Saving Thomas

by A. L. Moore

  What he was saying made no sense. Maybe he loved me then, but if actions spoke louder than words, he clearly didn't now. He was lying to spare my feelings. Afterall, I was on crutches because of him. Still, it was the most beautiful lie I’d ever heard in my life. I wrapped my arms around his neck, letting the crutches fall to the floor. For this one precious moment in time, I let myself believe his words, let myself believe the man in my arms was the same boy I’d missed countless nights. He wasn’t the arrogant man who’d turned me down in the barn. He was just the high school boy from across the street. Rusty’s new brother. The boy who breathed life into the butterflies in my stomach.

  “Don’t go,” I whispered, holding him tighter. “Don’t leave me, not again.”

  His arms loosened too soon, his face unreadable as his forehead pressed against my own. “Things are more complicated than that.”

  “No, they’re not,” I started.

  He scooped me up with one arm under my legs and carried me into the room, closing the door behind us. “Your life is the same,” he started, sitting me gently on the bed. “Just like you said. So much has happened since I left here. Things I’d never want you to know.

  “I hardly know the kid I was back then.” He stopped at the window, peering across the street at the house that had sat vacant since he’d left, the front windows boarded. “That’s why I came back here. You knew me better than anyone, better than I knew myself. I thought if I could find you, see your face,” he said, sitting down next to me, “that I’d find myself.” He tilted my chin back, taking a good look at me. “Then, I walk in, expecting to see the girl from the picture and instead, there’s this beautiful woman in her place.”

  “What picture?”

  He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a folded polaroid. It was almost transparent in places, but on the front side was me, in cutoffs and a t-shirt, all knees and elbows, with my hair in a high ponytail. He’d swiped the picture from my dresser the day I'd taken it.

  “I should’ve left then. It was clear I wasn’t going to find what I was looking for, but it felt so right being back here, around your family…around you. It was selfish to stay.”

  I took his hand and held it tightly between my own. “It wasn’t selfish if I wanted you here, too.”

  “It was selfish to let things go on the way I have.”

  “What are talking about?” I asked confused. “You have been mean to me since the day you walked back through the door.”

  “Mean to you?” he asked, quirking a smile. “Is that how it came off? Look,” he said, kneeling in front of me. “The girl in that picture is still here.” His hand cupped my face as his thumb gently stroked my cheek. “You’re looking for someone who doesn’t exist anymore.”

  “You’re still here. I can see it.”

  He was on his feet again, pacing. “You’re seeing memories, Bree. You’re going to have to let go of that boy in the field, like I did.”

  “No,” I shook my head adamantly, “You’re wrong.”

  “No, I’m not,” he insisted. “That’s why I have to go. It’s getting too easy to be around you. I let my guard slip in that stupid barn, and you ended up nearly killing yourself to save me.

  “Thank you for that by the way.”

  “Don’t mention it,” I smiled at his casualness, as if he were thanking me for the last piece of chicken instead of saving his life.”

  “You shouldn’t be risking your life for someone like me. If I’d drown in that river, it would’ve served me right for coming back here in the first place.”

  “Who’s being a martyr now?” I asked as he retrieved the bag from the floor. “So, you’re just going to tell me you love me and leave?” That alone proved he was lying.

  His jaw dropped as he watched me. “That’s your fault,” he insisted. “I was going to slip out the back with you none the wiser, but, like always, you couldn’t leave well enough alone.”

  “Granted,” I allowed, “but don’t you think I should get to keep something so that when I wake up tomorrow, I know this conversation wasn’t a side effect of the medication?”

  He looked at me perplexed. “What do you want?

  I reached back to the headboard of the bed, grabbed his old cowboy hat, the one I knew belonged to his daddy, the one he rarely took off, and put it on.

  “No way,” he said, reaching for it.

  “Come on, Thomas, you know how much I’ve always wanted this hat.” It felt awkward to tease him like this, like I used to, but it was the only way. He was wrong about himself. If I could get him to stay, he would see that.

  “And you know why the answer is still, no,” he countered, a playful glint appearing in his eyes.

  “Well, I was going to ask for a kiss, but I figured after the way you overreacted in the barn, I had a better chance with the hat.”

  “You were wrong,” he said, leaning down in front of me and tenderly kissing my lips. “And you were the one who overreacted.” He swiped the hat.

  “It looks better on you anyway,” I sighed as he straightened the hat and smirked.

  “You’re wrong about that, too,” he said, grabbing the bag from the floor, “but you still can’t have my hat.” My stomach plummeted when he reached for the door.

  “Did you get the barn fixed?” I asked, grasping for straws. His love might've been a beautiful lie, but the hollow feeling growing in my gut as I watched him prepare to leave was an ugly truth I didn't want to face again. The lie was easier to live with.

  “Your daddy can take care of that,” he said, his brow drawing up at my change of subject.

  “I sure hope so, for the horses’ sake,” I said, wincing as I brought my leg back to the floor. “If it hadn’t been for you, we’d have lost more than Addy.”

  “I know what you’re trying to do, Bree, but it won’t work.” He hovered in the doorway.

  “Fine,” I said with all the anger I could muster. “You take a job you don’t finish, cause me to get my knee busted up, and just take off.”

  “Don’t do this, Bree.” He stood, his back to me as he stared at the doorknob still in his hand.

  “What if I need help getting down the stairs? You know how Daddy’s back is. I guess I can always just campout on the couch.” I reached for the crutches. “Will you at least help me downstairs before you leave?” His knuckles turned white where he gripped the bag. “It’s like four years ago all over again.”

  “Damn it, Bree!” he exclaimed, tossing the bag roughly to the floor. “As soon as your knee is better, I’m out of here. This doesn’t change anything.”

  It changed everything.

  Chapter 20

  My knee healed quickly. By the end of two weeks, I was able to maneuver the steps on my own. The pain in my knee was bearable, and without the need for the pain meds., the pain in my head was now caused by Mama and Daddy. They were scared to death to let me out of their sight. When I'd started out the door to sit on the front porch swing this morning, Mama had nearly broken her own leg trying to get around Jenny to get to me. I only made it outside because she’d fallen asleep when she'd put Jenny down for a nap, and Daddy was gone to The Feed and Seed. I propped my leg on the wooden rail and stared at my hideous knee. The pain might’ve been gone, but the rainbow of colors still made it look pretty bad. Some of the black was starting to fade but other places looked yellow and green. A strong gust of wind blew through the wooden windchime creating a clanking I was sure would wake up Mama. The sun felt incredible after being inside for so long. I closed my eyes, tilting my head back and soaking it in just as a truck sounded in the drive. Daddy pulled the truck into the yard, stopping near the porch steps, but he didn't come on the porch. He’d discovered a litter of kittens abandoned under our house this morning, and Mama had sent him to buy food for them. Cats were good to keep away field mice.

  Apparently, I wasn't the only one who'd heard Daddy's arrival. I sat up when Thomas rounded the corner of the yard, calling hello to Daddy before
striding across the road to the boarded up old house. He’d been avoiding me like the plague since our conversation in his bedroom. The only exception had been when he'd had to tow me up or down the steps, and awkward did little to describe those trips. The only other time I saw him was at dinner and then, he’d kept Daddy talking the whole time. We’d said too much. That was the problem. I’d imagine it was like facing someone after they’d seen you naked for the first time. Only now, you couldn’t put your clothes back on.

  I waited until he disappeared around the Tyner’s old place before I followed, nervously glancing behind me. It was like I’d gone through a time warp, again, sneaking around with the boy across the street. I smiled at the thought. I found him with a crowbar, breaking the pad lock off the back door. “Daddy has a key to the house,” I said after he gave the door a swift kick. The hinges creaked as it opened, sending spiders scurrying from broken webs.

  “Good to know,” he said, not startled in the least, disappearing through the doorway.

  The grass was overgrown more than I’d realized. It encroached almost to the steps. I hadn’t been over since Daddy had helped board the place up after some kids busted all the windows out.

  “You coming?” Thomas called from the kitchen as I hovered in the splintered doorway. I'd vowed never to step foot through it again but seeing Thomas inside, had helped to change my mind. His hand was on a high shelf above a cabinet in the kitchen, coming back with a pack of Raman noodles.

  “Rusty?” I guessed as he tossed them to the table.

  Still digging through the cabinets, he said, “You seem to be getting around better.” I glanced at my knee, wishing I’d brought the crutches.

  “It sure is strange to be in here,” I said, dodging his question. “Do you ever hear from the Tyners, from Rusty?”

  I tried to boost myself onto the counter, but my leg wasn’t up to it yet. Thomas sighed, grabbed my waist and gave me a boost. “I haven’t seen the Tyners since the last time you did. When I saw what was going down that night, I split.” That was news. I'd always thought they'd all left together.

  “You just left Rusty?”

  “I asked him to come,” he said. “He wouldn’t hear it. Wanted to stay with them.” I could see that. Rusty wouldn’t’ve admitted it, but the Tyner’s were like his real parents.

  “You ever talk to him?”

  He shook his head, closing the cabinet doors. “Last I heard, he was doing ten in State for breaking and entering.”

  “How about the Tyner’s?”

  “They’re in State, too,” he chuckled. “Family togetherness and all that.”

  “Anyone ever told you you’ve got a warped since of humor?” I scoffed as he started for the hall, before turning back and placing me on my feet.

  "Wouldn't want you to get stuck up there," he smirked, with a tilt of his head before glancing behind him. "There's something living in the cabinet.,” he said, causing me to grip his forearms and practically fling myself into his arms. He chuckled, steadying me on my feet.

  Thomas paused in the hall. The bedroom door was open just like I’d left it four years ago. My chest hurt seeing it again. That day was what my nightmares were made of. It didn't help that Thomas glanced back at me before walking inside. I would've given anything to have seen him here that day. Shaking off the strange sense of DeJa'Vu, I found Thomas rummaging through the closet, pulling out papers and kicking an empty shoe box out of the way.

  “Are you looking for anything in particular?” I asked as he tossed a stack of magazines I could’ve lived without seeing on top of the growing trash pile. “Tell me you aren’t over here for your old girlie magazines.” He didn’t answer, climbing onto a shelf and pushing the ceiling tile. He came back with a folded newspaper. Unrolling the paper, a small stack of twenties fell in his hand. He stuck the money in his back pocket and pushed the twin bed over to the side, me with it. Then, he stomped on a loose floorboard and pulled out another newspaper with another stack of bills. “Is that it or is there a safe hidden behind the wall?”

  “That’s it,” he said. “Two-hundred and thirty dollars. There were a lot of nights I sure could’ve used this.”

  I jerked my legs onto the bed when I heard something scurry across the floor in the hall. “I hate rats.”

  “I hope that’s all it is,” he said, patting his back pockets. “I didn’t even bring a knife.”

  “What else would it be?”

  He shrugged. “Fox, opossum or a rabid squirrel. It could be a number of things.”

  “Why would you think it’s rabid?” I scooted back further onto the bed.

  “Because it came out with us making so much noise,” he explained, knocking loudly on the wall. Nothing else moved. “Whatever it is ain’t scared of people.

  “We should probably head out. With your luck, you’d get bit and end up back on crutches.” I peered over the edge of the bed. “Do you want me to carry you?” he smirked as I inched my feet to the floor.

  I shook my head. It was just like him to scare me to death and then act like it was my paranoia. “I’m perfectly capable of—” I screamed, grabbing him around the neck when something ruffled the papers behind me.

  It was a small brown mouse that disappeared inside the closet.

  “Really?” he grinned. “Is that all it takes to spook you?”

  I stomped his toe as I stepped off his boot. “No, but you know I’ve had to get rabies shots before.”

  "No joke?"

  "Rabies shots are no joke, trust me," I said, nudging by the mess he'd created. "I thought I told you."

  He shook his head, following close behind. "I think I'd remember that," he said, bumping into my back. I'd frozen in the doorway to the kitchen. The cabinet he'd joked about having something living in it was open, and I was sure I'd closed it.

  "That cabinet," I started, pointing a shaky finger like a razor toothed anaconda might strike us from it at any moment.

  “You’re an easy target, Bree,” he chuckled past me. “I bet you a dime to a dollar the hinge is loose.

  "Can you make it outside, or should I throw you over my shoulder?" he smirked. "I did promise to lug you around until I leave.”

  “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, cowboy.”

  “You don’t think I’ll do it?” he hedged.

  I shook my head, “You’re way too mature for stuff like that. You’d probably break a hip or something.”

  His eyes sparked at the challenge. He heaved me over his shoulder, nearly taking my breath. His shoulder was hard against my stomach. I didn’t remember this being so uncomfortable. “Thomas?” Daddy asked perplexed. I could see his muddied black boots through my hair. Thomas put me on my feet immediately.

  “Y'all alright in here?” Daddy asked, quirking a brow. “I thought I heard someone scream.”

  “That was Breelynn,” Thomas smirked. “There was a mouse.”

  Daddy looked at me skeptically. "I thought it was a rabid animal," I insisted. "You remember when I got bit by that racoon."

  "I never saw a racoon," Daddy said giving Thomas that all-women-are-crazy look. "But she did get bit by something when her and Katy were sleeping out in the barn one night, so the doctor made her get the shots to be on the safe side."

  "Katy saw it," I insisted. "She said it was practically foaming at the mouth.

  Thomas shared the same look as Daddy. Okay, so Katy did tend to embellish at times, but no matter what it'd been, I'd still had to get the shots, and they were a nightmare.

  “Did you find what you were looking for?” Daddy asked Thomas.

  I went back outside. Mama was on the porch swing watching Jenny run around the yard, a red kite dragging the ground behind her.

  “Your Daddy find Thomas?” Mama asked, moving her grease stained apron to make room for me as I neared the porch. I nodded. “I sure hope Thomas decides to stay. It would sure help us out around here to have permanent help, especially with you going away soon.

  �
�Stay?”

  “I figured he would’ve mentioned it to you,” she said, standing to yell at Jenny to get back from the road. “Your Daddy told him he could buy the Tyner’s place from us. He gave him a really good price. He won’t find anything cheaper.”

  She sat down when Jenny started decorating the walkway with sidewalk chalk.

  “If he hasn’t mentioned it, he must still be planning to leave. It’s too bad. It’ll be a good deal for someone else.”

  Thomas and Daddy still weren’t back when I left with Katy for dinner. It was our monthly girl’s night out. We dressed to the nines like always, both in dresses meant more for a prom than a casual dinner. Katy’s was a shimmering red number that hugged her thin frame and cut-off just above her knees. Mine was a bit longer, starting with spaghetti straps of a deep royal blue and slinging down far enough to camouflage my bruised knee, where it ended in long tassels of the same color. My granny called it a flapper’s dress. Katy and I'd scored them at a resale shop in town. Paired with strappy sandals that laced over my ankles in a crisscross, I felt like a new woman. Of course, Katy looked more like a new woman with enough make-up to cover this side of North Carolina. We’d both curled our hair in large hot-rollers and then left the bouncy curls to cascade down our backs. It was Katy’s turn to pick the restaurant, and we ended up at a place with cloth napkins and more silverware than I knew what to do with. The waiters were dressed in black coats and ties. The guy who showed us to our table pulled my chair out.

  “How much is this going to cost?” I whispered to Katy as soon as he disappeared to get our drinks. I ordered water just in case.

  She was the picture of ease, flipping open the hardbound menu as if we belonged here. I sat a little straighter, hoping to mimic her attitude. “Don’t worry. I checked before we came. Tonight, all of the seafood is half-off,” Katy said. I drew a breath of relief and ran my eyes over the fancily written entrees. Even with half-off, a salmon steak was twenty-five dollars! “The baked chicken is fourteen dollars and it comes with salad and bread,” she said quickly before Jack, that was our waiter’s name, appeared with our drinks. He sat two glasses of white wine on the table along with my water, winking to my opened mouth as he walked away.