One Coffin Too Many

by Brendan O'Grady

  “ I’ve no choice, Margo. It’s my job. “

  “ Poor Frank. Well I regret to say I made no progress but how could I with the house off limits to me. That wasn’t very clever, Frank. I’m sure we could have worked something out. “

  “ Like I said I know what’s in that safe and you know and I’m going to get in that safe come hell or high water. In fact I have a man standing by with an oxy-acetylene torch to burn into it. All you have to do is give me the combination otherwise you could be up for obstructing justice. “

  “ Oh that sounds very dramatic, Frank. Are you going to personally put the cuffs on me or will you get your young sidekick to do it for you? “

  “ Well that depends on you, Margo. As any lawyer will tell you cooperation is always the best way. “

  “ But maybe it was all an illusion, Frank, you know, what we saw or what we think we saw. “

  “ I know what I saw, Margo – in fact when you turned your back I took a photograph of the interior of the safe just for safe keeping. “

  “ Oh, did you, Frank. My, that was clever of you. “

  “ Perhaps you’d like to see it? “

  “ If it helps, Frank but I believe you. Why don’t you send it to me now? “

  “ As you wish. Give me a minute. The photo is on another phone. “

  Devoy picked up the other phone, switched it on and searched for the photo. It was no longer where he thought it was. He continued searching photo after photo until he came to Burke’s photos of Margo trying to open Cremin’s gate. Then it struck him. He had been a fool. He had left the phone with her to examine Burke’s photos while he went into the corridor to speak to Angela. Margo must have found the photo and wiped it.

  He picked up the other phone.

  “ Are you still there, Margo? “

  “ Yes I am, Frank. I’m still waiting. Where’s this famous photo then? “

  “ It seems to have disappeared, Margo. “

  “ Oh, that’s a shame, Frank. Now you’ve got no proof. Maybe we imagined it, Frank. After all if I remember rightly we were terribly excited and ….”

  Devoy disconnected and put the phone in his pocket. He looked at his watch. He wouldn’t be the only one getting a surprise this morning.

  He turned to the fireman smoking a cigarette beside him.

  “ Burn it, officer, “ he said as the man lit the oxy-acetylene torch and set to work on the safe.

  Fifty minutes later the front of the safe fell away and then Devoy’s phone started ringing. Devoy switched off his phone and started laughing.

  “ After you, Inspector, “ said the fireman as he stood away from the table.

  Devoy got down on his knees and peered into the safe.

  “ This will probably help you, Inspector, “ said the technical man as he switched on a powerful torch.

  “ Thanks, “ replied Devoy. “ Just the thing. “

  Devoy shone the beam into the safe and his jaw dropped. Everything was as he had seen it a week ago. The notebooks were stacked on one side and the money, American dollars, Euros and Swiss Francs were still in neat columns. Devoy slipped on a pair of latex gloves and reached in. He felt guilty. Margo had been honest after all. He grabbed the first wad of notes, the top one of which was a hundred dollars and placed it beside him on the floor. He next took a wad of Euros and did the same. This bill was for one hundred. Finally he grabbed the next stack which was of Swiss Francs. There was more but he wanted to start counting with somebody witnessing.

  “ Must be a fortune there? “ said the fireman.

  “ I’d say so, “ replied Devoy standing up. “ Pity there are no samples for us. “

  “ Just my luck, “ replied the fireman.

  “ Well Officer Dolan thanks for your help. Give my regards to your boss. “

  The fireman packed up his equipment and left.

  Devoy set the stacks out on the table and called in Burke and another uniformed officer.

  “ Okay men, it’s like this. I want you to witness this transaction. This money is evidence and we can’t afford to slip-up. The chain of evidence is important. It has to be recorded and verified. We may have to account for ourselves in court. Do you understand? “

  “ Yes, sir, “ answered the officers.

  “ First I’m going to stack everything here. When it’s all stacked I’ll photograph it and then you and I will witness one another counting out the money. When it’s all counted we’ll enter it in your notebook and then seal it in sacks. Got that? “

  “ Understood, “ answered the officers.

  “ Right, let me get out the rest. “

  Devoy got down on his knees again and took the rest of the money out of the safe. When he had finished that he took out the notebooks and lay them down flat on the billiard table.

  “ Right officer, let’s count the stacks and then photograph them but first put these on. “

  He handed both men latex gloves.

  Devoy counted out the stacks of money stating and laid them on the table. Then he did the same with the books. He invited the two officers to examine the safe and verify that it was empty.

  “ Excellent, “ said Devoy. “ Now the boring part seeing as it isn’t our loot. “

  Everybody laughed.

  “ What we have to do is count out the money which will take some time. So if anybody wants a smoke or a cup of tea or coffee now’s the time to speak up. “

  Both men opted for cigarettes.

  When they had finished Devoy explained how he wanted the examination done.

  “ Right, “ he said. “ Officer Burke will take the first bundle of notes, unwrap it, and then count out the notes in front of him while Officer Ryan will enter the amounts in his notebook. I will supervise. Okay? Right, let’s do it. “

  Officer Andy Burke stepped forward and took the first stack. He undid the wrapper and slowly started counting out the notes and laying them on the table in front of the stacks. As he counted the amounts were written down by Officer Ryan. Burke had gone no fewer than a few notes when he stopped.

  “ What’s up? “ asked Devoy.

  Burke shook his head.

  “ There’s something wrong. The first few notes are okay but the others are not the real McCoy. They’re different. “

  “ What do you mean different? “ Devoy asked.

  “ See for yourself. The first few are one hundred dollar notes but the rest are… I don’t know. “

  Devoy went around to the other side of the table where Burke was standing and picked up the notes already counted out. His jaw dropped. The first five were one hundred dollar American bills but the rest were of some other currency he had never seen before. He went to the next bundle and the story repeated itself. He’s been had. Every bundle contained five real banknotes and the rest were some other currency. He took a photograph of each of the unknown banknotes and handed the camera to Burke.

  “ Get down right away to the station and send those photos to the Central Bank. Ask them to identify them and the value in relation to American Dollars, Swiss Francs and Euros. Put Superintendent Sullivan in the picture before you do it. See you later. “

  When Burke had left Devoy gathered up the rest of the currency and sealed it in bags. Shit, shit, shit, he repeated to himself a few times.

  “ Officer Ryan I want you to take this lot to forensic and get them to fingerprint every note and I mean every note. When that’s done get one of the print men to come up here. I want the inside of the safe printed. Got that? “

  Ryan saluted and headed off.

  Devoy then called another uniformed officer over.

  “ Officer, “ he said, “ I want you to stand guard over this room until the fingerprint people go over it. After that I want it sealed. “

  Devoy then decided to answer some of the messages that his phones had received while he was counting the money.

  The first one on his private phone had him laughing. It was from Margo.

  You swine,
it said. You never told me your colleague bitch was going to ransack Fallon’s this morning. Creep! And here she is walking up and down in my office ordering this and that to be done. And such a skinny little thing. What could any man see in her I ask you!

  Margo.

  Devoy switched to the police phone. The second message was from Detective Angela Moore.

  Hello Frank. I suppose you’re busy at Cremin’s place. We’ve torn this place asunder, gone through every drawer, every closet, every cupboard, filing cabinet and taken all the books. We’ve copied the hard disk of the computer, too. Her ladyship is taking it all very badly. God, if looks could kill.

  Angela.

  Then the private phone rang. Devoy looked at the screen. He didn’t feel like arguing with Margo. But it was a blocked number.

  Devoy answered it.

  “ Yes, hello. “

  He heard a woman’s voice say hello.

  “ Margo? “ he asked expecting a dressing down.

  “ No, it’s not Margo, Frank. It’s me – Caroline. “

  “ Caroline? Where the hell have you been? You’ve been missing all the fun. “

  Devoy heard her sigh.

  “ Something personal, Frank. I just needed some time out. Out of the country. A lot of sun and sand. You understand? “

  “ Of course, Caroline. I understand. Are you back at work? “

  “ Not quite. Back on Saturday. Maybe you’d like to fill me in on what I missed. “

  “ Sure. Of course. When did you have in mind? “

  “ Why not come by tomorrow. Make it mid-day. You know the way. “

  “ Indeed I do. “

  Caroline rang off.

  Devoy phoned Angela. She answered right away.

  “ Sorry I couldn’t get back to you, Angela. It seems you are in the wars. “

  “ What a bitch, Frank. What a bitch. “

  “ What’s she up to now? “

  “ Giving Sergeant Power an awful time. We’re nearly finished here at ground level; next we try the basement. How are you doing at Cremin’s? “

  “ We’ve been led up the garden path. “

  “ Oh, how’s that? “

  “ We got the safe open and found the goods but it turned out only the first few banknotes were of any real value. The rest were unknown. Either we miscalculated or someone knew we were on to them. However we have the books. They should tell a story. “

  “ What made you think there was a safe there in the first case, Frank? “

  “ I accidentally came across it the day Mrs. Walsh allowed me in. “

  “ So why didn’t you act on it then? “

  “ I was invited in by Mrs. Walsh. I hadn’t got a search warrant. “

  “ So what didn’t you ask her to open it up? “

  “ I did but it wasn’t her property and besides she said she’d never seen it before. What could I do? I couldn’t authorize breaking and entering. “

  “ True. So what happens now? “

  “ Everything is gone to forensic. We’ll see what that yields. “

  “ Okay, I’d better get back to work here. “

  “ Oh, just one more thing, Angela. “

  “ What? “

  “ Try and get some latents of Mrs. Walsh off a cup or a plastic container and seal it. Could you do that without her being aware? “

  “ I’ll do my best. “

  “ Do more than your best, Angela. It could give us a lead. “

  “ Anything else? “

  “ Yes, guess who turned up out of the blue phone-wise? “

  “ Kennedy? “

  “ No, not him, Caroline the reporter. Seems she was out of the country for a while getting some sun and only got back. “

  “ Is that it? “

  “ That’s it. “

  “ Are you coming by for lunch? “

  “ That’s the best offer I’ve had all day. I feel like something spicy. “

  “ Do you indeed. In that case it’s your turn to buy Chinese. You know the way I like it. “

  “ I don’t think the word dominatrix features on their menu, Angela but I’ll ask. I certainly know how you like it. “

  “ See you then after twelve, Frank. Make sure it’s hot. “

  “ That I can guarantee you. “

  Angela paused eating her takeaway and licked her lips.

  “ God, I love Chinese. Don’t you? “

  “ Almost as good as making love to you, “ replied Devoy taking a swig of beer.

  “ It’s never far from your mind, Frank. Is it? “

  “ Not where you are concerned, Angela. It’s a question of turn on, isn’t it? “

  “ Yes, I suppose so. Would you like some more rice? “

  Devoy started laughing.

  “ What’s so funny? “ asked Angela.

  “ Your question about sex and then rice. I sometimes wonder what’s going on in women’s minds. Nurturing on two levels perhaps? “

  “ Hah, I thought you’d complicate it, Frank. “

  “ Like another beer, then? “

  “ Why not? “ replied Angela kicking off her shoes and digging herself into the sofa. “ I hope we’re not due back too early, Frank. I’m bushed. “

  “ Next you’ll be telling me you want some shuteye. “

  Angela yawned.

  “ It did occur to me. I shouldn’t drink on duty. It makes my head fuzzy. “

  “ Well seeing as I’m your boss I’ll let it go. You are excused, Detective Moore. You may get your head down and grab a few winks. “

  Angela came over to him and straddled him.

  “ You really are a most considerate boss, sir. I don’t know how to thank you. “

  Devoy ran his hands up her blouse and fondled her breasts which were already pert.

  “ I was thinking that seeing as I forgot to order dessert maybe I should furnish it myself. “

  Angela had already divested herself of her blouse before the words were out of Devoy’s mouth.

  “ I think that’s a good idea, sir but first let me get out of these pants. “

  Angela stood up and undid her trousers.

  “ I give up,” replied Devoy. “ I’m all yours now. “

  Devoy and Moore were having a post-coital snooze when Devoy’s phone rang. Devoy saw it was the station.

  “ Yes, “ he asked.

  “ It’s the station here, Inspector. “

  “ You don’t say, sergeant. “

  “ I do. Listen a woman walked here about twenty minutes ago and said her boss was dead. “

  Devoy groaned.

  “ Oh please, not another one. “

  “ Not really Inspector. Her boss has been dead for some time. You’d know him by the name of Horgan. “

  “ Horgan! So what does she want? “

  “ She wants to speak to you, Inspector. Only you. “

  “ I see. Give me fifteen minutes and I’ll be there. “

  “ Oh, and it might be a good idea to bring Detective Moore along. I think you’re going to need the help of a policewoman. This woman has been bawling since she walked in the door. See you. “

  The sergeant rang off.

  Devoy turned to Angela.

  She looked at him questionably.

  “ What’s up, Frank? “

  “ That was the desk sergeant. A woman has turned up claiming her boss is dead. “

  “ So? “

  “ Her boss is the late Mr. Horgan. “

  “ Ah, that’s interesting. Wonder where she’d been for the past few weeks? “

  “ That I would love to know. Strange the dead always bring people out of the woodwork. Well, back to the grind then. “

  Angela ran her tongue up and down his neck.

  “ I was really looking forward to another kind of grind, Frank. “

  “ Who wasn’t? We’d better get dressed and see what this woman wants. “

  Twenty minutes later Devoy and Moore were trying to placate Valerie
Traynor who continued to sob every time she was asked a question.

  “ Miss Traynor, perhaps you could tell us your exact relationship with Mr. Horgan? “

  “ I was his secretary. “

  “ I see. And where’s the office? “

  “ It’s in town. Sunnyside Properties. It’s just off the main street. “

  “ And this is… was an estate agency belonging to your late boss? “

  “ How come we never heard of it before? “ asked Angela.

  “ It had another name but Mr. Horgan decided to change it. It used to be called Horgan’s Properties but Mr. Horgan said it was too ordinary. He said we needed a makeover, something up-market. Do you follow me? “

  Devoy and Moore nodded;

  “ You can’t miss it. It’s in the arcade facing onto the main street. You know where all the long-distance buses pull in. It’s got neo- Georgian windows. The window is full of photos of houses for sale and rent. “

  “ And where was he before this? “

  “ Oh, he ran everything from his house but he thought it was unprofessional having clients coming to his house while his other clients – the people who were looking for political favours were trying to get a meeting with him. He was very popular as a local politician. Always available if you know what I mean. “

  “ Yeah, I think we do, Miss. “

  “ So how come you only found out today about Mr. Horgan? Where have you been? “

  “ It’s like this, you see. Normally we take our holidays in August seeing as everything is so quiet. This time Mr. Horgan asked me would I do him a favour and take my holidays in June? I didn’t want to because Helen – that’s my friend – we always go off in August every year even though it’s more expensive. “

  “ So what did you say? “

  “ I said no. I didn’t want to disappoint Helen. “

  “ And? “

  “ And Mr. Horgan said I’d be doing him a great, big favour if I went in August. “

  “ And what happened then? “

  “ I was still put out by the whole idea and then he suggested he’d pay for me – all expenses and a single room all to myself plus spending money. “

  “ I see. So? “

  “ So how could I refuse an offer like that. I accepted and off I went to Sicily minus Helen. You know the place where the Mafia comes from. And I had a great time. I mean just great. I even met this Italian who’s mad about me. I wouldn’t have stood a chance with Helen around but there you are. And now I find when I come back that poor Mr. Horgan is dead. Why? What happened? He was a nice man. “