“I don’t want anything to happen to him, Terrance. You have to believe me. I just want him to be happy. I want him to have a life. A life that I am certain that I will never be able to give him.” She sat in the chair in front of him. As strongly as she felt about her decision, she hadn’t once thought about his job. About what could happen to him if he was too upset to stay focused on his duties?
“I didn’t want to bring this up, but as much as I love you, I love my son too. And I can’t just sit idly by and watch while you throw away the only chance you have of moving past this and on with your life.”
Izzy waited for him to explain what he meant, wondering how no one could see what she saw. Her mother didn’t understand. Sean certainly didn’t and Terrance was making it abundantly clear his opinion on the matter.
“Remember your father, Izzy?” He knew he would hate himself for this later but someone had to do something.
“Of course I remember my father. What on earth does my father have to do with any of this?”
Terrance took two slow breaths. “I love your mother. More than I ever thought I would love anyone ever again. But, and this is where I really need you to pay attention, I loved my first wife too, Sean’s mother. Just as your mother loved your father. We lost them, way too soon. They were taken from us when they still had so much life left to live.”
Isabelle sighed.
“Terrance, I know. I understand what you’re saying.”
“No, you don’t. Because if you truly understood and if you honestly loved Sean, there is no way that you wouldn’t take every day, every minute and every second that you had with him and relish it. Stop taking what you two have for granted, Izzy. You two have your whole lives ahead of you. And as far as the sex goes,” he stopped, realizing he probably shouldn’t have let on that Connie had told him about that. “I’m sorry. Your mother told me. She had to. You left your home with Sean and came back here, causing much more pain than there needed to be. There’s already too much. There’s no reason for any more.”
Isabelle let her head fall back as she tried to blink tears away. God! She was so freaking tired of crying.
“Izzy. Isabelle. He loves you. My son needs you. With or without sex, whether you are ever intimate with him ever again, he still needs you. His love for you is too strong to die because of a physical need.”
She looked at him, wondering if he could be right. Wondering if she could be wrong. But what if she wasn’t? How could she ask Sean to give up his life for so many uncertainties?
“Jesus, Izzy. Would you stop thinking? Stop analyzing. What do you want? Right now, if you could have anything in the world, what would it be?” See it damn it! Open your eyes and see what a horrible mistake you are making.
She looked at him and before she realized it her mouth had opened and the word had slipped out in a whisper.
“Sean.” Her eyes widened at her admission, surprised she had said it aloud.
Terrance walked toward the French doors leading from the room. Once in the doorway he turned to face her.
“Leave, Izzy. Don’t stop and don’t think. Get in your car and drive back to your home with Sean. Go back to where you belong and fight. Fight for the chances in life that you have and for the chances that were stolen from your father and my deceased wife.” He left the room.
Fight? How? Could she be that selfish? What if she only hurt Sean more? But she wanted to. She wanted to drive to him right now and run into his arms, holding on tightly and sinking into the safe warm sensation that his embrace brought her.
Driven by a will unbeknownst to her, she got up from the chair. In a haze, like being pulled by an imaginary force, Isabelle took her keys from the peg in the kitchen and grabbed her purse from the mudroom. What was she doing? This was wrong. Sean deserved to be happy. What if she couldn’t make him happy ever again? The thought that she would bring him any misery tore at her very soul.
She waved at her mother as she pulled out of the driveway and came along side her. Rolling down her window, she turned to Connie, who had a look of worry on her face.
“Isabelle, honey, are you okay? Where are you going?”
She expelled a huge breath and shrugged.
“Home, I think.”
Connie looked at her daughter. Saw the uncertainty in her eyes and knew that she was torn between what she wanted and what she thought she should do. She reached her hand out of the window to her daughter.
“Be happy, honey. Let Sean help you. It will be okay. You’ll see.”
Isabelle’s eyes shimmered with unshed tears.
“Can I come back? I mean, if he doesn’t want me anymore.”
Connie laughed at her.
“Oh, Izzy. You are so foolish sometimes. Yes, if the heavens crash to earth and the world ends, you can come home.” She watched her daughter’s brows bunch with confusion at her odd choice of words. “Honey, it would take a disaster of biblical proportions before Sean would ever turn you away. Now go. Go and be happy. Take what life has given you and hold onto it with everything that you have.”
Isabelle smiled. For the first time in the longest time, she truly smiled.
“I love you, Mom.” She rolled up her window and drove away. No longer caring whether it was right or wrong, she drove to Sean’s place, no their place, and prayed that she could find a way to tell him how sorry she was.
Fifteen minutes later Isabelle shut off the engine. It was dusk and she had just seen a light turn on in the front room. She pocketed her keys in her purse and made her way up the short sidewalk, which suddenly seemed to be about three miles long. She thought about just walking in. If it was locked she could use her key. But she had left. The key truly didn’t belong to her anymore. Not until Sean let her back in. Not until they talked and worked things out. As she reached her hand up to knock on the door, she prayed that there would be a way for them to get past all of this.
Sean had just sat down in front of the television with a beer. He didn’t really want it, but he hadn’t been shopping and aside from tap water there was nothing else to drink in the house. After his workout he had tried to call Izzy again, for the thousandth time in the past two days. Of course she hadn’t come to the phone. Big surprise. She would do anything to avoid dealing with him. He was about to turn on the television when he heard the knock at the door.
He set the beer down on the side table and went to open the door. Annoyed thinking it was that kid that came to the door every two weeks selling something new for his school, he tried to place a smile on his face as he reached to turn the knob. How any kid could have so much fundraising to do was absolutely beyond—Izzy.
“Hi.” Great. What a unique way to apologize to him, she chided herself. “Sean, I—.”
He interrupted her; he placed his hands on her shoulders and shook his head.
“Don’t say anything that’s going to ruin this moment.” He pulled her into an embrace and his body trembled at the feel of her in his arms again.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered against his chest.
Sean looked down at her. “What are you saying, Izzy?”
“I can’t promise anything. I don’t know what will happen with us, but I love you. And I—I want to come home.” Please let me stay. When he didn’t say anything she got worried. “Sean, I was confused, I—.”
“Shh. Come on, baby. Come inside.” Sean took her purse from her and set it down. Wrapping his arms around her, he held her tightly. “It’s okay, Izzy. You’re home now and I’ve got you.”
Chapter Seventeen
“You look happy,” Connie said to her daughter as she sipped her large mocha with extra whipped cream, causing it to hit the tip of her nose. She giggled as she swiped it off. “So, it’s been okay then?”
Isabelle nodded.
“It really has. I don’t know how, but I’m not as worried as I once was. And as much as I don’t want to get ahead of myself, I can’t help but feel hopeful.”
“I’m so glad. Ter
rance and I were so worried about you, both of you.” Smiling as she waved her hand to gesture at their surroundings, she continued, “I mean look at you. You’re out here, in a coffee shop and enjoying an afternoon snack with your mother.”
“It’s just coffee, Mom. It’s not like I’ve scaled Mount Everest.” She rolled her eyes.
“You never were able to give yourself enough credit when credit was due. Two weeks ago you were broken. You were shattered and you left Sean. The despair I saw on your face was dreadful, but now you are smiling, your cheeks are rosy and I can tell that you are truly becoming happy again.” Raising her mug to Isabelle she continued her speech, “To love, and all that it gets us through in this crazy and sometimes unfair life.”
Clinking their mugs together, Isabelle smiled in agreement. As much as she hadn’t thought it was possible, she could sense herself changing. She was no longer repulsed by the idea of intimacy. She was uneasy of the idea of it, yes. Uncomfortable, perhaps. But there was no disgust, no desire to go running for the hills.
“You know, as much as I appreciate you and Sean, I can’t help but feel that Terrance is responsible for where I am right now.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, I mean don’t get me wrong. You and Sean have been wonderful, and so understanding of my feelings, but if Terrance hadn’t of pushed me and said the things that he did, I would probably still be living with you two, even more depressed than I was then.” Raising her mug to her mother she said, “So I toast to Terrance. Love might get you through things, but a good shove in the right direction doesn’t hurt either.”
They both laughed and Connie had to do everything in her power to fight the tears of joy that wanted to spill down her face. She truly looked happy. She was smiling, laughing and joking. The real Isabelle was finally coming back around.
“Oh geez, look at the time Mom.” Isabelle grimaced as she glanced at her watch. “I’ve got to go.” She got up and reached for the bill when her mother grabbed it from her hand.
“No, I insist. I have been pestering you to come out with me for weeks now. It was my invitation, therefore my treat. Now run along.”
Kissing her mother’s cheek Isabelle thanked her and said, “I love you, Mom.”
“I love you too, sweetheart. Call me tomorrow, okay?”
“Sure thing. Bye.” And she was heading for the door. Connie’s heart felt a little lighter and a whole lot fuller at the thought that her daughter really was going to be okay.
“Isabelle?”
“Yeah Mom?” She said from the doorway.
“Love knows no boundaries, remember that okay?”
She smiled, “I will. Bye.” And she left.
* * * *
“Surprise.”
Sean had just walked in the kitchen door and Isabelle surprised him.
“What’s all this?” he asked with a grin on his face.
“Well, I know how hard you’ve been working lately and I just wanted to do something to show you how much I appreciate it.” She shrugged. “I mean, I know I’m not bringing in any money and—.”
Sean went to her and placed his hands on her shoulders.
“Which I told you doesn’t matter. I was able to afford things just fine when I lived here alone. You don’t need to work.”
“Well, I’ll have to do something soon so I don’t go stir crazy.” She took his jacket and hung it on the hook behind the door.
“Just take your time, Izzy. I don’t want you to rush into anything. I enjoy seeing you smile.” He placed a light kiss to her mouth before turning back to the table. “So, what’s all this?”
She smiled at him mischievously. “Maybe I like to see you smile too. So, I picked up that new action flick you’ve been wanting to see at the video store and made spaghetti with meatballs.”
A huge smile spread across his face.
“You got me a movie and made my favorite meal?”
“Yeah. I love you, Sean. You’re always so worried about taking care of me that we never do anything for you.” She wrapped her arms around his waist and snuggled into his chest. “You deserve for someone to do nice things for you.”
Sean placed a kiss on top of her head.
“I love you, Izzy. Thank you.”
“Why don’t you go get changed and comfortable. I’ll dish up our dinner and then afterwards we’ll watch the movie.” She turned from him to reach for the plates and was surprised when he spun her around.
Framing her face in his hands, he brought his mouth down to meet hers. The kiss was ardent but he was careful not to be too aggressive. Knowing he should stop and wanting to stop were too very different things. He dragged his mouth away from hers and slid his tongue across her jaw and down to the small shallow dip of where her shoulder met with her neck.
He heard her moan. She actually moaned. He couldn’t believe it. They had kissed and hugged in the past two weeks but never had it ever gotten this far. But the taste of her skin was so sweet. As much as he had promised her that he wouldn’t push her, he wasn’t sure he could pull himself away from her. If he went too far, though, and she panicked and ran, they could be right back where they were two weeks ago. That was a chance that he wasn’t willing to risk, so reluctantly he pulled away.
Her eyes were closed and her face was flushed. God, she looked beautiful. He stared at her a moment longer before resting his forehead against hers.
“I’m going to go change now.”
Her eyes flew open. She had been lost in the moment, completely unaware of anything except Sean and his glorious mouth.
“Huh? Oh, okay.” She watched as Sean walked from the room. She felt confused, disoriented and most surprisingly, aroused. If only for a moment, she had wanted Sean the way that she used to. But now, even seconds later, it had passed. In that moment though, it had been wonderful.
Placing the last dish in the dishwasher, she dried her hands and headed to the living room. She stopped in the doorway when she saw Sean sitting in his recliner. Normally when they watched television together they always sat on the couch together. Had she done something wrong? They had such a fun time together during dinner.
Sean watched her standing there. He was concerned by the apprehension he saw on her face.
“Izzy, is something wrong?”
“No, no, I um, are you ready to start the movie?” She walked toward the couch and sat down.
Her body language was sending out waves of discomfort. Then it hit him. He had been so tired and full from the great dinner that she made that he just sat here without thinking. Crap. Now she was feeling uneasy.
“Izzy, I sat down in my chair out of habit. I didn’t think that—.”
“What? Oh don’t be silly. You can sit wherever you like. As long as you’re comfortable. I know how hard you’ve been working lately.”
“You know, you could sit here with me too. You know, like we used to.” Should he have said that? Was it too much contact too soon? Would she think he was asking for more than what he was? He just wanted to hold her, to cuddle her against him. God, he was a guy. Guys weren’t supposed to want to cuddle. But he missed it more than he ever thought possible.
“You mean like on your lap?” She was looking down, not at him.
“Yeah. I mean, that is, if you want to.” Please say yes. Say yes and come over here so I can hold you close to me. She could never understand the ache that he lived with in his heart at his need to hold her so close to him. Not just in a sexual way, but in an intimate way, when he felt like their hearts clasped onto the other and held on with the gentlest loving embrace.
Picking at her jeans she shrugged.
“That would be okay, I guess.”
“Come here, Izzy.” Sean held out his hand to her and waited for her to come.
Grasping his hand, she sat down and situated herself on his lap. Snuggling against him and resting against his shoulder, she sighed. She had missed this. He held her sometimes, they hugged and they kissed. But the contact was n
ever this cozy and comforting. God, it felt good.
“You ready?” he asked while he held the remote up to press play.
“Yeah.” She smiled at him. He was so handsome. How had she ever gotten so lucky to have him in her life this way? Then she remembered, and had to force her laugh to stay down. She had pursued him like the love-crazed teenager that she was. And she got him. Thank God.
It was not quite an hour into the movie when Sean sensed that watching this movie hadn’t been the best idea. With a movie title like Final Destruction, who would have thought that it would be laced with so much sexual tension? And now, as he watched the scene play out in front of him he had a feeling he knew exactly what was going to happen next.
Izzy had lain so still against him. Maybe she had fallen asleep. He considered turning it off and carrying her upstairs when he realized the scene had already escalated while he was lost in thought. Crap, he couldn’t watch this with her. Not while he knew that she felt so uncomfortable about it. And how in the hell did this movie get an R rating with a scene like this? It should be XXX, if not at least one X. I mean, geez, it was getting really—all right that’s it. It’s going off. He reached for the remote and was startled when Izzy grabbed onto his wrist.
“Don’t.” She looked up at him. “Leave it on.”
Not quite sure what to say, Sean set the remote back down on the small end table. What should he say? Why did she want to watch it? She had made no secret of the fact that the idea of ever having sex again scared her. Why would she want—unless?
“Izzy, are you sure? We don’t have to watch it.”
She raised her hand and brushed her fingertips across his jaw.
“Sean, it’s okay. It’s not gratuitous. I mean, they love each other, so it’s normal that they would, well you know.”
Morgan, Nicole - Love Knows No Boundaries (Siren Publishing Allure) Page 17