Burn Me Anthology

by Shantel Tessier

  At his words, I could cry.

  Because, when it comes to Rowan, I don’t have to try. It’s natural, always has been.

  I’m quickly learning it truly is like he said. He’s… trying.

  Trying to fall.

  Wanting to feel.

  And I can only watch and wait.

  Hope.

  But none of that matters—his wants, my hopes—because the fact will remain…

  I can’t make him love me if he doesn’t.

  I muster a smile for his sake. “I know, Row. I know.”

  With that, we head for the building, but this time, when my eyes sneak left to the spot against the brick wall, no one’s there.

  ***

  “Are you done now?”

  With a sigh, I drop back in my chair. “No, Alec. I am not done. I wasn’t done five minutes ago when you asked, or the ten minutes before that. I have a solid hour of work left.”

  He frowns at me. “It’s 7:45.”

  “I’m aware.”

  “It’s time to fucking go.”

  “Then go.”

  “I’m not leaving you here.”

  “So I’ll call Rowan, ask—”

  Alec’s hand slams down on my desk. “The fuck you will.”

  I gape at him. “What is your issue?”

  “You. Him. All of it,” he seethes.

  “What does that even mean?”

  “I am here to handle anything and everything, related to you. Get that through your fucking head.”

  Yep. Psychopath.

  I stare at him and for a moment, he stares back, but when a pinch of the hardness disappears from those dark green eyes, he jerks away, storming into his office.

  When his door slams, I look over my desk and the pile of crap I’ll be coming in to tomorrow if I leave it all like this.

  But Alec has been my shadow for a few weeks now, and I’ve yet to bend to make his life more enjoyable. He’s stuck here with me all day, stuck watching me all night, and stuck eating nothing but delivery food or frozen shit in my freezer because I refuse to stop with him on the way home. His stubborn self won’t go without me.

  With a deep sigh, I stand, wiping my hands against my jeans as I approach his office.

  “I said stop fucking calling me, Marissa,” Alec hisses into his phone, before tossing it onto his desk.

  So, it is a female who blows up his phone all day. I wonder who this Marissa is.

  He runs his hands through his brown hair, spotting me as he sits back.

  “What?”

  “We can go.”

  His eyes narrow. “And your work?”

  “It’ll be there tomorrow.”

  He blinks, then stands. “Fine. Whatever.”

  Yanking his jacket off his chair, he stalks past me.

  “I need to go by the store on the way home.”

  “No. It can wait until tomorrow.”

  “I’m going to the damn store, Alec. With or without you.” I start for the door, but Alec is quick to grab onto my arm, half spinning me toward him.

  He gets in my face. “You think after the break-in, I’d let you out of my sight, Oakley? Cause I won’t. Someone was in your fucking house, within reach of you, and I wasn’t there. That won’t happen again.”

  The hand that holds onto my arm starts to tighten as his body shakes slightly, rage running through him at the thought of what could have happened that night.

  When I try catch his eyes with mine, he cuts his gaze away, but his hand remains.

  “Alec,” I whisper and reluctantly his look comes back to me. “That wasn’t your fault. You thought I was safe there with Rowan. You—”

  Alec drops my arm, a deep scoff leaving him as he opens the door. “Don’t be a damn fool, Oakley.”

  He glances my way, doing a double take when he sees the question in my eyes.

  He gets in my space again. “You were right, and you know it. I left because, had I stayed and heard him fucking you, heard you moaning for him, I’d have snapped his neck, right then and there.”

  I gasp. “No, you wouldn’t have.”

  “In a fucking heartbeat.”

  “He’s your brother!”

  “Nothing will get in my way,” he growls, and my breath lodges in my throat.

  “Get in the way of what?”

  “I told you to get ready.” Dark green eyes pierce mine and my heart starts hammering against my chest. “I wasn’t playing. I’ve waited eleven years for this. My patience is shot.”

  My body stirs, fear and undeniable curiosity roaring through me.

  I just can’t tell which is stronger.

  Chapter 11

  I can’t help but laugh at the stress-induced wrinkles covering Alec’s forehead as he downs a full bottle of water in two giant gulps. Apparently, everyone at Wal-Mart after dark is “shady as fuck.” He about had a panic attack.

  He glares at me, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “What?”

  “Nothing.” I pinch my lips to the side, doing my best to keep from smiling.

  “Fucking talk, Oakley.”

  When I continue rinsing the vegetables, he slams a hand down beside me, making me jump.

  I glance over my shoulder, my glare matching his. “Do you have no chill mode?”

  “Where you’re concerned? No. I don’t.”

  “Whatever. You need to work on your people skills,” I tell him, grabbing a knife to slice the peppers.

  He steals it from my hand before I notice him coming. “My people skills are fine.”

  When he turns and starts chopping like a pro, my brows lift, but I don’t draw attention to it.

  “For real though, you teach the importance of body language and communications. Surely, you must know how to dial back some. You gotta learn how to balance the Wolverine/Logan thing.”

  He scoffs through a chuckle. “Logan and Wolverine are the same person, princess. Try again.”

  My skin warms at the endearment. This isn’t the first time he’s called me that, but his voice is tame, almost entertained, so the ease in which it rolls from his lips comes across different, almost as if he’s intrigued.

  “I’m aware, but it’s the closest I could come in comparison to you.”

  “This I gotta hear…” He steps beside me, checking the oil I’ve poured in the bottom of the wok before tossing the bell peppers inside.

  “Okay, well… Logan is intense and commanding, but he’s capable of compromise and even civilized conversation from time to time, where Wolverine is wild and unpredictable, untamable. A ticking time bomb, with no count.” I think about Alec and the mystery I never cared to solve, but recently found the desire to know. “No one knows how he works or why he’s the way he is.”

  My legs stiffen when a warm knuckle slides beneath my chin, and Alec brings my gaze up to meet his.

  “Predictability means an easy target. Compromise leaves room for infiltration. And the only way to find out how something works is to study it. You gotta pay close attention. You’ve never been real good at that, have you?”

  I take a deep breath, my eyes shifting between his.

  His point is accurate, but also unfair. He chose to act the way he did when he could have been different with me, gentler. That’s on him.

  “I paid attention,” I tell him.

  One dark brow raises. “Really?”

  “Yeah.” I nod. “There just wasn’t much I wanted to remember.”

  He watches me for a moment before dropping his hand and exiting the kitchen.

  In a state of irritated confusion, I finish our fajitas, deciding my slamming cupboards and dishes around is enough notification it’s time to eat.

  Alec comes out of his room with his face in his phone. “Real subtle, Oakley.”

  “Well I don’t have a dinner bell, so…”

  He pauses for a moment, but decides not to acknowledge my reference to when we were kids.

  His mom wanted so bad to have that “house on the
prairie” type of lifestyle, where the kids come in for “supper” at the ring of the cow’s bell. They’d all sit around and talk about their day before a nice family game was played, and then go to bed with full stomachs and happy hearts.

  Their home was nothing like that.

  With a dad who rarely came home and a mother who suffered from depression, the Daniels boys really only had each other. Until one day, they didn’t even have that.

  I never understood why, all of a sudden, Rowan and Alec couldn’t get along. It wasn’t so bad at first, more, the two-year age difference that made them argue. As we got older, they became more hateful, distant with each other. Anytime I’d ask Rowan about it, he’d only say Alec was bad news, to stay away from him.

  I never had to decide whether or not to listen because Alec always made the choice for me.

  “Man, you were such a jerk to me growing up.”

  He freezes, his head swinging in my direction, and I’d swear the quick exhale and dip of his brow means he’s remorseful.

  He’s quiet after that, so I say nothing, opting for a movie on the couch once I’m finished eating.

  It takes a good fifteen minutes, but Alec finally convinces himself to join me.

  And the second he does, I lose focus on the movie but continue to stare at the TV anyway.

  He’s intriguing. I know nothing about this man. Where he’s been or why he came back. Why he left.

  “Oakley.” His voice is low, but commanding. “Look at me.”

  With my body still facing forward, I sling only my eyes his way.

  Dark green eyes anchor mine, forcing my gaze to remain on his. “None of it happened the way I wanted,” he admits. Anger hardening his features, regret seeping from his tone.

  I shift on the cushion, my body now facing his, and I whisper my dare, hoping to learn but scared just the same. “Tell me, what exactly did you want?”

  His gaze drops to my lips quickly, then back. “I wanted to be the one who approached you first, the one you knocked on the door looking for, the one you saw.”

  “And when that didn’t happen, your back-up plan was to push me away?”

  He shakes his head, dropping his eyes to the floor, before bringing them back to mine. “I’d go back in time, if I could.”

  I probably shouldn’t, but I ask anyway. “And if you did, what would you change?”

  He stares at me, those eyes soft as silk, revealing the first sign of sadness I’ve ever seen from him. “Everything.”

  His unexpected confession causes pressure to build against my chest. I search for a deep breath, unable to find it as I stare at the man in front of me.

  “Alec…” My voice is low, pleading for something I’m not aware of.

  He shifts beside me and right as he does, the front lock starts to jingle.

  My eyes widen, and I jump closer to Alec, grabbing a hold of his leg.

  He wraps an arm around me protectively, lifting his free hand to his lips, telling me to keep quiet.

  The lock jiggles again, more aggressively this time, and Alec starts to rise from the couch.

  When I attempt to stand with him, he narrows his eyes as if to keep me there.

  I shake my head, holding onto him, and he drops back beside me.

  He lays his forehead against mine, whispering, “Let me protect you, princess. Stay here, keep quiet.”

  I grab his hands that rest on my cheeks, squeezing my eyes shut as I nod.

  “If—” he starts to whisper as he pulls away, but stops short when we hear, “Open the fucking door, Oakley!”

  Every muscle in Alec’s body tightens and my eyes fly open.

  When the pounding starts again, I clear my throat and stand slowly. I avoid Alec’s gaze and move to step around him.

  “Always in the fucking way,” he growls once I’ve passed.

  With an uneasy feeling stirring inside me, I open the door for Rowan.

  He storms in before I have a chance to say anything, laughing harshly when he finds Alec standing in the living room, our empty cups on the coffee table and my blanket on the couch.

  Rowan swings his angry gaze to mine. “If you wanted your key back, all you had to do was ask. Didn’t need to go through the trouble of changing the locks.”

  “I didn’t—” I stop short, turning to Alec. “You really changed the locks?”

  “Yes.”

  Rowan scoffs. “Un-fucking-believable. Getting real comfortable at my girl’s house, are we, Alec?”

  Alec takes an instant step toward him, but I’m quick to move between them.

  I glare at Alec, who glares back. Gone is the gloss that brought out the gold in his dark green eyes. I spin to Rowan.

  He frowns at Alec over my shoulder, before giving me a tense smile. “Come on, Oak. Let’s go to your room. More privacy.” Before I can respond, Rowan disappears down the hall.

  But I’m rooted in place, unable to move. Something tells me, once I do, Alec will too, stopping me with his rough grip before I make it half a step away.

  It’s an irrational thought, but it’s as if possessiveness is percolating from every inch of his body and casing around mine, pulling me backward. Back to him, into him.

  “Make your move, Oakley,” he tells me, completely monotone, giving me nothing as far as deciphering his feelings goes.

  Weighted with confusion and no understanding of my own indecisions, I walk away from Alec, joining Rowan in my room.

  When I enter, Rowan stops pacing and looks to me. “I hate him being here.”

  “Really?” I raise an eyebrow. “I couldn’t tell.”

  “It’s not right, Oakley. He shouldn’t be here.” He picks up my phone from the nightstand, shaking it at me. “I called you. Four times.” He glares. “When you didn’t pick up or call back—completely out of character for you—I had to come over here. I fucking knew he’d be—” He cuts himself off, swallowing as he looks away, but now I have questions of my own.

  I drop onto my bed slowly, eyeing Rowan. “He’d…what, Rowan?”

  “Nothing. He’s getting too comfortable here, Oakley. It’s… tell him to go. I’ll come stay.”

  My brows jump. “You want to come stay? Rowan, you don’t even like staying here.”

  “That’s not the point.”

  A humorless laugh leaves me. “Yes, it is. Someone was in my house, Rowan. I don’t want to be here alone. Yeah, Alec wouldn’t have been my first choice,” my brows lift, “not even my last at the time, but at least I know he’ll still be here when I wake up.”

  Rowan’s brows pinch, his upper lip curling. “He left you here alone the night someone was here!”

  “He thought I was with you! He never would have left if he’d have known you were going to pull your late-night disappearing act on me!”

  He scowls at me, goes to speak, but shakes his head instead.

  He licks his lips, still staring out the window. “You said ‘at the time’ he wouldn’t have been your last choice. How ’bout now, Oaks?” Tortured honey eyes meet mine. “Where’s he fall on your line-up, a whole three weeks later?”

  “I—” I look to my hands, picking at the green polish.

  Do I know the answer to that question? I’m not even sure I realized I’d said it.

  Would Alec still be my last choice?

  No.

  Would he be my first?

  I lift my eyes to Rowan. “I know he and I have had issues, but I… trust he’ll do the right thing. I can’t explain it, Row, but I feel safe with him here. Yeah, it’s different and there’s little to no privacy, but we’re both at work the majority of the time, so it’s not so bad.”

  “Yeah, both at the same work. You’re with each other twenty-four-fucking-seven.”

  “What’s your problem, Rowan?” I narrow my eyes. “I get you two don’t get along like brothers should, and yeah, you were around when Alec picked on me as kids, but we’re adults now. Can’t we move past that?”

  Rowan shakes his h
ead. “I won’t let him win, Oakley.” Finally, he swings his eyes to mine. “I didn’t then, I won’t now.”

  “Win what?!” I yell, but Rowan looks away, refusing to give me anything else.

  “Walk me out, Oak?” he asks with his back to me.

  I rise and silently follow him to the door, catching Alec’s eyes on my way by.

  He quickly stands from his bed, but I keep walking behind Rowan.

  When we reach the door, he takes a second then turns to me.

  I take a deep breath, reading the turmoil in his eyes.

  He’s going to kiss me. I know it.

  It’s written in the wrinkle of his eyes, but the dip of his brow tells me it’s not for my benefit, not because he wants to.

  My friend, the man I’ve told myself I’ve loved all these years, is about to use me. All to get to another.

  I can’t let him. For our friendship’s sake.

  So when he gently grips my neck, bringing his face closer to mine, I close my eyes and whisper, “Don’t do it, Row. Not like this, it isn’t fair.”

  “Fair?” he hisses back, anger and distress driving his voice. “I can’t keep him from you, if he’s here with you, Oakley. That’s not fair.”

  When my hands raise to cover his, his start to shake. After a moment, he lets go, turns and walks out without another word.

  Once the door is closed and locked, I sag against the frame, tears building in my eyes.

  I’m angry, confused.

  How dare he.

  I’ve waited years for this, for him. Waited for him to take charge, take me, and never once did it feel close.

  Now here he is, irrationally upset over something I can’t exactly control and using it as fuel to light his own fire to push himself toward me. But he doesn’t realize he’s driving me the other way.

  I want Rowan all in for me, not because he feels threatened by another.

  I should have noticed it earlier but apparently I’m blind.

  Alec shows up and suddenly Rowan is all over me. Publicly claiming me, touching me when he knows another man’s eyes are on me. It’s devastating to realize I wasn’t enough to light him up before.