AMatterofLust

by Lisa Fox

  That rational part of her brain perked up again, demanding that she be appalled. She couldn’t muster the indignation though and it was mostly because she didn’t feel used. The connection she felt with him when he made her come had been unreal. She wanted to feel it again and if it meant it was his way of getting what he needed, she was okay with that. In a way, it made it even sexier. She smiled. He liked her taste. The way he said it sent hot chills down her spine. “What do I taste like?”

  Trask grinned. “You taste like spiced honey, like hot, sweet, electrical fire.” He bit down on her shoulder. “Like everything I want.”

  Like everything he wanted. That did sound good. There was just one last thing she had to know. She met his eyes and mentally crossed her fingers. “Am I going to be enough for you? You don’t need to, ah, eat somewhere else as well, do you?”

  “Rena,” he said, his voice low. He traced her cheekbone. “I only want you.”

  Rena let out a breath she hadn’t realized she had been holding. “Good,” she said, the tension draining out of her body. A lust demon, huh? Her gaze traveled over the yummy length of him. That probably meant he had all kinds of interesting demonic powers. Demonic powers of lust. She smiled as delightful theories on what those might be danced through her head. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pressing her chest to his, her insides warm and her pussy wet.

  He smiled back, cradling her in his arms. The light hair on his chest tickled her nipples, making them wonderfully hard. “We just have to be reasonable about this.”

  “Reasonable?” Something in his tone made her pause, a cold pocket forming in her chest.

  He nodded, excitement on his handsome face. “We need to be careful. As much as I want to, I don’t think I can see you every day. It would be too much for you. I feel your exhaustion already and I only took a little tonight. I think an every-other-day schedule would work for us. We could see each other, then you could have a day to rest and then I could come see you again. If you ever got too tired, we could probably take a longer break.” He kissed her hard and then cupped her face in his hands, his gaze sweeping over her in a fierce, seductive caress. “I don’t think I could go more than a week without you though.”

  Rena blinked as his words washed over her. An every-other-day schedule? “It sounds like you’ve got it all worked out,” she said, trying to organize everything in her mind.

  “Yes,” he said, clearly pleased with himself. “I mean, we could try to do it every day for a while if you want to, but I think it would be better for you to rest. Especially at first.” He parted her legs with his thigh and pressed his erection against her hip. “I want you ready for me every time I see you.”

  The cold pocket turned heavy, making it difficult to breathe. Was he really saying what she thought he was saying? “Okay, let me make sure I have this straight. I’d see you for sex. We’d fuck. Then, you’d leave. And then, in a day or so, I’d see you again. For sex. Is that about right?”

  He nodded. “Exactly.”

  It was all so neat, clinical, completely heartless. There was more passion in her work schedule. At least that offered some diversity. “What if I don’t want to have sex?”

  His brow winkled. “Why wouldn’t you want to have sex?”

  He had a valid point. And it was gut-wrenching. The heartbreak that was currently crushing her chest was entirely her own doing. She had known from the beginning what it was all about. He just spelled it out. It should not be surprising, it should not be disappointing and above all else, it should not hurt as much as it did. There was no reason at all why she should feel as if her insides had been ripped out. “Of course,” she said, her throat tight. “You’re right.”

  He kissed her and Rena’s heart sank.

  Chapter Four

  Rena squeezed the bridge of her nose and sat back from the computer. She needed to get a grip. For the last half hour she had been trying to enter the supply orders for the month, and for the last half hour, she had failed miserably. Her lack of concentration was beginning to wear on her nerves.

  Trask and his goddamn schedule. Her initial shock and heartbreak had passed earlier in the day, graduating into outrage. Did he really expect her to be some kind of on-demand fuck-buddy? Was she supposed to be his own personal fast food service, ready to be used whenever he felt like a snack?

  The most galling part of it all was that she was actually considering it. If she allowed herself to think it over in a certain way, it wasn’t even all that bad. Lucid took a lot of her time and being with Trask the way he proposed would fit nicely into her routine. She could see it now, Monday for inventory, Tuesday night fuck-fest, laundry on Wednesday…

  Rena laughed bitterly at herself. Was she so desperate she was actually willing to live like that? She sighed, her heart weary. The problem was, this wasn’t idle desperation. If only it were that easy. Whatever she had with Trask felt like something more. Something special. Or at least it could be. He made her feel so good and when he looked at her, she went all gooey and giggly inside. His smile made her pulse race. His scent made her wet.

  Rena propped her elbows on the desk and put her head in her hands. Damn, she had it bad.

  And that was why his plan would never, ever, work for her. No matter how much she wanted it to. With Trask, she would always want more. She wanted a life with him outside of her bedroom. Being with him was not something she could do halfway. She’d only be miserable if she tried.

  Which was why it had to end.

  Rena sucked in a sharp breath as pain stabbed her in the chest. She had been coming to the same conclusion all afternoon and every time she did, everything in her screamed in denial.

  “Enough,” she said aloud, demanding it from herself, but her stomach still churned with longing and hope. There had to be a way.

  She exhaled heavily, clenched her jaw and purposefully focused on her computer screen. She was going to enter orders now. Plug in the numbers, balance the books, get the club stocked for the next month.

  She plowed through the task, then went downstairs to do her final chore and put away all the stock that had been delivered earlier in the day. The mindless, physical labor would be good. She hoped.

  She entered the storage room behind the bar and was pleasantly surprised to find her manager and head bartender Josh there, halfway done with the job. He smiled as he noticed her, that grin of his lighting up the whole room. “Hey, boss lady.”

  “Hey,” she said, and knelt down to open up a crate of wine he hadn’t gotten to yet. “What are you doing here? Don’t you know we’re closed on Monday?”

  Josh chuckled. “I did hear that rumor. Thought you could use the help. Get you back to that boyfriend of yours.”

  “Boyfriend?” she asked, laughing at what was surely some kind of joke. Josh knew every unsordid detail of her usually dull life. He knew she wasn’t seeing anybody. “What are you talking about?”

  He rolled his eyes. “Oh, don’t be coy,” he said, shaking a finger at her. “You know exactly who I’m talking about. Mr. Tall, dark and intensely brooding?”

  Rena let out a surprised snort. He could only be talking about Trask. “How do you know about him?”

  “He’s hard to miss,” he said, and winked at her. “And he came in here looking for you.”

  “Did he?” she asked, remembering that she found him outside the club. She didn’t realize he’d been inside. A smile started to form on her lips and her cheeks warmed. He had been looking for her. She jerked herself away from those thoughts. That was precisely why she had to end it. “Well, whatever.” She gave what she hoped was a nonchalant, dismissive wave of her hand. “He’s not coming back.”

  “Isn’t he?” Josh said with surprise. He stopped unpacking his crate and looked over at her. “I think you might be wrong about that.”

  “Oh yeah?” she asked dubiously. “How so?”

  “That was a man looking for you, Rena, and you alone. He’s totally hooked.”

&nb
sp; Her heart swelled and she stomped it back down. She had to stop doing this to herself. “And you know this because…?”

  Josh shrugged and gave her one of his trademark grins. “Because I’m a bartender. I know these things.”

  “Of course,” she answered, matching his playful tone. “And what else does the wise, sage bartender know?”

  “That he’s fucking hot.”

  She couldn’t help but smile. Now that was saying something. Josh’s boyfriend modeled for Rick Day. Though Trask could easily model as well. His long, lean frame would look mighty nice oiled down for the camera. Her insides heated as she pictured him naked and slick, his hair tousled, his lips parted and moist. Trask was fucking hot. She grinned at Josh. “I did good, didn’t I?”

  He nodded. “Yes, ma’am, you did.”

  Rena laughed, but the good humor was accompanied by a sore heart. “Yeah, well, like I said, it was nothing. Just sex.”

  Josh met her eyes. “And like I said, I think you’re wrong.”

  She shook her head. She didn’t want to talk about this anymore. It hurt too much. She ripped open a box of bourbon and started handing Josh bottles to put away on the shelves.

  They worked in silence and Rena’s mind churned with thoughts of Trask. The way it felt to be in his arms. The sound of his laughter. The look in his eyes after he kissed her. Finally, she sighed. “Do you really think so?”

  Josh nodded. “Yeah, I really do.”

  Rena nodded back, the emotions spiraling in her chest. “I think so too.”

  “Then what’s with all the indecision, Rena?” he asked. “Go for it.”

  Josh was right. She knew he was, but with Trask, there was so much more at stake. It would hurt too much for him to be just one more in a long line of mistakes. Because this time, for the first time, it actually mattered. When he told her he wanted only her, she believed him. And that was what made it so frightening. Still, she wasn’t the type to back down from anything and if she wanted to be with him like she imagined, then she needed to trust him, to have a little faith. Not all men were lying, cheating scumbags. She thought again about the look in his eyes when he’d told her she was everything he wanted and her heart filled with warmth. “All right, bartender man. We’ll see where this takes us.”

  * * * * *

  Trask strode toward Rena’s brownstone, a frown darkening his features. When he’d left her that morning, she had been distant, closed-off. Her aura had been gray and black, washed out and hollow, and that wasn’t right at all. Rena was bold color, light and fire and electricity. He had originally intended to stay away from her today, give her a chance to rest and recharge, but the change confused him, made him anxious and frustrated. He did not like feeling this way. He picked up his pace. Whatever this thing was, it was going to be solved. Now.

  He turned the corner onto her street, but when he got to her building, he paused outside, uncertain how to proceed. This was new. He was nervous. Trask laughed at himself even as the uneasy tension simmered within him. Rena was his. There was no question of that. He just needed to go in there, find out what was wrong with her, fix it and then move on. This was not a big deal.

  And yet, it felt like a very big deal indeed.

  He rang the bell and when she opened the door, he immediately saw that her fire was back. It made him fiercely happy. This was his woman.

  She ushered him into the living room and then turned to face him. “We have to talk.” She took a deep breath, met his eyes. He felt her conviction. “I can’t just have sex with you, Trask,” she said in a rush. “If we can’t have something more, then this has to end.”

  Everything in him roared at the thought of losing her, but he managed to beat down the surge of emotion before it could be unleashed. This was not terrible, he told himself. It was actually very simple. He just needed to get her whatever more she wanted. “More of what?” he asked. “I will give you whatever you want, Rena.”

  “More of everything,” she said, throwing her arms wide. She was a hurricane of blinding light, her aura a turbulent sea of excitement and frustration and fear and longing, but none of what he saw helped him understand what she needed.

  “What more is there?” he asked, almost desperately. “I can’t give it to you if I don’t know what it is. Tell me what you need and it’s yours. I swear to you, I will tear down this reality if that is what you want, but I need to know.”

  She paused, blinking at him in surprise. “You don’t know?” she asked aloud, though it seemed as though she was mostly talking to herself. She met his eyes. “You know what I want? I want to talk with you. I want to cuddle with you. I want to be with you and not take off my clothes. I want you to want all of me.”

  He shook his head, completely bewildered. He wanted all of those things as well. “I do want all of you.”

  “Do you? Because I’m saying that some nights, I’m not going to want to have sex. Some nights, I’m going to want to have dinner or watch TV or go to a movie and that’s it. Do you understand?”

  He didn’t really, he was pretty sure sex went well with all those things, but if that was what she wanted, it was fine with him. “Okay.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “And what if I wanted to go a whole week like that?”

  Everything in him clenched at the thought. Still, this was important to her. “Whatever you want,” he said, and hoped that she didn’t hear the croak in his voice.

  Rena laughed and shook her head and he felt her amusement, her hope, her doubt, her lust, her…he didn’t know what that was. Something different. Something bright and red and joyful and sharp, but also light and tender. Whatever it was, it was extremely appealing and he was drawn to it, both curious and aroused. He wanted to touch it, taste it, sample it, and he reached out for it, but was distracted when she flung her arms around his neck and kissed him. His arms went instantly around her waist, drawing her closer. Her body felt so right against his and he reveled in her heat, in the taste of her. He let her control the kiss, allowing her to explore as much of his mouth as she desired. When she pulled away, he was rock hard. He touched her lips with his fingertips and tried to catch his breath. “I thought you didn’t want sex.”

  “No, I said I didn’t want just sex.” She gave him a frisky grin and he could see the lust flare in her aura. It made his mouth water. “I always want sex.” The look in her eyes made his heart beat faster. “With you.”

  He dipped into her energy core and frowned when he found her depleted. Taking her would be too risky. She needed more time to recoup. “This isn’t a good idea.”

  She took his hand and held it between her breasts. “Do you have to feed every time we’re together?”

  “No,” he said, his thumb caressing the curve of her breast. “But I’m lust, not chastity.” He dipped his head, kissed her collarbone, nipped her throat. “I always give in to temptation.” It was so hard to keep his hands off her, but he had no choice. She needed rest. He took a step away from her and let his hands fall back to his sides. “But tonight, it would hurt you and I never want to do that.”

  She closed the distance between them, reached up and ran her fingers over his face. She studied him so intently, Trask was taken aback by her scrutiny. “What?”

  She touched his brow, his temple. “What I saw this morning. That darkness. Is that really you?” She patted his cheek. “Is this just a mask?”

  “No, this is who I am, but I’m that darkness too. It’s hard to explain. I’m both things, together. I guess what you saw could be something like a soul.” He grinned. “Of course I don’t have one of those, but the concept is similar I think.”

  She ran her finger over the line of his jaw, her touch sending waves of lust straight to his groin. “Do you have other faces as well?”

  He laughed. “If you’re asking if I can somehow morph into new and exciting forms, the answer is no, I cannot.”

  She smiled up at him, a wicked gleam in her eyes. “So, you can’t, say, have horns and tail t
omorrow?”

  He smiled back at her. This was getting interesting. “Not without the aid of a costume shop. Why? Do you have something specific in mind?”

  She laughed, her eyes dancing with flirtatious mischief. “What about demonic powers? Do you have any of those?”

  “Demonic powers?” he asked, wondering what she meant. From the way she smiled, he definitely wanted to know.

  She shook her head and put her hands on his shoulders. “It’s okay,” she said, caressing the side of his neck. “Never mind.”

  “Okay,” he said, completely taken with his baffling, wonderful woman.

  She ran her fingers through his hair and then kissed him. “Rena,” he said, and let out a long breath as he attempted to get his cock back under control. “I should go.”

  “No,” she said, and gripped his jacket in her fists. “Don’t go.” She pressed her hips against his. “Stay.”

  She rocked against him and he almost fell to his knees before her. Who was he kidding? He wasn’t going anywhere. Besides, he didn’t have to feed. He could refrain this time. It would be worth it just to spend the night with her. He drew her closer, exploring the lush contours of her body, then gripped her ass, nudging her legs apart. “Why should I stay?”

  A smile lit up her entire face. She touched his chest. “Because I’ve got something to show you.”

  “You do?” he asked, raising his eyebrow. “What is it?”

  Her eyes roamed over him and his cock filled with anticipation. There was never a more perfect woman in the entire world. “Come with me,” she said, taking his hand and leading him toward her bedroom.

  He followed her docilely, liking the direction this was taking. They crossed the threshold and she spun on her heel to face him. She met his eyes and then her gaze flicked down to her jeans. He watched intently as she slowly unbuttoned the top two buttons. His breathing got a whole lot deeper when she reached below the waistband, hooked her underwear around her thumb, and held it up for him to see it. “I just bought these,” she said, and waggled her thumb under the material to emphasize what she was saying. “Do you like them?”