Beyond the Storm

by Diana Finley

  Mother’s life had been one of hard work and self-sacrifice. She knew no pleasure other than the satisfaction she derived from caring for her children and from her many acts of charity. Theirs was not a house of laughter. Yet Sam’s father would have been appalled at any suggestion that he was unkind or that he had been anything other than a good husband. When he died it seemed to be too late for Mother to change the habits and standards imposed by all those years. She lived simply and frugally, only very occasionally breaking free of her sombre aura to laugh uproariously, riotously. Humphrey asserted this behaviour was confirmation of his diagnosis, but Anna believed Mother laughed for genuine reasons.

  It is a pleasure they share; Anna too loves to laugh out loud. Mother’s sense of humour had been suppressed for so long, and now would not be held back any longer.

  On the platform Anna hugs her with great warmth.

  ‘I so wish you could stay longer, Winnie. Must you really go? I’m going to miss you very, very much. When will you come back?’

  ‘Dear Anna, I shall miss you too – all of you. But I must go back to my own house. And Freda needs me to pick the boys up from school on Tuesdays and Thursdays now that she’s started her little job.’

  Anna turns aside.

  ‘No, no, darling. Don’t cry. You’re doing so well here. It will get easier – I know it will. And don’t you take those wretched army women to heart. Sam’s very proud of you. He adores you. And you’ve got your beautiful babies. Della will help you. What a good woman she is, isn’t she? I’ll be back, maybe in the summer holidays, if you’ll have me. Now dry your eyes. Stiff upper lip, remember. That’s the British way.’

  The seat identified, the luggage loaded, the train is about to go. It can’t be prevented. Anna has to leave Mother. They press hands together on the window. The train starts to creak slowly into motion, like a great lumbering dragon, exuding huge gusts of steam. In a moment, Mother’s smiling face has gone. Anna watches the train snaking into the distance, growing smaller and smaller, until it disappears. She turns and walks back along the platform, alone.

  Chapter 9

  Düsseldorf 1955

  ‘Give this to Max’s wife as soon as you arrive,’ Anna says. She hands Eve the cloth shoulder bag, now fat and heavy and oddly bulging. It reminds Eve of Mr Steiner’s boa constrictor after eating a large meal of rabbit and mouse. Mr Steiner is American. His boa constrictor is called Walter, which is a typically American name. Walter doesn’t eat very often, so he is very hungry when he does. He opens his mouth as wide as a cave and swallows lots of enormous pieces of meat. Even so he’s not very scary; he’s not dangerous like a poisonous snake. He’s more like a pet dog. Eve thinks about how Walter had slithered sneakily onto Mr Steiner’s special armchair, and then sulked when he was shooed off it. Remembering about Walter makes her smile to herself.

  ‘Eve, are you listening? You’re to give these things to Max’s wife straightaway. And don’t forget to call her Frau Braun.’

  ‘I know, Mamma, I won’t forget. When is Max coming?’

  ‘Just as soon as he gets here!’ Anna snaps. ‘There’s no use hopping from one foot to the other like a flea – he won’t come any quicker. Why don’t you go and wait out in the driveway? But be sure to come and tell me before you leave.’

  Anna turns and walks towards the sink. Eve wonders if she’s in a bad mood again. She frowns and sticks her tongue out at her mother’s receding back. She slides along the kitchen table towards Maggi, pushes her finger into her bowl and tries to load it with the soft gooey biscuit mix, but Maggi smacks her hand away.

  ‘Tsh! Wait until it’s cooked!’

  Eve sticks her tongue out at Maggi too, and then starts to run from the kitchen. Maggi lifts her wooden spoon and pretends to be fierce. Eve gives a joyful shriek.

  ‘Are you being a nuisance again?’ Anna calls from the sink, but she doesn’t sound very cross this time.

  Outside Eve shuffles two lines in the gravel with her feet, but the stones get stuck in her sandals and poke into her feet, making little dents that hurt. She sits on the front steps and picks out the stones with her finger. The sun burns through her dress into her back. She wasn’t allowed to wear shorts to visit Max’s house, so she has to wear her sundress. Today is hot, just as she likes best, and the stone steps feel warm and dry and rough against her bare legs. She finds a good stick for drawing shapes in the gravel. She writes her name: E – V – E. If only Max would come. She draws a house, a tree, and a dog in the gravel, and then suddenly Max comes riding round the corner on his big, black bicycle. The wheels make a lovely, scraping sound on the drive and Max is whistling the tune of ‘I love to go a-wandering’.

  ‘Max!’ she shouts, jumping up to greet him.

  ‘Hallo, kleines Kaninchen’ – ‘Hello, little rabbit,’ he says, swerving the bicycle dramatically to a stop in front of her. Little stones spray into the air. Eve reaches her arms up for him to lift her.

  ‘One minute, one minute,’ he says. ‘What about telling Mamma we are going?’

  Eve runs as fast as she can, her feet crunching on the gravel, back towards the kitchen door. She shouts from the doorway into the gloom.

  ‘Mamma! He’s here, Max is here! We’re going!’

  ‘Wait, Eve! The bag!’ Anna calls from inside. She brings the bag and hands it to Eve. Eve puts her arms out to hug Anna, but her mother pushes her impatiently towards the door.

  ‘Hurry now. Don’t keep Max waiting.’

  Anna and Maggi come out of the dark kitchen, shading their eyes in the bright sunshine. A good smell of baking follows them out. Maggi is wiping her hands on a cloth.

  ‘It’s very good of you to take her, Max, on your day off,’ Anna says.

  ‘Not at all, Gnädige Frau. It’ll be a pleasure for the whole family.’

  ‘Make sure you behave yourself, Eve,’ Anna says, looking stern.

  Max hoists Eve up onto the place where the handlebars join the crossbar of the bicycle. He has fastened his jacket to form a kind of cushion, so that the bars do not dig into her legs too much. He starts to push the bike away from the house.

  ‘Max!’ calls Anna. He stops and turns to her. She hesitates. ‘Oh, nothing … just … just, you will bring her back safely?’

  He smiles. ‘Of course, Frau Lawrence.’

  Max is not wearing his uniform today, because it is his day off. He has a white shirt on, open at the neck, with the sleeves rolled up. He steers the bike with one hand and uses his other arm to hold Eve steady. She strokes the beautiful golden hairs curling on Max’s arm. His arms are very brown and muscular. They feel warm and firm, like Maggi’s fresh-baked bread straight from the oven. Lovely, thick, bluish veins snake along his arms and spread across his hands like secret underground rivers. When Eve touches them gently they squash and wobble to one side, as if they want to escape from her fingers.

  Soon they are out of the drive and turning left into Oberrhein Strasse. Max whistles and sings. Sometimes Eve joins in. Max steers the bike along a track close to the river. He pretends to veer off towards the water, straightening the handlebars at the last minute when Eve screams with delicious fear. The Rhine is grey and dark, sliding noiselessly past them, as huge and silent as a brooding monster. A barge laden with coal chugs and splashes slowly by. Max raises his arm in greeting and the bargeman, steering in his little cabin, waves back.

  They pass the big houses, then a few smaller houses. Here and there are bombsites, still un-cleared, which Ben and his friends like to play in – but that’s a secret because Della says they’re dangerous and she would be angry if she knew. After a few kilometres, there are no more houses, just woods and big fields of pale wheat and barley. Della has shown Eve how wheat has tight little heads of seeds, which you can chew and get a taste of flour. Barley has long straight hair, like a Chinese emperor’s beard. Della knows everything about the country. The road changes into a track of dry baked earth now and the bicycle bumps over rough places.

 
Max holds her tightly and says, ‘Not far now.’

  The sun beats down on Eve’s head and everything is warm and golden. She reminds herself what her mother told her; she must call Max’s wife Frau Braun. It’s all right to call Max Max, because he is Daddy’s driver and that is what he calls him, just as they call Della Della and not Frau Rausch. Eve wants to get it right, so Mamma will be pleased.

  ‘There!’ says Max.

  Eve screws up her eyes and sees a shape dark against the bright sky. They get nearer and nearer. Now she can see a house made of wooden boards, with a sheet of corrugated metal for a roof. Max’s house does not look like Eve’s house. It is very small and looks old, like an old bent man with a crooked stick, who might fall over at any minute. There are a few other houses nearby which also look old and crooked. A little boy and a little girl come running along the path towards them. The boy looks about six, about Eve’s age; the girl looks a bit smaller.

  ‘Papa! Papa!’ shouts the boy. Then the little girl copies him and they are both yelling ‘Papa! Papa!’ at Max. Max tells Eve the boy is called Hansi and the girl is called Klara. He lifts her off the bicycle and the children shake hands with her.

  Klara takes her hand and pulls her towards the house saying, ‘Komm, komm herein.’

  A tall lady holding a baby comes through the doorway. She is wearing a grey skirt and a white apron. She must be Max’s wife. Eve walks up to her and holds out her hand.

  ‘Guten Tag, Frau Braun,’ she says as politely as possible.

  Frau Braun takes her hand. She does not look at Eve; she looks at Max instead. Eve thinks probably she must be shy. She thinks perhaps Frau Braun is not used to visitors, because she gives a little curtsey to Eve, which is strange as she is just a little girl and Frau Braun is a grown-up. Frau Braun is not a smiley person like Max. Eve isn’t sure if she’s cross or sad; sometimes it’s hard to tell with grown-ups. Frau Braun steps aside for Eve to go into the house.

  Inside, the house is dark and smells of sawn wood and damp earth, like Herr Eisen’s shed. It takes a minute for Eve’s eyes to see anything except flashing light from the bright sun outside. At one side of the room there’s a little stove and a large basin for washing dishes. In the middle of the room there’s a wooden table with five chairs and, beyond it, a curtain shutting off the rest of the house. Eve can’t see any stairs. A very old lady comes from behind the curtain and smiles at her. She has a stick to help her walk, and her back is bent over. Max tells Eve this is Grossmutter. She shakes Grossmutter’s hand too. Grossmutter grins and mutters lots of words, as if she is singing a song, but with no tune. There are only a few teeth left in her mouth, standing like boulders on a hill with spaces in between.

  ‘Hansi will take you to see everything in a while,’ says Max, ‘but first, let’s have a drink of milk.’ He nods towards Frau Braun. She gives the baby a wooden spoon and puts him in a large box with some cloth at the bottom. The baby waves his spoon about, bangs it on the box and sucks it, making long drools of spit. Frau Braun goes to the kitchen area and fetches a metal jug, which she brings to the table.

  This reminds Eve about the parcels Mamma has given her. It must be very interesting for the family, because they all gather round to watch as she opens the cloth bag. Each item has been carefully wrapped in paper. Frau Braun and Grossmutter take turns to open each package, as if it were a very special Christmas present. They make little gasps and happy noises about everything they open: a large piece of cheese, a loaf of soft white bread, a lump of butter now almost melting, a date cake, a bag of Maggi’s kipfel, and a jar of coffee. Grossmutter is stroking the date cake. Eve can tell she would like to eat some cake straightaway, but Frau Braun takes it out of her hands and wraps it up again. Grossmutter looks so disappointed Eve feels a bit sorry for her. The last package has two small bars of chocolate. Hansi and Klara seem very pleased about the chocolate.

  Eve watches as Frau Braun carefully puts the food away in a little cupboard dug into the earth of the kitchen floor. She picks up the baby and holds him on her hip with one arm. He reaches to touch his Mutti’s hair with his little fat fingers. That makes Frau Braun smile and she twists round to kiss his face lots of times all over. She doesn’t seem to mind the snotty mess all around his nose. Then she pours some milk into a metal cup for Eve, and gives some to Hansi and Klara. Maybe there is not enough milk to go round or maybe Frau Braun can’t see very well, because she gives Hansi and Klara less milk than Eve. Eve knows this isn’t fair and she quickly pours a little of her milk into each of their cups. Frau Braun looks at Max and Max tousles Eve’s hair.

  Later Hansi shows Eve round the house and the yard outside. There are three chickens scratching about in the dusty earth. Hansi throws them a handful of corn and they peck it up very fast, making soft little crowing noises. He shows Eve a narrow stream behind the house. He says he and Klara make dams and throw stones in the water. They walk on to a field beyond the stream. Hansi leads Eve to a big bank between the field and the stream, and tells her to watch out for the farmer. He jumps down into the field and disappears.

  A few minutes later he is back, holding two big orange carrots covered with earth. They pull up a handful of grass and rub the earth off the carrots, and then Hansi washes them in the stream. Then they sit on the grass bank. The carrots taste delicious and sweet. Some bits of earth are still sticking to them and crunch in their teeth when they bite them. Hansi’s shorts have a big muddy patch all over the seat, and she wonders if Frau Braun will scold him. Her dress is muddy too, but that doesn’t matter – Mamma will know it’s not her fault.

  When they get back, Frau Braun is cuddling the baby on her lap. She’s holding him with one arm and has her other arm around Klara. Frau Braun’s dress is unbuttoned, and Eve realises that the baby is sucking at her bosom. Klara is leaning her head on her mother’s shoulder, and telling her something about seeing a duckling. Frau Braun is listening to her and nodding and smiling. They look very cuddly and happy, and not a bit sad.

  Grossmutter has disappeared and Eve asks where she has gone. Hansi pulls back the big curtain and they peep behind it. Grossmutter is having a rest on a low bed. She is lying with her mouth open, making snoring noises, like Eve’s daddy does when he pretends to be sleeping. They tiptoe past her and go through another curtain. There is another bed and a small cupboard. Max’s smart grey-green uniform is hanging on the side of the cupboard.

  ‘Mutti and Papa’s bed,’ whispers Hansi.

  ‘Where do you and Klara sleep?’

  ‘With Grossmutter,’ he replies. It is quite a big bed, but not very big.

  When Frau Braun sees Hansi’s muddy shorts, she asks him whether he’s been having a mud-bath, and she laughs and hugs Hansi. She’s not cross at all. Later, Frau Braun makes soup for supper, with potatoes and cabbage. She gives everyone a slice of the white bread Anna has sent. Eve knows she shouldn’t eat it because her mamma wanted them to have it all, but she’s not sure how to explain. So she nibbles a little bit of it and then breaks the rest in half for Hansi and Klara.

  ‘Aren’t you hungry, child?’ asks Frau Braun.

  ‘Not very,’ Eve says. She feels quite proud of herself. Mamma would be pleased with her.

  It is starting to get dark when Max takes her home. The colours have gone away from the sky and the fields. Everything looks a dull blue-grey. Eve thinks about Max’s family. Now Hansi is her best friend. She feels a bit sorry to be leaving. Maybe it would be nicer to live in a little crooked house like his, with everyone so close together, instead of in her big house. The only brightness now is from the beam of Max’s cycle lamp, lighting up a circle of road ahead. The dynamo makes a whirring noise, like a tired bee. Eve is very tired and nestles her head against Max’s chest. He croons softly to her: ‘Es war einmal ein Bebi, es sah genau so aus wie Du …’ – ‘There once was a baby, it looked just like you …’

  Sometimes, if Mamma is in a good mood, she sings that song when Eve is in bed. She likes hearing Max sing it, bu
t it makes her feel a bit sad inside too.

  * * *

  Hannover 1956

  ‘But he’s not even nine years old yet, Sam – a baby still! A child needs his parents, his home.’

  ‘He’s not a baby – he’s a very sensible young boy. Of course he needs us and his home and he’s not about to lose either, but as I said the last time we talked about it … and the time before that … he needs a good education too.’

  Anna glances at Sam. It isn’t often his voice betrays impatience or irritation.

  ‘But … what if he’s ill? Or unhappy? What if he’s terribly homesick? We’ll be so far away – we can’t do anything to help him. To Ben it will feel as though we’ve abandoned him! Any child would feel that.’

  ‘Now I think you’re being a bit melodramatic. It’s not as if he’s being sent to Outer Mongolia. Humphrey and Constance will be able to visit him at weekends sometimes, and he’ll be able to go and stay with them. They’re near enough to deal with any problems, should they arise, which I doubt. Mother will go to see him too. You know he can’t wait to go. He’ll probably love it.’

  ‘He’s been reading comics; he just thinks it’s all about pillow fights, tuck boxes and midnight feasts. He has no idea what it’ll really be like. You can’t tell me you were happy at boarding school, can you, Sam?’

  ‘Hmm … well … no, it was a pretty grim time. But that was then, years ago. Things have changed a great deal since I went to school. Much more humane. They actually try to ensure the children are happy and contented these days. Look, darling, we’ve been through all this so many times. It may take him a little time to settle in, but he will. I’m sure of it. You know Mrs Rutter has said she has a special pastoral role with the new and younger boys, especially the ones who live abroad. She’s promised to keep us informed. I’m sure she’ll look after Ben, take an interest in him. She’ll see to it he makes some friends. That’s the important thing at his age; once he has one or two pals he’ll be fine.’