One Coffin Too Many

by Brendan O'Grady

Devoy looked up.

  “ Thanks Jim. “

  “ How’s Angela and Joe? “

  “ Angela’s doing fine. Joe should be out soon. “

  “ Good, “ replied the desk sergeant.

  “ We’ve got a visitor, Frank. “

  “ Oh, who? “

  “ A real smasher. You’ll love her. “

  Devoy racked his brains. Who the hell could he be referring to?

  “ A woman, then. “

  “ Yes, Frank, a woman. “

  “ I see. “

  “ She’s in with Sullivan, “ he continued. “ In fact he’s expecting you. You’re to go in right away. “

  “ Okay, Jim, “ replied Devoy grimacing. He’s been looking forward to his cup of coffee alone to get him into first gear but now he had no choice. Typical Sullivan, he thought. Wants to get the shit out of the way as early as possible.

  “ Oh, I forgot this, Frank. “ said the desk sergeant holding out a sheet of paper. “ Some guy phoned in and said he found a drone embedded in one of his greenhouses. He wants you to call him. It might be the drone you’ve been looking for. “

  Devoy thanked the sergeant and went down the corridor to Sullivan’s office.

  He knocked on Sullivan’s door and opened it. Sullivan was at his desk and a red haired woman was facing him. For one terrible moment Devoy thought that the feared Detective Marie Hayes had fetched up on their doorstep. Devoy closed the door and stood there.

  Sullivan stood up and said good morning.

  Devoy said good morning, sir. He didn’t want to give the wrong impression in front of a stranger.

  Sullivan extended his hand to the woman who stood up.

  “ Frank, meet Helen Roche – Detective Sergeant Roche to be precise. Newly-made up and promoted recently and back from her holidays. “

  The red-haired woman regarded Devoy. Her reddish-brown hair was held back in a slide of some sort revealing dark brown eyes and a scatter of freckles covering her nose.

  “ Delighted to meet you, Inspector Devoy. “

  Devoy nodded at her running his eyes over her body. He wasn’t displeased.

  “ Likewise, Detective Sergeant and congratulations on your appointment. “

  “ Thank you, Inspector. You’re most gracious. “

  Everybody sat down.

  Sullivan rubbed his hands as if he were delighted at the outcome.

  “ First, let’s forget the formalities, folks. I’m Harry, that’s Frank and you’re Helen. Okay? “

  Everybody nodded.

  “ Now, Harry. First let me say we’re damn lucky to get Helen. As I explained to her she’ll be standing in for Detective Moore – that’s Angela to you and me. She’s going to take up the slack and help us clear some of the outstanding cases that have been dogging us for some time. “

  Devoy caste a glance at Helen and was surprised to see that she was eyeing him. He gave her a smile. And she smiled back. He wondered was she smiling at him or to herself? There was something in her deep blue eyes that he couldn’t fathom. He wondered did her former colleagues call her ‘ red ‘ or ‘ ginger ‘ by way of a nickname. He suspected the former.

  “ Helen has been around the country a bit, Frank. “ continued Sullivan. “ She likes change and what’s more judging from her CV, results. Isn’t that right, Helen? “

  She gave Sullivan an imperceptible nod as if she’d heard this all before. Devoy smiled at her again. He wondered how much she already knew and how much Sullivan had put her in the picture. Curious that she just happened to be made a sergeant and to have conveniently returned from her holidays as if their town was screaming out for a reinforcement like her. Devoy didn’t like coincidences and he suspected that Roche suspected as much.

  Sullivan stood up.

  “ Look everybody I’ve got reports to write. Helen, I’m going to hand you over to Frank. He’s short of two bodies at the moment so I know he’ll appreciate your help. Welcome aboard, Helen and good luck. “

  Devoy opened the door and motioned Detective Sergeant Helen Roche to follow him.

  “ My office is down the way, Helen. “ he said nodding to the corridor.

  She paused and started rummaging in her handbag.

  “ What sort of coins does the coffee machine take? “ she asked nodding in the direction of the machine that stood in the corner.

  “ You don’t want to taste that muck, Helen. It would take the enamel off your teeth. Even the prisoners refuse to drink it. “

  “ And what do you suggest, then? “

  “ Don’t tell anybody least of all those down in the canteen but I’ve got my own coffee-maker. It’s in my office. Follow me. “

  When they arrived in his office Devoy set the coffee-maker going.

  “ It’ll only take a few minutes. It’s worth the wait. “

  She nodded looking around the room.

  “ Anything happening this morning? “ she asked.

  Devoy held up the paper that the desk sergeant had given him.

  “ Yes, this. “

  She took the sheet from him and read it.

  “ Somebody lost a drone. Surely uniform can deal with that? “

  “ Normally yes, Helen. But this drone has been missing for some time and it may be related to two murders. “

  “ Murders? “

  Just then Devoy’s phone pinged. He picked it up. It was a SMS from Sullivan.

  “ Excuse me a moment, Helen, “ he asked while he read the message.

  Frank, I don’t honestly know how much this woman knows. Like yourself I’m suspicious of coincidences. Strange that this woman should turn up out of the blue. I only sent off the request for a replacement on Friday afternoon and everything was arranged by Saturday. Tread carefully. I only

  gave her the barest of outlines. She doesn’t know about the lesbian matter or the DVD. She may have been sent to figure out what’s going on. Be extremely careful. Careers are at risk here!

  Devoy clicked off. Roche was watching him intently.

  “ That was Mr.Cullen, the market gardener, “ Devoy lied. “ He wants to know is anybody coming out to have a look at the drone. Seems it’s not your average drone. “

  “ And where is it located, Frank? “

  “ Some crossroads in the middle of nowhere. This is the name of the place. “ he added, handing a piece of paper to Detective Roche.

  “ Try the wall map there. I’ll pour the coffee. “

  Roche got up and walked over to the map. This gave him a chance to take stock of her figure and particularly her legs. He wasn’t disappointed.

  “ Found it, “ she said.

  “ Excellent, “ he replied.

  “ Well are you satisfied, Frank? “

  “ Satisfied? Well as long as you know the way. Every little helps. “

  Roche sat down.

  “ I wasn’t referring to that. You asked me to look at the map so that you could size up my body. “

  “ Really, Detective Roche. “ replied Devoy in a mock tone.

  “ What makes you think that? “ he added.

  “ It’s alright, Frank. I’m used to men giving me the once over but in your case it’s the twice and three times over. “

  “ I’ve a bad memory. “

  “ So have most men, “ replied Roche. “ It must the DNA. “

  “ Probably, “ replied Devoy annoyed at having been found out.

  “ Your coffee is getting cold. “

  Roche took a sip.

  She nodded.

  “ Really nice, Frank. Excellent. “

  “ I try to please, “

  “ I’m sure you do, Frank. I’m sure you do. “

  Devoy shifted down the gears as he tried to negotiate the bends in the road that supposedly led to Cullen’s market garden.

  “ I suppose you’re a happily-married man, Frank. “ asked Detective Roche breaking the silence.

  “ Some of the time, “ replied Devoy.

  “ Typical male, �
�� replied Roche.

  “ And you? “

  “ Just finished a relationship. “

  “ Still raw, “ he asked.

  “ You’re cheeky. “

  “ So they tell me. In fact to tell the truth I’m separated. Have been for some time. “

  “ Any children? “

  “ Just one. A girl. “

  “ How old? “

  “ Fourteen. I called her Sienna. “

  “ Sienna. That’s a strange name for an Irish girl! “

  “ She’s of the same opinion too. In fact she’s only half Irish. “

  “ So her mother’s Italian? “

  “ No, French. “

  “ Mmm, I can see you like complications. “

  “ I suppose you could say that. “

  “ Well, Frank, we’ve got something in common. “

  “ Really, what – apart from being on the job as we like to say. “

  “ My former lover is French. “

  “ And your present one? “

  “ Never you mind. “

  Devoy slowed down and then finally stopped the car.

  “ Have a look beyond those trees over there. Looks like a greenhouse of some sort. “

  Roche squinted out the window.

  “ Yes, that’s it. In fact there’s a sign over there. It says Cullen’s Market Garden. “

  A few minutes later they pulled up in the yard that fronted a large thatched cottage with extensions on both sides. A man came out of the house cradling a pump action shotgun in his arm. He was wearing a red baseball cap, a sleeveless denim jacket, jeans and cowboy boots. His hair stuck out from under the baseball cap at odd angles like a scarecrow. His deep-set eyes in a tanned face scrutinized Devoy and Roche. He didn’t look friendly. Devoy had him down judging by his clothes as a gun-freak that had been brought up on a dose of Country and Western, line dancing and hunting.

  “ Watcha doin’ here? “ he asked in a country accent that Devoy could hardly understand.

  “ This is private property, yah understand. “ he added.

  “ We know. We can read. “

  “ You insurance or what? “

  Devoy was tempted to say ‘ or what ‘ but he didn’t like the look of the man.

  “ Mr.Cullen? Mr Bobby Cullen? “ ventured Devoy.

  The man nodded.

  “ Yeah, that’s me. Who are you? “

  “ Exactly what the ID says. We’re police. I’m Detective Inspector Devoy and this is Detective Sergeant Roche. We’ve come about the drone. “

  “ Oh right, that. I hope somebody’s going to pay for it. “

  “ Well, we’re not, Mr. Cullen. We’re here to investigate how it got there. “

  “ Oh, that’s easy, I shot it down. With this. “

  “ I see. You’ve got a permit for that shotgun? “

  “ I got it as a present. Easier to use that the traditional ones. You just pump the rounds in and pull the trigger. Easy. “

  “ I don’t care who you gave it to you. Have you got a permit? “

  Cullen ignored him.

  “ You want to see my damaged greenhouse? “

  “ That’s what we’ve come for, Mr. Cullen. “

  “ Follow me then. “

  “ Mr. Cullen? “

  Cullen turned to face them.

  “ I asked you a question. Have you got a permit for that gun? “

  The man smiled revealing uneven, stained teeth.

  “ Why? “ he asked.

  “ Because that’s the law. So have you? “

  “ It’s only a detail, mister. “

  “ it’s an important detail. Have you got a permit? “

  “ No, I haven’t. “

  Behind him he heard detective Roche whisper. “ Let me get near him. I can take him. I’m a black belt. “

  “ Now you tell me. I’ll remember that. “

  “ Please do. Now step out of the way, Frank. “

  “ Why? “

  “ Just do it. “

  Devoy moved slowly to his right. Cullen’s eyes suddenly widened. Devoy stole a glance to his left and saw that Roche had drawn her gun. She was holding it in two hands and aiming it at Cullen.

  “ We asked you nicely about the permit and you ignored us so put that fucking gun down on the ground right now! “

  Cullen slowly dropped to his knees and laid the pump action on the ground in front of him. He started to shake. Detective Roche immediately went up to him and pulled the gun away from him. Devoy thought he had detected a Northern accent but now he knew he hadn’t been wrong.

  “ Listen tractor pilot. “ continued Roche. “ When we ask you nicely to do something, you do it. Do you understand? “

  Cullen nodded.

  “ I need to have a leak, “ he pleaded.

  “ Piss in your pants, peasant and shut up. “ Roche replied.

  She took a pair of handcuffs out of her pocket and cuffed him. Then she dragged him to his feet.

  “ Show us the way, big boy, “ she said. Show us the greenhouse. We’re not here to witness your cowboy tantrums. So move it! “

  They followed Cullen down a laneway until they came to a big greenhouse that stood head and shoulders above the rest of the greenhouses. Cullen shouldered back the sliding door and the three of them stepped inside. He asked them to close the door after them to conserve the heat.

  “ This way, “ said Cullen.

  They followed him down the central aisle with tomato plants reaching to the roof on both sides. The atmosphere was heavy with moisture and Devoy and Roche began to sweat. Then they came to a small roundabout. Cullen stopped. He nodded towards the roof.

  “ It’s up there, “ he said.

  Devoy and Roche followed his gaze. It wasn’t hard to spot the black drone. It had crashed through the glass leaving one part in and the other part out. Devoy noticed two of the four propellers were missing.

  “ That your handiwork, “ he asked.

  Cullen nodded.

  “ It was buzzing my property for days. I thought it was that lot from the Department of Agriculture spying on me because of some new directive from Brussels. You know what those people are like. That’s why I opened up. I’m entitled to my privacy. “

  “ And why would they be spying on you? “

  “ Well it was either me or that fella who topped himself. We own all the land around here down to the sea. “

  “ What fella? “

  “ Horgan – the fella who owned all the chalets. His property is across the road. You can’t see it with the hedges and trees. But it’s there. “

  “ What’s there? “

  “ Don’t you people know nothin’? That’s where he made his money. Chalets. Loads of them. Stretching all the way down to the beach. I thought everybody knew. It’s like a bloody council housing estate if you ask me. That prick was up to every trick in the book. Estate agent, town councillor. A bit of the road with everybody. “

  Cullen groaned.

  “ Do you mind if I have a piss now? “

  Devoy nodded at Roche. She unlocked the cuffs. They both looked up at the drone while Cullen relived himself.

  Cullen zipped himself up and started rubbing his wrists.

  “ Those bloody things were too tight, Miss. “

  “ Tough, she replied. “ You’re not supposed to welcome members of the police with a loaded shotgun, Mr.Cullen. You obviously haven’t got a permit so I’m confiscating it until you get one. One of the requirements is that somebody in authority should vouch for your character so keep your nose clean in the meantime. Don’t get the wrong side of me or any other cop. “

  Devoy nodded his head in agreement.

  “ So what happens now? “ Cullen asked.

  “ With your permission I’ll take a photo and write up a report. “

  “ So who’s going to pay for the damage? “

  “ The insurance, I suppose. “

  “ And how are we going to get it down. “r />
  “ I’ll get the fire brigade out here. They’ll find a way. They always do. “

  “ And then what? “

  “ We’ll take the drone away for analysis. “

  “ Analysis? Why? “

  “ It may be connected to a crime. It’s owner is dead.”

  “ I see. “

  “ Oh, one final thing, Mr. Cullen? “

  “ Yeah? “

  “ When did all this happen, can you tell me? “

  Cullen scratched his head.

  “ It must have been a week or two ago. I didn’t think I hit it to be honest. I guess it was a lucky shot. It was going back and forth all the time. “

  “ So why did you wait all this time to notify us. “

  “ Simple. I was on holiday. I only came back yesterday and I spotted it this morning. “

  “ Okay, you give Detective Sergeant Roche there your particulars and we’ll get back to you. “

  Devoy took out his phone and took a photo of the drone.

  Thirty minutes later they were on their way back to town.

  “ What now? “ asked Roche.

  “ We have to visit a garage. “

  “ Why? Something wrong with the car? “

  “ No, I think the other part of the drone is there. You’ll see. “

  “ Do you want to tell me what was on the SMS you got before we left? “

  Devoy looked over at Roche.

  “ Why should you want to know that? Besides, I told you. “

  “ Listen, Frank, I wasn’t born yesterday. Cullen didn’t send you an SMS. I thanked him for sending it and he hadn’t a notion what I was talking about. So? “

  “ So you’re the archetypical Northerner and there I was thinking it was just the hint of the accent. “

  “ I know what you’re thinking. There you are Friday evening short of staff and lo and behold I turn up on Monday morning just like that. Right? “

  “ Bright girl. Right. “

  “ So maybe we should have a heart to heart? What do you think? “

  “ I thought you knew what I was thinking? “

  “ Oh, Frank, don’t give me a hard time. Do you want to have a drink? “

  “ I’d love one but not in public. You can come to my place if you want. I’ll explain there. Okay? “

  “ Fine with me but no funny stuff. “

  “ Right. Let’s see what the garage owner has to say about a missing remote control for a drone. “