Jeremy stroked my hair. “I’m sorry. Hey, just call him already. I hate to see you like this. You want to be with him, and he wanted to be with you, so stop punishing yourself.”
Was I punishing myself? I was, and I couldn’t say why. I just had a sense that I’d done, or rather not done something important.
I nodded, picked up my phone, and sent a text before I could talk myself out of it.
Me: I need you, now.
Trent: Thank God, I’ll be there in a minute.
Jeremy saw me texting and ripped my phone out of my hands. “Don’t want you trying to change your mind before he gets here.”
He was right. I would have tried to tell him never mind, but I was a freaking mess, and I really did need Trent. I kind of hated myself for it, too.
The heavy thud of motorcycle boots on the front porch signaled Trent’s arrival about five minutes later. I threw open the front door and launched myself into his arms. He laughed at my enthusiasm, but instead of sharing his happiness, I buried my face into his strong chest and let him hold me.
“Hey, Wildcat, what’s this about?”
“It’s stupid,” I muttered against him.
“Anything that makes you shake this hard isn’t stupid,” he chided.
“It’s an old nightmare I used to have as a child. It went away for a long time, but since Kate’s ex attacked me, I haven’t been able to get it out of my mind,” I admitted.
“Maybe it would help if you told us and got it out in the open,” Jeremy suggested.
“Can I think about it? I don’t think I could tell it right now.”
Jeremy walked over to the coatrack and took off his leather jacket. It looked soft as butter and fit his athletic frame perfectly. It gave him a sexy, dangerous edge that, with his blue eyes, would make him irresistible to, well, anyone.
“Since Trent is here, I’m going to go catch Melody’s band. She asked, but I didn’t want to blow you off. And don’t argue with me. I want to get out. I hate sitting around staring at these walls sometimes. I need to start moving forward again.”
I let go of Trent, walked over to Jeremy, and kissed his cheek. “He’s an idiot. I think you’re doing the right thing. You’ve waited long enough.”
“Thanks, Pixie Dust. I’ll be back late,” he said and slipped out the door.
“Pixie Dust?” Trent asked.
I laughed, and it felt good to release the tension that had swamped my body earlier. “Yeah, Jeremy doesn’t have one set nickname for me. It’s usually whatever pops into his head, and usually something that means ‘small’.”
“Well, you are tiny,” Trent agreed.
I narrowed my eyes, and my hands found their way onto my hips. “Maybe you’re just unusually tall.”
“I’m six-two. I’m tall, but not unusually so.” He wanted to laugh at me.
Okay, so I’m short. I’m five foot two with shoes on. Becca is only about two inches taller than me, but she doesn’t get called Bite-size, Pixie Dust, Half-pint, and Short Stack. And those were just the names Jeremy called me this week.
“I like you tiny,” Trent whispered.
The mood changed. There was always something smoldering between us, and like a fool I continued to poke it until I was sure it was a raging inferno. The heat between us pulled me closer, but I was afraid of getting burned. I knew I was driving him crazy, but my instincts to protect myself kept getting in the way.
“Trent,” I whispered. “I…I’m not sure.”
He sighed. “Dammit, Toni. I wish you’d quit jerking me around. You pull me in only to shove me away. I meant what I said. I really care about you, but I can’t take much more of this shit.”
I shook my head over and over until I was slightly dizzy. “No, I don’t mean I’m not sure about you. What I meant to say is I’m not ready. To, um, you know.”
“Are you a virgin, Toni?”
“No, but I’ve only been with Miguel and only a few times.” I winced. I might as well have been a virgin, at least to some guys.
Trent scratched his head. “You guys were together for years, right?”
I shrugged. “Kind of. We’ve been back and forth for years. We didn’t sleep together until after we graduated from high school, and we’d already broken up a few times by then. We’ve spent more time off than on, so yeah, it was only a few times, and none of them were very good.”
“I didn’t come here for sex. I won’t lie and say I hadn’t hoped, but I came here for you. Let me stay with you. Let me hold you tonight, and I promise I’ll try to be good.”
“Do you have some kind of cheat sheet that lists the perfect thing to say to me at the perfect time?” I asked.
The corner of his mouth with the lip ring curved up. “Maybe I’m just perfect for you.”
I studied him while I thought about it. “You just might be right,” I agreed.
Chapter 11
Trent
I took a step toward Toni, and she took a step back. “No more running, Wildcat. If you try, I’ll chase you.”
A mischievous smile spread across her face. “I might enjoy being caught.” She lunged to the side and ran for the door.
I let her get past me and into the hallway before I went after her. Toni made it halfway to the back door before I wrapped my arms around her stomach. She squealed when I swung her up into the air and over my shoulder.
“Trent, put me down,” she shouted and tried to wiggle out of my hold.
I smacked her ass and headed toward her bedroom. “Quit squirming. I told you not to run. Now you’ve got to go to your room.”
I dropped her down on her bed and settled on top of her, pinning her down. I searched her face to see if I was pushing our little game too far, but her eyes were shining and still searching for a way to win.
“Toni,” I whispered before I kissed her. Too many words had been spoken between us already. We needed a different kind of conversation. Pretty words haven’t done either of us any good in the past.
From what little she’d told me, it sounded like her ex-boyfriend excelled at smooth-talking but lacked follow-through. What she needed from me was a passionate promise. I wanted to pour my feelings into every brush of my lips and every stroke of my tongue.
We kissed until my body vibrated with need and I had to roll away. I turned onto my side and traced her cheek and jaw with my finger. Her pupils were dilated, and her breathing was shallow. “Your ex must have been an insensitive asshole.”
Toni blinked a few times. “Completely, but why do you say that? I’ve tried not to talk about him too much. He isn’t worth the waste of breath.”
“Well, he cheated on you on your birthday. Oh, and he called Jeremy a fag at your friend’s wedding.”
She squeezed her eyes shut and nodded. “Yeah, that was bad, but what I meant was why are you mentioning it right now?”
I kissed her again, softly, and her hand fisted in my shirt. “Because when I kiss you, you respond immediately. The fact you didn’t enjoy his touch tells me he wasn’t paying attention to you at all. I can tell when you want me by the look in your eyes, by the flutter of your pulse at the base of your neck and the speed of your breathing.”
“Maybe he did everything right and I just didn’t want him,” she replied.
I pulled her close to me again and tucked her head under my chin. There was a war raging inside of me, and I didn’t want her to sense it. She challenged me, made me think, feel, and hope for things I never thought I’d have.
My dad took off when I was six and my older brother was nine. I was old enough to realize what happened and to watch my mother suffer because of his absence. I swore to myself I would never make a promise I couldn’t keep. When I got older, I kept my relationships with women superficial, always afraid I’d inadvertently lead them to believe we were more without meaning to. As a result, I never put any effort into fostering a real relationship. After a while, my reputation for being a player attracted the type of females that preferred no
-strings-attached sex.
I should have been happy—at least, that’s what my friends thought. Well, my friends besides Melody. She told me I treated myself like a whore and my dick was going to fall off if I wasn’t more discriminating about where I stuck it. The truth was, even though my guy friends envied me for the quantity of women I’d been with, sleeping around made me feel empty.
Women threw themselves at me, especially after I started college and wasn’t living at home. Before long, the only ones that hung around me, with the exception of Melody and Trinity, were those I only had to crook my finger at to get them to fall into my bed. There was no challenge, no seduction, and I grew bored.
A few weeks before I met Toni, a woman slipped me her number under her credit card while I was tending bar. She was my type, or the type I took to bed, beautiful in an overt and overdone way and absolutely not interested in getting to know me on a personal level. I doubted she even knew my name. The only thing she was interested in was how many times I could make her scream before morning came and she stumbled away from my place, as if I would take her there. I’d turned myself into an amusement park ride, and I was disgusted with myself.
I handed her back her card and threw her number in the trash as soon as she turned her back. Without examining my actions, I continued to throw away every scrap of paper or bar napkin women used to pass me their number from then on. Melody caught on by the middle of the night and smiled at me.
There wasn’t a “come to Jesus” moment or anything that had me practicing celibacy. I really hadn’t thought about giving up womanizing at all. Every time I took a woman to bed, it was the same miserably awkward experience. Most of them would try to make me understand that they “never did this sort of thing,” which meant they did it way too often but didn’t want to think of themselves as sluts.
The really confident women would strip immediately and take away the fun of the slow unveiling that built sexual tension. It was like waking up Christmas Morning and having someone quickly unwrap all of your presents before you could get to them. Shy women would insist on turning the lights off or down so low I could never see them clearly. Their touch was hesitant, and usually a little sad. They wanted me, but they didn’t like the fact they were giving in to their desire.
Then one night, Toni walked into the bar. I don’t even know what it was about her that drew my attention, but when she sat at the bar and spent more time examining her phone than my ass, I was intrigued. I had to work fast and lay on the charm to get her to keep talking to me. It was a challenge, and for the first time in a very long time, I was interested in more than a quick fuck.
I had to get to know her, and I worked hard for every tiny interaction I had with her. I had moments where I was afraid I was only drawn to the challenge she presented me, but I was tired of holding myself away from people to prevent making the same mistakes as my father.
I opened my mouth to reply to Toni’s last statement about why she hadn’t responded to Miguel the way she did me. I’d been quiet too long, and I didn’t want her to get suspicious of my train of thought. But before I spoke a word, the soft sound of her breathing let me know she was asleep.
I willed myself to follow after her and closed my eyes. Lying next to her and actually sleeping was a new experience. There was more intimacy between our fully clothed bodies than any of the sweaty sessions I’d had with other women between their sheets.
Resting next to Toni gave me some of the most erotic dreams I’ve ever had. Sensations were heightened like they never had been before. In them, I buried my face into the elegant curve of her neck. Since anything is allowed in a dream, I nibbled my way up to the corner of her jaw. Her skin smelled like sandalwood and vanilla.
Her firm ass pressed into my aching groin, and I held her tight as I rocked against her. I slid my hand against her smooth skin under the elastic of her lace panties and let my other hand travel up under a soft cotton shirt to cup a full breast. I stroked my thumb against the peak until it hardened in my hand.
Please don’t let me wake up, I silently begged. Afraid that any minute my dream would disappear, I sped up the teasing motions with my hand in her panties. I couldn’t hold out a moment longer and began pumping my fingers in a rhythm I wanted to perform with my painfully hard cock.
“God, don’t stop,” she moaned.
My eyelids started to lift and I realized my dream was realistic because it was real. Toni was looking over her shoulder, her eyes glazed over, and her lips were parted. I couldn’t tell if she was turned on, or in shock at my audacity.
“Oh, Toni. I didn’t mean to. Shit…I thought I was dreaming.”
“Don’t tell me you’re sorry, and don’t stop,” she demanded.
“Are you sure?”
“Please,” she begged.
I pulled my fingers out of her and slowly teased her most sensitive bundle of nerves. “Tell me what you want.”
“You, I want you.”
I hadn’t touched another woman for almost a year, and I really thought I could hold out for a while longer. I was wrong. I had to know if I had feelings for her because she was a challenge or if there was more between us. There was only one way I knew to find out. It wasn’t the gentlemanly thing to do, but I’d never wanted a woman this bad. If I still wanted her in the morning, and I couldn’t imagine a reality where I wouldn’t, then I’d know we had more connecting us than physical gratification. If my feelings for her evaporated into smoke, I’d have to accept that I was as big of a bastard as the man that spawned me.
“Are you sure you can take me?” I taunted.
Her response was a low moan.
I chuckled. I wasn’t sure how tomorrow would play out, as this was new territory for me, but I’d make sure she enjoyed tonight. “I’ll take that as a yes,” I said as I kissed my way down her body.
Her T-shirt was the first thing to go, and I replaced my hand on her breast with my mouth. Toni slid her hands over my head as she tried to find something to hold on to, to keep my mouth where it was. For the first time I regretted keeping my hair cropped close to my skull.
“Let go, Wildcat. Trust me to take care of you.” That was a first. I never demanded a woman trust me. Usually, I only took the physical pleasure they offered, but this time was different, I wanted Toni’s trust.
I pushed her sleep shorts and panties down her legs. I wanted to keep taunting her, but my control was slipping. There was one thing I had to do before I gave in to the demands of my arousal. I pulled her legs over my shoulders and blew against her flesh, smiling when she began to thrash around. She’d do anything I asked at this point.
Again I replaced my fingers with my mouth. With rhythmic strokes of my tongue and gentle scraping of my teeth, I brought her back up to the edge but refused to push her over just yet.
“Please, please, please,” she chanted.
I released her and quickly stripped. Before I shed my jeans, I removed a condom from my wallet and set it next to me. When I was completely naked, I took a moment to sheathe myself.
Toni’s gaze raked over my torso and landed on my erection. I gave her a second to look before I yanked her part of the way off the bed. I guided her so her stomach was on the mattress and her feet were on the floor. She looked at me over her shoulder and bit her lip.
“Are you sure?” I asked, holding myself at her entrance.
She nodded, and I plunged deep inside her. She screamed, and I picked up the pace, driving into her ruthlessly until she shuddered around me. The only word I could make out of her loud moans was my name, which she repeated over and over.
The sounds she made caused me to lose what was left of my mind, and I took her harder and faster. Her moans turned to grunts, and she squeezed me so tight I gave in. My release was the strongest I’d ever had. Totally spent, I collapsed on top of her.
“I’ll move in a minute,” I promised.
“I won’t. I think I’ve lost the ability to ever move again.”
I s
hifted my weight to my side and pulled her with me. This was the moment of truth. I took a deep breath and waited for the familiar feeling of being trapped, but instead of wanting to leave, I couldn’t hold her tight enough. My chest ached, and a different kind of panic coursed through me. I realized she could leave me, but I’d never willingly leave her. Losing Toni had just become my number one fear.
Chapter 12
Toni
The aroma of coffee permeated my room so strongly it smelled like it was brewing on my nightstand. I stretched and groaned when I was greeted with pleasantly aching muscles. When I cracked my eye open, I found Jeremy leaning against the doorframe, leisurely drinking a cup of coffee as if it wasn’t weird he was watching Trent and I sleep.
I checked the blankets to make sure he was all covered, which earned me a quiet chuckle from Jeremy. I stuck my tongue out at him, and he rolled his eyes. Yes, we were extremely mature.
“Quit staring at my ass,” Trent mumbled into the covers.
“I wasn’t. Toni forgot to cover up the girls. I’m trying to decide if I like women or not,” Jeremy retorted.
Trent laughed, and I pulled the covers over my chest. “If you have to think about it that hard while looking at Toni’s impressive rack, then you are most definitely gay,” Trent answered, still facedown on the bed.
I narrowed my eyes at Jer. His face seemed sad. He was teasing like he always did, but the laughter didn’t reach his eyes. I hated to see the sparkle fade from his stunning baby blues, but every day he and Cameron hadn’t repaired the rift between them I saw it disappear a little more.
“You saw Cameron last night?” It wasn’t really a question, because Cameron was the only person that brought that look to Jeremy’s face.
Jeremy nodded. “He brought a date to Melody’s gig. We haven’t talked for a few weeks, so he had no idea I was going to be there. But it sucked even though I knew he wasn’t trying to hurt me this time. I guess I believed the women he hooked up with were all attempts to put distance between us.”
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