“Do you?” I echo as the others climb in the car, giving us the briefest moment alone.
“I do.” Raz touches a finger to the side of my face, dragging it down to my chin.
“And what is it that you want right now?” I retort as he runs his tongue across his lower lip, leaning in and putting his palms on either side of me, flat against the trunk of the car.
“Do you really need to ask that?” Raz growls out, his red eyes hooded, bedroom eyes in the bright light of day. It's obscene, and I love it. “Because from where I'm standing, that's pretty fucking obvious.”
“I want you to say it,” I tell him, fully aware that there are three people waiting on us right now. Our eyes are locked, and I wish suddenly that I could see his real eye color, those blue eyes of his tucked behind black glasses. I'm hungry for it.
“You better not be playing a Devils' Day trick on me,” Raz murmurs, leaning down and putting his mouth right up against mine. “Because I'm not as strong as you. I wouldn't survive what Calix did to you.”
My heart thumps violently, and my throat closes up, but I can't think about Calix right now. It's just Raz, just me and Raz.
“So you knew he lied?” I whisper, and Raz turns his head away, closing his eyes for a brief moment. “All this time, you knew.”
“I knew.” Raz turns back to me, face dark, as serious as I've ever seen it. “But I didn't care. Because if Calix wasn't such a coward then you'd fall for him, and I wouldn't stand a chance. I'm a selfish, ugly bastard, Karma. I wanted him to fail. I wanted it more than anything.”
I'm struggling to breathe now, tears pricking the corners of my eyes. I'm past the point of needing to grieve for time lost, past the point of wanting revenge, of needing justice. Instead, I just want honesty and apologies.
I want to see the real faces of these three boys, hear the truth of their feelings pass by their pretty mouths.
“If you liked me, you could've just told me. Instead of bullying me, or engaging in witty repartee, you could've said something.”
Raz exhales and then nuzzles his head against the side of my neck.
“That would make too much sense. It wouldn't be messy and bloody and stupid enough for me. Besides, how could I ever compete against Calix?” Raz pauses for a moment and then barks a sharp laugh. “Or Barron.”
“You know about Barron?” I ask, and he lifts his head back up to look at me in surprise.
“You do?” He sounds shocked, so I'm guessing Barron's feelings were meant to be a secret. “Because he's as bad as Calix. Fucking coward. You know he spends half his time defending you, right? Trying to stop the rest of us from being pricks.”
“And the rest of his time being a prick himself,” I add, and Raz grins, shrugging his shoulders loosely.
“Can we do the heart-to-heart after we get to the lake?” Sonja calls out, clearly exasperated at having to witness her evil other half participating in a real conversation for once. “You two can kiss and giggle and carve your names into a tree after we get inked.”
“Shut the fuck up, Sonja,” Raz snarls, giving her a death glare that I'm more used to seeing directed at myself. He turns back to me, softening his expression as his bestie sighs dramatically from the back seat. “Now, where were we?”
“You were going to apologize for letting me hurt for so long, and I was going to forgive you. Then we were going to kiss and go get our names tattooed on each other.” The words are bold, almost sticking to my throat as I force them out, but I'm done with all the bullshit from my old life. If this time loop has taught me anything, it's that you have to ask for what you need. You have to give yourself a voice, or you can't expect anyone to know what's really going through your mind.
“Our names, huh?” he asks, raising his dark blond brows. “Shit, that's next level.” His mouth splits into a wild grin. “But I like it.” Raz leans in close to me, putting his lips up against my ear as my eyes close in bliss. Having his warm breath on my neck makes me think of the cottage, of standing in the hot spray of the shower with him, of lying in the twin bed downstairs and smoking out the open window. “I'm sorry, Karma. I really am. And if this is a Devils' Day trick, and you want to fuck me over, that's okay. Because I deserve it.” He pulls back, but I don't let him get very far, throwing my arms around his neck and pressing our mouths together.
Heat sweeps through me like a firestorm as Raz gathers me up in his arms and lifts me clear off the back of the car. My legs go around him as his tongue slides between my lips, claiming me at the same time his hands cup my ass beneath my Crescent Prep skirt.
“Seriously, bro? What the actual fuck? I know you've got your dream girl and all that shit, but it's Devils' Day. Let's go.”
Raz pulls away from me, scowling, but he doesn't put me down as he moves over to the side of the car, and then simply hauls both himself and me over it and into the seat.
Jesus.
I hadn't realized how strong he was—physically or emotionally. Now I'm even more intrigued.
“Hit it,” Raz says, slapping the side of the convertible. I can see Luke roll her eyes in the rearview mirror, but she releases the parking brake and off we go.
To get some motherfucking illegal ink.
What a Devils’ Day this is turning out to be; I like it already.
The tattoo parlor sits on the outskirts of Devil Springs, but with a name like Kismet Ink and Design, it's gotta be good. Kismet means fate, after all. And karma, well, that's cosmic justice. Put the two together, and I'm certain that I'm exactly where I was meant to be.
“I am not letting you get Raz's name tattooed on your hip,” Luke hisses as I browse through fonts on my phone, trying to decide which one to use. It's illegal as fuck, us being here and doing this, but I don't care, not today.
Part of me realizes that this is my last hurrah, my last chance to dive in headfirst and see what the dark waters of the world hold. After today, it's not about me: it's about Pearl. Once I find a way to save her, I'll get to see tomorrow, I'm sure of it. But I can't spend time with Raz or Calix or Barron and still have enough hours left in the day to deal with Pearl.
“I appreciate your concern, and on a normal day, I'd heed your caution. But not today, Luke.” I find the font I want, and glance back to find Raz lounging on the red leather sofa at the front of the store. He taps the cushion next to him with his palm as Luke gives me the stink eye.
“You can't just wipe a tattoo off, Karma. Once it's there, it's there until you get some very expensive laser treatments. This is as permanent as permanent can really get. And Raz, of all of people? Really?”
“I'm in love with him,” I tell her, looking up from my phone to find her frowning at me. “Even if we don't end up together in the end, I love him right now. Besides, it's Devils' Day. There's magic in the air.”
“Don't blame me when you wake up tomorrow and find it's no longer Devils' Day, and you're stuck with a hideous tattoo you never really wanted in the first place.” She rolls her eyes and then points to a gay pride flag tattoo on one of the iPads near the front counter; each one is set up with the individual artist's portfolio, to help customers gauge their style. We don't exactly have a lot of choices as far as tattoo artists go—no choice at all, in fact—so it doesn't help us much. At least the tattoo that Luke is pointing to belongs to the shop's owner, some hot young chick whose name really doesn’t suit her. Abigail Grantham, I believe it was.
The green-haired woman stands behind the counter, covered in tattoos and piercings, and watching us with a carefully calculated sense of boredom that reminds me of Sonja. Maybe they really are related? Although I have to wonder how Sonja ended up with a cousin in the backwoods of Arkansas.
Another dirty, little secret, perhaps?
“This one,” Luke declares, lifting her chin. “I want this one.”
“Let me get it sketched up,” the woman says, nodding her chin to the chair behind the counter. “And have a seat.” Luke exhales sharply and moves to follow her i
nstructions as I give her a thumbs-up and head back over to sit with Raz. Once the design is ready, I’ll join her. No way is she getting the first needle of the day without me holding her hand.
April is sipping on a Slurpee from the gas station and scrolling the shop's Instagram account while Sonja follows Luke behind the counter like a puppy. A very angry, very bitchy puppy, but a puppy, nonetheless.
“Are you really gonna do it?” Raz asks when I settle onto the cushion beside him. “Get my name tattooed on your body?”
“Are you?” I retort, raising a brow at him.
“You think I’d bitch out now?” he replies, his expression smug and dripping with male satisfaction. “Besides, I like the idea of you being branded with my name. And if I don’t do it, you won’t do it. So, here we are.”
“Here we are,” I respond, leaning into him and putting my head on his shoulder. Either today was easy because Raz has always been waiting around for me or … the last three weeks have had some sort of effect on him. I want to believe the latter, desperately so. “Too bad we’ve wasted all these years hating on each other when we could’ve been together from the beginning.”
“The sex’ll be even hotter this way,” he assures me, and I grin, closing my eyes for a brief moment of rest. I’m very, very careful not to drift off to sleep though. No fucking way. Not before I get this goddamn tattoo. “Hate sex is the best.”
“How much hate sex have you had?” I question, and he laughs, throwing an arm around my shoulders and dragging me into his lap again. It’s like he can’t bear to not be touching me, like if he doesn’t have a hand on me at all times, I’ll disappear like dandelion fluff in the wind. Too bad for me it’s the other way around. He’s the dream and I, I am stuck in a nightmare.
“Ehh, hate sex is too much work. You have to love the person you’re having hate sex with, too, or else it’s just a regular old one-night stand.” He pauses as I mull over his words, reading between the lines the way I did when he mentioned coming inside of me plus his father’s anti-abortion views all in one, strange sentence.
“Are you saying you love me, Raz Loveren?” I ask, lifting my head up from his shoulder and opening my eyes. He’s watching me with a too-serious expression on his face. It almost makes him look like a different person. I wonder then what it’d be like to wake up next to him in the morning, watch him slip his glasses on, find his blue eyes watching me as I lay curled beside him. Fuck. I need to break this damn time loop; I have to. And not after ten years or however long Bill Murray’s character was trapped in Groundhog Day.
Now.
I need to break it now.
“Because you said you always get what you want, but you never committed to what, exactly, that was.” I dig my fingers into his hair, enjoying the silky texture of it, loving how casual he is about letting me touch him.
Raz throws me a saucy grin and reaches up, grabbing a handful of my hair—much less gently than I grabbed his, I must add—and pulling my face down for another kiss. He slides his tongue between my lips, making me groan and shift in his lap.
“Shit, you can’t do that Karma,” he murmurs against my mouth. “I have little self-control on a good day. With you … I don’t have any.”
“So, do you?” I repeat, not willing to let this go. There’s no more beating around the bush here. This is the last day I’m giving myself to just … be. Tomorrow, I’m on a mission. That is, unless today somehow works itself out. I’m quietly hoping for that, although my skeptical side is warning me against it.
“Do I love you?” Raz asks, blinking his red eyes at me as I muss up his hair with my fingers. “Of course I do.”
My hands still, sliding down to rest on his shoulders. It feels suddenly hard to breathe, but I have to say something, don’t I?
“Of course you do?” I repeat, and Raz shrugs one shoulder, like it’d be too much effort to bother with both.
“I get what I want; you’re what I want. What is there to argue about?” My eyes sting with tears, and Raz chuckles, reaching up both thumbs to swipe them away. “Don’t cry, Karma. I’ve made you cry enough already.”
“I’m happy crying,” I groan, putting my forehead against the side of his neck. But I’m not entirely telling the truth. I’m happy crying … but I’m also terrified. What if I break the time loop but fail to get the boys to admit their feelings after today? What if there’s some special Devils’ Day magic in there? Or, what if, like Luke suggested, I forget the time loop after I break it?
Ugh.
“And, you know, you can be my first true hate-sex partner,” he announces, stroking my purple hair back with his hand. “That’s something, right? Taking my hate-sex virginity. Lost the regular kind in freshman year to some senior chick whose name I can’t remember for shit.”
“Don’t talk about other girls right now,” I grumble, and he laughs again. But then I remember how sketchy he was at the cottage, when I asked about his prior sexual experiences. “Actually, how many girls have you been with anyway?”
Raz frowns, and then glances away, toward the front door of the shop. There’s a little something in his face that looks like … shame? But it can’t be, no way. Not Raz Loveren.
“Too many. I haven’t been kind to any girls, or to myself, Karma. That’s why I knew Calix would be better for you.”
“Maybe I should get to decide that part for myself?” I suggest, turning Raz’s face back to me and kissing him. He groans as I shift on his lap again, feeling the distinct shape of his cock beneath my ass.
“I never loved any of them, if that helps,” he offers, licking his lips. “The only girl I’ve ever loved is you.”
“Jesus, I’m going to fucking hurl before I even get my ink,” Sonja barks, snapping both of us out of our lovesick reverie. “Stop pawing all over each other and spouting your Disney prince crap and get over here. My girl is about to get inked.”
“I seriously hate you sometimes,” Raz murmurs, standing up and taking me with him. He seems to like carrying me and, well, I can’t exactly complain about it. “If I am in a Disney movie, then I’m most definitely the villain. Karma’s just managed to find the unreleased ending where I actually win the day.”
“You know, I never realized how cute you could be,” I say as Raz rolls his eyes and carries me over to where Luke waits, a design stenciled on her left arm. It says Love is Love in rainbow colors.
Perfect.
I couldn’t agree with that statement more.
“Holy shit,” Luke blurts as she shuts off the engine, and then stands up in her seat, lifting her sunglasses to gape at the crystal-clear water in front of us. “We’re actually here?”
“Told you I knew where it was,” Raz brags, hopping out of the car and then holding out his hand for me. I take it and climb out, cringing slightly when the plastic wrap over my tattoo tugs and pulls on my skin. Glancing down, I lift up the edge of my dress shirt and study the name Raz carved into the flesh of my hip. With a grin, Raz lifts up his own shirt, showing off the word Karma on his own skin. It’s hard for me to pay too much attention to it, what with the delicious ‘V’ shaped lines of his hips on display. Raz drops his shirt, and I narrow my eyes slightly. “You want more, princess?” he asks, and then strips his top off, tossing it aside and holding his arms wide, as if to say you like what you see?
“You’re such a dickhead,” I murmur, shoving him back and then turning to help Luke with the grocery bags. April grabs a few of the blankets Luke bought for her, the ones that have been sitting in the car with their tags on for ages, and lays them out on the grass near a moss-covered statue of a small imp-like creature.
They’re everywhere, those statues. There are dozens of them around and even in the water. A crumbling stone arch stands guard near the shore; that’s where April decides to set up the blanket.
“This is beautiful,” I murmur, carrying the bags over to our picnic spot while Sonja and Raz handle the beer. Luke is already unloading the other bag, setting out ou
r impressive array of junk food on the grass.
“It’ll be even better with some beer and a joint,” Raz suggests with a grin, popping the cap off a bottle and handing it over to me. When I take it, I make sure to let our fingers touch, spreading heat up my arm and into my chest. “Then we can hit the party later, all loosened up.” He flops down to the blanket, dragging me with him.
“Do we have to go back to the party?” Luke asks, wrinkling her nose in disgust and glancing over at Sonja. The way Luke’s brown eyes take her in makes me realize that whatever it is they have going on, it’s more serious than Sonja would like any of her fellow Knight Crew members to believe. I look at her, stretched out on the blanket, bloodred hair thrown back, emerald eyes staring out at the water, her skirt scandalously short. When she catches me looking, she scowls, but she doesn’t say anything. The look Raz throws her says she better leave me the fuck alone.
That makes me smile, thinking he might actually stand up to his other half for me.
“You want to stay here all night?” Sonja asks, blinking confusedly back at Luke. “If so, we should call the cavalry and get a real thing going. Calix will be pissed, but then, what’s new?” She gives a caustic laugh and shakes her head, grabbing a beer and opening it before passing it to Luke.
“We hired that band and everything,” Raz comments, cocking his head to one side in thought. “Besides, this is our last Devils’ Day party. It’s senior fucking year. We can’t pass it up now.”
“If you ask me, the Devils’ Day party is overrated,” I say, pulling my mask from my pocket and slipping it on. “It’s the same every year. We could do much better out here.” I down my beer in just two gulps before starting on another. The alcohol leaves me with a pleasant buzz, turning the landscape into a watercolor dream. Surreal, perfect, unattainable.
“Should we call the others?” Sonja asks, and I assume by others she means the Knight Crew. Specifically, Calix and Barron.
Devils' Day Party: A High School Bully Romance Page 31