Crazy Madly Deeply

by Lily White

  The police would attempt to pin Jack’s disappearance on Holden. And I would make sure that they looked for their answers somewhere else.

  Epiphanies are startling moments. Like tennis balls lobbed in your direction by life, they come with a message scrawled across their surface, an answer that you can either choose to catch and read, or bat away in fear of learning some truth that may be painful or uncomfortable. I was catching that ball now, and when I turned it over in my hands to find the script scrawled across it, an answer came to my mind about what I had to do to help Holden, to save him, to put all the pieces back together that this town had slowly chipped away.

  I would turn myself into the police in order to shield Holden, and I would give them a story as to what happened to Jack, a story that would take the spotlight off of Holden and turn it in the direction of this fucked up town.

  But I couldn’t do it on my own, only because there was one other complication I wasn’t sure anybody but me knew: Delilah wasn’t in this house, and I was beginning to suspect that she never was.

  I had to find somebody to help me that Holden would trust, and I believed I knew just who that person would be. Getting to her without being seen would be tough, but I was determined to find a way.

  Holden’s bedroom door popped open. Our eyes met, his full of apology, mine full of resolve. The room came into sharp focus, the sound of a pot boiling on the stove drawing my attention back to the here and now. Frozen in place, I stared at a man I understood was worth everything.

  “Hey,” I whispered in repeat of our earlier greeting.

  “Hey,” he whispered back, the sound barely carrying across the room. “Did you see it?”

  Nodding, I attempted a smile, but only one corner of my mouth was strong enough to curl. “I saw it.”

  “My time’s up,” he said, resignation settled into every syllable. “Our time is up.”

  Rolling back my shoulders, I grinned, not in sadness, not in defeat, but in fierce denial that time would end for us. Shaking my head just slightly, I argued, “Your time is beginning. You just don’t know it yet.”

  Tucking his hands in the pockets of his jeans, he leaned back against the wall, his blue eyes locked to my face, his lips curling in sorrow. “Michaela-“

  I held up a hand to silence him. “No. Don’t Michaela me. I know what I need to do...for you, for this town and for myself.”

  Stepping towards him, I tried not to lose my mind at the sight of a broad chest and perfectly toned abs, tried to ignore the flutter of want deep down inside me. Holden and I had plenty of time left to explore each other, but at this particular moment, those desires would have to be set aside. I spoke as I approached him. “I have a plan to make this right, Holden. And all I need from you is a promise.”

  He didn’t move from his position against the wall, instead staying in place so that I could trap him there, wrap my fingers through the belt loops of his jeans and tug his body close to mine. Pressed together, our hearts beat in tandem, both fear and want colliding inside me, my determination strengthening, my decision made.

  Skepticism arched his brow. “A promise?”

  Nodding, I answered, “Mm-hmm, just like you made me give you.”

  “And what is this promise?”

  I stared at him for what felt like hours. “That when the time comes for all of this to come tumbling down, you’ll claim to know nothing, you’ll say nothing, you’ll simply tell everybody that I showed up on your doorstep one night and you took me in.”

  “Michaela-“

  Pressing my fingers against his mouth, I hushed him. “I already told you not to do that.” Pausing, I waited until his eyes met mine again. “Holden, I know how to fix this, and in keeping with the promise I made to you, I need to speak out about something I know is wrong. But the only way I can do that is if you promise to keep your mouth shut and trust me.”

  His head fell back against the wall. I pulled my hand away. The pot continued boiling on the stove, the house still except for the food that was cooking. “Can you do that for me?” I whispered.

  “I’m not sure,” he answered honestly. “I won’t let you take the blame for this.”

  My lips twitched. “I’m not taking the blame for anything. I didn’t do anything wrong. I was a victim that night...just as much as you. And all you did was help me.”

  Concern etched his expression. “What are you planning to do?”

  “I’m planning on finishing cooking dinner tonight, for starters. And then I’m planning on feeding you. What I have planned for tomorrow is a secret. But it won’t work unless you promise me to never say anything about seeing Jack that night. When it comes to what you know, I showed up with a swollen face and bruises and begged to be allowed to stay. I’ll take care of the rest of it.”

  Holden pushed away from the wall, thus pushing me back a step. He towered over me, forcing me to crane my neck to keep eye contact. “They’ve already interviewed me, Michaela. I told them I didn’t know where Jack was-“

  “Did they ask about me? Specifically?”

  Shaking his head, he admitted, “No, it was mostly about Jack.”

  As usual, I was an afterthought, a girl trapped beneath the shadow of Jack Thorne. I’d always been that girl, so it wasn’t a surprise. And I would use that knowledge to step out from beneath the shadow. “Promise me, Holden. Promise me that you’ll tell them exactly what I said.”

  His eyes searched my face, defeat finally settling behind his blue eyes. “Fine. But the minute I hear they’re blaming you for his death, I’m telling the truth.”

  “You don’t need to worry. I know what needs to be done to fix this. I won’t let this town hurt you anymore. I flat out refuse. It’s about time Jack, and everybody else who think they rule Tranquil Falls, are brought to their knees and forced to answer for what they’ve done, for what they’ve been doing for far too long.”

  “Fine, I promise you. But that doesn’t mean I’ll let you go to prison for this.”

  “I know. Just ... trust me, okay?”

  He nodded, swallowing hard because the promise went against every protective instinct Holden had inside him. “You said something about dinner?”

  Soft laughter burst from my mouth. “Yeah. I’ll pull it off the stove and make our plates.”

  “What about Deli? Has she come out of her room at all today?”

  Heart squeezed to a standstill within my chest, I closed my eyes and opened them again slowly. Not knowing what to say or do, not understanding fully what was going on when it came to his sister, I answered truthfully, leaving my statement open ended just so I would know for sure. “No, she hasn’t come out.”

  Because she’s not here... I didn’t say.

  I had to remind myself to take this situation one problem at a time. “I’ll go start on the food. You go check on your sister.”

  Nodding, he stalked off down the hall while I made my way into the kitchen. Five minutes later, he was walking toward me, a plate of uneaten food in his hand. Dropping it on the counter, he looked pained...worried. “She won’t come out and she didn’t even touch the food I took her this morning.”

  A frustrated sigh blew out of him as my heart lurched again to realize that Holden believed his sister was here. He saw her. He spoke to her. But, Delilah was nowhere to be found.

  I had to fight to keep the tears from dripping from my eyes, to keep my expression blank while staring at a man who was far more broken than I’d understood. It was just one more mystery for me to solve. But one that would have to wait until the biggest problem we faced was handled.

  “Maybe she’ll come out tomorrow.”

  Running his hand through his hair, he answered, “Yeah, maybe.”

  Hating the pain I saw behind his eyes and in the lines of his face, I almost choked on the sobs that wanted to drive their way up my throat. Poor Holden. This beautiful, talented man that had lost everything and everybody, but still didn’t know that, until I came into his life, he’d
been very much alone.

  Touching his shoulder, I drew his attention down to me. “Let’s eat. Then we can go in your studio for a while. It’s easier when you get lost in your art, isn’t it?”

  Blinking, his voice cracked with restrained emotion when he asked, “How did you know?”

  “Because that room is the only peaceful place inside this house. It’s the only room where you allow yourself to let go and just be you.”

  We ate that night in silence, and after, I watched Holden create his art. Tears had blurred my vision when he wasn’t watching me, my soul shredded by the realization that a bubble was about to burst to allow chaos to sweep in and drown us both.

  No matter how much a person prepares for the problems that were coming, those problems had a habit of showing up before you could take a last deep breath. It’s exactly how it happened for Holden and me. Because that night, after Holden exhausted himself between his art and the love we made after, our worlds came crashing down faster than I’d expected they could.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  Michaela

  Three in the morning is a ridiculous time to wake up. When the night is still, the snow softly falling, and you’re wrapped around a man who’s existence had become your own, the sound of banging and shouting outside the warm blankets and thin bedroom door is a shocking annoyance that becomes terror after your mind is catapulted from dreams into reality.

  Why three? Why not wait until eight in the morning? Why not ten at night for that matter? Why does everything horrible have to happen at the worst possible time?

  Holden and I both sat up with a start, our eyes dragging to the window where beams of light attempted to break through the blinds.

  “Police! Open up!”

  “Fuck...” Holden muttered as he scrubbed his palms over his face. Throwing the blanket off his legs, he scooted to the edge of the bed and mumbled, “I guess it’s show time.”

  My hand locked down on his wrist, holding him in place. “Not for you, it’s not.”

  Where I’d found the strength to breathe, much less speak, was beyond me. My heart was thundering, my rapid pulse carrying every last drop of fear to my brain, but still I managed to function enough to stop Holden before he could make a mistake.

  His head turned my direction. “Listen, I know I promised you I would play dumb in this-“

  “And that’s exactly what you’re going to do,” I bit out between clenched teeth. Three in the morning? Fucking seriously?! I hated the police.

  It felt like chaos was erupting all around us, the potential for disaster staring us in the face if we didn’t calm down and work together. “I know you don’t want me getting myself in trouble,” I whispered, my words coming out more like a hiss because the anger inside me was building far too quickly. “And I won’t, Holden. But I can’t fix this if you don’t trust me.”

  “POLICE!”

  My eyes darted to the muffled voices and banging, time counting down before they bust through the front door and screamed in our faces. I had to get Holden to agree with my plan. There was no other way. He HAD to agree. Otherwise it would come down to a fight over who actually killed Jack. Holden wasn’t going to prison, and if I had to lie and claim I’d killed Jack for the fun of it, I would.

  But if Holden would just trust me, it wouldn’t come down to either of us going to prison.

  “It’s not that I don’t trust you, Michaela. I know you’ll tell them the truth.”

  “Who’s telling the truth?” I hissed, still holding him in place while the cops outside were most likely bringing in the battering ram. “Neither of us killed, Jack. Do you understand me? Neither of us know what the fuck happened to him. Stick with what I told you. I showed up at your house, beaten and crying. I still have the fading bruises to prove it. I’ll handle it from there.”

  What Holden didn’t know was that I would be telling the police the truth about one thing - one thing not even Holden knew about what happened that night.

  “We have a warrant to search the premises! Open up now or we’ll break down the door!”

  My fingernails were cutting into his skin from how firmly I held on. “All you know is I showed up and asked to be hidden. You have to stick with that story. I’ve told you nothing beyond that. Do you understand?”

  “They interviewed me yesterday and I never mentioned you. How the fuck am I supposed to explain that?”

  It’s interesting how in times of crisis, the mind goes in one of two ways. Either it shuts down, leaving you frozen in a state of panic, unable to think clearly or remember your own name, or it slaps you across the face, clarifies the world around you and gives you such acute focus that the answers to all your problems start pouring in, begging you to take action.

  Fortunately, my mind had gone into overdrive, every instinct waking up until I knew without doubt what I had to do.

  “Tell them you wanted to come home and talk to me first. You can also tell them I promised to go to them the following day. Which is exactly what I would have done if they hadn’t shown up at an ungodly hour in the morning. Just tell them that, okay? Promise me.”

  Indecision held him in place, and I made a choice I hated to make. But at that moment, I was willing to do anything to keep Holden from confessing his way into a prison cell for the rest of his life.

  “Please, Holden,” I begged, tears beginning to well in my eyes for what I would say next. “If not for me, then do it for Delilah. She needs you.”

  I choked on the words, hating myself for having used them. His confusion shouldn’t have been a tool, especially when I didn’t know how it started, what really happened to Delilah, or how badly he would react to learn that his sister wasn’t here like he believed. But I’d used it as a tool regardless, and I would regret it until the day I could fix that problem as well.

  One problem at a time, Michaela...Breathe...

  “You’re right. Shit! I need to get to her before the police wake her up.”

  My hand gripped harder, our eyes locking as beams of light flashed through the blinds, brightening our panicked faces. “Do you promise me, Holden?”

  His jaw ticked, his black hair a mess framing his head. Rolling back his shoulders, he cursed beneath his breath before answering, “Yes, I promise. But I hope whatever you have planned works, Michaela. I don’t want you getting dragged down with me.”

  Reaching over, I cupped his cheek with my hand and kissed him while praying to God this wouldn’t be the last time I had the chance. A million kisses weren’t enough to satisfy the love I had for him. A million hours would never be enough time to time to bask in his light. A million heartbreaks would be worth it if it meant I could just have one more day by his side.

  POLICE! OPEN THE DOOR NOW!

  Breaking the kiss, Holden and I met eyes one last time before we both jumped to get dressed, leave the room and head in opposite directions. While he took off to help a sister who wasn’t there, I ran toward the front door that was being pounded on so hard it shook against its hinges.

  I took a deep breath in and released it slowly. My hand wrapped over the knob, the door shaking from the beating of fists on the other side. Closing my eyes and opening them again, I twisted the handle and yanked the door open. Bright lights blinded me, large bodies jostling against each other before rushing forward. Like a brick wall coming at me in full force, the police yelled orders so quickly, I couldn’t process them all, but one voice rose above the others.

  “Stop! That’s Michaela Paige.”

  Movement stopped, my eyes blinking against the blinding lights as the sea of uniformed officers parted to allow one man through, his eyes stern as he stared down at me, his jaw tight. “Are you hurt? Has Holden Bishop been holding you against your will?”

  Chaos erupted behind the men, the lights continuing to beam down on me, my throat clogged by so much fear my tongue felt swollen and I couldn’t think to respond. Holding up a hand to shield my eyes from the lights, I swallowed hard and answered, �
��I can’t see you. Can you please take those off my face.”

  The apparent lead officer raised a hand, bringing it down and saying, “Turn them down. We have one of the missing kids right here.”

  The lights were lowered, and I blinked away the remaining glare. The officer’s face came into focus and I was able to see the stern set of his lips, the confusion behind his brown eyes. “Ms. Paige, is Jack Thorne here with you?”

  “No,” I answered, shaking my head. “I haven’t seen Jack in two weeks. Not since the night at the diner. Listen, I know-“

  Reaching forward, the officer dragged me outside while the other officers rushed into the house. I called out to stop them, but I was yanked back, my eyes following the men charging inside as the man who grabbed me continued asking questions.

  “What happened to your face? There’s a bruise over your cheekbone.”

  Turning to him, I narrowed my eyes on his. “Jack happened to my face. You all need to leave Holden alone. He was only helping me.”

  From inside the house, I could hear doors being slammed open, men calling out to each other as they cleared different rooms. My heart was beating in my throat as they progressed down the hall.

  “I’ll need you to come with me, Ms. Paige. We can talk in the car.” His head turned toward more men standing farther out. “Can somebody bring me a blanket?”

  “No! I don’t need a blanket. I need you to listen to me. Please call your men back and ask them to get out of the house.”

  My requests were ignored, the yelling coming from down the hall grabbing both my and the officer’s attention. I could hear Holden’s voice, could hear the panic in his words as he demanded for the officers to get away from Delilah. Tears leaked from my eyes and I tried to run to him, but the officer wouldn’t let me go.

  “Ms. Paige, you need to come with me.”

  “No! You don’t understand!” No matter how hard I tugged, I couldn’t break free of him. Terror flooded me, the desperate need to escape the officer’s hold so I could get to Holden. “You have to stop them!”