Burn Me Anthology

by Shantel Tessier

  I shrug, refusing to read further into it. “He’s an old friend of my brother’s. Probably feels obligated.”

  “Honey he hasn’t slept in two days because he hasn’t taken an eye off of you. That’s not obligation.”

  “Two days?”

  “Two days. The first day you were in ICU, which is restricted. But it’s a small town. People know people. So the doctor let him stay with you.” She gives me a wistful smile. “And maybe because he made it quite clear he wasn’t leaving. A man like that doesn’t take too kindly to someone telling him no.”

  I’d been here two days. He’d been by my side the entire time. What does that mean?

  “Blood pressure is good. Pulse is a little high, but that’s expected after what I just told you.” She winks. “I’m going to take out your catheter now. Rewrap your hands and feet, and if all looks well, the doctor should let you go home in the morning.”

  Home.

  “I don’t have a home,” I whisper, tears filling my eyes. I didn’t know I had more to cry.

  Patting my hand, she gives me a reassuring smile. “You don’t worry about that.”

  I try to do as she says—not worry. Instead, I do my best to be a good patient as she removes the catheter. I bury my face in the crook of my arm as she cleans me and am thankful for her quiet, clinical approach.

  When she unwraps my hands, I flinch. Not necessarily from the pain but the large, ugly blisters and the bright red skin. My feet aren’t quite as bad, but the bottoms are burned as well as the tops.

  How will I walk?

  How will I feed myself?

  Oh good God…how will I wipe?

  “I’m going to keep your IV port in your arm just in case, but the doctor didn’t order anymore fluids. You should be able to start taking the antibiotic and pain meds by mouth. Hit the button if you need anything.”

  With a squeeze to my shoulder and that sweet smile of hers, she leaves. The door doesn’t close before Shane walks through it.

  “What’s wrong?” His voice is sharp, but his face is twisted in concern. “What happened?”

  “How did my feet and hands get burned?”

  He visibly relaxes, but his eyes flash with regret. “Probably when I carried you out. The house was so damn hot.”

  “But why just my feet and hands?”

  “My best guess?” He settles in the seat next to the bed. “My body shielded the rest of you. It was dark, so we could’ve walked through a hot spot and your feet were more exposed than anything else. I’m still not real sure about your hands. Did you leave the bathroom at any time?”

  I think back a moment then nod. “Yeah. But I couldn’t get out so I went back to the bathroom. I had to feel my way along the walls.”

  “You were very brave, Mila. I’m proud of you.”

  My cheeks flame. “I don’t know about that.”

  “I do,” he says, serious. “I’ve done this a long time, baby. And a lot of people that were in your situation panicked. The outcome wasn’t what yours is.”

  I fall back against my pillows and shake my head. “I can’t use my hands or my feet. I ache all over. I’ve lost my house. My job. I won’t finish school.” Looking down at my bandaged hands on the blanket, I mumble what I only mean to think. “Death sounds better.”

  In a flash, Shane is in front of me. Hovering over me and forcing me further into the mattress. Fury blazes in his eyes. Jaw tight. Nostrils flaring. “Remember when I told you I’d spank your ass as red as your hands and feet if you didn’t calm down?” When I say nothing, he gives me a low growl. “Answer me, Mila.”

  “Yes, sir.” The words seem right. And his eyes flare with something that give me the impression he agrees.

  “Yes, sir…what?”

  I try to swallow and wince, but manage to tell him what he wants to hear. “Yes, sir…I remember.”

  “Well, remember this. If I ever hear you say that death sounds better than life again, or anything that insinuates you’d rather die than live, I’ll whip your ass until it’s as blistered as your hands and feet. Do you understand me?”

  I’m crying again. I’m just not sure if it’s fear, heartache or a little of both. “Y-yes sir.”

  He takes a slow breath, holds it, then releases it as his eyes close. When they open, he doesn’t look angry anymore. Just…stern. “I don’t say that to intimidate you, Mila. I never want you to fear me. I would never harm you.”

  I frown. “So you won’t spank me?” Why does that disappoint me?

  “Oh, baby I’ll spank you. I’ll do just as I promised if you defy me again. But I’ll never inflict harm or any kind of permanent damage. You may not sit for a day, you may not sit for a week, depending on the situation. But I’ll never spank you in anger. You’ll always know I do it because I care about you. And you’ll always be forgiven and praised and cherished when it’s over.”

  His words are…everything. Maybe it’s because I’ve never had anyone as devoted to keeping me safe as him. Maybe it’s because no one has ever spoken to me with such conviction. Or maybe it’s because other than Alan, he’s the only one who’s ever gave a damn.

  Chapter 6

  Shane

  Watching Mila sleep is quickly becoming my favorite thing to do.

  After our talk, she drank nearly an entire pitcher of water. Then I kissed her head. Told her to rest. And before I pulled my lips back, she was asleep.

  Hearing her talk about dying destroyed something inside of me. Even though we’d been apart for years and I didn’t know her that well, I couldn’t imagine life with her not in it. She needs a man. Someone to love her. Guide her. Discipline her. I know there’s much more to the vulnerable girl lying in a hospital bed. I have no doubt once she’s able, she’ll test my limits. And the thought excites me.

  I want her to live. Not just exist as she’s been doing for years. Whatever her dreams are, I want to make them come true. Whatever her burdens, I want to take them away. That first day I stayed with her in ICU, I wondered if it was guilt that kept me by her side. Guilt for not doing what Alan had planned and adopted her.

  Now I know that’s not the case.

  Mila wasn’t meant to be my adoptive daughter.

  I wasn’t meant to be her guardian.

  The two of us were meant to be so much more.

  It’s been a long thirty-six hours. Between my last shift that consisted of not just the house fire but two wrecks and a handful of first responder calls, and two days of no sleep here at the hospital, I’m exhausted.

  With her sleeping soundly and the doctor not due for another couple of hours, I lean back in my seat and allow my own eyes to close.

  The rustling of sheets wakes me. Cracking one eye open, I find Mila sitting up in her bed, fidgeting with the remote in her hand. Her bed moves up and down. The T.V. turns on and off. She lets out a frustrated grunt and I can’t help but smile at how damn cute she is.

  “Everything okay, Mila girl?”

  She stiffens—refusing to look at me. “I-I need the nurse.”

  I move to her side. “What’s going on, baby?”

  “Will you please call the nurse?”

  “Of course.” I hit the button and a few seconds later a voice comes through the speaker.

  “Can I help you?”

  “Yes, we need a nurse, please.”

  “Is it an emergency? If not, it’ll be about fifteen minutes. We had a trauma on the floor.”

  I look down at Mila who still refuses to meet my gaze. She squirms and I think I know the problem. But in case I’m wrong, I let the operator know we’ll get back to her. That prompts Mila to finally look at me.

  “It’s an emergency, Shane.”

  I lift a brow. “What’s so urgent you can’t wait fifteen minutes?”

  She wiggles again and drops her head. “Please get the nurse.”

  I sit down beside her on the bed and stroke her back. “Sweetheart, if you need something, you can tell me. Other than issuing pain medicat
ion, I can do anything the nurse can do.”

  “It’s embarrassing.”

  Just as I’d predicted.

  “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

  Her sniffles break my heart. I know she feels humiliated. So I’m surprised when she tells me without me having to coax her further.

  “I have to use the bathroom. And…” she lifts a wrapped hand and foot. “I can’t.”

  My finger under her chin, I tilt her head up and force her to look at me. “I want to take care of you, Mila. Saving lives is what I do for a living. But this is the first time I’ve had the opportunity to provide aftercare. It was my duty to save you. Being here now is my desire. Watching you get better, being a part of the healing process…it proves to me that my job is worth the risk.”

  I run my thumb along her bottom lip. “Let me help you, baby.”

  She doesn’t know it, but I’m not giving her choice. I will help her now and until she can function on her own whether she wants me to or not. But I want her to willingly submit to my care. I need her trust, even if I haven’t earned it. That leap of faith on her part will tell me much about not only the person she is, but how she sees me.

  The small nod isn’t exactly what I wanted, but I’ll take what I can get. I know she feels ashamed. Hopefully we can move past that soon. Nothing about her or her body disgusts me. That’s not something I can tell her and have her believe. I’ll just have to show her.

  “Hands in your lap, baby. I’m going to pick you up and I don’t want you bumping them on anything.” She complies and it stirs something inside me. I remove the covers and lift her from the bed. She feels so light in my arms. And so fucking perfect.

  Inside the bathroom, I seat her on the toilet, turn the faucet on and step out to give her some privacy. I’m not sure exactly what all “going to the bathroom” means. For the sake of her pride, I hope this first time she just has to pee. Not that either would bother me, but I doubt she’s comfortable with a deeper level of intimacy.

  Two minutes pass without a word and I ask her through the door if she’s okay. When her response is a whimper, I chance a peek inside. She fumbles with the toilet paper roll next to her—tears of shame falling from her cheeks and landing on her wrinkled hospital gown.

  Without a word, I go to her, lay her hands in her lap, tear off some tissue and place my hand on the center of her back. With a gentle push, I lean her forward and wipe between her legs. Her body shakes with a silent sob of humiliation and I swear I’d give anything to take away her fear and indignity.

  I gather her up and her head falls to my chest. She curls further into me and I kiss her head. “It’s okay, baby. I know that took a lot of courage. I’m so proud of you.” That calms her and I make a mental note that praise is something she needs more of. Something she’s likely never had.

  “Shane?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Will you do something for me?”

  I tuck her back in bed and smooth her hair from her face. “Anything.”

  Once again, she won’t look at me. “Will you see if maybe one of the motels around here offer extended stays? I have some money in savings. I don’t have my license or anything, but the people at the bank know me. I don’t think I’ll have a problem making a withdrawal.”

  My brows draw together in confusion. “A motel?”

  She looks up at me with those big, innocent eyes. “Unless the hospital has like a rehab or something. I didn’t think of that. If not, I’ll have to hire a private nurse too. Or like a nurse’s aide.” Her cheeks darken. “You know…to help with…stuff.”

  “Mila, did me helping you make you that uncomfortable?”

  “What?” Her shock is as confusing to me as her requests. “No! Of course not. You did…I mean yeah…it was uncomfortable, but it was okay. I didn’t mind it like I thought I would.” Her last admission is said so low, I’m not sure if she meant for me to hear it.

  “So you’re okay with me helping you?”

  “Yes. If you want to. But I don’t know how long I’ll be here and…”

  I place my finger over her lips. Now everything makes since. I guess it’s time she learns of my plans for her. “When you’re discharged, be it today, tomorrow or next week, you’ll be coming home with me.” She starts to interrupt so I press my finger harder against her lips. “I have plenty of room. You can stay as long as you need to until you rebuild or find a new place. Okay?”

  After a minute, she nods.

  “I’m a trained medic. I can treat your injuries, change your bandages, lift you, bathe you, feed you, clothe you and spank you if you even consider replacing me with a nurse’s aide you don’t know who won’t be half as good to you as I will. Understood?”

  I remove my finger and wait for her to argue. But once again, she surprises me. “This is the third time you’ve threatened to spank me.”

  My lips curve at the corners. “Good to know you’re keeping count.”

  “I don’t want to be a burden to you.”

  “You’re not a burden, baby. You’re a fucking blessing. I can’t remember anything ever feeling this right. Call it fate. Divine intervention. Maybe Alan is looking out for both of us. All I know is that I couldn’t sleep not knowing you were okay. And the only way I’ll know that is if I have you with me at all times.”

  “But you have to work.”

  “I have the next four days off. And I have plenty of personal time saved up so I can take more time if I need it. There are several part-time guys who would love the extra work. Besides, I’m overdue a vacation.”

  She still looks doubtful. “It won’t be much of a vacation if you’re spending all your time taking care of me.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong, baby.” I tuck her hair behind her ear, not missing the way her eyes soften when I do. “Taking care of you is more than a vacation. It’s paradise.”

  Chapter 7

  Mila

  I’m moving in with Shane.

  He never asked. He demanded.

  I’m so glad he did.

  I want more of what he makes me feel. Even when it’s embarrassing, it’s good. Because it’s with him. Since he helped me in the bathroom, something I was sure I’d die with mortification from, he’s fed me soup. Brushed my hair. Fluffed my pillows. Straightened my bed. And now, he’s listening to the doctor’s orders of how to treat my wounds and when to give me pain meds.

  “Well, Miss Parker,” the doctor says, turning to me with a smile. “I’m releasing you into good hands. If you need anything, you can call my office. If not, I’ll see you in a week.”

  I nod my thanks and watch him leave. When he’s gone, the realization that I’m alone with Shane for the duration of my recovery settles in the pit of my belly. It’s not dread I feel either. But a warmth and a stirring deep in my core.

  Must be the pain medicine I just took.

  “One of the nurses brought this by for you.”

  I turn my attention to the blue Kimono robe in his hand. The sleeves are wide to accommodate my oversized wrapped hands. The length should cover me to my knees. And the gold satin belt will help preserve my modesty once the robe has been wrapped and cinched at my waist.

  “We’ll do some online shopping tonight or tomorrow and get you some clothes. Until then, you can wear something of mine. But this will be fine for you to go home in.”

  Heat spreads across my chest, up my throat and settles in my cheeks. He doesn’t comment, but I can see his amusement though he tries to hide it.

  He tucks my arms into the sleeves before closing the robe around me—leaving my hospital gown beneath it. Then he wraps me in the blanket, ignores the waiting wheelchair and gathers me in his arms.

  “You can use the wheelchair,” I say, not wanting him to have to lug me all the way to the parking lot.

  “I like you better in my arms.”

  Okay…

  Since he’d already taken his bag down while the doctor was checking me over, the only th
ing we grab on our way out is the pillow he brought for me. I hug it to my chest and lean against his as we take the elevator to the second floor.

  Outside, the temperature is below freezing and I bury my nose and mouth in the pillow. Inhaling the cold air hurts my chest and throat. And my face, still pink from the fire, stings when the wind whips across it.

  “Almost there, baby. I know it’s cold.”

  Gah. He says the sweetest things at the perfect moment.

  The truck is running when we make it there. And it’s warm inside when he places me in the front seat. After strapping me in, he settles behind the wheel and pulls out.

  The traffic is scarce and I’m thankful. I’m anxious to get to his house. To lay in a real bed. Take a real shower…

  Thoughts of a shower take me back. Would it ever be the same? Would I ever be able to bathe and not think about the time I almost died?

  “We’re home.”

  Lost in my own thoughts, I hadn’t realized the truck had stopped. I don’t remember us pulling into a garage either. “Did I fall asleep?”

  “You’ve been out for about twenty minutes.”

  “Really?”

  “Don’t worry. It’s just the pain meds. Come on, let’s get you inside.”

  The house has a warm, masculine feel. Wood floors. Black granite. Stainless steel appliances. Leather furniture. Flat screens in every room. Minimal décor. Too much sports memorabilia. But it’s the master bedroom that feels the best. It smells the best too. Like clean linen and Shane.

  The walls are a deep gray. The furniture matches the dark wood floors. There is no clutter. Nothing out of place. And the white comforter on the massive bed sends it’s welcome straight to my libido.

  Shane carries me into the bathroom and sits me on the counter. Positioning himself between my legs, he rubs my arms through the blanket. “Would you like to take a bath tonight?”

  I shiver at the offer. I look down at my hands. I start to say I can’t do it myself, then I remember him saying he was more than capable to bathe me. Am I ready for that?

  “You look scared.” He tilts my chin to look at him. “Tell me why. And remember, there’s no room for shame between us.” He says it kindly, but I can hear an undercurrent of a warning.