Destroy You (Destroy #3)

by K. D. Carrillo

  “You’re right, let’s go,” I said.

  Chapter 13

  Toni

  I held my breath as we hurried down the corridor toward the ER. I stopped near the waiting room at the sight of Aiden with his forehead pressed against the window of the doors to the hallway that led to the surgical wing. His back and shoulders shook with the force of his silent weeping.

  Trent let go of my hand, and I rushed over to Aiden. I put my hand on his back, and his trembling spread to his entire body.

  “Come on, Aiden, we need to move away from the doors,” Jeremy urged as he and Reed came over to help me guide him to the waiting room.

  The three of us directed him toward the tattered, old waiting room furniture. Aiden dropped down onto a love seat and pulled me down with him. He crumbled against me, and I held and rocked him back and forth while he fell apart.

  “Toni, oh God. What am I going to do?” He sobbed. “How am I going to go on if…?”

  “Shh now,” I cooed, running my fingers through his dark blond hair. “You aren’t going to have to find out. Becca isn’t going to leave us. She wouldn’t leave you and that beautiful little boy behind. You’ll see. She’ll hold on for you.”

  “You don’t know that. You weren’t in the car when she started having a seizure in my arms. I couldn’t wake her after that,” he said, barely holding himself together.

  We all sat quietly for a while after that. No words from anyone except the doctor would bring Aiden peace, and I refused to believe we’d be told anything other than she was going to be fine.

  The doctor finally emerged after nearly an hour. “Mr. Ryan?” he asked, looking around the waiting room. When Aiden didn’t move, I raised my hand and pointed down at his slumped figure.

  The doctor stopped in front of Aiden and waited a minute for him to look up. “Mr. Ryan, your daughter was born via cesarean section about fifteen minutes ago. She’s a few weeks premature and only three pounds, fourteen ounces. She has already been placed in an incubator in the neonatal intensive care unit. Her vital signs are strong, and the pediatrician is examining her now.”

  “My wife?” Aiden asked.

  The doctor’s gaze dropped for a moment, and my heart stuttered. “Your wife’s seizures were caused by eclampsia. That was likely the cause of the placental abruption, where the placenta separated from her uterus. It caused her to lose a lot of blood, and it cut off the oxygen to your daughter. We delivered your daughter quickly and were forced to perform a partial hysterectomy in order to stop your wife’s bleeding. As of right now, she is unconscious and listed in serious condition. Her heart rate became erratic during the surgery. She is unable to breathe on her own and has been put on a respirator.”

  “Is she going to be okay?” Aiden whispered.

  The doctor’s eyes reflected compassionate concern. “I can’t answer that right now. The only thing we can do is monitor her and hope. She’s being transferred to intensive care. You’ll be able to see her shortly. I can have a nurse take you to see your daughter now.”

  The nurse was standing away from the incubator, likely so that Aiden didn’t have to wait to see his daughter. “If you’ll follow me, Mr. Ryan, I’ll go introduce you to your daughter.”

  Aiden rose but refused to let go of my hand. “Toni, I can’t do this alone.”

  I nodded. “Of course. Everyone else will be here if they have any news. Kate will be able to work her way back to us.”

  “You bet your ass I can,” she agreed.

  Past the maternity ward and the nursery was the NICU. Instead of beds, the patients were resting in Plexiglas incubators with monitors and tubes hooked up to the small boxes. The nurse led us to a washing station, where we washed our hands. We didn’t have to wear scrubs, because Aiden couldn’t hold his daughter until after they observed her vitals for a few more hours.

  She was tiny, about the size of both my hands placed side by side. Her head was covered in soft-looking, flaming-red curls. Aiden reached inside and gently stroked her clenched fist.

  For a second I saw the light return to his dark blue eyes, but once they reached mine it went right back out. “I feel guilty seeing her before Becca, but I don’t want her to be alone, either.” He watched her for a few more minutes with a look of awe and adoration. It only took seconds for him to fall in love with her, and I had no doubt she would be treated like a princess.

  “She looks so much like her mother,” he said, trying to keep his voice from wavering. He focused on his little girl. “I can’t wait for your mommy to see you. You have her pretty red hair and her bow-shaped lips. I have you, my little Hope, and soon I’ll have both of my girls at home. Your mommy will wake up soon, and everything will be perfect.”

  I had to try three times before I was able to make a sound louder than a squeak. My eyes stung from unshed tears, and my throat felt thick. “Is that her name? Hope?”

  Aiden shrugged without taking his eyes away from the baby. “Do you think Becca will be mad if I name her? We were still trying to decide, but we thought we had more time. Right now that’s what this little one is, my hope, and I want to name her that.”

  “I don’t think she’ll mind at all. It’s a beautiful name for a beautiful little girl,” I agreed.

  It seemed like Aiden could use a moment alone with his daughter, and I wanted to go and see how Trent was doing. Watching one of my friends face losing the love of his life made me want to hold on a little tighter to Trent.

  “Aid, I’m going to go back to the waiting room and see if there is any news,” I said. “I’ll send Kate to come and get you, and stay with Hope so you can see Becca. I doubt the staff will give her a hard time being in here without a family member present, since she still works as a nurse part-time.”

  A NICU nurse let me out of the room and secured the door behind me. I quickly made my way back to the waiting room, where everyone except for Kate was still sitting on the uncomfortable furniture.

  Reed looked up as I approached. “Kate went to find the charge nurse to get an update.”

  I nodded in acknowledgement and continued toward Trent. He opened his arms to me and let me climb into his lap. His warm, spicy scent wrapped around me at the same time as his arms. I placed mine around his neck and held on tight.

  “Hey, are you okay?” he whispered.

  I shook my head. Becca had to be okay, because if she wasn’t, I wasn’t sure anything would ever be all right again. This time the fear wasn’t for myself but for someone I cared about. Losing her would hurt me, probably intensely and for a very long time, but it would destroy Aiden. Every time he looked into the face of that adorable little girl, he would see the woman he loved with his entire soul. Knowing him, he’d stay strong and continue to be an amazing father, but he’d never completely recover from the loss of Becca.

  Trent slowly rubbed my back in a soothing pattern. “She’s going to be okay. I believe that. Don’t lose hope.”

  I smiled slightly. “That’s the baby’s name, Hope. Aiden named her because they hadn’t picked a name out yet. He said they thought they had more time to choose one. What if they didn’t? What if they’ve had all the time they were meant to have, just one beautiful moment to last the rest of Aiden’s life?”

  “Don’t assume the worst yet. Look, Kate’s back. Hear what she says before you start planning your friend’s funeral. Try to keep an open mind.”

  “You’re right, but there’s something about hospitals that makes me uneasy. It’s a sense of foreboding, but it seems more like a memory.”

  Kate stopped nearby and addressed all of us. “Becca has been settled into her room in the ICU. Her vitals are stable, but she’s still unconscious. She can have visitors now. Where is Aiden?”

  “He’s in the NICU,” I said. “I told him you’d come find him when he could see Becca. He doesn’t want the baby to be alone, and it’s easiest for you to stay with her since the rest of us aren’t family.”

  “I’ll go get him. The rest of
you should go on home for a bit,” Kate advised.

  “I’ll wait here for you, Katie-girl. After tonight, I can’t stand the idea of being somewhere you aren’t,” Reed said.

  Kate smiled at him and turned her attention to me. “I’m staying for a while longer. I want to hear how Becca’s doing after he’s seen her,” I said.

  “Yeah, I didn’t think anyone would actually leave,” she said.

  Time dragged by in the waiting room. The television was tuned to a fishing show on mute. I never imagined anything could be more boring than televised fishing, but adding closed captioning managed to add the dullness it lacked with sound. I never left Trent’s lap, despite the abundance of other seating options available. Being away from him was unimaginable at the moment, and before long I found myself dozing off in his embrace. My head slumped down to his shoulder, and I allowed my eyes to close for a moment.

  ***

  The fluorescent light flickered overhead with a steady, tinny hum. I sat on a threadbare, maroon chair with uncomfortable wooden arms and a lumpy cushion. Someone wrapped a thin blanket around me while I sat with my knees hugged tight to my chest.

  Large machines filled the room with noise, a steady beep and the forced puff out of air. I tried to avoid looking at the bed, but my gaze continued to land on the still figure wrapped in bandages and tangled in tubes and wires. Bluish-purple bruises spread across the skin that was visible in the spaces between gauze.

  The rhythm of the beeping changed, and then a shrill alarm sounded in the room. Hands latched on to my shoulders and began to force me out of the room.

  “No, no, please no!” I needed to stay with her, couldn’t they see that? I fought them, kicking and hitting to try to remain in the room.

  “Toni, wake up, Toni,” I heard Trent yell.

  My eyes flew open, and I realized I was fighting against him. “I’m sorry. I thought…” I stopped fighting him and rubbed my hand across my face. “It’s this place. I’ve never had that nightmare before, but it was the same woman that I see in my usual one.”

  I looked around the waiting room and realized some of my friends were sleeping in their chairs as well. “Is there any news?”

  Trent shook his head. “No. Let’s see if Jeremy is ready to go. Everyone becoming sleep deprived isn’t going to help Aiden and Becca tomorrow.”

  “Okay. I’ll need to go help with Scott tomorrow,” I agreed.

  “Give me a few minutes and I’ll go grab the car. I’ll meet you out front,” Trent told me.

  I walked over to Jeremy and kicked his foot. “Come on, you sexy beast. They aren’t going to let us see her tonight. Let’s go home and come back in the morning with some clothes and food for Aiden.”

  “It feels wrong leaving them here,” Jeremy grumbled.

  “She’s right. Kate and I will stay tonight. You guys can take over tomorrow. Between all of us, we won’t leave him here alone. I’ll call if anything changes,” Reed said.

  Jeremy stood slowly. “Those chairs are a bitch,” he grumbled and tossed his arm around my shoulders. “Come on, Squirt. I need my bed. I didn’t sleep very well last night with the sexual Olympics going on in the next room.”

  “Shut up,” I hissed.

  Jeremy chuckled. The entire exchange was so normal for us that for a moment I believed everything would be fine.

  He ruffled my hair. “Stop. I refuse to stand by while you mentally plan her funeral. Becca. Will. Be. Fine.”

  “I’m scared,” I whispered.

  “Me, too,” he admitted. “But she’s got this. She has to, because the alternative is unthinkable.”

  I wanted Jeremy’s words to be true. I wanted the idea of losing my best friend to be unimaginable, but I felt a sense of déjà vu waiting in the hospital for her to wake up.

  Chapter 14

  Trent

  As soon as I stepped outside the hospital, my phone started to signal that I had missed calls. I pulled it out of my pocket and found I’d missed three calls from Trinity and nearly a dozen from my mom.

  I had a bad feeling even before I listened to my messages. The first few were from Trinity.

  “Trent, how long are you going to avoid me? Call me, please, I need to talk to you,” she begged. I wouldn’t have called her back, because there had been too many times she snapped and I went running. Each time, my life got fucked and she kept me tangled in her dysfunctional web.

  “Trent, please, just please call me back.” Trinity’s voice wavered through the second message, and I suspected she was crying.

  “I’m, um, sorry, Trent. If I don’t have you anymore, I don’t have anything. Please forgive me,” she slurred.

  My heart started to race. I exited my voice mail and called my mom.

  “Trent, oh thank God!” she exclaimed.

  “Mom, I got some weird messages from Trinity tonight. It sounds like she’s taken some shit. I can’t deal with her shit tonight, Mom. My girlfriend’s best friend is in the ICU, and I’ve been at the hospital all night.”

  “Girlfriend? Who is she? When can I meet her?” my mom asked.

  I chuckled, despite the gravity of my suspicions about Trinity. “Mom, I promise I’ll tell you all about Toni later, but right now I need you to tell me what the fuck is happening with Trinity.”

  My mom, Lydia, was young when she married my dad, barely eighteen years old. My older brother, Alec, was born a year later, and she’d barely turned twenty-one by the time I was born. Now that I was an adult, my mom tended to act more like a friend than a mom, which was usually great but sometimes uncomfortably weird.

  She sighed. “I’m sorry I tried to get in touch with you earlier. You aren’t Trinity’s caretaker, and you don’t need to worry about her all the time.”

  “Mom,” I growled.

  “Fine, I’ll tell you, but this isn’t your problem. Trinity overdosed tonight. She’s at the hospital on suicide watch after they pumped her stomach. When she couldn’t get ahold of you, she panicked and called me.”

  I scrubbed my hand over my head. I was torn between feeling like I’d let Trinity down and feeling like nothing I ever did would be enough. I couldn’t save her, that was obvious, but I still felt like I was supposed to try.

  Melody approached me from the parking lot. “I talked to Lydia earlier. Please tell me you aren’t here to play white knight for Trinity.”

  “No. Toni’s friend Becca is here,” I said. “She had a complication, and they had to deliver her baby. She’s in a coma, and we aren’t sure what’s going to happen. I was going to get the car so we could get a few hours sleep before we came back, and that’s when I got the messages. I was here the whole time that Trinity needed me.”

  “You were here with Toni when she needed you. Why should she have to take a backseat to Trinity? Don’t start this self-blame shit. Just because Trinity wants all of your attention doesn’t mean you have to give it to her. What she did was selfish. You don’t belong to her, Trent, and that pisses her off. I like Toni, and I don’t think she’s likely to be too understanding if you ditch her for Trinity.”

  I needed to check on Trinity. I wasn’t there for her earlier, but I could be there for her now. Would Toni understand? I thought she would. She wasn’t selfish like, well, like Trinity was. Shit, did I want to take the risk that Toni wouldn’t understand?

  “I still need to make sure she’s going to be fine,” I decided.

  “Where do you draw the line? When is it going to be enough? You go check on her now, and prove to her that when she throws a fit, you come running. Where does Toni stand in this situation?” she demanded. “Her best friend is in there right now fighting for her life. How would you be if it was me in the hospital?”

  “I’d be a mess, you know that. You’re practically my sister. I’d hoped one day Alec would get his head out of his ass and you would be my sister. I don’t think I’d be able to think straight until I knew you’d make it.”

  “I’ve been around Toni enough to know that h
er friends are her family. The way Jeremy talks, this is a very tight-knit group. Do you want to be the one she turns to tonight when she’s scared and vulnerable? The way it sounds, that person has been Jeremy for a long time, but it should be you now.”

  I thought about Toni curled up next to Jeremy. I knew he would comfort her and it wouldn’t be sexual, but the idea still pissed me off. It wasn’t his fucking place to hold her when she was scared. It was mine.

  “Trinity pisses me off, but I’ll be there for her,” Melody said. “Let me take care of her this time. Lydia will come and talk to the doctors in the morning. She’s probably sedated and not allowed visitors right now, anyway. If there’s a change, I’ll call you.”

  I had a hard time not seeing Trinity the way she was when I met her: twelve years old in dirty jeans and a boys’ rugby shirt, with the face of a much younger girl. She was pissed at the world but somehow managed to hold on to her childhood innocence. That was the first time she came to live with us as my foster sister. I was sixteen and instantly felt a strong brotherly connection to her.

  She lived with us for six months that stretch before her mother cleaned up long enough for the courts to send her back home. The next time she was placed with us, she was thirteen and her youthful innocence was gone. My mom continued to take her in every time the courts removed her from the home of her drug-addicted mother, until Trinity was sixteen and her mother overdosed on prescription narcotics and sleeping pills.

  Perhaps my mom and I were gluttons for punishment, but too many people had given up on Trinity, and we wanted her to feel like she had a safe place to turn. Unfortunately, Trinity grew up to be a lot like her mother. When times got hard, she searched for salvation in a bottle or a man. I suspected for a long time that she had developed a crush on me, but I never encouraged her in that way.