The Sunday before—the day after the Halloween party—Mae had been out teaching Dani how to ride a horse again, so I went to the garage to find Dad.
He was sorting through an old toolbox.
“Dad? Can I talk to you about something?”
He turned to me. I could see that his eyes were a little puffy. Had he been crying?
“Of course, Sweet Pea,” he agreed, wiping his eyes. “Why don’t we go for a walk. Little dusty in here.”
Dad and I had strolled along our tree-lined street toward the main road. The few houses scattered along the pavement still had Halloween decorations up—jack-o’-lanterns and ghosts. I was sure they’d switch over to Thanksgiving decorations soon enough.
I told Dad about what had happened in the woods the night before. About the fire breaking out, about getting taken by a fireman, about breaking free and running back to safety in the clearing.
“Kidnapped?”
“By a fireman.”
“You sure he wasn’t trying to rescue you?”
“He was from Tisdale. Where Mae is from.”
“And you’re sure about this?”
I considered his question. I thought I’d seen Tisdale written on the fireman’s shirt. However, it was dark and we were moving quickly, so there was a chance that wasn’t exactly what it said.
“That’s what I thought I saw. It was dark out, I guess.”
“But you think that a fireman was trying to kidnap you?”
Dad’s inquiry was making me rethink what had happened. It had been a chaotic scene.
“If that’s true, we should get the police involved,” Dad evaluated.
Suddenly, the thought of talking to officers about the incident and having to give testimony seemed like more than I wanted to sign up for. Who knows what else they’d ask me about. And I had been drinking—not to mention underage. I didn’t want to get into that—with Dad or the police.
“Never mind,” I told him. “It was a hectic night. I was probably imagining things.”
He nodded, unsure, but let it go at my request. “So how’s it going with Mae?”
“Not great,” I admitted. I told him about her and Sebastian, about Larissa and Co., about my falling-out with Isaac.
“Aw, that’s a shame,” he said. Dad liked Isaac, and I could tell it bummed him out that he and I weren’t talking. I was too. I’d tried to make small talk with him a few times, but he’d apparently become “extremely consumed” with debate and wasn’t speaking to me, not even to bring up the Social Studies project. I’d seen him hold grudges before, which he was quick to do; he’d just never done it to me.
“See what you can do, Sweet Pea. Isaac’s a good friend. And Mae—” He thought about what to say next. “Just get along with her as best you can for now. I’ll talk to Mom.”
Later that night I heard my parents screaming at each other in the kitchen. Since then, over this past week, nothing had changed. And Dad hadn’t come home for dinner all week.
I now looked down at the salmon my mom had overcooked and took a bite, while Mae continued to gab.
“No way,” Mae giggled into her phone. I knew exactly who she was talking to.
Mae’s confidence and social standing had mushroomed, like one of those capsule foam dinosaurs we put in the bath when we were kids that inflated exponentially. Everyone wanted to sit with her at lunch now, and the whole school thought she and Sebastian were the World’s Cutest Couple. I had been sidelined for best friend conversations in favor of cheerleaders, which was fine with me because Mae had become so self-absorbed and fake I couldn’t stand talking to her anyway.
Mae and Sebastian had been full-on dating all week since the Halloween party. They’d been eating lunch together and hanging out after school, and he’d even lent her poetry books, I’m assuming because she had expressed a shred of interest so he’d jumped at the opportunity. Sebastian prided himself on being “old-fashioned” and actually talking on the phone rather than just texting, and Mae loved it. Which was super annoying to everyone else. Everyone else probably just meaning me.
“No, I haven’t seen that movie,” she answered into the phone. “Saturday? Love it!” She sounded just like Larissa. Mom smiled at Mae and gave her an enthusiastic thumbs-up at the future film date.
I couldn’t bear it.
“Mom,” I called, trying to get her attention. She turned to me, like she’d forgotten what I looked like.
“We need to talk about Chicago after dinner. You keep putting it off.”
Going to Chicago was about the only thing in my life that I was looking forward to. It wasn’t for another month, but I couldn’t wait. I needed to get out of town, get away from it all for a few days. The Chicago trip was my lifeline.
A shadow crossed Mom’s face.
“Jules,” Mom started. Uh-oh—it was sometimes bad if someone started a sentence using your name. It was like they were trying to soften whatever was about to come next.
“I’m not going to Chicago,” my mother revealed, using her trying-to-calm-someone-down voice.
It didn’t work.
“What? Why!” I shrieked.
Mae had finished her call and was staring at my outburst. So was Dani.
“It’s complicated, honey,” Mom tried to brush off.
“So are you letting me go by myself?” I challenged.
“You know I can’t do that.”
“You promised to take me!” I was practically shouting.
“I know, but now they’re sending Dr. Brenner to the conference instead of me.” Mom was clearly annoyed by that fact. “It wasn’t my choice.”
“But you go every year!”
Mom crumpled her napkin onto her half-eaten salmon.
“I’m sorry, Jules” was all she could manage. “I forgot to tell you.”
“Wait. You’ve known about this? For how long?” I was enraged. I couldn’t believe Mom had known about the trip cancelation and not told me.
“I’m very sorry. I know you were looking forward to going.” She stood up and went to put her plate in the sink, attempting a half hug on the way. I ignored her and pushed myself away from the table.
Dani gazed at me. I could tell she actually felt bad. I was glad to at least have some sympathy, but sympathy wasn’t the thing I really wanted. I wanted my mother to pay attention to me. I wanted to not have a lying fake friend from a cult living in my bedroom. I wanted to go to Chicago and get out of my crappy life.
How had this happened? Why would the hospital have changed their mind? Or, maybe Mom didn’t want to be away from Mae. That was creepy. And what the hell was wrong with my mom? Why was she so freaking obsessed with Mae?
“We can go another time,” Mom offered, rinsing the leftovers from her plate.
“When?” I challenged her, rising from my chair. “When have you ever taken me anywhere?”
She turned to me but had no reply.
I didn’t wait for a response. I could feel my face getting hot. I didn’t want to have a breakdown in front of Mae. I was embarrassed enough about how she’d messed up my life; I didn’t need to feel even worse by humiliating myself further in front of everyone.
Leaving my half-eaten plate, I stormed out of the kitchen, devastated.
* * *
School continued to be miserable. Mae and Sebastian glided through the halls hand in hand like the king and queen of All We Care About Is Each Other. And I had to work with them both at the Regal, since Sebastian had given Mae a full-time position.
I had also been avoiding Zeke. I hadn’t talked to him much after our Halloween party “date.” I didn’t know if he liked me or not—probably not, since I’d barely talked to him at the party—but I ignored the whole situation and just went about my days looking at the floor. It was like before Mae had arrived, except worse now, because I didn’t have Isaac. I’d even stopped wanting to take photographs, leaving my portfolio for the summer program application unfinished.
The next day a
t lunch, Mae took a seat at Larissa’s table before I could sit down. I had been sitting with Larissa and her pack most days too. Although I’d been practically mute, at least I was hiding under the cover of being with a group. But today there was nowhere to sit.
“Oh, sorry, Jules,” Mae consoled me, making a half-hearted attempt to find another chair. She’d tried to be extra nice to me the last few days, but I couldn’t stand to look at her lying face.
“Forget it,” I quickly replied, and fled the cafeteria. My tolerance for trying to act okay with everything had worn out.
In the girls’ bathroom, I stared at myself in the mirror. Black rivers streaked my cheeks as the tears snaked their way down. It was no use trying to stop them.
My life sucked. I was no longer a Nobody, so I couldn’t float by on anonymity anymore, but I didn’t fit in with the Somebodies either. I hung out with them, but what had happened between me and Mae created a crack between us that seemed too wide to repair.
But the worst part was I had tasted coolness, and the sweet, confident comfort it granted, only to be betrayed by the very person who had brought me with her into popularity.
It made my ears hot to think I was the only one who could see through Mae’s falseness. Everyone else loved her. No one would even believe me if I said something bad about her. I’d look like the crazy one.
Mae had become social Teflon.
I reached for a paper towel and wiped my face. I just had to make it through a few more classes and I could go hide in the privacy of my own home.
Oh no, wait—Mae was there too.
Maybe I was the one who should run away.
Keep it together, Mathis. You can do this, I pep-talked myself. Just get through the rest of the day.
Composing myself, I trudged out of the bathroom, passing two Goth girls as they entered, probably to reapply their too-dark lipstick.
I turned into the hallway and nearly smacked into—
“Isaac!”
He stared back at me, taking in my bloodshot eyes. I immediately looked away, wiping my nose on my navy boiled-wool jacket.
I braced myself for a rant. He probably hated my guts. And I didn’t blame him. I’d been a total asshole to him.
“Come on,” he instructed, grabbing my arm, all business. “You need some fresh air.”
Surprised, I let myself be led outside, keeping my face tilted low in an effort to not make eye contact with anyone in our path.
When we got outside, the cool air felt soothing on my skin. He pulled me over to a bench and instructed me to sit.
“Here,” he said, handing me a chocolate bar. A peace offering.
I could feel my eyes well up again, like a faucet being turned back on.
“I’m so sorry, Isaac. I know I acted like a jerk. I thought those stupid girls were my friends, but obviously I was wrong, and I understand if you hate me forever. It’s just been so much with Mae coming into my life so quickly and taking over everything. I didn’t mean to, but I pushed my best friend away … and I don’t know how to get him back.”
There was a long silence as we watched a few chilly seniors smoking across the street.
“You are guilty of hurting my feelings,” Isaac finally deemed. “But I know you’ve been under—extenuating circumstances.”
“What can I do to make it up to you, Isaac?”
“Um, promise you’ll never be a jerkface like that again?”
“Deal,” I smiled. The wind blew a flurry of leaves down the sidewalk. “There’s something about her, Isaac. I don’t know what it is.”
Isaac nodded. “Yeah. You haven’t been the same since she showed up.”
“She’s nice, but like, not. And everyone is obsessed with her! Including my mother!”
“The horror!” he exclaimed. “That’s from Apocalypse Now, right?” he added, just checking.
I nodded, smiling through sniffles. I proceeded to tell him absolutely everything that had happened, like I should have all along. His eyes widened as I told him about the white rose, the running out in the middle of the night, the puppy attacking my sister, the fireman carrying me away. He listened carefully to my testimony, and believed me—which was such a relief.
“She completely messed everything up,” I concluded. “My family is barely talking to each other, and get this: my mom’s not even taking me to Chicago anymore.”
Isaac shook his head, agreeing that Mae’s actions were criminal. “Verdict is in: she sucks.”
“Before she came into my life, I know I wasn’t cool. But at least I was happy.” I took a breath of cold air.
“I wish I could expose her, à la All About Eve, and Mom would see how two-faced she is and kick her out.”
“You should expose her,” Isaac agreed. “Show everyone what a bad seed she really is.”
Could I really do something like that? Expose Mae in the hope that Mom or Dad would send her off to live with other people?
I shivered, mulling over what Isaac had suggested.
He stood. “You need a hot chocolate. Come on, I’ll buy you one.”
“I don’t deserve you.” I smiled.
“I am aware,” he returned smugly.
CHAPTER 40
“LADIEEZ: OBZEHRV!”
Dani and I broke out laughing at Dad’s horrendous imitation of a French accent.
It was later that night, and Dad had decided to give us a tutorial on how to brew coffee in a French press. He’d reasoned that if I was going to drink it—and I had been a lot lately—I should at least know how to make it. Dani had enthusiastically volunteered to participate, even though she’d never even tasted coffee. But I think it was more about wanting to spend time with Dad, since he was hardly in the house anymore.
A waft of morning hit my nose as Dad opened the bag of coffee beans and scooped two spoonfuls into the grinder.
“And zen—” Dad went on.
“Dad, that is the worst accent I’ve ever heard,” Dani interrupted.
“What?” He grinned. “I went to Montreal once.”
“And they will never let you back,” I cracked.
“All right, all right.” Outvoted, he moved on with the tutorial. “Okay, this is going to get loud,” he warned. He switched on the grinder, which cracked to life, decimating the beans.
Dani put her hands over her ears.
When the beans were done grinding, Dad lifted the plastic container of brown coffee dust and emptied it into the French press carafe.
“Zis is where it gets ex-ay-tang!” he said, relapsing.
“Dad!” Dani and I both shouted through smiles.
“What’s so exciting?” Mom wondered, entering the kitchen as she arrived home from work.
Dad didn’t say anything, avoiding eye contact with her. Silence fell over the room.
“Dad is showing us how to brew zie pehr-fect cup of coff-ee,” Dani finally explained. She attempted a better version of the accent herself, but it was just as bad.
“Fun,” Mom said flatly, putting her travel mug onto the counter without rinsing it.
“Where’s Mae?”
Of course. Everything with Mom was about Mae.
“Outside,” Dani answered. I wondered if Dani had noticed Mom’s lack of attention toward us as well. She hadn’t said anything to me about it, and I doubted she would, but the sharpness in Dani’s voice made me suspect I might not be the only one Mom’s behavior was affecting.
Mom’s attention turned toward the kitchen window over the sink, which looked out onto the backyard. Dusk was falling.
Mae was sitting out there, swinging back and forth on our old swing set. She wasn’t wearing a coat. At school Mae was always upbeat, but sometimes at home she sequestered herself in her room and was a little moody. I used to care and try to make her feel better, but at this point I thought she could keep her two-faced mood swings to herself.
Mom walked over to the door to the backyard and pulled two fleeces off the hooks. One of them was mine, although I h
adn’t worn it in a while.
Mom opened the door and stepped outside. A gust of cold air swept in through the kitchen.
Dani, my dad, and I watched as Mom crossed the dying back lawn to the swing set. Danielle and I used to play out there when we were kids, but we never did anymore.
Mae looked up at my mother, who held out my old jacket. Mae smiled as Mom wrapped the jacket around her, then took a seat on the swing next to her.
They swayed in the fading light.
“What’s next?” I asked Dad, trying to get away from the distraction of Mae, never mind the attention Mom was giving to her and not us.
Dad clapped his hands together. “Next, we do the hot water,” he said, forcing enthusiasm.
Dani and I turned back to Dad. At least he was paying attention to us.
“Jules, you mind heating up the kettle?” Dad asked.
I picked up the container from the stove and walked over to the sink. As I filled the kettle with tap water, I stared out the window at Mom and Mae.
Rather than mother and foster girl, they looked more like sisters.
CHAPTER 41
LANGUAGE ARTS. 8:02 A.M. THE GREAT GATSBY.
We had a quiz today, so tension in the room was high. Ms. Ramsey was stapling together pages of questions at her desk in the front of the room, while I was picking my cuticles and listening to Isaac brag about how hard he was going to beat Victoria in their mock debate after school.
“Love it!” I heard Mae compliment someone from her desk in the aisle next to me. She was admiring Jessie’s lavender halter, which Jessie wore under a puffy coat.
“Hey, do you have any more of those Xanax?” I heard Jessie say. “I’m, like, so freaked about this quiz. If I don’t do well my grade’s gonna suck.”
I glanced over to see Jessie trying to score drugs off Mae again. It seemed like this had become a regular thing. Mae probably didn’t even know that the prescription was just for her and she wasn’t supposed to share it with people.
“Sure,” Mae responded, reaching into her backpack.
I felt a jab in my arm. Isaac’s elbow.
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