by Terri Lane
I couldn’t believe it, this was really happening. The fantasy of being with Dr. Turner was coming true, and it was even better than I’d hoped. Everything about him felt stronger, more real, more enjoyable. I never wanted him to stop touching me like he was.
“You taste incredible,” Aron added, while flicking his tongue all over my heated flesh. “I knew you would.”
Knew I would? What does that mean?
Before I could question how long he’d been thinking of this, he wrapped his fingers around the waistband of my scrubs and he yanked them down, leaving me only in my black cotton panties.
“And you look wonderful too.”
He moved my underwear to one side and slowly, tantalizingly ran his fingers up and down my slit. As he brushed past my clit I clung to him tighter, shuddering lightly. I was already far too close to the knife edge of desire, I wasn’t sure that I could handle too much.
Then he plunged two fingers inside of me, and I lost my freaking mind. His touch was somehow expert, like he knew my body better than I knew it myself. The fire in the pit of my belly was burning much brighter than anything I’d ever experienced before. The sweet blissful heat crept through me, caressing me, and I couldn’t stand it any longer.
I kissed Aron hard whilst fiddling with his belt, to pull his thick erection free. I fumbled a little, unable to concentrate while he had my body flying, but soon I could feel the heat of his trembling cock between my fingers.
I gasped into his mouth, amazed at how huge he felt, but I refused to be intimidated. I ran my hand up and down his length like I damn well owned it.
“That feels too fucking good,” he groaned, seemingly falling apart. “I need you, Violet Green. I need you now.”
I needed that too, so I let my hands fall away from him and I planted my palms flat on his desk. He pulled my underwear away and moved back until he was teasing my entrance, driving me wild. I bit down on my lip, my millions of fantasies flooding to the forefront of my mind.
“Oh God,” I panted, tossing my head back in bliss. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this.”
Aron slid the full length of his cock inside of me, slowly at first as if he was testing the waters with me. I moaned desperately, greedily, rolling my hips further towards him. This was my moment with him, and I needed all of him.
As his hands worked their way under my top, and he lifted it from my body, I clung to his neck rather than holding onto the desk any longer, and I wrapped my legs tightly around him. He drove into me hard and fast, his thrusts growing more impatient all the time.
My bra unhooked without me even realizing that it was happening, my breasts sprung free, and as soon as they were, Aron pushed me backwards until I was lying across his desk. Then he leaned across me and flicked and teased my taut nipple, sending even more sensations flooding over my body.
As I arched my back, the pleasure beginning to build, I brought Aron’s mouth back to mine for a kiss. I was on fire, every part of me sparked and bucked, and I wanted to connect us deeper as the sheer bliss consumed us both. Our lips connected, and at that moment the pleasure exploded in my chest. I screamed and thrashed, and I held onto Aron like he was the only thing keeping me safe, I lost myself totally in his body and it felt wonderful.
The orgasm bulldozed through my body, lifting me completely from the desk. Everything that I’d ever thought about Aron, all the dreams I’d had, it all joined in and I cried out with sheer joy into his mouth.
“No, not yet.”
Aron unexpectedly flipped me around until my front stuck to his desk, and he slipped into me from behind. This action somehow managed to make the bliss last a little longer, and I howled in pleasure, not even caring if the whole damn hospital could hear us.
If it feels right then it probably is.
Edna was right, nothing had ever felt righter than this.
“Oh fuck, Violet,” Aron groaned, losing himself too. His grip got tighter, his cock began to tremble violently inside of me. “This is…it’s all too much, I…”
But he never got to finish that sentence, because the pleasure decided at that exact moment to swallow him whole too, leaving him a shuddering mess behind me.
***
Shit, what have I done?
As I scrabbled around in the office, trying to find all of my clothes, I felt nothing but regret and shame. Now that the thick cloud of lust was gone from my judgement, all I could see was what a mistake this was for so many reasons. What sort of impression must I have given off just having sex with him like that? Just because I’d been having a relationship in my mind with him, didn’t make it real. According to Aron I’d just had sex with him completely out of the blue.
That wasn’t the way a self-respecting woman was supposed to behave. Women who men fell in love with were the ones who got taken out on dates, not the ones who got screwed in offices. I might have just wrecked my chance to actually be with this wonderful man, and that crushed my heart. I didn’t want to be a notch on his bedpost, that was never what my fantasies were about. I wanted to love him, to be loved by him, and now I’d blown that completely.
I couldn’t look at him as I pulled my scrubs back over me, all I could think about was how awful and awkward work was going to be now. As if it wasn’t difficult enough, I now had this to deal with. It was almost as if I wanted to torture myself. Now I had a true unrequited love story that was going to plague me forever more.
Damn it, maybe it was time to move, to move on to another hospital, just to get away from this.
“Are you okay?” Aron sounded cold and distant. Or maybe it was concern in his voice, I wasn’t sure, I didn’t think I wanted to know.
“I just need to get home, that’s all. I have…stuff to do.” I flicked my eyes everywhere but at him, trying to ensure that I hadn’t left anything behind.
“Let me give you a ride…”
“No,” I snapped, stepping back before he could touch me. “No, I don’t want a ride, thank you. I need to get the bus.”
I didn’t mean to act such a bitch, I just no longer felt comfortable at all. I needed to be alone so I could process what had just happened. I felt like every second spent in Dr. Turner’s presence was another chance to make a fool out of myself.
“You can’t get a bus, it’s too late. Let me take you back.”
I met his eyes for just a second, and I could see some hurt there, but it wasn’t enough to stop me. I’d ruined everything already, I might as well do it a bit more. “I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself. I already told you that.”
Aron stared at me, panting heavily and I did the same back to him. He didn’t know what to say anymore, and neither did I. Everything I said only made it worse anyway, so maybe it was time to leave. I drank in the warmth of his dark eyes, I stared at his face, committing every inch of it to memory all over again, then with a shattering heart in my chest I turned and I moved towards the door. When Aron didn’t say anything, I felt that I needed to leave.
“So, yeah, bye.”
I stormed out of the office and slammed the door behind me. I sucked in a deep breath and smoothed down my hair, but I quickly realized that it was too late. I’d already been seen. There was an inquisitive pair of eyes staring at me like I was an embarrassing scene from a comedy movie.
My heart sank, I felt like I wanted a big hole to open up in the ground to swallow me whole. As if I hadn’t been through enough, now I needed to suffer this as well.
“What are you doing here?” Ted, the guy I once spent a couple of moments in a bar with a while back, asked me with a smirk. He was looking at me like he knew me well, which only served to piss me off further. “Just been for a visit with ol’ Dr. Turner?” He gave me a wink, which sent vomit fluttering around in my stomach. “Now I know why you’re getting so far ahead…and why you didn’t want to dance with me.”
“What are you talking about?” I tried denial, it seemed like the most logical choice.
“Oh, are you try
ing to pretend that you’re here for another reason?” He stepped closer to me, getting right up in my personal space. “Like, you’re visiting your friend?”
“I have been…” I started, before realizing that there was no point in trying to deny anything. The gossip seed was planted now, it would soon bloom and grow. “Fuck you,”
“Oh, really? Now? After that?” His smirk killed me, it made me want to vomit. I hated him, I hated Aron, I fucking hated everyone.
I couldn’t stand it anymore, so I ran away. I tore down the hallway as fast as I could manage with frustrated tears rolling down my cheeks. This was not how it was supposed to happen, everything was meant to be so much different. Why did I always have to screw everything up? It just wasn’t fair.
As the cold air hit me, I realized that I didn’t want to get the bus either, I didn’t want to be anywhere near another living person whether they were Dr. Turner or not. I wanted to walk, it would take me ages and I was already tired, but it was the only way.
I stomped my feet against the concrete, hoping that by the time I finally managed to make it home I would’ve managed to walk at least some of this negativity off. I couldn’t drag this around with me forever more, not if I was going to survive this.
***
I felt like a young child about to start my first day of school. This was more terrifying than my first day of the hospital, I really didn’t want to go in. I was more anxious than I’d ever been in my life. I wanted to be at home with my mom, to have her take care of me as I recovered…but of course that wasn’t possible. This wasn’t school, I wasn’t a child, I would just have to hold my head high and ignore all the harsh words whispered about me.
“Did you hear…?”
“Oh my God, no way!”
“You never would’ve thought it…makes sense…”
I couldn’t be one hundred percent certain, but I was pretty sure that every single whisper was about me. I felt like I was in high school, and the bullies were taunting me. It was very hard to keep my chin up, but the fact that I had a job to do kept me going.
Just be strong, just get through this, soon they will all be talking about someone else. My internal pep talk felt like bullshit, but I continued to repeat it all the same, just to give me something to focus on. Something other than the stares.
“Oh…my…God!” Nancy’s far too gleeful voice burst through the air, giving me that sinking feeling all over again. “Violet, I need to talk to you.” She gripped my arm and tugged me towards her. “Come with me, tell me everything.”
“Look, can we not do this right now?” I tried to loosen her grip on me, but it seemed that she wasn’t ready to let me go just yet. “I just want to get on with my job…”
“Doctor freaking Turner. Who would’ve thought it?” She sounded nastier now, so I gave her a desperate look, internally begging her to stop. If she really was my friend, even if it was for a short time, she wouldn’t carry on down this path. “We all knew that you were up to something, we just didn’t realize that you were fucking the boss.”
“Please, Nancy, stop.”
“That’s why you didn’t bother to mingle with us all, why you always stuck your nose ten feet in the air like you were better than us.”
“Why?” I pleaded. “Why?”
“You only came out with us once and even then you left early, acting like I wasn’t good enough for you to hang around with.”
“No, it wasn’t…”
“Then you spend all your time, supposedly with some old lady, when really it’s all a cover up for your sordid affair.”
I noticed a crowd starting to surround us, which only amped up my nerves further. None of the people around us would be on my side, I was a damn social leper here.
“It isn’t…”
“Look, Violet, if that’s how you want to get ahead, that’s fine, just don’t expect anyone to be your friend. Maybe the old lady, that’s about it. But I will tell you one thing. Don’t rely on Dr. Turner to be around for you because from what I’ve heard he never sticks around. He’s a bang and run type, you know?” Laughs tittered around. “Or maybe you do know, maybe you’re like that too. Who knows? None of us because you won’t speak to anyone.”
I couldn’t stand it any longer, I didn’t want Nancy or any of the others to see me cry, so I pushed my way through the crowd, even past the ones who stood firm like a brick wall not wanting to let me past, and I made my way into the hospital.
I didn’t look at anyone as I ran through the halls, all I needed to do was to lock myself in a bathroom stall while I let all of this out. This truly was a mess, some of it of my own making, yes, but there was no point in worrying about what had or hadn’t happened. I just needed to work out what I was going to do next.
I slammed the door behind me and collapsed to the cold, tiled floor as I finally got the privacy I needed, and while the tears streamed down my cheeks I tried to think of a plan. There was no way I could stay here now, not with all of this going on. It had uprooted everything, and now I needed to change too.
My lungs squeezed together, almost too tight for me to breathe, as an ice cold panic circled my chest. There was no way that I could face coming in here every single day, not now, not knowing how much everyone hated me. I never meant to be so closed off, I just wanted to throw myself into my job. I never would have guessed that it would lead to all this. If I’d known that the path I was on would bring me here, then I would have done everything completely differently, but no amount of wishing for a time machine was going to make that happen.
Especially with Nancy’s words about the man I’d idolized for far too long: he never sticks around. He’s a bang and run type, you know. I didn’t know that, not then. But I did now.
I need to hand in my resignation, I need to get away from here, I need to create my own time machine and a fresh start.
I didn’t move to take action at first, I needed to wait until I was ready to face the outside world again which felt like a time that was very far away. I hadn’t been bullied in high school, but now I had sympathy for all those people that had. Having all those hateful eyes staring at me, with no real explanation for why, was awful. I never wanted to go through it again.
Once everyone was busy, once I knew for sure that everyone was hard at work, I would wait until then to go.
***
Before I could go and speak to anyone–not Dr. Turner, anyone else–about me leaving I needed to tell Edna what was going on. I had promised that I would be back, to explain all of my issues, and that was even more necessary now. I would have to say goodbye with it.
I felt bad, leaving her, but I couldn’t stay. I hoped she understood that.
What the…?
As I walked into her room I was instantly hit by an icy coldness. The bed was empty, the room was clean, it felt really clinical and awful. My heart stopped beating, my brain whirred, the panic tightened even more painfully in my chest.
She’s in another room, she’s in surgery, she’s having a damn bath…
I didn’t even know what I was doing anymore, my brain lit right up with terror. I pushed free from the room and out into the hallway, this time with my head held high. I didn’t care if anyone stared at me now, I needed answers and I needed them now.
“Hey.” I grabbed onto the first auxiliary nurse I could see and held onto his shoulders. “What happened to Edna? Where is the woman from that room?”
His eyes followed where I was pointing. “I…I don’t know,” he sounded scared as he stammered. “I cleaned it up this morning, that’s all I’m sure of.”
“Is she…” A thick emotion swallowed up my words. I couldn’t ask the question that I didn’t want answered. “Find out, go and find out what happened.”
He raced off leaving me alone with the everlasting sadness. As I walked back into Edna’s room, I felt like I already knew the truth. There was none of her essence left, she wasn’t here anymore. I sat in the chair, staring at the bed, recalling eve
rything about her that she’d shared with me. All that time she’d spent opening up to me, and I’d mostly kept to myself.
Maybe Nancy was right about that one thing. Maybe I was too closed off.
I wasn’t sure how long I remained sitting in that position, staring at an empty bed. It could’ve been minutes, or it could’ve been hours, but eventually someone entered the room with a sad smile on her face.
“Miranda?” I hadn’t seen her much since our first day together, but with her face in the room now it was challenging to hold it all together. She reminded me of a time when all I had was hope.
“I’m sorry, Violet. She’s…she passed away in the night.” My eyes filled with tears again, and I nodded stiffly. “It was very peaceful, and she didn’t even know that it was happening.”
“Best way,” I rasped, brushing my face dry. “It’s what she would’ve wanted. And she’s with Hank now.” I was trying my best to convince myself that this was all for the best, but it crushed me inside. “So, yeah. And I guess she isn’t suffering.”
Miranda grabbed me and she pulled me in for a deep bear hug, and I collapsed into her chest letting the sobs run free. She smoothed down my hair, treating me like a weeping child, and it was exactly what I needed in that moment.
“You were good to her,” she assured me. “You made Edna’s last few days bearable. Before you started spending time with her, she was like a broken woman. She had no family, no friends, no visitors. You made her happy.”
It didn’t feel like enough, not now. I needed more time with her to learn everything. Life is too short. Her words had more truth to them now than they ever did. Life is too short to not be with the one that you love. At least she had that love, at least I knew that.
Eventually Miranda had to go back to work, so she left me alone to grieve in the room for a while longer. During that time I alternated between pensive thought and weeping sobs.
“Violet?” It was only when Nancy’s regretful tone burst through my shock barrier that I remembered where I was.