One Coffin Too Many

by Brendan O'Grady

  “ Why not. It’s all the same to me which paper latches on. I just want the culprits. “

  “ Good, I knew you’d see my way. “

  “ What makes you think there’s a big story here, Mr. Cronin? “

  Cronin tapped his nose.

  “ Instinct, Inspector Devoy. Instinct. The same sense that you as a cop uses. We’re not altogether that different you know. We’re all after the same thing – the truth. “

  “ Yes, I can imagine, “ replied Devoy. “ How about turning that key? “

  Cronin tried the drawers first but they were locked. He inserted the key and pulled out the first drawer. He emptied the drawer onto the desk. There was the usual office junk. Biros, pencils, erasers, paper clips , staples but nothing of importance. He swept everything back into the drawer and proceeded to the second one. Here he found only unused notebooks and a stack of A4 paper. The third drawer gave him a shock. There were sex toys of every size, shape and description.

  “ Christ, “ he said. “ I never imagined this. “

  Devoy peered in.

  “ You didn’t know? “

  Cronin shook his head in wonder and dismay.

  “ That makes two of us, Mr. Cronin. We found the same items in her cottage. “

  Cronin slammed the drawer shut but Devoy opened it again.

  “ I’m sorry, “ he said, “ I need to examine everything. “

  There was nothing else of interest save for a flash drive.

  Devoy held it up.

  “ Do you mind if I hold onto this for evidence? “

  Cronin waved it away as if it were something distasteful. Devoy suspected poor Cronin had amorous designs on Caroline.

  “ And I thought I knew her, too. “

  “ I feel sick, “ replied Cronin. “ I used to send her flowers anonymously. Shit, what a fool I was. What a warped world we live in. “

  “ Their world isn’t warped to them. It’s just the way things are, Mr. Cronin. “

  “ She could have told me. I mean, fuck it. I was her boss. “

  “ Discretion is the greater part of valour, Mr. Cronin. Especially in a small town. The gay community has enough problems without highlighting them. “

  “ I suppose you want to see her locker? “

  “ Yes, if you could. “

  Cronin stood up and kicked the drawer shut.

  “ Fuck her anyway. “

  He opened Caroline’s locker and stood back so that Devoy could look inside. It was crammed with notebooks, CDs and video tapes.

  “ I think this merits a search warrant, Mr. Cronin. We’ll probably need one for the desk top computer anyway. “

  “ What exactly are you looking for, Inspector, if you don’t mind me asking? “

  “ We’re looking for links, for tie-ups with other individuals. This is the first time during the course of this investigation and I’m not necessarily referring to Caroline’s crimes that we found something we can use. Caroline left a trail and we have to exploit it. “

  Cronin snorted.

  “ I think I know where this is going. It’s disgusting …. you’re looking for other lesbians – a network. “

  Then his bitterness got the upper hand.

  “ Oh, do what you want. I don’t care. She wasn’t honest with me … with us. Why should I care? “

  “ It’s not a witch-hunt, Mr. Cronin. We just have to go down every path however unpleasant that path is. We’ve no choice. Caroline is the fourth person to die a violent death in so many weeks. Our task is to stop these criminal acts. “

  “ So what now? “

  Devoy pointed to the chairs.

  “ Maybe it would help if you told me who was Caroline Gleeson. That way we could get a hold on who she was. “

  Cronin sat down opposite Devoy and shook his head.

  “ You know about the crystal factory and how it closed down leaving hundreds out of work? “

  “ I heard about it. “

  “ Well when all was said and done and the crystal factory was no longer in the headlines Caroline Gleeson turned up and did a piece on it. She interviewed the former workers, their families, talked to the shopkeepers, estate agents, and anybody who had lost out. She also took photos – lots of them. She wrote an excellent piece of journalism on this tragedy which appeared in various magazines throughout the world. What she didn’t tell anybody was that she had already done a piece on the Marshall family and their style of living for those posh magazines that you sometimes see in doctor’s and dentists’ surgeries. She had interviewed every member of the family, taken all the photos she could and the net result was a book. Two stories, two sets of people, one town. Part One and Part Two. One in black and white to show the misery; the other in colour to contrast the difference. She didn’t have to say a word. The photos spoke for themselves. That was Caroline. Unstated. Of course the Marshalls were furious but Caroline made sure all the royalties from the book went to the body that was set up to help out deserving families badly hit by the closure. She became a celebrity overnight. “

  “ So the Marshalls had an axe to grind with her you could say? “

  “ Without a doubt. She was hardly their favourite person after setting them up for the book. But I don’t think they were able to get at her. She was too much of a heroine. Of course in matters like this it’s always better to bide your time if you get me, Inspector. “

  “ Yes, revenge is always better served cold so they say. “

  “ So for some strange reason she chose to target Horgan and not the Marshalls. “

  “ You’re forgetting she had already done a job on the Marshalls. “

  “ And the former workers from the crystal factory. Do you think there is still resentment there? “

  “ Resentment is too mild a word for it. There is hatred beneath the surface. The town not only lost a crystal factory – it lost its heritage. “

  Just then Devoy’s phone rang.

  “ Excuse me a moment, “ he asked Cronin.

  “ It’s Angela, Frank. “

  “ Yes, Detective Moore. “

  “ We didn’t find the scooter but it found us. “

  “ Explain. “

  Angela laughed.

  “ Yes, sir. We were about to head off when a van came down the lane with a trailer. “

  “ I see. “

  “ And on the trailer was Caroline’s scooter. The man explained to us that Caroline had asked for a new exhaust to be fitted as the present one was firing like a gun. He had sent off for the replacement and now he’s looking for his money. “

  “ What did you say? “

  “ I told him that Caroline was deceased and he’d have to get onto her estate. “

  “ So, “

  “ So he headed back to his garage. Anyway, there’s our answer to the witnesses telling us about a motorbike on the night of the arson. It was Caroline’s scooter with a defective exhaust. Case closed. “

  “ Excellent work, Detective Moore. I’m sure Superintendent Sullivan will be glad to hear that another part of the puzzle has been found. “

  “ You’re with somebody, aren’t you. Madam Mammary of Silicone Valley perhaps? “

  “ Please stick to the facts, Detective. “

  “ Oh, you mean they’re real? “

  “ I can’t comment on that right now. I’m in the presence of the Editor of the Courier, Mr. Cronin. I’ll get back to you later. “

  “ Oh, before you go, Inspector. I couldn’t find Caroline’s drone under her bed. You said it could be folded up but that was a ridiculous suggestion. “

  “ Try her handbag then, Detective! “ Devoy replied and rang off.

  “ Sorry about that. Caroline’s scooter turned up. It was linked to the arson attack. “

  “ I see. I wonder what else is going on around here that I’m not aware of. I’m beginning to think I’m a dead duck journalist. I’ll have to get out and about again. Get the pulse of the land. “

  “
You were telling me Caroline became a celebrity overnight. “

  “ Yes, that’s true. Then her star faded. People moved on, quit the area, and got jobs elsewhere. And no more was heard from her. Seemingly she had moved on to other stories much like a war reporter and then…”

  “ And then what? “

  “ And then she turned up here one day and asked would I be interested in a series of articles that focused on the area and region? “

  “ I asked to see her stuff and it was first class. “

  “ I detected some sort of reluctance in you. Why was that? “

  “ This is a small newspaper. There’s only me and a few others. We’re heavily dependent on advertising. I didn’t want her getting up the noses of certain people who were and still are in a position to use their power. “

  “ So, what happened then? “

  “ I accepted and we published them once a month. Our sales went up. People felt their small town was something other than just a small town. She put it on the map again. The tourists came and the crystal factory became a distant bad memory. And all thanks to Caroline. “

  “ So, how come she became an employee of yours? “

  “ She suggested it but only on a part-time basis. To be honest she was a catch for us. The deal was we paid her per article. It suited us fine. I didn’t know at the time she had bought a cottage out near the sea and was living there permanently. Another condition in her contract was that she could take off when she felt it as long as she gave us some notice. She was still fulfilling missions somewhere. “

  “ Nice set-up. So that was Caroline. “

  “ Yes, that was poor Caroline, RIP. Look, I want to write up her obituary for tomorrow’s paper. I need to be on my own. You understand? “

  “ That’s no problem, Mr. Cronin. I’ll leave you to it. Thanks for your help. I’ll see you at the funeral. “

  “Oh, just one more thing, Mr. Cronin? “

  The editor didn’t turn around. Devoy suspected he was crying.

  “ Yes, Inspector? “

  “ If anything does occur to you you’ll phone us? “

  “ That I will. “

  “ Thanks. “

  Cronin nodded. He switched on his computer and started to type.

  When Devoy arrived back at the station he found Moore, Burke and Ryan stacking the contents of Caroline’s office into a store room.

  “ Good work, “ he said to everybody.

  Detective Moore came up to him. She wore a smile.

  “ Caroline’s shoulder bag was sent here this morning by the hospital people. This was the bag she was carrying when she collapsed. “

  “ Anything interesting? “

  “ Apart from the usual feminine things, her notebook, camera, mobile phone and of course, her purse. Nothing special. “

  “ I suppose the notebook is password protected? “

  “ What isn’t? “

  “ The phone? “

  “ Curiously not. I think she was phoning somebody when she collapsed. Didn’t have time to close it. “

  “ Well that’s something. I suppose you informed Sullivan of our progress. “

  “ Of course. Incidentally, Andy Burke wants to see you. He’s got a bee in his bonnet about that coffin. I think he may be onto something. “

  “ Great. It can wait until the afternoon. I’ve got a headache. I need to eat something. “

  “ If you slip out now I’ll say you got a call. That way we can meet up at my place. I don’t feel like eating alone. “

  As she said it Angela looked pleadingly into his eyes.

  “ Say you will, Frank. I’ve got another kind of headache. And I can’t wait. “

  An hour later they lay in bed exhausted from their lovemaking.

  “ Headache gone, Frank? “ Angela asked.

  “ Completely, “ Devoy replied. “ And yours? “

  “ Ditto. “

  “ How did you manage to get away, Angela? “

  “ I told them to keep at it and come back at 3. That way there’d be no moaning and we could make love for hours. “

  “ Nice. I wonder what Sullivan would make of all this? “

  “ Oh, he’s probably dying to go off fishing. That’s all he thinks about. “

  “ I wonder? “

  “ So what did Cronin have to say? “

  “ Oh, he gave me the rundown on Caroline: The book, the articles and all that. A very interesting and enterprising person. I think he was in love with her. “

  “ No! “

  “ Yes. He was really put out when he discovered she was a lesbian. Even became aggressive about it. Kicked one of the drawers of her desk shut in anger. “

  “ You told him, Frank. That’s wasn’t nice. “

  “ I didn’t tell him. I simply asked him to cooperate with us seeing as the warrant didn’t cover her workplace. He very obligingly opened the drawers of her desk and found more of what you found in her cottage. “

  “ Poor man. “

  “ Yeah, imagine what would have happened had he discovered she was bi-sexual. How does a man cope with that? “

  “ Right Frank, that’s enough shoptalk. Let’s go again. This time I’m on top. Okay? “

  “ As you wish, Sergeant Moore. As you wish. “

  Devoy followed Officer Andy Burke down the corridor of the police station and into a small office that was used to store evidence. There was a small table in the middle of the room along with two chairs. On the floor on both sides of the table lay two piles of files. Some of them were falling apart and were held together by twine and sellotape. Devoy immediately identified them as belonging to Fallon’s as the letters FU were printed on them in black. Devoy started laughing. Burke who was on his knees on the floor raised his head.

  “ Pardon? “ he asked.

  “ FU, “ Devoy replied.

  Burke blinked at him and stood up.

  “ You think it’s a joke then, Inspector Devoy? “

  “ What? “ Devoy asked.

  “ My idea about these files? “

  “ No, why should I think that? “

  “ You just said ‘ fuck you ‘ to me. “

  “ No, I didn’t, Andy. I said FU. “

  “ It’s the same thing, isn’t it? It’s an abbreviation. “

  “ Yes, you’re right but it’s not what you think. Look! “

  Devoy pointed to the stack of files.

  Burke saw the connection and the joke. He started laughing.

  “ I’m sure Cremin never suspected. Could you imagine Mrs. Walsh in reception on the phone to one of her co-workers in the back asking for a FU file following a query from a client waiting in reception. Worse, imagine the reaction of the client probably grieving for a loved one. “

  By now both men were heaving with laughter. Suddenly the door opened. Detective Angela Moore was standing there.

  “ I thought you two were working, “ she asked.

  “ We are, “ Devoy replied with tears in his eyes. “ but we came across a case of FU from Fallon’s. “

  Angela blinked and shook her head.

  “ I don’t get you at all. I hope this isn’t some kind of sexist joke? “

  “ No, “ replied Burke. “ It’s just FU. “

  “ That’s insubordination, Officer Burke. I could report you for this. “

  Devoy picked up a file and gave it to Angela.

  “ There’s an FU. There’s one for everybody. Take your pick. “

  Angela peered at the file and saw the letters.

  “ FU, “ she said. “

  Both men howled with laughter.

  “ Better not offer one to Sullivan, “ said Devoy. “ Otherwise we’d all be FUd. “

  “ Very funny, gentlemen. Very funny. I just came to inform you Inspector that a Mr. Walter Haynes of Crosby, Haynes and McHale called from Dublin. He wants to speak to you about the late Mr. Horgan. He said you can call him back later. “

  “ Well, thank you Detect
ive Moore. When we’re finished with these FU files, Fallon’s Undertakers to be exact, I’ll phone Mr. Haynes. “

  Detective Moore looked at both men to see was there something else and satisfied there wasn’t closed the door.

  The bout of laughter finished a calm descended on the small room.

  “ Typical woman. No sense of humour. “

  “ Yeah, replied Burke. “ Dry. Very dry. Imagine being hooked up to her? “

  “ I try not to, “ replied Devoy.

  Devoy turned his attention to the files.

  “ Right, “ said Devoy. “ What’s this idea you’ve got? “

  “ What about your call to Mr. Haynes, Inspector? “

  “ Haynes and company can wait. I’ve had enough of solicitors to last me a life time. “

  “ As you wish, Inspector. “

  “ Fire away, then, Andy. “

  “ All these files from Fallon’s – the FUs. I’ve been going diligently through them since Detective Moore offloaded them onto me. “

  “ I see. And the conclusion is? “

  “ I’ve concluded with all due respects that we’ve been looking at it from the wrong end of the telescope. In other words if you don’t mind me saying so: back to front. “

  “ How is that, Andy? “

  “ Well, first of all, what have we got? We’ve got a coffin, a lead-lined coffin of foreign origin according to this guy Kennedy. And he’s somewhat of an expert being an undertaker. Okay? “

  Devoy nodded.

  “ Go on. “

  “ We’ve been trying to establish from looking at this files that maybe the late Mr. Cremin was up to no good. That maybe there was some skullduggery going on and we accidentally stumbled onto it, not to mention Wade and Kennedy. Are you with me so far. “

  Devoy nodded.

  “ In my view Wade is completely innocent. He just got caught up in something administrative. Kennedy is another matter. He was up to something – something petty. Pulling a stroke as they say. “

  “ I follow you. “

  “ So what we’ve been trying to do is figure out whether Cremin was jockeying something up at the cemetery and again we stumbled onto one of his rackets, to wit, importing cheap Chinese coffins and selling them off as home manufactured. “