by Terri Lane
“What do you want?” It wasn’t a time to be bitter, but after what she’d done to me this morning I wasn’t in a good, forgiving frame of mind.
“I just…” I glanced over to her, and watched as she bounced awkwardly from foot to foot. “I wanted to say I’m sorry. What I said this morning, it was out of order. I didn’t realize how truly close you were to Edna, and now I feel terrible. I shouldn’t have called her your cover up.”
“Right.” What did she expect me to say? Did she think I was going to jump into her arms and we’d live happily ever after?
“And…I know it’s none of my business what you do, but I want to be your friend. I thought we were becoming friends.” Her words trailed off, and I knew that I was supposed to say something, but I didn’t. I felt like this wasn’t the time or the place. “I was upset that you didn’t tell me what was happening.” Still, I didn’t respond. I just didn’t have any words left. “And jealous too, I suppose, because you’re doing so well. Everyone is jealous, we all want to be where you are.”
“Hmph.” By this point that was almost a joke. “Okay, Nancy. I will talk to you about this later. Right now, I just want to be alone.” I appreciated her effort, but I was too emotionally drained to deal with any of it. I had to have my space.
“I understand, I just feel like an asshole and I wanted to say that I’m sorry.”
As the door clicked behind her I figured there might be a time that I could forgive her. Maybe. She had been an asshole, but we’d all made mistakes in life.
What that meant for my future though, I still wasn’t sure.
***
Knock, knock.
What the hell was with this day? Why couldn’t I seem to get any time alone? All I’d been begging for all day long was some time to myself, and all I kept getting was an endless stream of fucking visitors.
“Yes?” I called out wearily. “Who’s there?” The door swung open and I was very surprised to see a familiar face that was so handsome that I could barely stand to look at him. “Aron? What are you doing here?”
“I’ve only just heard about Edna, I’m so very sorry.” I nodded slowly, turning back towards the image of an empty bed that would be burned into my retinas forever. “I would’ve come earlier, had I known.”
“Okay, well I appreciate it. Thank you.”
He didn’t go like I expected him to, like I wanted him to. I could feel the heat of his body radiating from behind me. He stood there defiantly, even though I’d blown him off twice. I almost wanted to twist around to scream at him, but I couldn’t be bothered.
“I remember when I first lost someone.” He grabbed another chair and pulled it up beside me. “I wasn’t as close to him, like you were to Edna. I should’ve been, probably, he was a very nice young lad.”
“He was young?” The only saving grace in the horror of losing Edna was that she was old, and that she’d had a crazy, exciting life.
“Yeah, late twenties, I’d say. He’d been ill for a while, but his prospects looked good.” He inched closer to me, and I didn’t resist. “When I lost him, it was a real shock. I was out of work for a week, I thought I couldn’t handle it. It seemed to come from nowhere, and that…that was what crushed me. I tried so hard to help him, but nothing I could do was enough.”
“So, how did you come back here? How did you carry on?” I needed to know because right now everything felt hopeless.
“For every person you lose, even if it’s completely out of your control, there are hundreds that you save. To the new people coming into a hospital, it might seem like all the older staff have become cold and jaded, but it isn’t that way at all. They have their walls built up to protect themselves, to stop from falling apart. You have to focus on the positive, it’s the only way.”
He wrapped an arm around me, and although I wanted to push him off, to maintain the distance that I’d forced between us yesterday, afterwards, I didn’t. I fell into his embrace, needing his comfort. His warmth, his smell, it all wrapped me up in heat.
“So, you don’t think I’m too weak then? Too emotional to handle it?”
“Not at all. I think you have more strength than anyone I know.”
After the day I’d had, I felt like the weakest person around. I couldn’t find one iota of strength inside myself, I wasn’t sure that there had ever been anything in there at all.
“Maybe,” I replied thickly. “Maybe it’s time for me to leave.”
We fell into a comfortable silence, during which time I tried to match Nancy’s words to this man. Why would he come in here after we’d slept together, when he really didn’t have to if he was the ‘bang and leave’ type? It was possible that I just needed to see the good in him so my fantasies and subsequent behavior didn’t feel so bad, but with him here next to me, my instincts told me that he was lovely.
“I’m sorry about running out last night.” I decided to test the waters a bit. Surely this would help me see the true him? “And for acting like a bitch. I freaked…it was unexpected.”
“Yes, it was for me too,” he replied wryly. “I’m usually very good at keeping control around people, but with you it’s different.”
“Wh…why?” I couldn’t stop myself, I needed to know it all.
“Violet, you really don’t see yourself, do you?” I twisted my head around to look at him, drinking his serene expression in. “I have always liked you, so very much. Even when you were in my class. Even though you were more than old enough, I knew I couldn’t act on my feelings then. I was in a position of power, and I couldn’t do anything about it. Then you came here, and everything shifted. It was challenging to be around you.
Wait… So all this time, he was feeling exactly the same way about me? I didn’t know how to even begin to process that.
“I tried to behave, to keep my distance, to let you blossom, but the whole time you were constantly on my mind.”
I could barely breathe, how was this possible? Now it felt like every moment that we’d spent apart was a wasted one.
“I told myself to take it slow with you, to treat you in the way that you deserved, but I got carried away. So, I didn’t blame you for walking out of here. There were so many other things that I should’ve done, but I can’t take any of them back now.”
“I shouldn’t have either. I lost control too.”
We looked at each other for a moment, and I felt hundreds of feelings swirling between us. This could be real, it could be the love that no one would approve of. I could almost sense Edna warming my shoulders at the idea. She wanted this for me, and to be honest I needed it for myself too.
It was scary to consider jumping into anything, especially with someone who terrified me with their perfection, but it was exciting too. I didn’t want to turn my back on Aron, just to spend the rest of my life wondering ‘what if’.
“Take me home,” I murmured quietly. “I’m tired now. I need to go home.”
***
As the car pulled up outside my home, I felt so sleepy that I was certain I could sleep forever more, but I also felt incredibly unsettled, like I’d never be comfortable with myself again. It was a strange feeling circling my heart, and I didn’t totally know where it stemmed from.
“What’s going on?” Aron asked as he halted the car and turned to face me with his concerned eyebrows knotted together. “You don’t seem like you’re going to be okay at all.”
“I don’t want to be alone.” I surprised myself as I admitted this. I didn’t realize quite how much it was the truth until I said it aloud. That was it, after all I’d been through I wasn’t sure if I could be trusted by myself, I didn’t know where my brain would take me.
“I can…stay with you, if you like?” His cheeks reddened as he said this which made my heart flutter over and over again. He actually felt unsure about this statement, as if I wouldn’t want him with me.
“You don’t have to do this. I know you aren’t one for relationships. Not that I’m suggesting that’
s what this is.” I cringed as my mouth got the better of me, I didn’t mean to sound so desperate and needy. Even though he’d gone some way to dispelling my fears at the hospital, I was still overprotective of my heart. I didn’t want to allow myself to be vulnerable again just to get shattered. I did want him with me, but only as a comfort not for pity.
“Violet, I want to be with you,” he told me calmly. “Maybe this is a little too soon to be having this conversation, but I’ve liked you for a long time. You know as well as I do how rumors get spread around the hospital with absolutely no substance.” Well, that much was true. If there was one thing I’d learned recently, it was that. “I had a serious girlfriend a while back, then I had a fling with another doctor which ended badly. Maybe that’s where my bad reputation came from. To be honest, I don’t really care. People can think what they want about me, it really doesn’t matter. I know the truth. And the truth is, I want you. I have for a very long time.”
I sucked in a deep breath of air, my head spinning with the fact that somehow the worst day of my life was also becoming the one where everything came together. “I want you too.” It felt good to admit that so freely.
He kissed me then, gently and tenderly, holding my cheeks like I was the most precious thing in the world. As his lips moved against mine I felt a hot coil of love creeping through my body. In all the years that I’d spent admiring this man, now he was mine and it felt even better than I had hoped.
“Come on, let’s get you inside.”
Aron walked me up to my apartment, and he tenderly lay me on the bed. Then I watched as he made his way through my drawers until he found some pajamas.
“You’re not going to dress me, are you?” I asked, utterly horrified. I propped myself up onto my elbows as my entire body went cold. How embarrassing would that be?
Aron didn’t answer me, he just gave me another smile. Then he pulled on the bottom of my scrubs sliding them off me. As they went he continued to grin which somehow weirdly relaxed me. My muscles loosened as it became apparent that this wasn’t meant to embarrass me somehow, he was just taking care of me. It might’ve been in a way that I wasn’t used to, but that was okay. This focus was kinda nice.
Once my pajama bottoms were on, he slid my top up over my head and I lifted my arms to allow him to do so. His breath tickled my skin, but it wasn’t in a needy way, it just felt lovely. Sweet. All I wanted to do was wrap my arms tightly around him and to hold him next to me forever. As he slowly peeled the material of my clean top over my head, I had to really resist.
“Right, I’ll just get cleaned up, then I’ll be in with you.”
Aron left the room while I curled up under the bed sheets feeling happier than I thought I would. The day had been a real roller coaster; from the rumors, to the public argument with Nancy, from Edna passing away, to making things right with Aron… I didn’t know where my head was at!
The main thing I felt like I needed was to learn a lesson from my friend, and to live by the mantra that life was too short. I needed to let go of panic, of grudges, of fear. I needed to just live.
Aron came back into the room wearing only a tee shirt and some boxer shorts, looking far too gorgeous for words to even describe, and he climbed into bed next to me while wrapping his arms around me. I fell willingly into his embrace. Maybe starting things up with him would only make things worse and it’d set off the rumors all over again, but for now I didn’t feel like running. I felt like sticking things out to see what my future could hold.
Well, Edna, I think I’m doing what you were telling me to do, I thought with a massive smile on my face. I’m taking a chance on a terrifying love. I just hope I get the happy ever after that you did.
Aron held me closer, almost as if he could read my thoughts, and my fingers wrapped around his arms too. I clung to him like he was the only thing centering me to the planet, which was kind of how I felt.
Together we could do this.
I hoped.
***
“Morning, beautiful,” Aron announced smilingly the second my eyes flickered open. He was looking down at me like he’d been watching me sleep for a long time, which only served to amp up the craziness that I felt inside.
I’d been having yet another one of my dreams about him, our sexual encounter had done nothing to dull that side of my fantasy, but this time I was waking up with him beside me which meant I could actually act on how I was feeling.
“Good morning,” I rasped, while running my hand over his stomach. As I dipped my fingers under his tee shirt to touch those incredible abs of his, Aron’s eyes widened in surprise. He probably wasn’t expecting me to wake up in such a mood…if only he knew that I always woke up this way, because of him. “How are you today?”
“Erm…okay,” he stammered, unsure of how to react.
I slid my palm down onto his thigh, which caused him to tense up and relax in an instant. Then I moved slowly, inching ever closer to where I could already feel an intense heat coming from him. God I wanted him, I wanted to pick up just where we left off in my mind, and I didn’t care how animalistic that made me.
“Oh, God,” Aron’s head lolled to one side as the passion seemed to consume him just at the moment that I pushed my hand into his underwear and I felt his rock hard erection. “Oh, Violet.”
I traced my hand up and down his shaft as his breaths became ragged and my entire body heated up. Turning Aron on, giving him pleasure, turned me on almost as much as when he did it to me. I loved seeing that look on his face, and knowing that I was the one who caused it. I enjoyed knowing that every single one of his thoughts was currently on me.
I wanted more of that, always.
My mouth watered as I shifted down the bed, ready to get a taste of him, eagerness to give myself over to him really getting the better of me now. I just knew that he was going to be delicious, I could feel it in my bones, and from the way he was shuddering and bucking with just my fingers, I knew this would send him over the edge. I couldn’t wait to see him lose it again, and to know that it was all because of me.
I rapidly moved my hand off his cock and yanked his underwear down to get it out the way. Aron’s eyes snapped back open just as I straddled his legs, so I kept my gaze fixed on his as I slowly, tantalizingly leaned forwards and placed a gentle kiss on his erection.
“Fuck, Violet, you have no idea how sexy you look right now,” he exclaimed, while fisting the sheets beneath him. “No idea.”
I grabbed him, and kissed his tip, lapping up the groans that fell past his lips. Then I opened wide, and I inhaled every bit of his sexy, salty scent before I took the plunge and wrapped my lips tightly around him. He did taste fantastic, so fucking good that he made my body hungry for more.
“Shit!” Aron’s body lifted off the bed in shock, which encouraged me to take him deeper. He was thick, he was long, I wasn’t sure that I could consume him all but I really needed to try. I slid my lips down him until he hit the back of my throat, still with my eyes fixed on his to see how he was reacting. He looked like he was in utter agony as I pulled my lips up and down, flicking my tongue all over him as I went. Everything I did to him he appeared to love, which only made me want to give him everything.
“Stop, Violet, I’m about to lose it!” he finally demanded, gripping tighter onto my shoulders. “I can’t. Not like this. Not today.”
I only caved to what he demanded because I felt like I was going to explode myself. The incredible pulse was now screaming through my body. If I didn’t get to have him, I might just die. Aron bolted into a sitting position, and I slid myself further along him until I could feel him teasing me, and the desperation grew.
“I need you,” I commanded back. “I need all of you.” Then I kissed him hard and fast, loving the sensation of his burning hot tongue circling through my mouth. I bit down on his lip gently, seductively, before I moved myself off him just for long enough to peel my clothing away from my hot, sticky body.
“You truly are b
eautiful, Violet.”
I wanted to respond, but I didn’t have the words right now, so I angled myself over him and slid his thick pulsating length into me with a gasp instead–showing him how I felt rather than having to say it. Having this wonderful man inside of me made me feel whole, he filled me up in ways that I didn’t even know I needed filling. I rolled my hips and arched my back, doing everything that I could to drive him deeper and deeper into me.
“Oh my God, Aron.” I clung to his shoulders as I rode him, the hot pool of bliss spreading from my stomach and creeping through my veins. “Oh fuck, it’s too much.”
My body pumped and pulsated, my insides flapped, my heart pounded noisily…and then the tsunami of bliss crashed over me, causing me to buckle and shudder violently. Aron held onto me, he cared for me and looked after me even now, so as he cried out I kissed him hard, swallowing up his screams, hopefully doing the same for him.
It was strange, the man who I thought could never be mine was here, in my arms, loving me in every way possible. I had to be the luckiest woman on the whole damn planet.
Epilogue
“How’s the presentation going?” Aron asked me, as he kissed all over the back of my neck and snaked his arms around my waist. His touch still warmed my heart, even after all this time. I didn’t think I’d ever get bored with having him around.
“It was going well into you came in here,” I mock moaned as a reply. “You are always such a distraction.” I lolled my head to one side and slid my eyes shut for a moment, just enjoying the sensation of having his wonderful, plump lips all over me.
“You shouldn’t have come to live with me then!”
Well, that was true. I should’ve known that living with him would turn out this way. We had been together for a year before he asked me! By that point it was my own fault, I knew how he made me feel and how challenging it was to remember that there was a big wide world outside those doors.
“Fair enough.” I spun in my chair and planted my lips up against his. Then I rested my forehead against his and I lost myself in his warm, dark eyes like I seemed to do at least once a day. “It’s going well, I think today will be good for me.”