Walking on Sunshine: A Sweet Love Story (Seasons of Love Book 1)

by Lakes, Krista

“Yeah, I'm a little out of it,” I replied. I had actually been watching him and his phone and making mental notes of how many times he used it.

  At one point, I left my phone upstairs on purpose and tried asking to borrow his to text Ben. Instead of letting me have his, he went and walked all the way to my bedroom to grab mine. I’d opened my heart to him, and in return he didn’t trust me enough with his phone. What else was he hiding?

  I finally heard the soft even breaths that meant Cee had dozed off. I wasn’t the only one that was tired. I will talk to him in the morning about it, then I will have the courage to.

  I tried to fall asleep with no success, tossing and turning throughout the night. I just kept thinking that this was all a lie. That I was going to get burned again.

  I had just closed my eyes when I heard Cee’s phone go off. He looked over at me, but I continued to keep my eyes closed since wanted to see what he would do if he thought I was asleep.

  “Hello?” He picked up the phone with a whisper and walked into the master bathroom shutting the door slightly. I perked up my ears trying to hear his more.

  “Now? Okay, I'll be there in a minute.” He hung up the phone and stepped into the bedroom.

  I could feel him looking at me to see if I really was asleep. I didn’t move and tried to keep my breathing steady. I heard him pick up his shirt, pants and walk into the hallway. It wasn’t until I heard the front door shut that the tears started to come.

  He had left me to go be with someone else.

  I couldn’t believe I’d been so dumb. I laid there on my bed, slowly letting the tears fall. The world was spinning and everything hurt. I had let myself get carried away with the first guy who was cute and showed me some kindness. I had finally started to feel like I was back to my old self before the whole divorce.

  But now, I felt just as bad, if not worse. I could only blame myself now. I started to mentally tally up my mistakes, and could feel my heartache with each one I remembered. Luckily, before I could finish my list sleep claimed me.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  My eyes opened to the light shining in from my bedroom window. I looked around and saw Cee fast asleep next to me. I couldn’t believe he came back. Maybe I had just dreamed it. I looked around and saw that he was wearing a different outfit then before. He started to move and pulled me into his arms.

  “How did you sleep last night?”

  “Okay. How about you?” I kept my voice flat. I could feel the emotions rise inside of me.

  “Like a baby.” My body tensed.

  Liar.

  I scooted away from him and pretended I needed to stretch. I caught a faint smell of perfume that didn’t belong to me. It burned in my nostrils.

  He stood up and looked at me with a grin. He looked at me like nothing had changed. As if he hadn't just snuck out in the middle of the night to see someone else and then come back to my bed like nothing had happened.

  “I'm going to hop in the shower. You are welcome to join in a little bit if you would like.” He winked.

  “Okay.” I heard the bathroom door closed.

  I couldn’t believe he had lied right to my face. I looked at where he slept and saw his phone. I reached for it, hesitating slightly. I knew what I was about to do was wrong, but I didn’t want to live in the dark like I did last time. Melissa’s voice echoed in my head, telling me the only way I'll truly know is if I looked. I heard the shower start and grabbed it.

  I clicked it on and it was locked with a pattern. I tried to picture the motions he made every time he went to his phone. I drew a ‘z ‘ like pattern, the phone vibrated slightly at the incorrect password.

  I sighed. Only two more times before it locked me out

  I tried a smaller ‘z’. like motion and held my breath. It gave a slight vibration in my hand, but this time it pulled me to the home screen. I went straight to the calls to see who had called him last night.

  Grace. She called him multiple times a week. I quickly checked the text messages. There was me, Ben, and then an Ann in his frequent contacts. I went and clicked the Ann name and started scrolling through.

  Ann: So, have you told your new GF about me?

  Cee: Not yet, I'm nervous to tell her.

  Ann: What, you ashamed of me LOL. Can’t handle two women in your life?

  Cee: No not that, just don’t know what she will think. You are the most important thing to me. You know I love you right?

  Ann: Oh stop being so mushy

  It hurt so much to read, but I couldn’t stop.

  I kept reading through the messages of I love you. Can I see you tonight?

  What is for Dinner?

  Miss you.

  I'm so bored.

  It was so great to see you last night.

  I am sorry I kept you up...

  I became angrier with each text I read. I must have lost track of time reading through them, because I heard Cee clear his throat. I looked up startled, and ashamed that he caught me. It soon was replaced with my fuming anger.

  “What are you doing?” he asked, his voice stern. He was still dripping in his towel.

  “I could ask you the same thing. Who the hell is Ann?” I stood up showing him the phone. He blanched and his mouth opened. He tried to make a sound. I continued to stare at him, waiting for an answer.

  “Who the hell is Ann or Grace?” I asked again, getting closer to him.

  “No one ... just, she, I mean...” He struggled to find words. His eyes looked at mine as they tried to find something to hang on to.

  “I trusted you, Cee. I opened my life up to you. Allowed you to become apart of not only mine, but Ben’s world.” My voice started rising. It sounded shrill and painful even to my own ears. “You talked about caring about people while you have them in your life, but clearly you don’t give a shit about other people. I doubt you ever cared for me. Just thought I was a piece of ass you could have as you worked. You probably don’t even really care about Ben, either.”

  I was reeling. I wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt me. I had touched a nerve with that last statement. His jaw clenched and his hands balled slightly. He took in a shaky breath and regained his composure. His face went blank and he had an icy glare.

  “Don’t you ever accuse me of not caring. I love you. I love Ben.” Cee grabbed the phone out of my hand. “I can’t believe you don’t trust me. Going through my phone, reading my messages. If you had any doubts you should have of come to me. Should have asked me. I thought you cared for me.” He pointed his finger at me.

  I stared at him. How could he be mad at me? He was the one who was hiding things. I narrowed my eyes and crossed my arms in front of my chest. “You are angry at me? You sound like every other jackass who has ever gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar!” I screamed at him.

  He grabbed his gym shorts and pulled them on and snatched his shirt. The house vibrated as he stormed down the stairs. I followed him, not done with giving him a piece of my mind.

  “And, I didn’t trust you? I told you everything. Just to find that you are texting some floozy, and sneaking out late at night when Grace calls. How many girls do you have?”

  “If you let me explain...” Cee turned around, looking at me. We were both breathing heavily, my face hot with anger, and his was blank.

  “No. You've kept too many secrets from me. How do I know that you are not just going to tell another smooth lie? You know how distrustful of people I am. I can’t let you manipulate me anymore. I'm done. Leave, and don’t come back. I'll find someone else to take care of my son.” I pointed to the door.

  He tried to open his mouth a few more times, staring at me while he tried to say something. I opened the door forcefully and gestured to him to exit. He finally closed his mouth and walked out. At the bottom step, he turned around to look at me. The icy glare was gone. It had been replaced with fear. He was finally realizing what he had done.

  “Jes, I'm sorry I didn’t explain this sooner. It's really complicat
ed. Ann is...”

  I held up my hand.

  “I don’t care, I'm done with you. I thought we were open and honest, and you weren’t. You manipulated me. I can’t forgive that. Don't come back.”

  I slammed the door shut, and the windowpanes rattled with the force of it. He was still out there. I could feel his heartache through the door, and I thought of opening the door up and apologizing. Letting him explain. But, he had lied to me.

  Hurt me. Betrayed me.

  I couldn't open that door if I was going to at least keep a sliver of my pride. My body started to shake as I sobbed. I couldn’t believe it had happened again. How could I be so dumb?

  I sunk to the floor and wept, the racking sobs taking over until I had no more tears left inside of me. It wasn’t until my stomach started to grumble that I paid attention to something in my body other than the pain my heart. I stood up checking the window to make sure Cee had gone. I secretly hoped that he was still there.

  But he was gone.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  I called Melissa. I knew she was free and I needed to get a drink in me fast.

  “Hello?” Melissa asked the phone groggily, I checked the clock, it was only nine am.

  “I'm so sorry. I didn’t realize it was this early. I can call back later.” I could hear my voice shake, and hoped that Melissa was too tired to notice.

  “What’s wrong?” Melissa immediately woke up.

  “I checked Cee’s phone, and he has been texting a girl named Ann. He says he loves her and missed her.” I could feel the tears coming again. “Not to mention some woman named Grace.”

  “That asshole. Give me five. I'll be right over.” Before I got another word out she hung up.

  I sat down at the kitchen table and slumped forward, slowly hitting my forehead against the table. I did it again. Each time my head hit, I hoped I would jar myself into understanding how I could have been so stupid. How could I have fallen for this trick yet again?

  A gentle tapping sound at the door caused me to raise my head and glance at the door. Melissa had arrived. I turned around and gestured with my hand that it was open. She came in with a gallon of orange juice, a handle of tequila, a bottle of champagne, and small red bottle of grenadine.

  “Oh, honey.” She placed the items on the table and hugged me. I knew she would come through with the drinks. Without saying a word, she poured me some tequila, orange juice and grenadine.

  “Let's start out with the hard stuff, and then if you want to switch to champagne for a classic breakfast we can.” She handed me a drink.

  “Cheers.” We both downed our glasses. I could feel the alcohol as it hit my stomach. It was a strong drink, but the orange juice and grenadine masked the potency. It instantly sent a calming feeling throughout my muscles. I knew alcohol wasn’t the answer, but it was at least a good start.

  “Another.” I pushed my drink over to Melissa and she poured me another drink.

  “Now this one, please take it slower.” She held it back until I nodded. “Last thing I want to do is make you get sick.”

  I only sipped at it this time, enjoying the tingling feeling it gave. I put my head back down on to the table. The cool table felt good against my hot face. Melissa sipped her drink and didn’t say a word.

  I heard another knock on the door and saw Tricia standing on the porch. I looked at her confused. She held up a bag from the local bakery. I nodded and she came in.

  “I hope you don’t mind, but I called reinforcements,” Melissa said.

  Melissa stood up and hugged Tricia who placed the bag on the table as well. I put my head back down on the table and listened as they busied themselves in the kitchen. The smell from the bag was intoxicating, sweet and warm.

  I heard a final knock and saw Cindy with a hand full of coffee cups. I nodded my head and put it back on the table, focusing on the alcohol as it ran through my system. I felt better and could finally look at them all without crying.

  They brought everything over to the table. The three of them sat there and smiled at me, not wanting to break the silence. I could tell they were worried that if they said anything it would send me over the edge. They had learned from my divorce how I handled heartbreak. It involved a lot of food and booze before I would talk.

  My eyes went from their faces to the food. They had thought of everything. There were breakfast sandwiches, hash browns and chocolate filled croissants. I saw coffee, rum and creamer to add to my drink selection. I smiled and greedily filled up a plate.

  Food was always a good answer. I felt the girls’ eyes on me with each move that I made. I was thankful that they were not bombarding me with questions, but as I took each bite I knew they were running low on patience for me to talk.

  I finished my sandwich and put the chocolate croissant on my plate. I finally looked up to the girls and cleared my throat.

  “Thank you. I appreciate you guys waiting till I was fed.”

  “Oh, we all know how you function, and know we wouldn’t get any answers until you ate,” Cindy said.

  “What happened?” Tricia asked, sipping on her coffee.

  “Last night Cee left without telling me. He got a phone call and just left. He thought I was sleeping. Then, I woke up this morning and he pretended like it never happened. He even had different clothes on.” I shook my head, feeling like an idiot. “I finally had it and looked at his phone. I saw text messages to a girl named Ann, and the reason he left last night was he got a call from someone named Grace.”

  Everyone looked at me shocked.

  “What did he say?” Cindy was the first to break the silence. I took a long sip of my coffee.

  “He came out of the shower and caught me looking at his phone. He got mad at me for looking at his phone—mad at me! We got into a huge fight. I asked him about Ann, and about Grace. He said it was nothing. I asked him to tell me the truth, and he couldn’t come up with anything, not even a LIE!” I started to feel my face flush again as I started to get angry. “I can’t believe I fell for it again.”

  I grabbed some of the rum and creamer and put it in my coffee. I didn’t want the tears start to flow and I knew I could stop them with alcohol. There was an awkward silence that came over the room. No one knew quite what to say.

  “Oh, honey, I'm sorry.” Cindy was the first to break the growing silence. She reached out and grabbed my hand, squeezing it gently.

  I looked at her and smiled sadly.

  “I just felt so stupid. I gave up men for a good year and then the first one I fall in love with, turns out to be just like Richard.” I felt a tear trickle down my check. Tricia handed me a tissue.

  “He's just a jerk. I'm sorry we pushed you on Thursday to find out.” Tricia patted me on the shoulder.

  “No, I needed to do it,” I sniffled, wiping at my nose. “There was something that I felt he was keeping from me since the beginning. My head was telling me no, but my heart and body were telling me yes. I should have listened to my brain.”

  We sat in silence for another few minutes, only to be broken by my phone vibrating. I looked at it. It was Cee. I picked it up and held it in my hand, unsure of what I wanted. I wanted to throw it across my kitchen, but that would break it. And I hated the thought of having to buy a new one. Melissa grabbed it from me and answered it.

  “Leave her alone. She doesn’t need you and your shit right now,” she announced, hung up the phone, and handed it back to me.

  I was glad she had done that. Maybe he would get the picture that I didn’t want to talk to him again. I hit the silence button and put it back down on the table. The girls looked at me, watching to see my reaction. I took a big breath in. All I wanted to do was crawl under a rock and sleep.

  “I really appreciate you here, but all I want to fall asleep. If you guys don’t mind showing yourself out. I am going to lay down.” They all smiled and nodded in understanding.

  I walked over to my couch and put my head on the arm. Melissa came and draped a b
lanket across my shoulders as I closed my eyes and listened for the girls all leave the kitchen and close the door.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  I had a fitful sleep, tossing and turning with nightmares. I woke up to the sun setting. My phone lit up as another text message came in. I had five missed calls and seven text messages, all from Cee. I couldn’t listen to the voicemails that he left. The thought of having to hear his voice made me sick. I clicked through the texts.

  I'm sorry

  I can explain

  I love you

  I never meant to hurt you.

  I couldn’t look at them anymore and deleted the rest of them before I opened them up. My stomach let out a low grumble. It had been a long time since breakfast. I got up and stretched my stiff legs as I made my way to the fridge.

  Inside was a box from my favorite Chinese restaurant and a bottle of plum wine. Someone sneaked in while I was asleep to drop off this food for me. They even included some chocolate chip cookie dough ice-cream in the freezer. I smiled, thankful for my friends and that I didn’t have to figure out dinner on my own.

  I tossed the food in the microwave and popped open the bottle of wine. I left the lights off in the kitchen glad to have it gloomy like my mood. The aroma of the Pad Thai filled the kitchen and I couldn’t wait any longer.

  I stopped the microwave, unable to wait the remaining ten seconds. My glass was filled to the max of plum wine and I carefully carried it and my hot plate over to the couch. I sipped my drink and ate my food. The Pad Thai was perfect and spicy, just the way I wanted it. For a few moments, I concentrated on nothing but the food and drink.

  I didn't think about calories, or fat content, or anything but the spicy goodness filling the gaping hole in my life. One of them at least.

  I patted my full belly and looked at the damage. An order of Pad Thai normally lasted me for two dinners, but tonight I wanted to eat my feelings till they were drowned in noodles. I had eaten the whole container.

  As I flipped through some television stations, I heard a car pull up. I sneaked over to the window and peered out. It was Cee’s car. I crouched low to the floor and was glad that I had left all the lights off. My insides were screaming to move and open up that door as he knocked, but I had listened to my heart before and look where it got me. He knocked a little harder. Why couldn’t he just let me be? Tears started to stream down my face.