“Damn you. How much am I supposed to be able to take, Izzy? I’m trying to do the right thing here.” He turned away from her. “Please leave.”
He wanted her, she could tell. She could see the torture in his eyes. He wanted her just as much as she wanted him. Whether it was the age difference or their unfortunate relationship, he was fighting it with everything that he had. She didn’t care what his excuse was. She was not going to let him walk away from her again. She would not be turned away again. She walked up behind him, still naked, wrapped her arms around him and placed her cheek in the shallow valley between his shoulder blades.
His body stiffened. He stood frozen, completely still. It hurt her so badly to feel the tenseness under her embrace. She wanted him to melt for her, just like she did for him. But he was no closer to melting than the damn Alaskan glaciers. Taking a chance, she ran her hands around his waist and up to his chest. She gently repeated the motion several times. His hands stopped her. At first she thought that he was going to pull away, but he simply held her hands where they were. She could feel his heart beating. No, not beating—pounding. His heart was racing.
“Sean, please. I’m not a kid anymore,” she whispered into his ear.
He surprised her with a laugh.
“Aren’t you?”
Keep going Isabelle, don’t give up. He’s starting to melt, even if just a little bit, it’s working. You can see that it is. Don’t back down now.
“No, Sean, I’m not. Can’t you see that?” She kept her voice steady and confident, despite the nerves that were clawing at her.
Sean sighed as he held her hands tighter.
“Yes, that’s the problem. I can see all too well that you’re no longer a kid. But damn it Izzy, I’m a man. You can’t keep flaunting yourself and teasing me. You’re making me crazy. It’s not fair.”
“Teasing you?” His accusation made her angry. She was not teasing him. If he would just take what she was offering, he would see she was anything but a tease. She would give him anything that he wanted. Anything.
He laughed again.
“Oh please. First you lie to get me to take you to that damn dance. You wear a dress that was so damn sexy they should have had to check IDs before selling it. You throw yourself at me and kiss me, and now.” He laughed even louder. “Now you’ve come to my place with sexy lingerie, fuzzy handcuffs and you’re freaking naked.” His last words came out in a whisper. He was quiet, but the agony from wanting her was pounding inside of him.
Deciding not to validate his words, she upped her game plan. Leaning into his ear she whispered.
“Sean, don’t you want me?”
He didn’t answer her. He remained still, his hands still on hers, and said nothing. The room was so quiet; all she could hear was their ragged breathing. She worried that maybe she had been wrong. Perhaps he didn’t want her but he couldn’t find the words to let her down gently. That theory was quickly tossed aside as she felt his hands moving. He kept her hands firmly locked under his, moving them down farther until her hand met with the rigid thickness under his gym shorts.
Sean let out a hiss.
“Izzy. God, don’t you feel that? I want you more than you’ll ever know. But I’m torn. It’s not right. We can’t, I can’t taken advantage of you. You’re so young. You’re not ready for—”
His words were interrupted by the feel of her hand stroking him. She wouldn’t allow him to question it any longer.
“I’m young, yes, but I’m ready. I’m ready for you. I want you, Sean. I want you to make love to me.”
Abruptly he turned to face her. There was a glint in his eye as he spoke to her with vehemence.
“Don’t do this. There’s still time to walk away. You could leave and we could forget this ever happened.” His head fell back at the feel of her continuous caresses. “Oh Izzy. God. If you don’t stop, if you continue this much longer, there will be no turning back. I won’t be capable of stopping myself.”
“I don’t want to turn back. I don’t want to stop. Please look at me, Sean. I mean really look at me.” She waited for him to do just that. When their gazes met, she continued, “I’m here because I’m ready. I’m here because there is nothing I want, I mean truly want more than to make love with you.” Feeling her confidence swell, she stood on her tiptoes and started kissing him.
He was still. He wasn’t touching her or kissing her back. She felt alone in the wake of a giant storm. Her passion was burning for him and he just stood there. She tried everything she had read about. She was using her tongue to try to entice him, but still he was not fazed. She dug her fingers into his hair and cursed him.
“Damn it, Sean. Please. Kiss me.”
He took her hands from his head and held her wrists between their bodies. His eyes, usually a rich milk chocolate color, now looked like an exotic dark chocolate. He stared at her for what seemed like an eternity. The only sound in the room was of their rapid breathing. Finally he closed his eyes and rested his forehead against hers.
“Izzy, oh Izzy. I can’t do this.” He pushed her away and started to walk from the room.
He turned back to face her.
“Get dressed. I want you out of here, gone. Don’t be here when I get back. I don’t want to see you.” The words were said with such an icy resolve that she knew she could go her whole life and never again feel the pain she did at that moment, at the sound of those words. She heard him leave the room, but she couldn’t see him. Her eyes were clouded with tears.
Sean stalked down the stairs. He was furious. Not with her, but with himself. He wanted her, badly. Why did she have to test his resolve like this? Why was she so determined to break him? He was about to leave when he saw that his hand was shaking as it reached for the door handle. He couldn’t drive now. He was a cop, for Christ’s sake. A rookie cop, but a cop nonetheless. He couldn’t allow himself to drive in the condition he was in. What if he caused an accident? He decided maybe that beer would do him some good. He needed something to cool the fire burning inside of him.
Isabelle blinked, causing tears to fall down her face. How could he hurt her like this? There was no denying that he had wanted her just as much as she had wanted him. If it wasn’t apparent in his look, it was definitely evident from what she felt through his shorts. So why did he turn her away? It was just so maddening. She would be angry if she weren’t so hurt by his curt dismissal of her. The tone in his voice when he had said he wanted her gone and didn’t want to see her cut to her very soul. She had so many hopes, so many dreams. And they were all for nothing. Nothing she did was good enough. He wouldn’t take her and make her the woman she was meant to be.
Her hurt started to subside and anger took over as she began picking up her clothes. She threw them on in haste, foregoing the panties and bra. She tossed the handcuffs and teddy into the bag and slung the straps over her shoulder. She stopped and stared at herself in the mirror. What was wrong with her? She wasn’t vain, but she had always been told she was pretty. Was she not pretty enough? She noticed she had put her blouse on inside out and she started to laugh. She looked a mess. And she didn’t even care.
Those laughs quickly turned to sobs. She loved him so much. She hoped he wouldn’t be able to turn her away. All she wanted, all she had ever wanted for the past three years was to make him happy. She had never felt more humiliated and rejected in her entire life. Well, except for that night three months ago. But this was much worse. She had given herself to him in the most vulnerable of ways and he had thrown that gift away.
Sean sat in the recliner, which directly faced the stairs. He had been guzzling his beer and now it was empty. The cold brew had done nothing to turn down the heat of the inferno blazing inside him. He must be cursed, he thought to himself. There was no other explanation. Why else would he be tortured by such a beautiful, sexy creature? And that’s exactly what it was, torture. In every moment he was consumed and driven by an absolute necessity to have her. To take her and make her his.
To claim her, to possess her. But no matter how much his body argued, his mind told him how wrong it was.
He could hear her upstairs. It sounded like she was laughing. Please God, let her be laughing. Let me be angry with her for thinking this is funny. Don’t let her be crying. He wouldn’t be able to stand it if she was hurt and crying.
Isabelle left the room after taking a long look at herself in the mirror and wiping her tears away. She knew he hadn’t left. She would have heard him if he did. He would not see her cry. She casually walked down the stairs and was startled to see him sitting in his leather recliner, a beer hung loosely in one hand, dangling over the side of the easy chair. He was glaring at her. Did he hate her that much?
Sean watched her. She walked down the stairs so calmly. Like they had been up there playing a game of Monopoly or something. Not like a woman who had just tried to seduce a man and was turned away. She stood at the bottom of the stairs and stared at him for a moment. How could she look so damn calm? Then her gaze turned to the television.
Isabelle looked at the picture. The one that he so obviously used to remind himself that he was an adult and she was a child. She hated that picture. And he set it in the one place of the living room that he was sure to see it from every angle. She walked over to the television, calmly. Then, just as cool and collected, she picked up the photo and turned toward him.
“Is this what you see, Sean?” she asked him with an icy stubbornness in her tone.
He said nothing, just continued to stare at her. Truth be told, he wasn’t exactly sure what she meant. But he didn’t care for the way she was acting. He was torn up inside.
“Answer me!” she screamed, hating herself for losing her cool. “Do you still see this little girl when I stand in front of you, naked and begging you to make love to me? Do you laugh at the thought of making love to a little girl? Well? Do you, Sean?”
He had never seen her like this before. He thought she was calm, but she was angry and screaming and so—God help him—so damn gorgeous. He got up from the chair and stood in front of her.
“No. No, Izzy. I’ve tried to remember you as you were in that picture, but I can’t.” Needing to touch her, forgetting the promises he made to himself he took his hands and framed her face.
“I’m over six years older than you. I’m your stepbrother, for Christ’s sake. This is wrong on so many levels. I can’t even begin to name all the reasons why we shouldn’t be together.” He should be glad that she was angry and not crying. But he wasn’t. She was still in pain, and he was the cause of it. And he hated himself for that.
The feel of his hands holding her face was only intensifying the pain of his rejection. She blinked and tears escaped. She was angry with herself for allowing her heartache to show, but still aching for more of his touch, praying he wouldn’t stop this time. That he would love her the way that she loved him.
“No, don’t you do that. Don’t cry. Don’t you dare do that to me!” he told her. “Damn it, you know I can’t stand to see tears in your eyes. You know I can’t stand to see you hurting. What do you want me to do, huh? Forget everything my father had ever taught me? Everything I know that is right and just take you and make love to you because I want to?” His hostile words snapped out at her.
“Yes,” she said as she closed her eyes on more silent tears. “Please, yes. That’s what I want.”
“Damn you, Izzy,” he muttered as he closed his mouth over hers. It wasn’t soft, gentle or tender. It was urgent and demanding. She grabbed onto his forearms and joined him as their tongues danced together. The sensation of his mouth fused against hers caused all of the pain and hurt to melt away. All that was left was a burning desire to submit to him in the most essential way and become his. The kiss seemed to go on forever as their passions intensified and their needs grew more urgent.
He pulled away from her suddenly. She tried to hold him to her, refusing to let the moment end. “No. Damn it, no! Izzy, let go of me. I want you so bad it’s killing me. Can’t you see that? Don’t you know that? Please let me go. Please, before it’s too late.”
“Why, Sean?” Her eyes were closed as she caressed her cheek over his, feeling the sensations of their faces so close together was only increasing her need for him. “Please, Sean. I love you so much. Why won’t you make love to me? It hurts so much every time you turn me away.”
Sean wrapped his arms around her and nuzzled into her hair. He drew in the scent of her, the aroma of her femininity, knowing it was torture but not being able to stop himself.
“I swear, I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t want to cause you one ounce of pain. I lo—,” He stopped himself, and then said, “I care about you so much, Izzy.” His heart raced as the declaration almost spilled from his lips.
She heard it. He may not have thought she did, but she did. He was about to tell her that he loved her. Why had he stopped? She made no secrets of her love for him. What was it going to take for him to see that they were meant to be together? She was desperate. What more could she do? A light bulb flashed above her head. She had an idea. It was a dirty trick, but she didn’t care anymore. All’s fair in love in war. She pulled slightly away from him to look into his eyes.
“You don’t want to hurt me, but you keep turning me away despite the fact that I know you want me. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe you’re not the right one for me. Maybe I should find someone who will take what I am offering. Someone who would not turn me away when I beg him to make love to me.” She knew it was wrong, what she was doing. It was deceitful and manipulative. But by the way his hands tensed on her body when she said the words, she knew it was working.
He drew back from the embrace without releasing his hold on her body. “Don’t mess with me, Izzy. You and I both know you’re not going to do that.” His voice was assertive. It was as much of an order as it was a statement.
It was working. She was chipping away at his resistance. “Aren’t I? I’m not a kid, Sean. Maybe I have needs.” A complete lie. The only need she had was him.
“Damn it, Izzy. I know what you’re doing. Trying to make me jealous isn’t going to change my mind.” How dare she put that image in his mind? The idea of her with another man. He was furious with her for even suggesting it.
“Is either of the two even possible Sean? Could I even make you jealous? Would I ever have any hope of ever changing your mind?” She was staring into his eyes, praying for some sign, for some small ray of hope that she could hold on to.
His heart clenched and ached, but he knew he had to do the right thing. No matter what his heart or other body parts might want, he knew that he couldn’t, they couldn’t.
“No, I’m sorry. Yes, you could make me jealous, but it would not change my mind.” He pulled away from her completely and turned his back to her. “You really do have to leave, Izzy. I think it would be best if we didn’t see each other for a while.”
He was startled by her sarcastic laughter. He turned to face her.
“Yeah, right. No, you’re absolutely right Sean. We shouldn’t see each other for awhile. I mean after all, you hid from me for three months and I just wanted you more, loved you more. So space is obviously the answer. By this time next year I’ll be completely insane from what you do to me.” She picked up the photo of her as an awkward sixteen-year-old and threw it across the room.
It crashed into the wall after whizzing past Sean’s head. He turned to yell at her. To scream at her. But she was already a blur. She was running out of the house. Away from him. He turned away, not wanting to see her leave. Secretly wanting her to stay. Wanting so much more than he knew he could have. Her voice shook him from his thoughts.
“I hate you, Sean! I love you, but damn if I don’t hate you just as much.” She cried and choked on her last words, “You have ruined me!” Slamming the door behind her, she ran out.
Sean stood there, confusion whirling around inside his body. She would never have any idea what she did to him when she told him that she loved
him. But the pain she caused when she said that she hated him was gut wrenching. “I love you too, Izzy. God help me. I love you, too.”
Chapter Two
The next morning Isabelle walked downstairs into the kitchen. She knew what she had to do. She was left with no other choice. There was no way she could continue to live so close to Sean. She would die a slow and painful death being this near him, knowing he wanted her as much as she wanted him. And knowing that they would never be together for no other reason than sheer stubbornness.
“Morning, Izzy. Did you sleep well?” Terrance asked her.
No, I slept horribly. Your son is killing me. I love him so much and he won’t take me and be happy with all that we could have together.
“Yes, fine. And you?”
“Ah, very well indeed,” Terrance said as he winked at his wife.
“Oh, Terrance, hush.” Connie blushed.
“Geez, don’t you two ever stop being mushy? The honeymoon’s been over for like, I don’t know, a while now. Aren’t you supposed to be getting on each other’s nerves or something?” Isabelle asked. She was actually very happy for them. Terrance was a good man and he made her mother so happy. But when your own love life was in shambles it was really hard to be happy for everyone else.
“Oh honey, when you’ve been given a second chance at love you don’t take anything for granted,” her mother told her as she poured her daughter a glass of juice and handed it to her.
“Speaking of second chances, I was kind of hoping I might get one,” Isabelle stated rather vaguely.
Terrance’s brows bunched up.
“Meaning?”
Isabelle shrugged.
“I think maybe I was a bit hasty in deciding that I didn’t want to go to school. Do you think there’s still time?”
Connie beamed with excitement. “As a matter of fact, I happen to know there are two days until the registration deadline. Oh, Izzy. I’m so happy you’ve changed your mind. You’ll learn so much at college and it will be so convenient. You’ll be able to—”
Morgan, Nicole - Love Knows No Boundaries (Siren Publishing Allure) Page 2