An Honorable Woman

by Lindsay McKenna

  Getting hold of her escaping emotions, Cam whispered, “good,” and ran her tear-damp fingers along the dusty fabric of her flight suit. “I’m so glad you remember that. I didn’t.”

  Giving her a grin that felt more of a grimace because of the way his arms was throbbing like fire itself, Gus said, “Funny how we all remember certain things at certain times. You know, I had the weirdest thing happen to me in the middle of that firefight.”

  “What?” Cam saw his dark brows draw down, a quizzical look on his face.

  “I would swear that seconds before we got hit, I saw this jaguar covering our Apache. I know it sounds stupid, but I saw this apparition…or ghost, or whatever you want to call it. I saw the cat leap at us and the helicopter became a part of the cat.”

  “Didn’t your mother say she had jaguar medicine?” Cam asked, fascinated by what Gus had seen.

  “Yeah…that’s right.” Gus gave a short laugh. Grimacing because even laughter caused him pain, he looked up at her. “Yeah, jaguar medicine. She said it protects her.”

  “Well,” Cam said wryly, “I’m not Indian, but it sure sounds like you either have a jaguar guardian angel or your mother’s spirit is helping us survive.”

  Shaking his head, Gus said, “You know, looking back on the whole thing, I remember how after that cat surrounded us, the rocket hit us. I remember thinking we were dead. I heard this growling sound in my helmet and felt a weird vibration going through me, and it wasn’t the Apache coming apart around us. I heard you curse and I knew you were doing everything in your power to get us down and out of there alive. And it was weird, Cam. I felt like I was above the Apache, like a detached observer, just looking on. I saw you. I saw myself sitting there. And I saw the bird on fire.”

  Cam smiled slightly. “This isn’t as weird as you think. Maya, our C.O., is from the Jaguar Clan. We don’t know a lot about it, or her, but talk goes around BJS about it. She has special powers because she’s a member of that clan. Maya has this extraordinary sense about things. More than intuition. Snake, Wild Woman and I have all flown with her, and we’ve seen the power of the Jaguar Clan in action through Maya.”

  “Maybe we were saved by my mother’s Jaguar blood?” Gus wondered aloud. “This is the first time it’s ever happened.”

  “When we get back home,” Cam said, “I’ll be sure to share this with Maya. I’ll bet she’ll know what happened to you. She can clear the mystery of what happened, and maybe help you understand it better.”

  “Yeah, because I never felt my arm break. I never felt the pain, Cam, until you helped drag me away from that bird.” Gus shook his head, wonder in his voice. “I never felt the crash.”

  Rubbing her aching shoulder, Cam muttered, “I sure as hell did. I feel like I’ve got whiplash.”

  Gazing at her, Gus felt his heart open. “You had to be in your body to get us down safely,” he said. “You’d have felt everything. For whatever reason, and I don’t know how it happened, I wasn’t in my body during the crash.”

  “Be nice if your were that way now. I can see the pain in your face.”

  Nodding, Gus said, “No kidding.”

  Looking around, Cam took a deep breath. “Well, come on. We’ve got a long walk ahead of us. I want to take advantage of the cloud cover and time of day. We’ll lose less water this way.”

  Frowning, Gus said, “Go alone, Cam. I’d just slow you down.”

  Her heart pounded once, strongly. She stared at Gus, her lips parting. “No way!” Her voice echoed down the canyon. “I’m not leaving you here!”

  “Hey, calm down,” Gus said gently. He raised his hand toward her. Cam’s face was a mass of raw feelings, and he saw the anger and anguish in her eyes. “I’m really weak, Cam. I lost a lot of blood. I don’t even know if I can walk. You can’t carry me, not with this arm the way it is. I weigh more than you do.” Gus forced a smile he didn’t feel.

  Cam’s face grew dark and her mouth twisted. “Gus, I’m not leaving you!” She heard the desperation in her voice. Inwardly, she was shaking like a leaf caught in a massive storm. Her stomach knotted. “How do I know if I leave you that the druggies won’t come back here looking for us? Hunting us down?”

  Gus touched the holster positioned against his right thigh. “I’d hold them off.”

  Snorting, Cam rasped, “Not for long! We each have one clip in our pistol and another on reserve and that’s it! There’s no way I’m leaving you here, Gus. I just won’t!”

  The anguish in her voice tore at him. Tears were splattering down Cam’s cheeks. He saw the turmoil in her eyes, the way her mouth contorted and her lower lip trembled. Feeling bad, he said, “Listen to me, will you? I’m in no shape to go anywhere. You can walk a lot faster without me. Twenty-minute miles, Cam. You can make it there in ten hours.”

  “Tough. You’re coming with me, Gus. I don’t care if it takes twice that long, I’m not leaving you behind.” Her voice had risen to an almost hysterical level. Shaking, Cam scrambled to her feet. “I left Maya. I swore after that that I’d never leave another person in the field. I just won’t do it!”

  Closing his eyes, Gus remembered how Cam had told him of the awful decision she had had to make on a previous mission. She had to leave Maya, who was unconscious, behind to be captured by the druggies, or stay with her and be captured along with her. Opening his eyes, Gus held Cam’s teary gaze.

  “This isn’t the same, querida,” he said in a quiet tone meant to soothe her. “I’m not Maya. There are no druggies. This is different.”

  “It’s no different to me!” Cam cried. She leaned down and slid her arm beneath his right armpit and around his back. “Now get up, Gus! We’re doin’ this together or not at all!” And she reared upward, taking his full weight with her.

  Weakness seeped through Gus. Cam’s quick, strong movement caused him to grow temporarily light-headed. Wrapping his good arm around her shoulders, he steadied himself against her as his feet found purchase beneath him. Knees feeling mushy, he gasped as the effort created waves of unrelenting pain up his left arm.

  “Hold still….” he rasped.

  Cam was breathing hard, but holding Gus firmly. Unmoving, she saw his face blanche almost white. Her heart sank. Maybe he was right. Maybe he couldn’t be moved. Cam felt him struggling to get his feet beneath him and become stable. A gasp tore from his taut lips as he managed to stand on his own. She loosened her hold slightly, but not much, unsure if Gus really could balance himself.

  Though he understood why Cam wouldn’t leave him, Gus knew they’d be in trouble if they tried to make the trek together. But he also knew that because of her past, Cam would rather sit here in this canyon waiting for search parties to find them, than leave him alone. Oh, he knew that Luis and Antonio had probably put in a call for help when they saw he and Cam hadn’t returned to base on time. That was a given. But the search would be concentrated within the box designated by their FAA flight plan. Rescue aircraft wouldn’t be searching outside of it for days, not until they’d combed that area first. Without water, Gus knew, they could die before they were found. The rain that had fallen wasn’t enough to create puddles. The desert had been dry and instantly sucked all the moisture up.

  Grimly, he forced himself to stand on his feet, planting them apart. Feeling Cam’s strength, her steadying arm about his waist, he kept his right arm around her shoulders just in case. Biting down hard on his lower lip, he allowed the waves of heat and throbbing pain to pass through him. Slowly, the pain began to ease as he remained still and standing.

  “You know what?” he said, his voice scratchy and low.

  “What?” Cam breathed, watching him closely.

  “I think we can do this….”

  Her heart soared with gratefulness. “Okay,” Cam muttered, “then let’s try, Gus. One small step at a time. I know every time you put your foot down, it’s going to jolt that broken arm of yours….”

  “Yeah, and I don’t want to rip open that artery that’s just clotte
d shut, either,” he reminded her dryly. “I don’t want to bleed to death.”

  “No,” Cam whispered, her voice off-key, “I don’t want you to, either.”

  Raising one eyebrow, Gus asked, “You ready, partner?”

  Cam fought back the tears. She was highly emotional at the moment. Part of it was the letdown after surviving a fiery crash, the aftermath of the huge surge of adrenaline. The other was fear of abandoning Gus. He didn’t fight her on that, and she was relieved. “I’m ready, partner. Let’s go. One small step at a time.”

  Girding himself, Gus nodded. “Yeah, very careful, mincing steps.”

  “I’ll hold on to you,” Cam swore. “I won’t let you go. I promise.”

  Those words packed a lot of power and emotion behind them, Gus realized, as he began to take tentative, careful steps forward. Cam matched her stride to his. Every step jolted his arm. It was agony. But it kept his head clear. The sand beneath them was littered with gravel and small rocks. Gus concentrated on not slipping.

  “At this pace,” he groaned as they moved slowly down the canyon toward the exit point, “it will take us two days to reach the village.”

  “That’s okay,” Cam said. As they left the canyon behind and climbed slowly upward, the desert around them gradually revealed itself. Above, the low-hanging clouds, like strips of bumpy cotton kept the rising sun at bay. There was cactus here and there on the flat yellow reaches. In the distance, very far off—maybe fifty miles, in Cam’s estimation—rose dark blue mountains, their peaks sharply pointed. Gus headed in that direction.

  The desert floor was a dark yellow color due to the recent rains. The only vegetation was cactus.

  “We’re in luck,” Gus told her. “See that cactus just ahead?”

  “Yeah.”

  “It’s a prickly pear. You got your Swiss Army knife on you?”

  Cam nodded. “Yeah. What do you want me to do?”

  “Let’s stop here, let me rest for a few minutes.” His knees were feeling like jelly. “First knock off some of those oval, flat pieces. With your knife, cut out the thorns. And then we can skin them. The pulp inside will give us the water we need.”

  Heartened, Cam gently helped Gus into a sitting position, his legs crossed. “Sounds good. My mouth feels like dried plaster.” It was tough to form words properly, and she had been slurring them as a result of her mouth being so dry. The idea of a water source bucked up Cam’s spirits.

  Gus watched as Cam did exactly as he instructed. The prickly pear was a series of leathery, leaflike appendages, oval shaped, growing out of one another. They didn’t have a lot of thorns, and contained enough water to survive on.

  As Cam nudged the thorny pieces toward him with her boot, he drew his knife out of the lower pocket of his flight suit. Unable to open it, he handed it to Cam, who straightened the blade and gave it back to him.

  “Thanks,” he said. “Now watch me. As a kid, my mom taught me how to skin a cactus without ending up like a pincushion in the process.” And he flashed Cam a grin.

  Kneeling in front of Gus, she watched him expertly dethorn the prickly pear. Placing the tip of his boot on one end of it, he made several criss-crossing cuts through the tough, leathery surface. Once the skin had been scored, he used the tip of his knife to pull it off, leaving only the pulp. He was good at dethorning the fruit and she marveled at his skill and speed, even using only one hand. “Who would ever think that something like that, taught to you as a kid, would come in handy now?” she laughed. Hope pounded through Cam. Gus looked a tiny bit better. He was still wan, but there was some pink to his cheeks beneath his dark growth of beard.

  “Yeah, you never know,” Gus said, returning her smile. With her help, he skinned the cactus. “Now, cut up the pieces into bite-size chunks.”

  Cam followed his instructions, then held up the first morsel. “Here…”

  Taking it, Gus popped it into his mouth. The water in the cactus tasted delicious.

  “Try it,” he urged.

  Cam took a piece herself. The cactus was firm and fibrous, and she tasted a slight astringent bitterness, but water was released as she chewed.

  “You can chew on it, get the water out and either swallow it as a food source or spit it out.” Gus grinned and took another piece she handed him. “The only bad news about this is your stomach might feel a bit nauseous because you aren’t used to the taste or texture. But you should be able to keep it down.”

  Nodding, Cam knelt there sharing the cactus with him. Her stomach did roll, but she wanted to absorb the life-giving water too much to allow the sensation to stop her from eating.

  Within twenty minutes, they’d sated their thirst. Gus looked better, and Cam felt stronger. Without water, it would have been a terrible journey, she knew.

  “I’m glad,” she told him, wiping her fingers on the thighs of her flight suit, “that you have desert survival training.”

  Grinning, Gus said, “You’d better hope we find that village sooner rather than later.”

  “Why?” Cam ask, melting beneath his warm smile. She saw life coming back to his eyes, and her heart soared. As she stood, Cam stopped fooling herself. She loved Gus. Unequivocally. Without reservation. The crash had brought it all home to her. As she put their knives away, she wondered if he loved her.

  “Because we need protein,” Gus said as she helped him stand. The pain was intense as he leaned against her for support. Her arm, wrapped firmly around his waist, steadied him. “Protein in a desert comes in the form of critters. Insects.” He saw her wrinkle her dirty nose.

  “Ugh, I remember the survival training the army gave us back in school.” Shivering, Cam muttered, “I sure hope we find that village soon. I hate eating bugs!”

  Chuckling, Gus looked around the flat, quiet desert. He heard the lone cry of a coyote somewhere off in the distance. The day was getting brighter, and he saw rifts and openings in the clouds above, where slashes of blue sky appeared.

  “I dunno,” he said congenially, teasing her, “I’ve eaten my share of them. My mother’s people know which ones are tasty and fortifying if they can’t find a rabbit or peccary to eat instead.”

  Snorting, Cam felt his teasing banter bolster her hopes. The love she felt for Gus ballooned. Having him beside her—his strength, his warmth and closeness—was really all she ever needed.

  “We’ve got pistols. I’m all for finding some poor rabbit to be our meal tonight,” she muttered. “Let the bugs live.”

  Chuckling even though it hurt, Gus gave her a warm look. “You know what, querida?”

  At the endearment, Cam felt heat spread from her neck to her cheeks as he held her gaze. They walked slowly, but together. “What?”

  “I’m glad you’re here. And I’m glad you decided to haul my sorry ass along for this walk.”

  Grinning, she said, “Thanks, Gus. That means a lot to me.” And it did.

  Sighing, he looked across the desert. “This is a beautiful place. Full of life. Most people don’t ever think of the desert as being alive, but it is.” He tightened his arm briefly around her shoulders. “And I’m glad I’m sharing it with you….”

  Chapter 15

  “I’m inspired,” Gus told Cam as they camped within a small cave they’d found near sunset. She hunkered over a small fire just outside the cave, turning a freshly killed rabbit, which she’d skinned, over the fire. The meat was browning and sizzling.

  Cam gave him a dirty look as she held the rabbit over the flames. “Yeah, so was I. There’s no way I was gonna eat bugs tonight, Morales.”

  Grinning tiredly, he sat on the yellow sand and leaned against the wall. “See? I’m good for you in exciting and unexpected ways,” he teased. Seeing Cam return his smile lifted his tiredness momentarily. Supporting his aching, swollen left arm with his right hand, he absorbed Cam’s features as the shadows of the night stalked them.

  Giving Gus a warm look, Cam tried to keep her worry to herself. Twice today, as they’d rested, she’d pu
lled off the bandage to check his arm. There was little bleeding, thank God. Still, his entire upper arm was swelling up like a balloon because the bone needed to be reset. Anxiety ate at her. She saw how wan Gus looked. Throughout the day, he’d been courageous in not complaining of the pain she knew came with every step.

  The rabbit was a fat one. Cam had been looking for any kind of animal on their walk toward the village. Luckily, a male jackrabbit with long, black-tipped ears had bounded out in front of them. She’d used her pistol and shot the animal. Though she’d felt badly about it because she didn’t like killing anything, she knew that in order for them to keep going and hopefully reach help by tomorrow, they needed food as fuel. Slowly turning the rabbit over the flames, she shifted the stick it was skewered on between her hands.

  “That sure smells good,” Gus murmured. The desert was quiet tonight after the storm the night before. The thirsty earth had soaked up all the rain that had fallen and was now a pale ochre color once more. He watched Cam from beneath half-closed eyes. They’d found a small pool of water in a rock crevice which had sated their thirst earlier.

  “I’m starving, too,” Cam said.

  “You should be. You practically carried me all day long.” Gus was surprised at her strength, both physical and internal. He knew Cam wasn’t going to leave him behind. The stubborn set of her mouth and the burning look in her eyes told him that.

  “How many miles do you think we made today?” she asked, pushing her hair off her forehead. How she wished for a brush and comb.