Morgan, Nicole - Love Knows No Boundaries (Siren Publishing Allure)

by Love Knows No Boundaries (lit)

  She laughed out loud. He knew she was trying to seem strong, trying to hide the heartache he was sure was tearing her apart. He watched as she began pacing the floor.

  “You see me as a little sister, so of course we spend the night making love. You have a really strange outlook on family bonding.”

  He wanted to say something but knew there was nothing that could be said. Nothing could be done to take away the heartache he had caused. The only solace that he had was knowing he would suffer for all eternity for what he was doing to her right now. If he hadn’t had her, hadn’t loved her all night long and held her in his arms, he might have gone crazy. Having her and loving her though, he knew that letting her go would be the hardest thing he would ever face. And he deserved it. He should feel pain. He should never be allowed to feel happiness ever again.

  “You must think I am pretty stupid, huh? Well, not to worry, Sean. No harm, no foul.” She snickered as her tear streaked face and glared at him. “Heck, at least my first time was with someone who cared for me, albeit like a brother.”

  She shook her head at him. He hated the disgust he saw in her eyes.

  “At least now when I go off to school I won’t be so, how did you put it last night, immature? Yes, well that won’t be a problem. Now I’m all woman. I’ll know how to please a man.” She started to walk from the room when she stopped and turned back to face him.

  “You know, Sean, I’m not so sure that every man would be as regretful after spending the night with me. I’ll find out soon enough anyway.” She turned and left the room.

  Whether she intended to or not, her words hurt. The pain he inflicted on her just came back at him with a bullet.

  No. She was not going to go off to school and start sleeping with any man that wanted her. She was his. She belonged to him. He loved—

  “Damn it!” He raced up the stairs after her.

  He found her sitting on the side of the bed. Holding her jeans in an attempt to put them on, but all she could manage to do was sob. She was fighting the tears, trying to be strong. He could handle her anger, but not her pain. And if he knew his Izzy, the words she used to try and hurt him, hurt her just as badly.

  Could there be anything worse than the misery that was eating away at her? Had anything ever hurt anyone as much as she hurt now? Could any pain be as horrible as the pain she felt inside her chest? She wanted to die from the agony of it. Here she sat, on the same bed that, just hours ago, was the scene of every dream she had ever had. Now she felt like the air had stopped flowing in and out of her lungs and she was suffocating.

  He came to her then and kneeled in front of her.

  “Ssh. Izzy, don’t cry. Baby, please.” He placed his hands on top of hers.

  Her head snapped up. His spirit looked drained as he spoke to her, but she didn’t care. Who was this man that could turn from fire to ice in a heartbeat?

  “Don’t you dare call me that!” Her words were cold and hard. “Ever! Don’t you ever call me that ever again, Sean! The man who made love to me last night, the man who held me and was so tender and gentle, he called me that.” She glared at him. The shimmer in her eyes was as much from her tears as it was from anger. “You are not that man! You are nothing like I thought you were.”

  He dropped his head in her lap and held onto her hips. “Izzy, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, baby.” He was choking on the words as tears welled up in his eyes.

  She could feel a wetness hitting her thigh. His voice was hitched, like from a man in pain. Was he crying?

  “Sean?”

  He looked up at her. Tears were indeed clouding his eyes. She could see the regret, the remorse, the pain. Why? If this was hurting him just as much as it was hurting her, why was he doing it?

  “Sean, talk to me. Tell me, why are you doing this?” Her voice was calmer now as she saw the raw emotion he was displaying.

  He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her tight. She wished he wasn’t doing this. Why couldn’t he just be selfish and throw caution to the wind. She wanted him to lay her down and show her what he couldn’t form the words to say. He was crying for Christ’s sake.

  She reached around him, holding on tightly as he held her. She was no longer crying. He was though, a cruel twist of fate, she thought. The irony of it was a very small amount of penance for the pain he was causing her.

  She continued to hold onto him, rubbing her hands up and down his back as she listened to his quiet cries. He was hurting. She knew he was torn. He felt guilty, like he’d done something wrong. After everything that happened last night, he still was looking at her age and their relation by their parents’ marriage. He wasn’t seeing the love or the joy that they could bring to each other’s lives. He wasn’t allowing himself to see that there was nothing she wouldn’t do for him. So she held him and hoped that he would stop fighting it.

  “Izzy?” Sean’s muffled voice was barely audible.

  “Yes, Sean.” She stroked his hair.

  He drew away from her embrace and stared into her eyes. Those same eyes that she watched just as intently as they made love and they reached their climaxes. She just needed one more kiss. If she could have that he wouldn’t be able to let her go; she just needed one more kiss. If she was wrong and it wasn’t enough, it would be a memory to keep in their hearts until the day that they died. As if death would even separate her from this ache.

  As if he heard her thoughts, Sean took his hands to her face. Gently holding her head and brushing her tear-stained cheeks with his thumbs. Even kneeling in front of her he had to bend his head to join their mouths. He kissed her. It was a tender kiss. It tore her soul apart. How could a kiss give such pleasure while promising so much pain?

  She accepted his kiss willingly. The gentle caresses of his tongue as it swept into her mouth melted her into a puddle of desire and need.

  “Sean. I love you. Make love to me. Just like last night, make love to me.” She leaned back on the bed and tried to drag him with her.

  He watched her. He saw the need in her eyes. It would be so easy to take her. To have her again. To imprint one more memory on his brain. But he couldn’t. He knew as sure as he drew breath that if he did, he would not be able to turn her away again. He ignored the lust building inside and got up. He walked to the dresser and placed his hands on it while his head hung low.

  “Sean, what’s wrong? I thought—”

  He brought his head up and his eyes met hers in the mirror’s reflection. “I need you to go.” Tears welled in his eyes again. “Go to school, Izzy. Go, and forget about what happened between us. Please.”

  She rose from the bed, shaking her head. It was obvious how much he was hurting her. She had to know he cared. The problem was he cared so much. He couldn’t let her know how much. If she knew she would fight for him and never give up.

  “No, Sean. I won’t leave you. I can’t leave you. You want me. You may not love me like I love you, but I know there is something between us.” She placed a hand to his back.

  He swung around and grabbed her by the shoulders, shaking her.

  “No! There is nothing between us. I only feel regret for what we’ve done. Now, please go.” He was shaking. His hands were trembling. “Just go and forget me.” He saw the disbelief on her face. He knew she wouldn’t go. “Damn it, Izzy. I don’t want you. Can’t you see that?”

  Liar.

  “You’re a liar!” She screamed at him. “A liar and a coward. You want me and you know it. Look at your hands Sean, they’re shaking. And your eyes. You’ve cried. I’ve never seen you cry before. I won’t leave you. Not when I know it’s not what you want.”

  Damn her. Why did she have to be so tenacious? He was doing this for her. He was getting no pleasure from hurting her.

  “No!” He pushed her away. “I don’t want you. I don’t love you, not like that. I shake because I’m weak. I cry because I’m a bastard. Don’t fool yourself into thinking those tears were for you.” Finish it. Make sure she leaves here
angry, not hurt. If she hates you it’s better than causing her pain. “You might have thought last night was great, but honestly baby, it was just sex and it was mediocre at best.”

  Whap! She had moved so fast that the few strides she took to get to him and the resulting slap were a blur.

  “Take that back!” she screamed at him.

  Good, she was angry. An angry woman didn’t cry. Did she?

  “No. Why else do you think I kept waking you up? I figured it would eventually get better. You kept leaving me unsatisfied.” He shrugged. “Wasn’t the first time I was wrong about something.”

  He could see the fury rolling off of her in waves. She stared at him for a moment before hastily throwing on her clothes. It seemed as though only mere seconds passed and she was fully dressed. She marched out of the bedroom and proceeded down the stairs.

  He came down behind her to find her searching around the living room for something.

  “Izzy?” His voice was low and quiet.

  She turned to him, but said nothing. Walking toward the front door she quickly sidestepped his attempt to grab her hand and reached for the door to open it.

  “Izzy, please.” Stop it. You’re a selfish bastard. Let her go. She’s only eighteen years old. She has her whole life ahead of her. You have absolutely nothing to offer her.

  She didn’t turn to face him.

  “Sean. I am only going to say this once. Do you understand?”

  “Yes, baby. I understand.” He hunched his shoulders and winced as the endearment unconsciously fell from his lips, knowing it showed more of his heart than he had intended. He didn’t miss her disdain when he said it either.

  “I’m leaving today. I’m going to go to school, and I won’t look back. I will live my life and enjoy it to the fullest. I will find another man who appreciates all that I have to offer.” Turning to face him she continued. “Only one thing could change that. You. You, Sean, can change that. Ask me to stay. Tell me you don’t want me to go. That’s all it will take. But if you don’t stop me then I will be gone. And your chance will be lost forever.”

  He bit his tongue. He clamped his mouth tightly closed. He couldn’t speak. If he opened his mouth in any way he would ask her, beg her to stay. And she would. She would stay and give up her whole life for him. She would live day in and day out trying to make him happy. He was sure of it. Just as he was sure that one day she would live to resent him and all that she gave up to be with him at such a young age.

  The relation was only part of their problem. She was young and she deserved to enjoy it. Not to be tied down to a cop who wouldn’t allow her to be herself. So he said nothing as she stared at him, slowly dying as he watched her wait for him to tell her what she needed to hear.

  “Just as I thought. Goodbye, Sean.” She turned and walked out.

  Sean watched the door close. He listened to her car start and pull away from his house. Walking over to the window, he saw her car was turning the corner. She was gone.

  Three months ago she had told him she loved him. Nine days ago she had tried to seduce him. Last night she had given her soul to him. Somewhere in the craziness of it all he had fallen in love with her. And this morning he had set her free.

  He would never feel her soft warm body against his again. He would never taste her sweet kisses or watch her face flush with arousal again. She was gone, more than physically–emotionally as well. He had seen to that. He had made sure she hated him, thinking it would be easier. For her, yes it would be. But for him, it was the beginning of a living hell. Let everlasting purgatory begin.

  She got into her car and calmly drove away, gripping the steering wheel. When she rounded the corner, she pulled over to the side of the road. She laid her head against her hands and wept. She was leaving town in two hours. She had to go home and finish packing. She had to shower and wash his scent from her body. She needed to load her car. She needed to do so many things. But she couldn’t help her weeping. The pain was too severe. What she really needed was Sean. But she couldn’t have him. She had been a fool.

  She wouldn’t cry. He had seen so many of her tears. But not now, his words had cut too deep. She would give no more of herself to him. He already had her heart. He would not have her pride too. Sean was her past. Somewhere, somehow she would find her future.

  Chapter Six

  December 2008

  Isabelle walked into her bedroom and plopped her suitcase on her bed. She was exhausted from the amount of hugs and kisses her mother had showered over her since she walked in the door an hour ago. Deciding she was too tired to unpack, she lay down on her bed and curled up on her side.

  It had been a long and hard first few months of school. The first days and weeks she was there were a blur brought on by her own tears. She cringed at the memory of what happened the day before she left town. Sean hadn’t just broken her heart, he broke her soul. Whatever connection they had that one night was irrevocably broken. There was no going back.

  When she first arrived at school she dreamed that he would come to her and tell her how wrong he was, how sorry he was. But it never happened. Perhaps she hadn’t really known him at all. The man she thought she loved would have never used such hateful words toward her. Especially after he had taken such care with her and loved her so tenderly.

  She hadn’t talked to Sean since that morning. He hadn’t tried to contact her and she had held to the vow she made him that morning. His chance was lost. He would never have her again. She had given him the opportunity to keep her and he had thrown it in her face. Perhaps love was just as painful as all of the country-western singers depicted it to be. Or perhaps she hadn’t really loved him at all. How could she love a man who could be so cruel after being so kind? But if she hadn’t really loved him, why did it still hurt so badly? Why did she still ache for him every minute of every day?

  * * * *

  Jake listened to his friend as he asked the favor. He was confused by what was being asking of him and more than a little concerned. Sean hadn’t been himself these past few months. He had been distant and withdrawn. It hadn’t affected him at work; he was actually doing quite well as a rookie, always going by the book and following proper procedure. He already started to earn the respect of his superiors, as well as some of the more seasoned officers. Something was definitely off with Sean. It was like he had a dark cloud hanging over him at every moment. There was almost always an edge to him that, if he didn’t know better, would make him fearful of what his friend would do next.

  Jake thought back about that night three months ago when Izzy had shown up at Sean’s house. It had been no secret from the tension in the air that there was bound to be an argument between them. It was after that night that he started to notice Sean was changing.

  He often wondered what had happened between the two of them. What happened to cause Sean’s behavior to change so drastically and almost literally overnight? He barely went out anymore. He didn’t get together with any of the guys. He basically just stayed home and went to work. Nothing more. Jake had considered asking Sean what had changed, what set off his rapid personality metamorphosis, but he had a feeling he wouldn’t get the truth anyway. One thing he was certain of, though. Jake had a strong feeling that whatever had changed with Sean had everything to do with Izzy.

  “So will you do it?” Sean asked.

  Jake was startled out of his thoughts.

  “Yeah, I guess. I mean, I’m not so sure I understand. But whatever, yeah I’ll do it.”

  * * * *

  The next morning Isabelle awoke early to help her mother prepare the turkey and all of the fixings. It was good being back at home with her mother and Terrance. Obviously Isabelle being gone did nothing to diminish their lovebird attitudes. They were just as happy and giddy as when she left. And she was glad of it.

  She held in her sigh as she remembered that last day she had been at home with them. She had been so sad, and they knew that she had been crying. They prodded her for inform
ation but she told them she was just a little sad to leave home. Her mother bought the story. But she knew that Terrance hadn’t. The look in his eyes told her that he knew she was keeping from them. It was a concerned, dare she say, fatherly look.

  She smiled. He really was such a sweet man. She was so glad that her mother had someone like him in her life and that she was finally happy again. The first couple years after her father had passed away she had been so sad and lonely. But Terrance breathed new life into her. And for that Isabelle would always be thankful to him.

  Isabelle walked to the sink to wash her hands after stuffing the turkey. It was a gross job, but she never much minded doing it. Her mother, on the other hand, would much rather be baking a pie than stuffing her hand in the orifice of a dead bird. She saw Terrance coming toward the backdoor through the kitchen window holding a grocery sack. Hmm, she hadn’t even realized he had gone out.

  “Geez, I swear those shoppers are like vultures. I had to wait in line for twenty minutes, in the express lane no less, just to buy this damned brown sugar,” Terrance vented while setting the bag on the counter and kissing Connie’s cheek.

  “That’s because they probably don’t have a wonderful husband to pick up things that they forgot at the store. They’re probably rushing around while calculating in their head how long their dinner will be delayed because they forgot the stuffing,” she told him while she gently elbowed his ribs.

  Isabelle tried to swallow the emotions welling up inside her. The brown sugar was for Sean. He wouldn’t eat his yams without them being topped with the sweet sugar and marshmallows. He was going to be here. It shouldn’t be a surprise, it was Thanksgiving after all. But she had unconsciously tried to deny that possibility.

  “So ah, what time is Sean coming?” Did she ask casually enough? she wondered as she caught the look she got from Terrance.

  “He’ll be here at about three o’clock. Have you talked to him since you got back?” Terrance asked.