“Actually, Mom, I was hoping I could go up north for school. I would like to stay in a dorm room on a real campus. You know, get the full college experience.” She was trying to sound casual. It would only raise questions if she acted desperate.
“Oh. Well I guess that would be okay. I just thought you would want to take classes at the city campus. But I—” Connie hesitated.
“What your mother is trying to say, dear, is that although this is a shock to her ‘mother hen’ system, we will do whatever we can to help you get settled.” Terrance placed his hand over Connie’s.
“Really? Oh thanks you guys.” She got up to kiss them both on the cheek. “Thank you so much. I’m going to go upstairs and getting online now. I’m sure all of the good classes are picked over but maybe I can find something that interests me.” She ran out of the room.
Connie turned to Terrance.
“My baby’s leaving home.” A small tear trailed down her face.
Terrance took her in an embrace and held her tight.
“I know, honey. It’ll be okay. She’s a smart girl. She’ll be fine.”
* * * *
Sean stood in front of the punching bag, his breath heaving. He had just spent the better part of an hour pounding into the thing, hoping and praying that the pain he felt would diminish. He hadn’t slept at all the night before. He was tired and cranky and lonely as all hell.
He missed her. He never had missed her like this. Seeing her last night, naked and begging for him to take her, Jesus, it was almost too much for him to handle. But he had stayed under control. That was the important thing. It didn’t matter how much he wanted her. Nor did it matter how beautiful she looked or how much his heart swelled with her words of devotion. All that mattered was that he had done the right thing. He hadn’t taken advantage of a young, naïve girl. He was probably going to die a lonely man, but he would die knowing that he had shown her respect and treated her like the young girl that she was.
He had to keep telling himself that. He had to keep thinking of her as a girl. If he thought of her as the woman that she appeared to be, he would surely die from the needs she brought out in him. No, she was a girl, just out of high school. And he was a soon to be twenty-five-year-old cop. There were just too many reasons why it wasn’t right.
Sean left his basement, where he kept his workout equipment, and stomped up the stairs. He pulled a water bottle from the refrigerator and stared at the picture on the door. After he had cleaned up the mess that she had made when she threw the frame he kept the photo. It was imperative that he save it and look at it, often. She looked young and innocent in this picture. That was the image that had to be saved in his memory. Not the image of the audacious gorgeous blonde begging for him, with her wavy curls falling around her shoulders and her hazel eyes that looked like they summoned him with every subtle change of color. He could not and would not remember the look of her body. Her sweet curves, her plump breasts, her—damn it!
Sean stalked up the stairs and ripped the tape off of his knuckles. He turned the shower on and, while waiting for it to warm up, went to his bedroom. He hadn’t even attempted to sleep in his bed last night. It was too easy to remember the way she looked when she was begging for him, wanting him. It was too easy to recall and it was too much for him to handle. He headed for the shower and decided he’d better make it a cold one.
* * * *
Isabelle turned off her laptop and began to get ready for bed. It had been a long day, longer than most. The pain and hurt from last night when Sean had turned her away was still very fresh in her mind. She had spent most of the day making plans and to-do lists. She had a lot to get done in the next eight days, before Terrance and her Mom would drive her up to the university’s north campus.
She wished she were more excited. She should be. She was sure that all of the other kids her age were probably elated to be going away to school and couldn’t wait until they got there. Maybe that was the problem. She didn’t feel like a kid. She felt like a woman. A woman who was saying goodbye to her dreams and whose heart had been torn to shreds, but a woman just the same.
She walked in her closet to find some pajamas when she saw the little duffle bag sitting on the floor. She had forgotten she’d thrown it there when she got in last night. Using all the control she could muster, she fought the tears that wanted to come.
She thought of the satin teddy that she had bought last week. It was purchased with the intention of wearing it for Sean. But that hadn’t worked. He didn’t want her. Maybe his body did, but not like she wanted him. She wanted all of him, forever and ever. He didn’t want her enough to forget about the rest of the world and take what was his.
Reaching down, she unzipped the bag and carefully took out the two items that were in it. She walked to the end of her bed and removed a pile of laundry she hadn’t yet put away from the top of her hope chest. She opened the chest that had belonged to her mother before she had married her father. In it, here were some family heirloom linens and a few pictures that she vaguely remembered cutting out of magazines when she was younger, depicting what she thought at the time were the most beautiful wedding dresses.
She picked up the clippings and laughed. Some of them were just hideous now. Obviously her fashion sense had been a bit clouded in her younger years. She fanned through the pages quickly and had to stop. She went back a few pages and saw one that was absolutely stunning. It wasn’t big and puffy like all of the others. It was simple and elegant. Timeless elegance was what came to mind as she studied it further. Maybe her earlier sense of fashion hadn’t been as bad as she thought.
Deciding to throw all of the others away, she carefully placed the one she liked back on top of her grandmother’s lace tablecloth. She didn’t want her mother to ever find what she had so she opted to put the teddy and the handcuffs underneath all of the linens. She lifted the linens just enough to place the teddy and handcuffs underneath when she felt a thick envelope. Perplexed, she reached to pull it out.
Her heart sank when she saw what it was. How could she have forgotten? It was a letter her father had written to her when she was ten years old. He had been diagnosed with cancer much too late and the disease had already taken over his body. From the time he found out he was sick to the day that he had died they’d only had seven weeks with him.
She started to cry. She wanted to open the letter and read it but knew that she couldn’t. Every time she had read his words she hurt so badly. He was such a good father. He used to come to all of her softball games and practices. He was at every school function. He always put her and her mother first. It was unfair that such a decent and loving man had been taken at the young age of thirty five.
For some reason it made her think of Sean. Her father had been Sean’s age when she was conceived. If Sean hadn’t of pushed her away, they could be starting their life together. But they weren’t. Oh, Isabelle, she thought to herself. You need to get a handle on your emotions. How are you going to face him when you come home for Thanksgiving if you are still so hopelessly in love with him? No, you have to let him go. You have to do what’s best. Sean was a good man, just like her father was. She would rather have him in her life as a stepbrother and a friend than not at all.
With a sigh she put the rest of the contents back into the hope chest and closed it, knowing that she was closing the chest on not just mementos, but her dreams. Deciding she was not that tired, she put the laundry away. It was a menial chore, but it kept her busy just the same. It would keep her mind occupied and off of Sean. Maybe going to school was the right thing after all. She had registered for all of her classes earlier and some of them were going to be tough. Yes, if she kept busy maybe she wouldn’t miss him so much. Would she?
Chapter Three
“All done then?” Connie asked as they got in the check out line at Target.
“I think so. I mean, there’s so much stuff here, but the information packet had said that I’ll need it all.” Isabelle pushed
the cart up further as the line moved.
“Well, don’t forget we’re only a phone call away if you need anything at all, sweetheart.” Connie’s eyes started to mist for the hundredth time that week. It was no wonder Isabelle was such a crier herself. She obviously got it from her mother.
“Mom, please don’t start crying again. You start and then I start and then we get home and Terrance is a bumbling fool because he has no idea what to do with a couple of emotional women.”
“I know, I know. It’s not his fault. His first wife, God rest her soul, she was a cop. She was tough and strong, not feminine and whiny like us.” She laughed at herself.
“Terrance is a good man, Mom. I’m glad you’ll have him with you while I’m gone.” She hugged her mom. They had always been close and the past week had been hard on the both of them.
Connie wiped her eyes with a tissue she dug from her pocket. “Yes, he is. He loves you like you were his own, you know.”
Isabelle nodded.
“I know. I love him too.”
It was their turn, so they loaded all the items on the conveyor belt at the register. They talked casually and waited for the cashier to give them the total. They were avoiding thinking about what was on both of their minds. Tomorrow they were going to drive Isabelle up north. Well, she was driving too. But they would be following close behind with the intention of helping her settle into her dorm room. One more day and she would be three hours away from Sean. Would it be far enough?
* * * *
They had just gotten back from the gym and headed inside his house.
“Come on, I’ll get the pizza ordered and you get the game on.” Sean told his buddy and fellow rookie officer, Jake.
“Yeah, hey make sure you get extra—oh, hi Isabelle.” Jake said from the other room.
Sean froze. His fingers hovering over the keypad of the phone. She was here? It had been seven days of agony since that night she stood in his bedroom. Why was she here? It wasn’t going to get any easier. It would only get harder and harder every time he had to turn her away.
Sean set the cordless phone back down on the counter and walked toward the living room.
“Hey Sean. Is—oh sorry I didn’t see you come in.” Jake said, completely oblivious to the tension in the room.
She sat in the leather recliner and stared at him. She didn’t say anything; she waited for him to speak first.
“Hi Izzy.” His throat was suddenly very, very dry.
She smiled, all too aware of Jake’s presence.
“Hi Sean. I was wondering if I could talk to you for a few minutes.” She looked over at Jake. “Alone, if it’s not too much trouble.”
No. I can’t be alone with you. There’s too much temptation. “Jake and I were going to watch the ball game on TV. Can it wait?”
His curt voice irritated her. He had no right to treat her so coldly. She had done nothing to him except love him with everything that she had.
“I see, well I just wanted to say goodbye. I’ll drop you a postcard sometime.” She was angry now, and furious with herself for letting him get to her so.
“Leaving?” Sean said confused.
She took a deep breath as she stood at the doorway. She turned to face him.
“Yes, Sean. I’m leaving tomorrow for the north campus of the university. I’ll be staying in a dorm room. I won’t be home until Thanksgiving. So anyway, goodbye, Sean.”
He saw the hurt in her eyes. He knew he was the bastard that put it there.
“Wait!” When she didn’t stop he begged. “Izzy please wait. Don’t leave like this.”
She turned around and saw the bewilderment on Jake’s face. Poor guy, he didn’t know what was going on, although it was pretty obvious that he knew something was up.
“Jake, I’m sorry could we do this another time? I need to talk to Iz—to my sister.”
Oh that bastard. He did that on purpose. He got that jab in just because he knew it would hurt. Thinking it would push her away.
“Yeah, no prob. Hey Izzy, have fun up at school. And be safe huh?” He kissed her on the cheek and headed out the front door.
She waited for it to close. Then very calmly and very methodically she walked toward Sean. She was toe-to-toe with him as she reached her hand up and put everything she had into the smack.
Whap! Sean’s head flew to the side. He rubbed his cheek as his head slowly came back to face her.
“Watch it, Izzy.” It wasn’t a threat, but clearly a warning.
Fire swept though her body, and not the good kind. “You watch it, Sean! You know, I didn’t think you could possibly hurt me anymore. But somehow you never cease to amaze me with your insensitive words. Sister, huh!” She turned to storm away, but he grabbed her before she could.
“It’s true, isn’t it? Your mother married my father. We’re related, honey, whether you want to admit it or not.”
She let out a mocking laugh.
“Admit it? Oh, you’re a fine one to talk about people admitting things, Sean.”
Oh, so the gloves were coming off then, huh? Fine, he could handle it. Could she?
“What exactly is it that you want me to admit?”
Oh no, he wasn’t going to humiliate her anymore. She might have groveled and begged before, but never again. If he wanted her, he would have to do something about it. But it wouldn’t be because she had forced the issue. Never again!
“It doesn’t matter, Sean. It did before, but no longer. I merely thought we could have a few parting words. I didn’t want my last words to you to be that I hated you.” She hung her head for a moment and then looked back up. “Because I don’t. I was angry, but I don’t hate you.”
The look she gave him was killing him. He knew she loved him and he had spent the last week pining over her. God, he wanted her so badly. He ached for her in a way that he didn’t know was possible. If he didn’t do something tonight, she would be leaving tomorrow. He told himself last week that separation would be good for them. But now, even though she was only going to be a few hours away, it was eating him alive that she was going off to school. There would be young, testosterone-ridden men there just waiting for a chance at her. Had she really meant it when she said she was going to turn to someone else? The thought of another man touching her sent chills down his spine.
She waited for him to say something, but of course he just stared at her. It made her so damn angry.
“Fine then, I’m going. Goodbye, Sean.” She said the last words as she turned to go.
She made it to the front door and had barely opened it when a hand reached over her head to slam it shut. She was startled. She could feel his body pressed up against hers and his breath against her ear.
“Don’t go.”
Was it a question or a demand? She wasn’t sure.
“Why?” she asked as she turned her head, making his mouth almost touch hers.
He closed his eyes and dropped his head on her shoulder. Could he do this? Should he do this? He would go to hell for sure. But the idea that she was going off to school with all of those men around was ripping a hole through his heart. He wanted her, but not just her body. He wanted to make her his. He knew it was wrong, he knew he would burn in hell for all eternity for it, but he wanted her love. He wanted to take her until she belonged to only him, until the idea of any other man repulsed her.
“Don’t ask me questions I can’t answer, Izzy. Just stay.” His voice was gentle. “Please.”
She shook her head.
“I can’t, Sean.” She felt her eyes fill and prayed that the tears would remain silent. “I’m sorry. It hurts too badly to be around you. I know I shouldn’t have come. I just—”
“It hurts to be around me?” He turned her to face him as he framed her face. “Oh Izzy. I’ve hurt you. Damn it, don’t you know that’s what I’ve been trying to avoid?”
She was forced to look up at him. If he saw the tears maybe he would understand. Because she couldn’t find the word
s to express the anguish that was loving him.
“Oh baby. Izzy, you’re crying.” He bent down and kissed her tear streaked cheeks. “Baby, please don’t cry. I don’t want to be the reason you hurt. You don’t know what it does to me to see you in pain.”
She placed her hand on his chest, gently pushing him away. He held strong, not allowing her to separate them.
“But you do hurt me, Sean.” She shook her head. “I know you don’t mean to. I know you don’t want me to love you. But I can’t help what I feel. I hurt so badly, Sean. I just want it to go away. But it won’t. I love you so much.” Needing his strength and his warmth, she grabbed on to him. Clutching his shirt in her hands she continued, “Will it ever go away? Am I fated to love you for the rest of my life?”
God, he hoped so, although he knew he shouldn’t.
“Yes, you are.” He had said it without thinking. His unconscious desires mixed with his unplanned response.
She looked up at him, confusion marring her face.
“I don’t understand. I thought you—what are you saying Sean?”
God, he was a freaking idiot. He’d already hurt her, so why not go on and toy with her a little bit too. ‘You shouldn’t be doing this, damn it,’ he thought to himself. ‘It’s wrong, don’t do it, walk away.’
“If I told you I wanted you to stay, would you stay?” What the hell are you doing? Let her go!
She nodded. “I would do anything for you, Sean. I love you.”
There it was. The final piece of elastic had snapped and his restraint was now broken and as wild as a caged animal released into the jungle. He took possession of her mouth, kissing her. It was fierce and animalistic. He was devouring every part of her. As he ran his tongue down her neck into the deep valley between her breasts, he began ripping at her shirt.
Isabelle’s head fell back against the door. Was this happening? Could it be real? Please be real.
“Sean.” She whispered his name.
He stopped what he was doing and looked up at her. Her face was flush and her head was thrown back against the door. She was breathing heavily and she looked damn beautiful.
Morgan, Nicole - Love Knows No Boundaries (Siren Publishing Allure) Page 3