Thief (Blood & Bone Enforcers MC Book 2)

by Grace Brennan

  “I should have at least called—”

  “Hey,” she said softly, reaching out and putting her hand over the fist he was clenching against his thigh. “Don’t. Me being lonely isn’t anyone’s fault but my own. I pushed everyone away, and I probably would have done the same to you. This is on me, not you. Now get that look of guilt off your face. There’s absolutely no reason for it.”

  A shiver raced up his spine, and he honestly wasn’t sure if it was from her touch or her words. “I’ll try not to feel guilty, but I can still wish things had been different for you. That you’d had more people around who could help you through your grief, whether it was me or not.”

  “Thank you. That means a lot. But I don’t want you to feel obligated to me, okay? That’s not why I told you. I just wanted to be honest about it. It’s not your responsibility to ease the loneliness. That’s mine, and I need to figure out how to make my way through my new reality. Three years was too long to let grief consume me for so long. I should have been stronger.”

  She squeezed his hand and started to withdraw, and he quickly turned his over and captured her fingers, holding her hand tightly. Her head whipped toward him, and he glanced over, making eye contact swiftly, wanting her to see how much he meant his next words.

  Wishing he wasn’t driving so he could maintain eye contact, he looked back at the road as he spoke. “None of that. If I’m not allowed to feel guilty, you’re not allowed to feel like you weren’t strong. Fuck, Lily. If I only had a tenth of your strength, I’d be doing good. I know about your parents. You lost them fairly young, and then you lost your husband. You guys met when you were what, twelve? And from what you just told me, you lost Mary last year, as well. So much loss. I feel like that’s enough to cut anyone off at the knees, permanently. Yet here you are, still standing, still strong, still living.

  “It might have taken you a while to find your way, but you did it. Don’t diminish that. You’re still fighting, still have the will to live. You’re strong as fuck, and I can see it shining out of you. I don’t ever want to hear you say you’re not strong, do you understand? You’re the strongest person I know.”

  Lily inhaled deeply, her breath trembling, and he glanced over to see a tear streaking down her cheek. The sight gutted him, and as he saw her reach a hand up and wipe the moisture away, he wished with everything in him that it could be him doing it. That he wasn’t driving the damned truck and could take her in his arms and comfort her like she deserved.

  “I still miss him,” she whispered. “I’m ready to move on and start living again, but I still miss him.”

  He squeezed her hand, not about to let go. “There’s probably a part of you that will always miss him, and that’s okay. I still miss him, too.”

  She was quiet for a moment and then blew out a breath, turning her head to look at him. “And maybe we didn’t know each other well, and maybe Brandon was our only connection. But I missed you, too.”

  Her softly worded confession felt like a punch to the gut, even as his heart threatened to burst with warmth for her. “I missed you too, Lily. I missed you, too.”

  And with those words, he knew he was a goner. Whether or not she was his mate like Tarun expected, whether or not it was right or wrong, he was lost to her, for good or bad.

  Forever.

  Chapter Six

  Lily stood by the truck, stretching her body. Noah’s truck was spacious, but being cooped up inside for six hours made her body ache. Maybe she was just getting old. She didn’t think many twenty-seven-year old people felt as ancient as she did, but she felt about eighty, inside and out in that moment.

  But in a weird way, she felt shiny and new inside, like the talk she’d had with Noah in the truck had given her new life. It was a strange contradiction—feeling old yet reborn at the same time. She hadn’t meant to tell him the things she had. She’d realized last night that her reasons for coming ran deeper than she originally thought, but she’d planned on keeping to her original excuse.

  Yet when he asked, her mouth opened and started spilling her secrets without her conscious consent. She couldn’t regret it, though. Their talk had cleansed her in a way, and she felt so much better for them having had the conversation.

  She only hoped Noah felt the same. Glancing over at the door to the hotel where he was getting them rooms, she nibbled on her lower lip as she worried over it. The talk might have left her feeling renewed, but she was afraid it only added to the guilt he felt.

  That was the last thing she wanted. Part of the reason she came was because she wanted to make sure he wasn’t feeling survivor’s guilt for living through the blast that killed Brandon. She’d hate herself if she added to it and made him feel worse.

  Because she was almost positive he felt it over still living. He hadn’t come out and said it, but she thought he did. She didn’t want that, and she knew Brandon wouldn’t have wanted it, either.

  She wasn’t sure why, but she suddenly felt a kinship with him, a bond forming when she thought there was nothing between them at all. She hadn’t realized it until she told him, but she really had missed him. It didn’t make much sense to her, but she had.

  And now that they were spending more time with each other, she felt that bond forming between them. She just wasn’t sure what kind of bond it was. Was it just friendship? Or was it something more?

  The question was, how did she feel if it was something more? She honestly didn’t know. There was a part of her that felt like she should think it was a betrayal to Brandon, but she didn’t. She knew him well enough to know he’d want her to be happy, and Noah to be, as well. She thought he might even give his blessing if they started something.

  But did she want to? She didn’t know. She’d thought for the longest time that even if she picked the pieces of her life back up, there would never be another man for her. That Brandon had been it, for life.

  It made little sense to her, but she and Noah had only been around each other for a little over twenty-four hours, and she already felt connected to him on a level she didn’t understand. It felt like they’d been friends back when, that they’d remained friends the whole time.

  That they could easily be more.

  She just didn’t know if her heart could take another risk. Especially on a man whose job was in law enforcement. It was too closely linked to the military in her eyes. He was still going on missions, just like he had when he was in the Marines. There was too much risk there.

  Groaning, she dropped her head back and looked up at the dusky sky. She was assuming a lot. She was coming to realize just how attracted to him she was. Being around him made her body feel like she was sitting next to a spark, and when he held her hand, it felt like electrical currents were dancing over her skin.

  But she didn’t know if he felt the same. Maybe he did—she saw him sneaking glances at her, his eyes warm with appreciation. She heard his swift intake of breath when they touched, like he felt the same things she did.

  That didn’t mean he had any desire to act on it, though. Or, even if he did, whether it would be anything more than physical for him.

  Who am I, she wondered. It felt like she slowly changed on the long drive from Virginia to Nevada, and that the change was complete and locked in when she set eyes on Noah the day before.

  She’d thought this before, but it felt even more relevant now. The Lily she was becoming was far from the Lily she’d been back home.

  And she kind of liked the new version of her.

  She heard the door to the hotel open, and she turned her head to see Noah striding toward her. Her breath caught as she watched his powerful, fluid form. He was intimidatingly big, but he didn’t scare her. He never had. He had a good heart, and from what she’d seen, a soft one.

  But that was the only soft thing about him. Her middle clenched deliciously as she ran her eyes up and down his body. He was a mountain of a man, and even from the distance still between them, he made her feel small. Protected and safe.r />
  And, she couldn’t deny—turned on. He was only walking toward her, and she was turned on.

  He came to a stop in front of her, his expression wary as he pulled his ballcap off and resettled it. He still kept his head shaved, she saw, even after all these years. And her palms itched with the need to stroke his beard. She almost did, but damn, it was way too soon to be feeling comfortable enough with him for that.

  What in the world had gotten into her?

  Clearing his throat, he looked around before exhaling and meeting her gaze. “So, um. I tried to get us two rooms close to each other, but they only have one room. In the whole hotel. Apparently, there’s some sort of festival going on, and they said all the hotels in town are booked up. It has double beds, but if you’re uncomfortable with us sharing, I could sleep in the backseat of the truck and you can have the room.”

  Her eyebrows rose and she looked dubiously at the truck. It was a really big vehicle, but he was a really big man, and she couldn’t see that working out well for him. She couldn’t let him sleep out there when there was a perfectly good bed inside that he could use.

  She had the newfound awareness and urges toward him she wasn’t used to, but surely she could control herself around him. Right?

  Looking back at him, she gave him an impish smile as she shrugged. “I can control myself if you can.”

  He sucked in a breath but she was already turning to open the door so she could get her laptop case. Closing her eyes tightly with exasperation directed at herself, she gave her head a little shake.

  Why had she said that? She’d just made it obvious that she was attracted to him, and if he didn’t return those sentiments, then she just made him uncomfortable with her. She wouldn’t be surprised at all if he insisted on sleeping in his truck after that.

  But Noah didn’t say anything. He walked to the other side of the truck and got their suitcases, and once they’d closed the doors and he’d locked it, he nodded for her to go with him into the hotel.

  They were silent as they walked through the lobby to the bank of elevators. She hardly noticed any of it, though, too lost in berating herself to pay attention to her surroundings. They reached the third floor, and he led her to a door, setting the suitcases on the floor and digging the keycards out of his pocket.

  He handed one to her, finally speaking as he turned to unlock the door. “Just because of the nature of the visit, I’d prefer us to stay together as much as possible, but you still need a key.”

  She arched an eyebrow over the stilted tone of his words, gazing at him as he held the door open and gestured her through. Her shoulders deflated as she walked through the archway, flipping the light switches as she went.

  Gasping, she looked around the spacious room, taking in how soft and new everything looked. It was a really nice room, and she realized she hadn’t even paid attention to what hotel they were staying at. Flipping the key over in her hand, her eyebrows rose when she saw the logo.

  “The Marriot? Fancy.”

  He shrugged as he looked around the room. “We always stay at a Marriot. They said it was just remodeled a couple months ago, too. Which bed would you prefer?”

  Narrowing her eyes, she watched him closely, but he never looked in her direction. Way to screw it up on the first go, Lily.

  “The one by the window, if that’s okay.”

  He nodded silently as he sat her suitcase gently down on the bed. He turned and did the same with his own on his bed, and then stood there for a minute. “You up for pizza? I see a list of delivery places on the bedside table.”

  “Noah, wait. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable with what I said. I meant it as a joke, but you might not be attracted to me like I am to you, so what I said could have been very bad, and—”

  She broke off as he spun toward her, and she could see his eyebrows were raised even though he still had his ballcap on. His light green eyes took on a glow as he studied her, and she frowned as she heard a sound.

  “Is that a purr? Is there a cat around?” she asked with confusion, looking around the room.

  The sound cut off and Noah shook his head as he cleared his throat, moving until he was just in front of her. “You’re attracted me?”

  “Good, I guess I wasn’t obvious about it,” she joked weakly. She wasn’t sure she was ready for this conversation, but she guessed they were having it anyway. “Yeah, I am. It’s been pretty strong since I got to Nevada, but it felt like it amplified during the drive here. It’s okay if you don’t feel it. I shouldn’t have—”

  His hand raised and he skimmed the backs of his fingers down her cheek, causing a shiver of heat to dance up her spine. “I feel it, Lily. Believe me, I feel it. I always have.”

  Her heart skipped a beat at his words, and then they sunk it. “What do you mean by always, Noah?”

  The green in his eyes literally dimmed as she watched, and what looked like shame crossed his face before he dipped his head down, the bill of his hat hiding his expression from her. “Maybe we should get the pizza—”

  She tapped a finger on his hat, interrupting him. She wanted to follow this conversation through. “It’s been always for me, too. The day Brandon brought you over, my first thought was, Damn, he’s hot. I’ve always been attracted to you and there’s no shame in it, Noah. Not for me, or for you, if that’s the case.”

  His brow was furrowed as he lifted his head, meeting her gaze. “But what about Brandon?”

  “What about him?” She laughed lightly. “I was married, not dead. I was allowed to look. Brandon did, too. Remember that waitress at the sports bar we went to a few times? Brandon thought she was hot. We were secure enough in our relationship, in our marriage, that finding someone else attractive was no big deal.”

  He hesitated a moment, shaking his head. “I bet he wouldn’t have felt that way about me being attracted to you.”

  She threw her head back with a laugh. “Ha! He would have eaten that up because it would have given him ample opportunity to tease you about how he got the girl, or shit like that. And you knew Bandon well. You know he wouldn’t have been upset about something like that.”

  Raising a hand, he ran it over his mouth and down his beard. “All these years, I thought—I was—”

  He broke off, shaking his head, and she looked at him closely. The shame she thought she saw on his face earlier was lurking in the back of his light green gaze, and realization dawned. “You felt bad about it, didn’t you? Is that the real reason you were always so quiet when I was around?”

  “I felt guilty about it. Brandon was one of my best friends and I had the hots for his wife. I didn’t want either of you to find out, and I didn’t want to like you any more than I did. I thought it was best for everyone if I kept my distance.”

  “Is that part of why you disappeared after the funeral?”

  He blew out a breath, raising a hand to rub the back of his neck. “What I said earlier about not wanting to be a bad reminder was true. But yeah, that was part of it. I felt bad enough for finding you attractive while he was alive, and I was already feeling guilty because I lived when he didn’t. I thought keeping in touch with you would make it worse, or you’d find out and it would make you uncomfortable.”

  “Oh, Noah. I wish I’d known. It wouldn’t have made me uncomfortable. The only way that would have happened was if you made a move back then. And if you had when Brandon was still alive, I’m sure that would have been what bothered him. But you never did, and you even went out of your way to keep your distance. That’s what counts. Not that you found me attractive, but that you didn’t act on it then. You’re an honorable man. I just wish you could see it in yourself.”

  He shrugged his massive shoulders as he glanced down for a long moment. “It didn’t feel honorable to me, but maybe you’re right.”

  “I know I’m right,” she replied with a smile. “Now stop being so hard on yourself about it. About all of it. You shouldn’t feel guilty for liking me, and you sure as hel
l shouldn’t feel guilty for surviving that blast. It was war, and sometimes some survive and others don’t. Sometimes no one survives, and I’m happy you did. I know Brandon would feel the same.”

  He swallowed hard, and when he spoke, his voice was low and ragged. “Thank you for that.”

  “Just telling the truth. Now, how about that pizza?”

  Giving her a half-smile, he nodded, moving to the table to look at the list of delivery places. Lily wrapped her arms around herself as she watched him, so many emotions coursing through her that she didn’t know where to begin separating them.

  She hadn’t had a clue that he liked her back then, but so much made sense now. Like she told him, she’d always thought he was good looking, too, but she never felt bad about it, because she never had the urge to act on it. She loved Brandon too much at the time for the thought to even cross her mind.

  It was clear Noah had loved him just as much, too. In a different way, of course, but enough that he not only didn’t act on it, but he held himself separate from her because his honor demanded it.

  And he grieved when Brandon died. He’d confirmed her suspicion about survivor’s guilt. A person didn’t feel that, not as strongly as he did, without caring about the person who passed away.

  Brandon had had a true friend in Noah, and her heart warmed as that realization washed over her. She’d known they were good friends, but she hadn’t realized just how close they were.

  She smiled and nodded as Noah asked her if she wanted to try a local place. He was standing between the beds, big, solid, and strong, with a huge heart of gold. She hated that he had so much misplaced guilt, but she was going to do her best to alleviate some, if not all, of it.

  Nibbling on her lower lip, she wondered if, and how, the talk they just had changed anything. She knew he was attracted to her, but whether he wanted to take it any further was still a mystery.

  And if he did, could they work past his feelings and the history they shared? She didn’t know. She wasn’t even sure if she wanted to continue down the path they’d begun. Their shared past could make it difficult, or it could make it as easy as breathing.