Deadly Choice

by Jack Parker

  He stepped into the car and slid into the seat, closing the door behind him. He turned to Kim. There was a smile upon her face. It was small and singed with nervousness but it was there. Robin couldn't help but smile right back. He turned the key and the engine started. That action was more than just the starting of the engine. It was the start of something far bigger than that. Bigger than both of them. Something that they couldn't fight any longer, no matter how hard they tried. Maybe they weren't going to plough headlong into a relationship. They needed to test the waters first. But they were going to stop fighting it and start letting it take them wherever they were meant to go. That, thought Robin, was all they needed for now.

  * * *

  As he watched them drive away the taxi driver dabbed at his eye. Rarely had he seen a more moving public display of affection. It got him right there, in his heart. As he blew his nose loudly on a dirty handkerchief and started his taxi a sudden thought overcame him and his wistful expression was replaced by a scowl of the highest degree.

  "Hey!" he cried, "that cow didn't pay her fucking fare!"

  And with that his faith in the human race was ruined once more.

  Epilogue

  It was nearing 8 when Robin woke. He turned over and there she was beside him. A smile spread across his face. He reached out and gently ran his fingers down her arm. It was funny, seeing her laying there still fully clothed. But she hadn't wanted him to see her bruises and he understood that because he didn't want her to see his scars. At least hers would fade away with time.

  He lay there, just staring at her for such a long time. Gazing in fact, not that he allowed himself to acknowledge that. That was far too cheesy and soppy for his liking. And Kim would have a fit.

  He'd been staring at her for twenty minutes when her eyes began to open very slowly. The first thing that she saw was his face lying beside her, the smile not fading for a moment. She looked at him curiously.

  "What?" she demanded.

  Robin's smile broadened a little.

  "You're still here," he said.

  There was a part of him that thought he would wake up and she would be gone. He spent the night worrying that she would change her mind and leave. But now morning had arrived, she was still lying beside him.

  Kim began to smile back but the full force of the pain throughout her body came back to her and she gave a little gasp. Robin looked alarmed and his face crumpled with worry.

  "It's OK," Kim whispered, "I'm OK. I just didn't think the leaving hospital thing through very well," her body tensed up as the pain travelled through her limbs. "they've got all the painkillers and I've got all the pain."

  Robin bit his lip. He hesitated for a moment then got out of bed.

  "Wait there," he said as he disappeared out the door.

  "I'm not going to go and do a run to the offy," Kim told him, wondering where the hell he was going.

  He returned a moment later with a little cardboard box and slipped out a strip of tablets.

  "Here," he said, pressing out two from the foil and handing them to her.

  "What's this?" Kim frowned.

  "Don't worry, it's not something I got from Nailer," Robin teased as she climbed back into bed beside her, "they're painkillers. They're left from –" he trailed away and swallowed. He didn't want to remember his horrific cuts after Keats's attack. Luckily Kim understood and nodded.

  "What are they?" she asked.

  "Codeine and something. Paracetamol. Not the weedy ones you buy over the counter for migraines, this is the real stuff, two of these and you lose all sense in your body!" her paused, "not to mention your brain…"

  Kim gave a tired smile and slowly began to sit up, flinching with every movement. Robin handed her a glass of water and she took them, coughing a little at the vile tasting coating.

  "Thanks," she said as she handed the glass back to him.

  "I was saving them for when you put the colour in my tattoo," Robin joked, "speaking of which, when's that gonna happen then?"

  "Cheeky git," exclaimed Kim, "I can barely move my arms, you think the colour's going to go anywhere near the right places?"

  Robin was laughing. That was the laugh Kim loved. He hadn't been doing enough of that lately. She supposed that was partly her fault.

  "Sorry," he said, "take your time. Get better. Then attack me with ink and needles." He brushed her hair from her forehead as he looked at her seriously. "How are you feeling Kim?" he paused, "I don't mean the bruises."

  Kim hesitated.

  "What do you mean?" she asked quietly.

  "No regrets?" he asked quietly.

  Kim shook her head slowly. There was a smile on her lips.

  "No," she whispered.

  There was a part of Robin that still couldn't believe what he'd suggested, willingly going behind Linda's back and conducting what was probably going to be a very strange affair. He wasn't even sure whether it was going to be physical – or get physical at any time – he knew some things were easier to handle than others so they would start from there and see where life took them.

  That was half the problem – the pressure they felt to be like 'normal' couples and do the things that 'normal' couples do. But they weren't a normal couple, nor would they ever be. Quite apart from the fact that neither was the right gender for the other and the loves of their life were stuck in some other world on the other side of death, there was the fact that both seemed to be a whisker away from crossing over that line but constantly being pulled back.

  They had to take a different approach. Nothing wrong with that.

  Robin found his hand wandering to her arm again and rubbing it gently. He was really quite surprised by how affectionate he was around Kim. He'd never really been one to do that. There was something about Kim that made him open up in ways he never had before, even with Simon. Perhaps because Kim was such an open person, he thought.

  "I hate to bring this up," he began.

  "It doesn't involve the word 'stiffy' does it?" Kim asked in alarm.

  "No!" Robin cried indignantly but he saw Kim laughing and rolled his eyes. "This is serious." He hesitated. "Linda." He heard her sigh. "What are you going to tell her about last night?"

  Kim looked down. She knew Linda was going to be the white elephant that was always going to snuggle into bed between them.

  "I don't think I'll have to say anything," she said quietly, "visiting hours start at eleven. As long as I get home by about half ten she'll never know. I'll just tell her I escaped this morning."

  Robin nodded. He looked at her seriously and said quietly,

  "Kim?"

  "Yeah?"

  Robin swallowed.

  "The baby," he whispered.

  Immediately Kim's expression changed completely. Her eyes misted over and her face turned visibly paler. He saw her lip tremble.

  "Yes?"

  Robin took a deep breath.

  "When does it stop hurting, Kim?" he whispered.

  Kim felt her heart aching. She reached out for his hand and intertwined her fingers with his.

  "it doesn't," she whispered. It pained her to tell him but she couldn't lie. "It never goes away completely. There will be moments out the blue where it comes back to you. Something will just trigger it… a word or a sound or a smell, just reminds you out of the blue." She looked at him sincerely. "But it fades. With time. It never goes away but it doesn't always feel this bad."

  With his fingers linked through hers, Robin pulled her hand towards him and gently kissed it. He knew the last time she went through a miscarriage she was in a strange world and had to cope with so much of it alone. This tome he'd be by her side. They'd face it together.

  Silence fell for a while as both felt lost in their thoughts. Finally Robin spoke.

  "I've got a theoretical for you," he said.

  Kim looked at him curiously.

  "Hmm?"

  "Say next week we both got his by a bus…"

  Kim frowned.

  "
Exactly how theoretical is this?" she asked, "are you planning on doing me in?"

  "No, seriously," said Robin, "what would happen if we got hit by a bus or something and both ended up there. What would happen to us?"

  Kim wasn't sure her mind was ready to process this yet.

  "Probably get slammed against a filing cabinet by Gene?" she suggested.

  "No, I mean 'us'," Robin told her.

  Kim sighed

  "I know," she said. She shook her head slowly. "Rob, I'm having trouble even contemplating the idea that I might go back there. I'd been out of the force a really long time, I thought that I would never be there again. Now I'm back in CID… and twice I almost…" she closed her eyes and exhaled. "I can't even work out how I'd feel about being back there, let alone anything else.

  Robin bit his lip.

  "Shaz would be there," he said quietly.

  "So would Simon," Kim countered.

  "So what would happen to us?" Robin asked, "would we just… fade away?"

  "We don't even know if there is an 'us' yet," said Kim.

  "This feels like an 'us'," Robin told her, rubbing her arm gently.

  There was a smile on Kim's face but it was tinged with sadness.

  "Rob," she began, "I don't know if either of us can even think about that until it happens. Everything could be different by then. Years could pass. Or only days. Could be either extreme, and I have no idea what we'll do. But I do know that, right now, I could stay here forever. Next to you, all tucked up in bed." She reached out and stroked his hair from his eyes. "You know it always makes you look really cheeky when you've only got one eye peeping out from under that hair…"

  Robin gave a laugh.

  "I see the painkillers are starting to take effect," he teased, tapping her forehead.

  Kim smiled but then her expression turned serious. "Robin?"

  "Hmm?"

  Kim looked upset.

  "I'm so sorry," she whispered.

  "What for?"

  "For pushing you away," she said quietly, "I thought I was doing the right thing."

  Robin bit his lip.

  "And now?"

  Kim sighted.

  "Not sure how it can be the right thing when it was making me so miserable."

  "Both of us miserable," Robin pointed out.

  Kim looked tearful.

  "I'm so sorry," she whispered.

  Robin gave a smile and kissed her on the cheek so softly.

  "I think we were both at fault, " he said, "I've been a little crazy ever since this started. Didn't know how to handle it. I even called a radio agony aunt." He pulled a face. "Pretended to be Evan."

  Kim couldn't help bui laugh.

  "So are you going to grow a beard too?" she asked.

  "I've already got the sleeping with a married woman part perfectly," Robin joked. Even though it wasn't really that funny they both laughed a little. The situation seemed so ridiculous. Suddenly Robin closed his eyed and cursed.

  "What's the matter?" Kim asked.

  Robin sighed.

  "Nick Nailer has my condoms," he said.

  Kim took a deep breath.

  "Aside from sounding like a headline on a tabloid scoop I think you'll have to explain that one to me," she said.

  "Long story," Robin said.

  When he turned the colour of a post box Kim thought it best not to ask any more questions. She tried to prop herself up a little and asked instead.

  "So what was with the Gene Hunt impression?"

  Robin frowned.

  "I don't remember doing one of those, I'm not very good at accents," he said.

  "No, the driving," Kim sighed.

  Robin looked a little embarrassed.

  "Desperate times and all that," he said, flustered. He looked her in the eye. "worked though, didn't it?"

  "Well I'm here, aren't I?" smiled Kim.

  "Not for long though," Robin said a little sadly. He knew in an hour or so he'd have to wave her goodbye and surrender her to Linda. He wasn't sure how either of them were going to handle that, or the situation they'd put themselves in but he also wanted Kim to be certain before she took a big step that she might regret.

  They both knew that things weren't going to be easy but they'd decided to give it a try. They knew there would be moments of freaking out, struggles to get to grips with body parts and added complications from people who were there on the other side. But they also knew that despite all the odds there was something there between them and they couldn't fight it any longer.

  They'd been through so much in just a few short weeks and knew they could never go back to being just friends. They didn't know what they were instead, but they'd be finding out together.

  They had a while lifetime ahead of them.

  Unless, of course, destiny had other plans.

  * * * * *

  THE END

  Copyright © 2019 by Jack Parker