In the meantime, I wrote vacuous letters to M’Tek, professing nothing, and explaining in detail the goings on of every tedious council meeting. I was dying for some indication of continued affection from her, but all I received were the occasional letters filled with mindless updates about the Fae nobles I’d befriended. Soon I knew, in excruciating detail, which noble was joining with whom, and what families were expecting offspring in the coming months. Still, I didn’t know whether or not M’Tek missed me. I, however, pined for her. I’d wake up in the middle of the night to reach across my bed needing to touch her, for that blissful moment forgetting I was home. I would hear something amusing, and want nothing more than to share it with her, and suddenly my smile would dissolve, my chest aching.
I had to keep my emotional instability hidden, however, as I was in the midst of trying to select a consort. Finally, I resorted to the only course of action that eased my pain in the slightest. I began socializing with my Vilken guests, and drinking copious amounts of berrywine.
It was during one of my raucous and berrywine drenched evenings that the Vassek twins caught my attention. It was something in the way Kieran moved that reminded me of M’Tek, a sort of careless assurance, or swagger, possibly. Anyway, with M’Tek so far away, anyone that brought even the faintest glimmer of her to me was appreciated. Kieran was close to M’Tek’s height, but had black hair instead of white, and nearly black eyes, instead of pale silver. Still, her nose was straight and longish, reminiscent of M’Tek’s, though on M’Tek’s face the effect was elegant, whereas for Kieran, it only made her interesting to look at. Kieran was wild, wilder by far than her brother Kolten. She was always looking for dangerous stunts, and challenging the young men in the training yard.
I found her intriguing, when compared to the other Vilken women Pet had invited. Developing a friendship with Kieran was easy. We raced our horses, and of course I always won. Sabea was faster and lighter than the shorter, heavier, Vilken animals. Still, Kieran kept challenging me, always thinking she could somehow best me. I rode with her through the woods, racing to the wall, and to the lookout where I could observe how normal people lived, and wonder at what I was missing.
Kieran was easy company, and always game to out drink me, something no one else was willing to do. Kolten slowly became a third wheel in our antics, and the two of them turned out to be my favorites among the guests. Pet watched all of this unfold with concern in her beautiful eyes. Clearly, Pet was afraid I was falling in love with the twins. As far as she was concerned my joining with Kolten would be a disaster for the stability of my throne. He was too far beneath me in rank for my people to accept the match.
Late one evening, after drinking too much berrywine, Kieran challenged me to another horse race. She had sent for her family’s fastest horse, a light chestnut mare that was longer limbed than most Vilken horses. I laughed at Kieran as she strutted and bragged about the animal’s unfathomable speed. Finally, after the berrywine did its work upon me, I consented to a race.
The grooms were all in their beds when we stole quietly out to the barn. I looped the lead around Sabea’s neck and attached it to her halter, not even bothering to tack up. Following my example, Kieran did the same with her mare, and we set off from the stable at a dead run. Sabea easily took the fences leading to the woods, whereas Kieran’s mare balked, throwing her through the air and into a pile of muck at the edge of the paddock. I won the race by default, and trotted back to help Kieran catch her mount.
After we tended to our horses, and returned them to their stalls for the night, I found myself more sober than I wished to be, and alone with Kieran. She still seemed tipsy, and looped her arm across my shoulders in an overly familiar way. My shield hummed around me, vibrating through my bones.
“You know, Lore, you’re a lot more fun than I thought you’d be,” she commented as we headed back to the palace. “I thought you were strung so tight you might split, that first time you had us visit.” I really didn’t know how to respond to that, so I didn’t. “You like me too, don’t you?” she asked innocently. I smiled.
“Of course I like you, Kieran,” was my automatic reply. It was true.
“I know a secret,” she whispered.
“I’m sure you know many,” I said, not really caring to hear it.
“Kolten’s in love with you,” she said without any urging.
“I doubt that,” I replied, knowing what love felt and looked like. Kolten was not in love with me. He simply craved the power I could offer him, as did his entire family.
“You don’t love him, though, do you?” she asked, stopping our progress toward the palace.
“I do not,” I admitted.
“But you love someone,” she said, her smile broadening. “Tell me, Lore, please. I won’t say anything to the others,” she promised.
“Kieran, don’t,” I said sharply, wanting her to behave so we could just get back inside, and I could have another glass of berrywine and feel light again. I didn’t want to think about how I felt.
“You can’t keep it all inside,” she said. “I can look at you and tell. You’re aching with it,” she observed.
“All right. I love someone I can’t join with, someone who can’t provide Vilkerland with an heir,” I admitted.
“I knew it,” she boasted. “You never even look at them,” she observed. “They could eviscerate themselves vying for your attention and you’d never notice. You don’t want any of those well-bred boys, do you?” I shook my head, but kept my mouth tightly shut. “You’re like me,” she said in a conspiratorial tone. Apparently excited by this revelation, Kieran did something she shouldn’t have. She tried to kiss me.
She lunged forward, but her lips never touched mine. I felt the fluttering and humming through my blood in an instant, and then Kieran was stumbling backward. She hit the wall and then crumpled down on the floor. I was at her side quickly, my shield still pulsing in waves over my skin. I had to concentrate to touch her through the barrier fizzling around me.
“Are you all right?” I asked, frightened I might have injured her.
“What happened?” she asked, lifting to sit up. “Did you hit me?” I shook my head.
“No, of course not,” I said.
“Then what happened?” she asked, staring at me strangely.
“It’s my shield. I can’t always control it,” I admitted.
“You hit me with a shield?” she asked, confused. “I never saw it.”
“It’s not something you can see,” I replied. “But no one can touch me unless I allow it,” I added. “When you tried to kiss me, it was a surprise. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“But you didn’t want me to kiss you either,” she concluded. I shook my head.
“No,” I admitted.
“This shield must be a great help in battle,” Kieran observed, giving me a sideways glance.
Kieran managed to stand up, with my help, and we walked back toward the palace in silence. I was no longer in the mood for another glass of berrywine, and so separated from her at the stairs, and went up to my own apartment. I needed to be alone.
The following morning Kieran came to sit with me in the banquet hall as she had done on most mornings of late. She didn’t mention my shield, or her disastrous attempt at kissing me. Instead, she challenged me to another race, certain the fences had been the problem for her mare, convinced that she could beat me on flat ground. Of course I consented to the rematch. I had to appease her.
-CH 8-
I received an invitation from M’Tek about two weeks after the unfortunate incident with my shield. It was formal to the point of officiousness, but not quite aloof. Regardless, I detected excitement in the phrasing. With a smile I noted, the Fae Queen was slipping. Anyway, she asked me to join her on a tour through the Eastern Noge Territory, offering beautiful views of the Craggy Mountains of the north, the Abyss Canyon, and a glimpse of perma ice to the distant northeast. I was considerably less interested in the sights a
nd wonders on offer, than the opportunity to have M’Tek in my arms again. It had been more than three months since I’d last glimpsed her. A close second for motivation was the chance to dig through the well-stocked libraries for which the Noge are famous. I hoped to find some lead in my search for the cure to M’Tek’s illness.
I set out with only my guards and Faira for company, leaving Pet behind to watch over my palace full of young Vilken nobles. I knew in my absence the scene would quickly devolve into chaos, but felt only a slight pang of guilt upon abandoning Pet to manage the scene she had, in fact, created. For her part, Pet seemed immensely relieved to see me off, and safely away from what she called the influence of those devious Vassek twins.
Through the days of journey eastward, all I could think about was seeing M’Tek again, and so I paid little attention to my guards. It wasn’t until Lord Roland drew his horse up alongside of mine that I realized how withdrawn I’d been.
“You are quiet, my Queen. Are you worried about the route?” he asked politely.
I turned to smile at the head of my guard, noticing that his honey-colored eyes appeared troubled. I wondered if he was apprehensive about the crossing through the pass.
“How could I be worried with you, and the rest of my guards, here to protect me?” I replied. “I’m only imagining the Abyss Canyon. It must be enormous to deserve such a name,” I suggested, making small talk with the man. “Have you ever seen it?”
When he smiled I noticed his beard was shaved, leaving only a small tuft of wispy black hair on his chin, and making him appear younger, and more sociable. I wondered how long it had been since this alteration in his appearance, deciding not to comment on it. It might have been months since I’d actually looked closely enough at him to notice.
“I’ve never been north into the Noge Territories. My only travels have been in war, and leading your royal guard on your visit to the Fae Queen last winter,” he replied. “I should truly like to see the canyon, if you decide to bring some of your guards with you northward,” he said, clearly hinting.
I realized what was troubling him. “Lord Roland, are you concerned for my safety?” I asked. “Do you believe the Fae might harm me?”
“It isn’t my place to question your judgment, my Queen,” he offered, before immediately questioning my judgment. “I know the Fae Queen was forward with you, during the season. We all witnessed your continuous rebuffs at her unnatural advances. My only concern is that without your guards, she may be bolder in her attentions and more difficult to curb. You’re still very young, and inexperienced with the world. You may not realize how utterly unlike us the Fae are,” he pointed out. “I learned a great deal of their culture while we were in Faeland for their season. They’re unrestricted in their amorous pursuits. Conventional roles of men and women mean nothing to them. Also, it is difficult for a seasoned warrior to forget the many battles Vilkerland fought against the Fae. The Fae Queen was often on the field,” he added. “Her white hair is striking in battle.”
“We are no longer at war with Faeland, Lord Roland,” I replied gently. “And you were there at my side, fighting the false king with me, when M’Tek led that same Fae army in to flank our enemy. In one day of battle, she shortened our war by months, possibly even years,” I added. “She’s a valuable ally. You must see that.”
Lord Roland bowed his head, “As you say, my Queen. It is not my place to question your judgment.”
I knew we were not in agreement, but pursuing the conversation would accomplish nothing. I would not bring my guards north with me simply to ease his mind. In reality, I was looking forward to being rid of my Vilken watchdogs. Lord Roland was simply having trouble adjusting to the new world of peace M’Tek and I were building. I let the subject drop.
The crossing through Smugglers Pass was uneventful. We came across several Borderlings, some even appeared hostile, but none made any attempt to engage us. The meeting point with M’Tek and her guards was a few days ride north from the pass, into Faeland, toward the border to the Eastern Noge Territory. We came upon this location a little less than a week after our departure, and set up camp to await the arrival of M’Tek and her entourage.
Several hours later, across the vast distance of a valley, I spotted her. She was on the other side of a dry riverbed, but when she noticed our little encampment, she pushed Twyneth into a gallop, quickening the pace of her guards. I wanted to ride Sabea out to meet her, but my heart was pounding in my chest, and I was afraid I would be unable to control my reaction. I needed those several minutes it took her to reach me in order to bring my emotions to heel.
I spent that time quietly saddling Sabea, slowly gathering my possessions, and generally preparing for my departure with the Fae. Faira was not so contained. The white wolfhound recognized the Fae Queen even across that distance, and for the first time since our journey began, Faira left my side, taking off like lightening to greet M’Tek and usher her back to me.
M’Tek approached at the front of her guard, her white hair billowing around her shoulders as the high winds of the valley whipped through it. She came to a quick halt as she aligned Twyneth beside me where I stood with Sabea. I let my gaze move over her face, stopping at her full lips for a moment before returning to her light, laughing eyes. She was so close, but I refrained from reaching out to her. Instead, I offered a slight nod. I wanted nothing more than to touch her, to wrap my arms around her, to press my lips to hers, and to taste and smell her until I was certain she was still mine.
Instead, I climbed up on Sabea and kept a respectable distance, as the remainder of her guards formed a loose circle around our encampment. Once I sat astride Sabea, beside her on Twyneth, M’Tek’s knee pressed against mine, not by accident. As if entranced, I gazed down at where she’d made contact and concentrated to slow my heart.
Finally, I raised my gaze to Lord Roland. He appeared uncomfortable, nervous even, as his eyes shifted around the circle of mounted Fae guards. Clearly he didn’t like being closed in by those he still viewed as enemies.
“Lord Roland,” I called, forcing his attention away from his hyper vigilance. When his eyes darted to mine I rode over to him.
“My Queen,” he replied in an overly calm voice. I offered a warm smile, hoping he might relax.
“Queen M’Tek’s guards will keep me safe. I daresay even the Fae Queen herself might, if the need arises.” I smiled at M’Tek. “She is, after all, quite capable.”
“Your Queen is safe with us, Lord Roland,” M’Tek assured him in clipped Vilken, her precise Fae accent putting an enormous grin on my face.
“Thank you for escorting me this far,” I added to my loyal guardsman. “You should break camp and head back toward the pass as soon as possible, while there are a few hours left of daylight. The nearest rest is five hours ride southwest,” I pointed out.
He shifted his weight back and forth, from one boot to the other; appearing concerned to see me leave with these people he still considered foes. Finally, he said, “If you wish to keep one of your Vilken brethren with you, I should like to see that Abysmal Canyon.” I smiled at him, noticing he’d gotten the name wrong. For some reason that little slip made his attempt at controlling me somehow endearing.
“Your concern does not go unnoticed,” I said gently, placing a hand on his shoulder and looking down at him. “Nor is it unappreciated. I will be safe though, Lord Roland. I assure you of that.” He nodded with his attention focused on my hand.
“As you say, my Queen,” he replied, his face coloring slightly. I took my hand away, realizing I’d confused the man.
As we were riding away, M’Tek drew Twyneth close to me. Touching my arm in emphasis, she said, “I do not trust that one, your Lord Roland. He is too emotional. Emotion makes men unpredictable.” Her comment took me by surprise. Reading my reaction, she added, “The captain of your guard must never be possessive of you, Lore. Such situations are dangerous.” Not quite certain how to respond, I only nodded.
W
e rode for several hours the first day, only stopping for dinner and to make camp once we’d crossed the border into The Eastern Noge Territory. M’Tek kept us moving. She wanted to reach the first Eastern Noge family we were to visit by early afternoon of the following day. When we finally stopped for the evening, M’Tek and I worked together to assemble her tent. Once camp was set, the focus shifted to food, and M’Tek and I were free to wash up in the nearby stream.
We had hardly spoken since leaving my guards behind, and I felt nervous with her, as we headed out to the stream that wound its way through the south side of our camp. I was carrying my little bag, containing my bathing gown and soaps, swinging it between us as a sort of barrier, while trying not to appear tense. M’Tek gave a sidelong glance to the bag when I accidentally bumped her with it the second time, and I felt suddenly like a child.
When we reached the stream, M’Tek surveyed the area with a quick glance, making certain we were alone. Once satisfied, she began undressing. I turned away from her, and began shifting out of my dusty travel garb.
“What’s wrong, Lore?” she asked, from close behind my shoulder. I quickly slipped my bathing gown over my head and turned to face her. She wore her cloak, but was naked beneath. She held it closed around her, her arms crossed around her waist in a defensive stance.
“It’s nothing,” I said. M’Tek nodded.
“Have these twins turned your head?” she asked gently.
“Twins?” I asked, confused. “Do you mean Kieran and Kolten?”
“I know it’s difficult, this time apart. We’ve been separated for nearly three months. I’ve had the benefit of quite a few years to develop patience, constancy even. You’re younger, though. I understand if you grew tired of waiting,” she explained. “It’s all right,” she whispered.
“For what, exactly, am I being forgiven?” I challenged, standing taller and gazing at her directly.
“My cousin has kept me informed,” she said, shifting her gaze to the stream. “You’re taken with this Vilken girl, and her brother could provide you with a child,” she added. I stared at her, speechless for a moment. She thought I’d slept with Kieran, and possibly her brother, too. “I’ll do whatever you want, Lore, be whatever you need me to be,” she added, generously. “I know I hold no claim on you. I don’t want you to feel obligated to me, or…”
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