had a way of changing from day to day. Life had a way of changing, for good and for bad. It wasn’t the same tired story being told over
and over again, never changing, never evolving, never giving you the opportunity to actually learn something about life.

  Not in Tranquil Falls.

  In my small town, nothing changed.

  It always stayed the same.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Holden

  Damn, the wind could really grab hold of you when it skated past the side of a building, blindsiding you as it came on like a whip to knock you off your feet. I tucked deeper into myself, a cigarette hanging between my lips while I took a break out back from the constant noise of the diner. The glorified next generation was returning home to visit from college, and they all gravitated to the diner for an early meal before they went out to raise hell.

  I just wanted the hours to pass and for my shift to be up. I needed to leave and get home to Deli. Needed to convince her to go visit our Uncle Scott for the holidays because two years was too long to be cooped up. The first year wasn’t her fault, she was still recovering, but now she was back to normal and still refused to leave the house. To step outside. To go back to school or make new friends. To accept the awful truth that our parents were gone and would never return home again.

  Delilah had stopped dancing. She’d stopped twirling. She’d stopped spinning and laughing and grinning. Not because her body prevented her from doing so. It was the pain in her heart and the hatred in her mind that did that. All day, she waited inside that house, the injuries to her head having caused damage to her brain. She believed mom and dad would come home. She told me she knew she would see them soon.

  I didn’t know how to help her, but I was trying. That’s why I was working at this run-down grease trap. It’s why I was still in Tranquil Falls and why I hadn’t yet abandoned what my life had once been in order to carve out a path of my own. Somebody had to take care of her, and since my parents were six feet under, that someone was me.

  Dragging a cloud of slow death into my lungs, I watched the smoke blow out past my lips to collide with the cold night air. It twisted and turned until spinning in circles like my sister used to do. A voice called out to me from the back door, Kaley Smith peeking her head out to warn me my time was up. Tendrils of her blond hair had fallen loose from the long braid running down her back, her brown eyes twinkling beneath the exterior security lighting.

  “Better get back inside. Angela’s going to tear a new hole in your butt if you’re late.”

  Winking at Kaley, I dropped the cigarette down to the ground and stubbed it out with the toe of my boot. “Come here.”

  Her lips pulled into a wry grin, her head turning so she could look over her shoulder and make sure nobody was around. Sneaking out, she closed the door quietly and ran into my arms.

  Kaley was a good girl. She had a vibrant spirit and she was friendly despite her circumstances. Living in the servants’ quarters like me, she was three years older than I was.

  We met when I first took this job, and I liked that she’d never attended Tranquil Falls High, that her house sat behind the district line that split my neighborhood between Tranquil Falls and Benson Ridge High. She had no ties to the town I couldn’t stand to live in, to the people who had destroyed my family and wandered off without uttering a word of apology for what they’d done. Kaley wasn’t my girlfriend, by any stretch of the imagination, she didn’t want labels or commitment, but she liked taking me home with her some nights to waste away a few hours.

  Never longer than that, though. I wouldn’t spend an entire night away from home and leave Deli all alone.

  My hand slid up to cup her breast from over her shirt. She giggled and kissed my neck. “Holden, stop. We’re going to get caught and then Angela will be gunning for us both.”

  My lips slid along the line of her jaw, the tip of my tongue pushing out to taste her skin. “But it’s cold outside and you help me warm up.”

  She laughed again, low and throaty, her hands clenching my hips as she pushed up to her toes to let me run my lips down the line of her neck. Biting softly where her neck met her shoulders, I appreciated the way she trembled. It sucked that I’d have to stop now before walking inside became uncomfortable.

  “What are you doing after work tonight?” she asked, her voice breathless.

  “Meeting up with you, I hope. But I work the late shift. What time do you get off?”

  “As soon as you get to my house.”

  My chest rumbled in response to her answer, my growl like rolling thunder as my cotton work pants suddenly became tight and restrictive. Nipping at her jaw, I lifted my head just enough to press my mouth against her ear, my breath hot against her skin chilled by the night air. “I mean, what time are you leaving here?”

  Shivering at the depth of my voice, or maybe from the wind, she snuggled in closer to me, stealing my heat and using me as a wall to block her from the bitchslap of winter. “I know that’s what you meant, but I thought I’d take advantage and confirm that’s what we’ll be doing tonight.”

  My hands took possession of her ass, tugging her closer, I showed her the answer to that question. “Yeah, if I’m able to walk there. Look what you’ve already done.”

  A husky laugh shook her shoulders. “I leave here at eight. It’ll give me time to get cleaned up before you arrive.”

  “Do whatever you need to do. I’ll just get you dirty again.” My mouth found hers, but she dodged away before I could lock down.

  Slapping my chest, she pushed away from me and yanked my arm in the direction of the back door. “Dammit, Holden, you are a big, strong, beautiful body full of trouble, but no sense. We need to get inside before Angela starts yelling.”

  Laughing, I replied, “I don’t care if Angela yells.”

  “Yeah, I bet you don’t. You don’t care about anything.” Shaking her head, she turned to smile at me. “I don’t know how your mom survived raising you.”

  Flinching at the comment, I pulled away from her. Kaley’s expression fell, her smile fading. “Shit. I’m sorry, Holden, I didn’t mean it like that. Come on. We need to get in there.”

  Yeah. Back to work. Back to the place where I scrubbed and polished, flipped burgers and dropped fries in a vat of boiling oil that would block the arteries of all the spoiled kids who ate there. Often I envisioned them in forty years. Fat. Ruddy skin. Balding and unhappy. Just like their parents. It helped pass the time. Helped me choke down the fact that, in a way, I was working for them by cooking their meals and scraping their plates. Working for them, just like my mother and father.

  A wave of greasy heat collided against my face as I walked in. Kaley disappeared around the corner of the right hallway, while I ducked left to stalk back to the dishwasher. A pile almost as tall as me was stacked up and I was glad I hadn’t been stuck cooking on such a busy, chaotic night.

  Tying the black, vinyl apron on that did nothing to keep me dry, I slung plates and bowls, cups, forks and spoons through the machine, stacking them into their trays and shooting them down the conveyor belt that pulled the dishes through the hot water. Sliding over the floor mats, I caught them on the other end and stuck them on the next belt to dry. The cooks and servers would pull them from the racks on a night as busy as this, saving me the time of stacking them into orderly piles.

  I heard Angela’s heavy feet stomp in behind me. She was checking to make sure I was on time returning from break, ensuring that every penny she paid me was for work and not messing around. I wanted to resent her for it, but there had been times I slacked off, especially when the confusion crept in carrying the darker thoughts alongside it.

  Turning my head, I winked at her and smiled. She was an older woman with silver hair, huge breasts that could probably swallow a small child, and a sarcastic sense of humor that shone during the times she let it out. Always quick with a warning about timeliness or slacking, Angela was also a grandmother of three that insisted on mothering me when I was being a pain in her ass. She loved me, and I appreciated her for it, but that didn’t make working for her any easier.

  “He
y, beautiful,” I called out. “Looks like you didn’t catch me this time.” Another wink had her blushing through her fake scowl. She never could stay mad at me.

  I dropped the dishes from my hands and grabbed a hand towel to dry my fingers. Stepping over to her, I took her into a hug and squeezed.

  Her fists beat on my shoulders with no strength. “What are you doing, Holden? Have you lost your mind?”

  “I lose it every time I’m near you. When are you going to leave your husband for me?”

  Laughter burst out of her mouth, loud and free, just like I loved it. Because laughter is one of those parts of life that should be free. It should be unrestrained and wild, with no rules or shadows to contain it. Laughter is never polite, it’s never prim and proper, at least not the kind of laughter that is worth a person’s time, the kind that sears a memory into your mind and makes your eyes water.

  “Holden! Put me down and get back to work.” She tried to sound angry, but there was the residue of laughter still coating her words. “And don’t think I didn’t see you out back kissing on Kaley. You can’t have both women.”

  A wolfish grin stretched my lips. “She’s just keeping me warm until you come along, the real prize.”

  “Dammit, boy!” Her cheeks were bright red. “Get back to work. I’m not paying you to flirt with me.”

  “You should. I’m a natural at it.”

  Shuffling back to the machine before she could smack me on the shoulder, I was still chuckling when she walked off, probably in route to find somebody else who was slacking in their duties. Despite her iron rule over the diner, its employees and patrons, Angela Barrett was one of the people who helped save my life after the accidents happened, after the holiday season that gifted me with burials, hospitals and soul-crushing agony.

  It took three months for Deli to recover enough for me to feel comfortable being away from her, two of those months laid up in the hospital, and one of them recovering from home.