by Aidan Wayne
Preeti just told me you’re going to be a guest at class tonight again. She used a lot of exclamation marks, so I think she might be excited about it.
As long as you’re okay with it, Marcus wrote back. I know I’ve sort of been taking over the dojang a little bit.
Stop that. I told you I’m happy to have you. I meant it then, I mean it now.
Marcus couldn’t help his smile. You’re going to be seeing a lot more of me, then.
As long as you don’t push yourself too hard!
Hey, right back atcha. How’s the day been treating you? This was a volunteer day for you, right?
Right. And it was… it was all right. I awarded a black belt today. That’s always hard.
Marcus had to swallow. A black belt award ceremony at Kids Kicking Cancer was done near the end of a child’s life. I’m so sorry.
The response took almost a full minute of ellipses appearing and disappearing before he got a simple: Her name is Lila. I’ve been seeing her since January.
And then
I’m going to miss her so much.
Are you going to be okay? Marcus asked, feeling like it wasn’t enough.
I’ll be fine, thank you.
Marcus bit his lip, then typed, What else do you have to do today?
Nothing until class starts at 4:30 pm. I’ll probably just go to the academy anyway though. Work my body a little.
One way to mourn. But…. Do you want some company? I’ve got a couple hours free coming up. Leo and the guys would understand if he skipped out on lunch. Besides, they’d have plenty of time to see each other in the coming months.
It’s okay. You don’t have to do that.
I want to, Marcus quickly replied. If company would help.
Are you sure?
Yeah, absolutely. Just tell me where to be, and I’ll let you know when I’m on my way over.
Maybe I’ll go home then. For a little while.
Sure, yeah. Maybe try to take a nap?
That’s a good idea. Okay.
And I’ll see you in an hour or two, all right? Do you want me to just meet you at your apartment?
That would be nice. Thank you.
Of course, Marcus wrote. I’ll see you soon.
He sighed heavily, went to text Leo to let him know he wouldn’t be making it, and then lifted his head to see Billy watching him curiously. “What’s up?”
“Nothing,” Billy said after a second. “You okay, though? You look kind of upset. Bad news?”
Marcus rubbed at his face. “You could say that.”
“What’s wrong?”
Marcus swallowed again. “Taemin basically just had a student die.”
Billy’s eyes widened. “What?” And then, “Wait, who’s Taemin?”
Marcus shrugged (followed by an apology to the makeup artists). “Taemin was my old teacher, remember?”
“You mean… Master Choi? That guy you always talk about?”
“Uh, yeah.”
Billy nodded seriously. “And what happened?”
Marcus explained about Taemin’s volunteer work, and what today meant to him. When he was done, Billy looked heartbroken. “Wow,” he said. “That’s….”
“Yeah. Yeah, it’s heavy. So I just… I want to be there for him, you know?”
“Yeah, of course,” Billy said quickly. “Although, uh, so we’re clear, this is the guy you’ve basically been in love with for all time, right?”
“Not all time,” Marcus mumbled.
“Semantics.”
“Then yeah. Kind of.”
“Got it. Okay. Then what’s the plan of action?”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s upset. You care about him. What are you going to do?”
“Oh uh—” Marcus fumbled, taken aback by how onboard Billy was. “I was going to keep him company after I got done with makeup.”
“That’s a good idea. Did you want me to let Leo know you won’t be meeting him?”
“Already did it,” Marcus said, holding up his phone. “I figure I’ll just take a Lyft to his place and then back to my apartment.” Billy had picked him up to take him to costuming that day.
“Okay. Okay, good.” Billy fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. “I hope you guys are able to figure things out, by the way. You deserve the best.”
Marcus had to smile. “Thanks, Billy.”
“And he must be incredible, considering how gone on him you are. You’ve got pretty high standards.”
Or they were high in the first place because no one ever managed to match up to Marcus’s ideal. Which was utterly ridiculous if one thought about it: a kid being in love with his mentor, only to reunite with him later and not only realize that, yes, he still was totally absolutely in love, but that said mentor was even more of an amazing human being than originally observed. What the hell. Marcus was either going to be the luckiest man alive or a sorry bastard, depending on how things worked out.
“He is,” Marcus sighed. “He really is.”
TAEMIN WASN’T hungry when he got home, too heartbroken over the events of the day to think about eating. He stepped out of his shoes and made a beeline for his bedroom, crawling under the covers and cocooning himself, trying to—not forget, he’d never want to forget Lila—but to find some peace.
He did end up falling into an exhausted sleep, but it was fitful, tossing and turning as he drifted in and out of consciousness. His phone buzzing on the nightstand was a welcome distraction, even as he blinked awake to see that it was from Marcus, letting him know that he was finished with work for the day and that he was heading over.
Taemin set his phone back down on his nightstand and sat up, rubbing at his face. He was probably being selfish, accepting Marcus’s offer. Marcus was taking so much time for him.
But Taemin hadn’t wanted to be alone. And Marcus… they’d only spent a few days together so far, so Taemin had no idea how his presence had become such a comfort, but it had. So quickly that it was a little frightening. He knew he should be trying to give Marcus some distance. Still, he’d… he’d take comfort where he could get it right now. He didn’t want to begrudge himself that.
He swung his legs out of bed and stood, tucking his phone into his pocket on the way to the bathroom, where he washed his face to remove the sleep grit. It was also probably time to eat something, and it was easy enough to pull out some leftover pasta and warm it up while he sipped on some water.
When he finished eating, he washed the dishes to give himself something to do, then aimlessly wandered into his living room. He ended up folding himself down onto his couch to try to meditate while he waited for Marcus.
The buzzer blaring out in his apartment jerked him back to reality, and he hurried to buzz Marcus inside, not bothering to do anything but wait in his foyer, shifting from foot to foot. He yanked open his door as soon as he heard the first knock, a startled expression flashing across Marcus’s face before it collapsed into concern. “Hey,” he said quietly.
“Hello,” Taemin replied, just as quiet, stepping back to allow Marcus inside. “Thank you for coming.”
“Of course. I—whatever you need.” Marcus toed out of his shoes, closed the door behind him.
“Do you want something to drink?”
Marcus shook his head. “I’m fine. Do you… do you maybe want to sit down?”
Taemin followed listlessly as Marcus steered him toward his couch, sitting when Marcus sat, hands coming up to clasp together.
“Taemin?”
“Yes?”
“Do you mind if I touched you right now? Is that okay?”
Taemin swallowed. “That’d be okay.” More than okay. He really could do with a hug.
Marcus put an arm around Taemin’s shoulders and pulled him closer, Taemin going easily until he was pressed up against Marcus’s side, head resting on his chest. Taemin turned in toward him, and Marcus brought up both his arms, enveloping him. Just… just holding him.
“I’m so s
orry,” Marcus murmured.
Taemin nodded, words gone, and just held on tight.
MARCUS WASN’T sure how long they sat there together in silence, just breathing with each other, Taemin a warm weight against him. He hoped he was being a comfort. That was all he wanted to be right now: a comfort and a support. And he wasn’t going to move until Taemin did.
Eventually Taemin did pull back, though, scrubbing at his eyes. “Thank you,” he mumbled. “I’m sorry I—I’m sorry.”
“You’ve got nothing to apologize for,” Marcus rushed to say. “I’m happy I could be here, if you needed me.”
Taemin looked at him then, so long and hard that Marcus started to sweat. Had he overstepped? Gone too far? Fuck, he might’ve—and especially now, with Taemin tired and sad and vulnerable, that was the worst thing he could have done.
But then Taemin just nodded. “Thank you,” he said again. “I—I did. Need you, I think.”
“Of course,” Marcus managed. “Of course.”
Taemin cleared his throat and then stood up completely. “Are you sure you don’t want something to drink?”
The change in subject was obvious, but Marcus latched on to it. Anything else he wanted to do, to say, needed to wait for a better moment anyway. “Some water would be good.”
“All right. I’ll be right back.” Taemin went to the kitchen and Marcus stayed on the couch, giving him some distance.
He returned shortly with two glasses, handed one to Marcus, and then sat right back down on the couch, but a short distance away this time.
It felt like miles.
“I’ve got an idea,” Marcus said, trying for light. “If you maybe wanted another distraction?”
“Yes?”
“Well, uh, you said you haven’t seen any of my movies. Were you maybe interested in watching one? I promise to pick a good one.”
“Oh. I….” Taemin considered it. “I think I’d like that. Sure.”
“Awesome. If you’ve got cable or, or want to let me sign into Netflix or something, I can pull one up easy.” He coughed. “Not to, uh, not to brag. They’re just, you know, kind of popular.”
At that, Taemin finally smiled. Small, but real. “I’m sure you deserve it. I have satellite, and that comes with pay-per-view.” He mostly used it to watch matches and documentaries.
“Well, that’s easy, then. The one I had in mind would be on pay-per-view.”
“Okay, sure.”
Marcus smiled and pulled up All In, a James Bond-type film with some of his best fight scenes. It was also one of his first movies with a male love interest, which he thought Taemin might appreciate.
By the time they were halfway through the movie, Taemin looked a little more invested in the plot and a little less distraught, which Marcus counted as a huge win. At Taemin’s insistence and questions, he also kept up a bit of a running commentary of how things were made and his thoughts and experiences during filming.
“I liked that a lot,” Taemin said, once the credits started to roll. “You’re very good. Though it’s a little weird to see you be… not you.”
Marcus laughed. “I get that. It’s a little weird for me, too, to be honest. I’ve always got to separate myself from myself when I’m working, if that makes sense.”
Taemin nodded. “I understand. You have different personas, depending on the situation. I think we’re all like that, in some way. For instance, I’ve had some people tell me they find me intimidating. Me!”
Marcus wiggled a hand. “Well, I mean… I can see that.”
“What? Really?”
He shrugged. “Well, you’re very focused. Know what you want. Command a certain amount of respect. It makes sense to me. Only if someone didn’t know you, though.”
Taemin pursed his lips. “I’m not sure how I feel about that. I hope to be approachable, you know? My style might be traditional, but I don’t exactly go around whacking people with sticks.”
“No, you just make them sink into horse-stance and balance the stick on their knees.”
“It builds character,” Taemin insisted, finally, finally sounding completely like himself again. “And works on proper form. That’s important.”
Marcus held up his hands in surrender. “I wasn’t disagreeing with you.”
“Yes. Well. Good.”
Marcus checked his watch. Three forty-five. “It’s a quarter to four,” he said. “In case you wanted to get ready for the academy.” Part of him wanted to keep Taemin in the apartment, but the rest of him knew Taemin would do well to get on the mat for a while and put the rest of the day’s events out of his mind.
Predictably, Taemin got to his feet. “Thank you for letting me know,” he said. “I usually get there around four to make sure we’re open for anyone showing up early. And that’s when Preeti gets there on Tuesdays usually too. Though she has her own key now.”
Huh. Preeti had a key to the building and was clearly able—and trusted—to run classes on her own. That was good to know. “Does she or Mr. Avi ever run the school when you’re not there?”
“Hm? Oh yes, once in a while. If I have to travel for a tournament or to meet with other people in the circuit. I try not to be away too often, but the last few months have been busier than usual.”
“Getting ready for the trials?” Marcus asked. Taemin had told him about the Olympic elimination tournament. He was understandably impressed.
“Right.”
“Gotcha. Okay. Well, uh, I think I’m going to head out for now. Maybe swing by later tonight”—to see how you’re doing—“but for now I’ll get out of your hair.”
“Marcus—”
“Yeah?”
Taemin looked up at him, then dropped his gaze to the floor. “Thank you,” he said quietly. “For everything. It means a lot to me.”
Marcus had to swallow. Had to stop himself from taking that extra step forward to gather him up in his arms again. He would say something. He would. But not today. “Of course. Anytime. And I—I mean that.”
Taemin’s eyes went wide and startled, so Marcus hurried to say his goodbyes before he could say too much more.
Chapter Seven
PREETI WAS already at the academy when Taemin arrived, stretching on the mat. She bounced to her feet to bow to him when he came in, and then dropped right back into the splits. “Hi, sir,” she said.
Taemin put his shoes in a cubby. “Afternoon. How was school today?”
Preeti groaned. “I am looking forward to finals, if only so I’ll be done with this semester. Of course, then that means next semester starts, but… one thing at a time, right?”
“Right.”
“But hey.” She grinned. “Marcus said he’d name-drop me if I ever wanted to be in a movie. Not that I would ever, ever let that happen, but the thought is nice. If I’m desperate.”
Marcus. Taemin tried to smile and share Preeti’s joke. “That was nice of him.”
“Yeah. He really is! Nice, I mean. I’m liking getting to know him again, now that we’re both older. And it’s cool to see how being famous didn’t, you know, change him much.”
“It shows he has good character,” Taemin said, almost automatically.
“Yeah. Not everyone would be like that.” She moved into a different stretch. “I’m looking forward to him coming by again tonight. Maybe he’ll take us out for dinner again.”
“Don’t try taking advantage of him,” Taemin scolded. Because considering what Marcus had done so far, he probably would let Preeti talk him into dinner again. Although, now that he thought of it…. “When he said he was coming over, did he offer, or did you ask him to?”
“Huh?” Preeti glanced up at him. “Um, I think I asked if he wanted to spar again? And he said he was planning to swing by.”
Ah. Preeti had broached the subject. Taemin wondered if Marcus had even thought about saying no. He had to be busy, had to be tired—Taemin already felt bad that Marcus had taken time out of his day to… be there for him. Now he was
planning on coming by yet again. Maybe Taemin should talk to him. Tell him it wasn’t expected, no matter how much Taemin enjoyed seeing him.
For now, though, he went to change, and by the time he was finished, his first group of students were arriving for his kid’s class. He made small talk with parents, greeted children, and generally settled into being Master Choi for the next several hours.
Marcus still managed to worm his way into his thoughts, though, especially once Jamal and Roshen showed up for the adult class. Marcus had been so good with them, taking their admiration in stride and then using it to focus their energy, coaching them on how to spar. He’d made a good teacher. He’d only been back in Taemin’s life for a week but it felt like he fit.
And it was… it was so wonderful, having him be a part of Taemin’s life, in the capacity he was now. He hoped he would continue to be, now that they’d reconnected. A friend to talk to, to spend time with. A dear friend.
Taemin had no business wanting anything more.
“All right,” he said when there was about twenty minutes left of class, “sparring gear on!”
“Sir!” The class at large scurried over to their bags to put on their gear. Preeti brought over his helmet for when he participated in matches. Taemin didn’t bother putting on the whole set of pads for what was, for him, essentially play time. He mostly presided or participated in teaching spars on weeknights. Monday and Wednesday early-morning class and Saturdays were when he geared up at the academy.
“I wonder why Marcus isn’t here yet.” Preeti looked disappointed. “He said he would be.”
“Something probably just came up,” Taemin said. Trying not to worry. Marcus didn’t seem like the type to say he would be somewhere and then not show.
As if on cue, the bell rang over the door as Marcus bowed into the building. He was wearing his street clothes, and he waved to them, expression rueful, then pointed to the office after taking off his shoes.
Taemin nodded, and Marcus smiled before heading into it.
Taemin and Preeti exchanged a confused glance. Taemin went to bow off the mat and go into the office himself.